# April R, we need to talk. Well no, I need to talk. To you. Because I'm fed up. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 31, 2015, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472 "2015-08-31T03:55:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![raventhief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raventhief/32/4_2.png) [@raventhief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raventhief)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2015, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472/101 "2015-09-02T02:19:21Z")
> [@leftfield6](#): > > This, and so much this. April, you say you want to preserve the feeling of the other guy, but I’ve been where your husband is, believe me, if he knew everything that you’ve done, he is NOT REALLY okay. Either he is too weak to challenge you on it, which is not healthy, or he is fine with it on some weird level, which, not to be judgey and all, is not healthy. > > When I learned of her flirting online shenanigans, she said she would quit cold turkey. But she was addicted, just like I think you are. The attention from other men fed into her lifelong insecurities. She didn’t stop, and now I have visitation rights for our dog Lucy very other week > > As a man who respects himself too much, I said “I ain’t got time for that” and am moving on. > > You are too concerned with the feelings of the wrong person and not concerned enough about the emotions of the one you should care about. I too have been there, in the husband’s place. And it fucking HURTS. Even though we did work it out, it still fucking hurt. If he had said “naw, she’s fine with it, I’m gonna keep chatting with this person because _I don’t want to hurt this other chick_” – well, that would have probably destroyed us. Because that would be my husband putting that random person’s feelings above mine. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2015, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472/102 "2015-09-02T02:38:49Z")
I’m even the same person I was three days ago; trying on a new personality every other day and insisting everyone acknowledge it gets a bit stale past the age of 17. ---
**Author:** ![raventhief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raventhief/32/4_2.png) [@raventhief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raventhief)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2015, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472/103 "2015-09-02T02:48:51Z")
See, the thing is – I like you, April. I have always considered you a good person. Even a groovy person. But you are filling a role right now that I just can’t support. Granted, we are mere pixels interacting on a screen, but still-- a month ago I would have said **AprilR**? She is a rockin’ individual. Now? I just don’t know. ---
**Author:** ![Robert163](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/4af34b/32.png) [@Robert163](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robert163)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2015, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472/104 "2015-09-02T04:38:18Z")
> [@raventhief](#): > > I may not be \*\*necessarily \*\*the worst case you’ve seen? Thank you for that. Again, I tethered her previous stance to her current one. And asked her to answer a previously – recently-- ignored question. hey, i apologize, you don’t really seem that bad to me, sorry if my comments were too excessive ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2015, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472/105 "2015-09-02T04:46:04Z")
I suppose it’s something you don’t really consider, how much adult interaction depends on a person holding more or less consistent views over the course of a several days. - How do you want your eggs? - DON’T LIKE EGGS - Uh, OK, but yesterday you swore you’d eat eggs every day until the sun grew cold and died - I WAS HUMOURING YOU, NOW I HATE EGGS AND I’M HAPPY The phenomenon is familiar to parents of four year olds, and presumably **April** ’s husband. ---
**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2015, 8:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472/106 "2015-09-02T08:34:14Z")
> [@Penfeather](#): > > [Oh, the irony.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=15808341&postcount=12) At this stage I’m assuming that Mecute is the Greek goddess of falling objects about to hit the ground with a large messy splash. > [@Penfeather](#): > > [Christ, it gets worse.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=15810316&postcount=86) And the indignant cries of “But what about the _chil-dren_?” are pretty stomach-turning. Well now, isn’t that just hilarious. Nothing worse than a horny hypocrite. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2015, 9:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472/107 "2015-09-02T09:59:21Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > You quote something I said 3 yrs ago? > Are you the same person you were 3 yrs ago? When it comes to what I consider moral? Yes, pretty much. I guess I may have thought about a few extra things that I hadn’t before, but I never do a complete about face. The thing is, I haven’t seen any other signs that you’ve changed your moral stance up until it was about something you wanted to do. It is very clear that you are bending your morals in order to be able to do something you really want. You are assuaging the guilt you feel. You’re not alone in doing this. Many people do this in many situations, some big and some small. But it’s also the same thing many cheaters wind up doing. The thought processes you are using are the ones that often lead people to cheat. To me, that is a lot more of a problem than just online flirting–which is not inherently wrong. Before I saw all this, I was actually okay with you remaining texting friends, and just cutting the flirting back. But your excuses do throw up so many red flags. To be honest, you seem to have no firm line to prevent this from getting worse. I strongly suspect you will eventually physically cheat. Maybe not with this guy, but eventually. The only thing that bugs me is when I see you pulling the “pious Mormon” stuff. You very much are not one right now. ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2015, 11:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472/108 "2015-09-02T11:00:23Z")
Three years makes a big difference in terms of opinions, beliefs and attitudes…when you’re 15. When you’re 35, not so much. At least, not if you have a core set of your own beliefs. AprilR seems very like a child. ---
**Author:** ![Arrogant\_B\_st\_rd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/cdc98d/32.png) [@Arrogant\_B\_st\_rd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arrogant_B_st_rd)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2015, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472/109 "2015-09-02T16:46:20Z")
I like April R. She reminds me of those girls who hang around absinthe bars near closing time, in Portland. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2015, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472/110 "2015-09-02T18:11:26Z")
