# April R, we need to talk. Well no, I need to talk. To you. Because I'm fed up. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 31, 2015, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472 "2015-08-31T03:55:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472/141 "2015-09-05T03:09:35Z")
**April** , I’m so very glad you’re getting help. That’s a mature, intelligent decision. The best of luck! ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472/142 "2015-09-05T03:16:04Z")
Best of luck. Mostly we just wanted what was best for you. ---
**Author:** ![Lobot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ce7236/32.png) [@Lobot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobot)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472/143 "2015-09-05T03:46:51Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > Best of luck. Mostly we just wanted what was best for you. Right. I don’t think leaving the SDMB is necessary, but I’m glad you’re taking real action, **April**. ---
**Author:** ![keturah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e95f7d/32.png) [@keturah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/keturah)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472/144 "2015-09-05T05:26:11Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > I am currently seeking treatment for this situation. I’m not going to self diagnose, but all of this, along with some other aberrant behaviors I’ve been displaying as of late, have led me into a state of mind I am not happy with. > > After this thread was posted, I started having suicidal thoughts. This isn’t the first time I’ve had those thoughts or acted on them, and I’m not blaming anyone for my own thoughts, but I’ve read this thread dozens of times and my self loathing just gets worse. My husband has noticed a severe change in my demeanor and personality and he is trying to be supportive, but he is going through his own issues with a damaged knee and trying to advance in his career, so he is too stressed to worry about me. > > I am hoping that seeking help will recenter my metal health, and I can be a better wife and mother. I am ashamed, sick, and feel like I am dying inside. > > I know apologizing for my recent behavior on this board probably isn’t going to mean anything to anyone, but I wanted to make one last update before I leave. I don’t think my presence on here is productive anymore and I’m sorry for any hurt or distress I may have caused anyone by my behavior. Wow. You are an amazing drama queen. It is telling that you are worried about yourself first, your husband second and, well, no mention about your kids. ---
**Author:** ![Lobot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ce7236/32.png) [@Lobot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobot)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472/145 "2015-09-05T06:49:17Z")
> [@keturah](#): > > Wow. You are an amazing drama queen. It is telling that you are worried about yourself first, your husband second and, well, no mention about your kids. I don’t think that was necessary. Sometimes the best way to help others is to help yourself. At least it’s real action and acknowledgement of an issue and not just denial. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472/146 "2015-09-05T15:16:40Z")
> [@keturah](#): > > Wow. You are an amazing drama queen. It is telling that you are worried about yourself first, your husband second and, well, no mention about your kids. She specifically says she is seeking help so she can be a “better wife and mother,” so you are both unnecessarily mean AND incorrect. There is definitely nothing wrong with seeking mental help exclusively for your own benefit anyway. How could that possibly be worthy of criticism? ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472/147 "2015-09-05T15:46:25Z")
I don’t think is usually is, **AnaMen**. In the Pit though, sometimes the spit is poorly aimed and followed by a lot of dribble. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472/148 "2015-09-05T15:48:06Z")
> [@keturah](#): > > Wow. You are an amazing drama queen. It is telling that you are worried about yourself first, your husband second and, well, no mention about your kids. If I were suicidal, I’d be worried about myself too. It does kind of take over, you know. April R, please take care of yourself and all the best to you. ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472/149 "2015-09-05T17:05:57Z")
> [@keturah](#): > > Wow. You are an amazing drama queen. It is telling that you are worried about yourself first, your husband second and, well, no mention about your kids. This is kind of silly, since a big part of the problem was that she was acting without any sort of internal structure, other than her desires. At least, from what she shared with us that was the case. So yeah, she’ll do well of she can develop some ownership of her life and environment, and not place responsibility for everything on external forces. It’s kind of like they say on airplanes - make sure to place your own mask securely on your face before helping those around you. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472/150 "2015-09-05T21:53:16Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > I know apologizing for my recent behavior on this board probably isn’t going to mean anything to anyone, but I wanted to make one last update before I leave. I don’t think my presence on here is productive anymore and I’m sorry for any hurt or distress I may have caused anyone by my behavior. You do know that people can still see you’re logged on, right? ---