**April R** is a Mormon right? Just get the husband to marry a bunch of other chicks. Problem solved. Dude gets to bang a bunch of chicks and April R gets to turn lesbian and have orgies and then she’ll get all the attention she wants. -Drunky-Solving relationship problems since 1973. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2015, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472/111 "2015-09-02T18:22:41Z")
> [@Arrogant\_B\_st\_rd](#): > > I like April R. She reminds me of those girls who hang around absinthe bars near closing time, in Portland. Elaborate please? Tell more about these absinthe bar closing girls of Portland? Maine? Oregon? Both? ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2015, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472/112 "2015-09-02T18:56:28Z")
Honey, if he walks like a cuck and quacks like a cuck, he’s probably a cuck. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2015, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472/113 "2015-09-02T19:17:22Z")
I don’t really support this pitting. I happen to like a trainwreck, plus you don’t have to read her posts. But I do have to say, **AprilR** , you are one of the worst arguers ever. You should take your birthday money and get arguing lessons. It is so annoying arguing with someone that does what you do- skirt around the main issue that people are calling you out for, pick out some nitpick of something they’ve said while trying to make their point, and try to turn the argument towards that minor, nitpicky unrelated thing. Wow, frustrating. You can do whatever you want, say whatever you want- obviously. But I and others are suggesting that you could look at your behavior and motivations differently and in a more healthy and productive way. Healthy and productive towards your husband and children, your marriage, and your integrity and honesty with yourself, not towards your asshole “friend”. And he is a “friend” in sheep’s clothing, no doubt about it. No decent man or friend is going to be told that his flirting and emotional connection is hurting a woman and her marriage, and then drunk-text her at 3am despite being asked for no contact. I wish you would stop being so deliberately obtuse and just listen to some of the good advice in this thread and the other. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2015, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472/114 "2015-09-02T20:03:05Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > Elaborate please? Tell more about these absinthe bar closing girls of Portland? Maine? Oregon? Both? They’re conspicuous by their absinthe. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2015, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472/115 "2015-09-02T20:05:27Z")
> [@Penfeather](#): > > They’re conspicuous by their absinthe. Oooo, one cookie for you today! ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2015, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472/116 "2015-09-02T20:26:22Z")
> [@Penfeather](#): > > They’re conspicuous by their absinthe. Absinthe makes the hard-on grow farther ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2015, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472/117 "2015-09-02T21:02:06Z")
> [@Telemark](#): > > Absinthe makes the hard-on grow farther Whenever they break wind, they sound like Japanese motorcycles, because absinthe makes the fart go Honda! ---
**Author:** ![raspberry\_hunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b19c9b/32.png) [@raspberry\_hunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raspberry_hunter)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2015, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472/118 "2015-09-02T21:39:10Z")
As a Pitting, I also don’t support it. Don’t read the thread if you don’t want to. Or, like, take a step back if you’re getting too involved (which is, honestly, what I had to do). But this: > [@BigT](#): > > When it comes to what I consider moral? Yes, pretty much. I guess I may have thought about a few extra things that I hadn’t before, but I never do a complete about face. > > The thing is, I haven’t seen any other signs that you’ve changed your moral stance up until it was about something you wanted to do. It is very clear that you are bending your morals in order to be able to do something you really want. You are assuaging the guilt you feel. You’re not alone in doing this. Many people do this in many situations, some big and some small. But it’s also the same thing many cheaters wind up doing. > > The thought processes you are using are the ones that often lead people to cheat. To me, that is a lot more of a problem than just online flirting–which is not inherently wrong. > > Before I saw all this, I was actually okay with you remaining texting friends, and just cutting the flirting back. But your excuses do throw up so many red flags. > > To be honest, you seem to have no firm line to prevent this from getting worse. I strongly suspect you will eventually physically cheat. Maybe not with this guy, but eventually. is gold. > [@](#): > > The only thing that bugs me is when I see you pulling the “pious Mormon” stuff. You very much are not one right now. It’s so funny you say this! Not-overly-pious-but-Relief-Society-teacher me would like to point out that probably this month, coming to a ward near you (April, that is) will be a Relief Society lesson on chastity! Direct quote from the lesson: [QUOTE=Ezra Taft Benson] Men and women who are married sometimes flirt and tease with members of the opposite sex. So-called harmless meetings are arranged, or inordinate amounts of time are spent together. In all of these cases, people rationalize by saying that these are natural expressions of friendship. But what may appear to be harmless teasing or simply having a little fun with someone of the opposite sex can easily lead to more serious involvement and eventual infidelity. [/QUOTE] …I’m just saying. (I’m actually not really directing this towards **AprilR**. I’ve said my piece to her, both in terms of my own life experience as someone who made these kinds of excuses to myself and in terms of our shared Mormon religion, and I’m done. But folks, this is what we’re going to be getting at church, probably in the next couple of weeks – in my ward, Sunday after next; her ward may be off by anything from a week to a month.) ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2015, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472/119 "2015-09-02T21:51:48Z")
Maybe old Ezra (he’s still around?) is here incognito as \*\*AprilR \*\*and has just been doing research for the lessons. ETA: Haha, ok. Yeah, Ezra was born in 1899 and is very much not around anymore. ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2015, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472/120 "2015-09-02T21:55:13Z")
> [@GrandWino](#): > > Maybe old Ezra (he’s still around?) is here incognito as \*\*AprilR \*\*and has just been doing research for the lessons. > ETA: Haha, ok. Yeah, Ezra was born in 1899 and is very much not around anymore. Don’t be so sure… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472.md?page=7)