**Author:** ![Springtime\_for\_Spacers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Springtime\_for\_Spacers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Springtime_for_Spacers)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472/151 "2015-09-05T22:50:07Z")
> [@Penfeather](#): > > You do know that people can still see you’re logged on, right? How else is she supposed to see what people are saying about her? ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472/152 "2015-09-05T23:14:39Z")
> [@Springtime\_for\_Spacers](#): > > How else is she supposed to see what people are saying about her? I dunno, do teenagers still pass notes in class, or is it all the Facebooks now? ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2015, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472/153 "2015-09-06T02:05:47Z")
Hopefully she hasn’t just gone to some other message board to tell them all about her woes, along with about how she was getting hateful treatment here. ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2015, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472/154 "2015-09-06T04:28:28Z")
Look I don’t care who thinks I’m a \*unt for posting this, but AprilR, I hope you get the help you need and I really hope you don’t sit and fret about some of the people posting in this thread. It seems that a LOT of them are just up in arms and incensed over your “emotional infidelity” or whatever- I get the feeling that some of them have done the _exact_ same thing and are projecting their own guilt on you over it. A lot of people posted questions to you just to see you melt down or talk yourself into a corner. So I say this: These people on this message board, they are NOTHING to you. They are not your friends, especially the ones goading you into saying too much for their entertainment. The only people that matter in this whole situation are you and your family- log off for a while (the attention you’re getting here isn’t healthier than the attention from your guy friend), get some professional help and return when you’re feeling better. Develop self awareness that allows you to nip this kind of thing in the bud next time it crops up and get some coping skills from a therapist on how to deal with it and grow from it. Good luck to you. I’ve been here for a long time and have seen similar situations play out. There’s no need to hide in shame or stop posting- as soon as you stop posting about this someone else will come along and the jackals will jump all over them. Stay strong. ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2015, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472/155 "2015-09-06T04:43:07Z")
> [@BoBettie](#): > > I get the feeling that some of them have done the _exact_ same thing and are projecting their own guilt on you over it. Where are you getting that load of baloney from? No doubt, it’s the same place she got the idea that she can tell what people are saying in a language completely unfamiliar to her. In other words: You made it up. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2015, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472/156 "2015-09-06T05:31:06Z")
Monty, are you on the piss again? Maybe time for a Meeting eh? ---
**Author:** ![jimbuff314](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c57346/32.png) [@jimbuff314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jimbuff314)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2015, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472/157 "2015-09-06T05:58:49Z")
> [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](#): > > Hopefully she hasn’t just gone to some other message board to tell them all about her woes, along with about how she was getting hateful treatment here. Cute. I’ll underscore what might have been urged there. **April** , I know you said you guys have no money for therapy. There are groups such as SAA (Sex Addicts Anonymous) where you can talk about your issues in a non-judgmental group. [Here](https://saa-recovery.org/) is their webpage, look on the meetings tab for the US and then your state for locations that hopefully are close to you. If this doesn’t work for you, please find someone in whom you can confide. Just being listened to often helps. What I take away from your posts in this thread is that the stuff underlying detrimental behavior wants to be addressed in some way. As so many have said, this MB is not the place for talking about issues like this with any hope of usefulness to yourself. I wish you all the best in looking at and working through these issues that you are confronting. Many people have reached a nadir in how they regard themselves and come out stronger and perhaps wiser. It’s a thing. ---
**Author:** ![Charlie\_Tan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/charlie_tan/32/12582_2.png) [@Charlie\_Tan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Charlie_Tan)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2015, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472/158 "2015-09-06T06:51:55Z")
> [@jimbuff314](#): > > Cute. It wasn’t a joke. [QUOTE=April] I went on a message board basically flaunting my desire to be with my guy friend and was lambasted, called a \*\*\*\*, horrible wife, selfish self centered \*\*\*\*\*. I was told I was going to get STDs, pregnant, my husband was going to divorce me and runaway with the kids. I was a mess. I thought about killing myself. I still do. I am lost, I don’t know how to stop. [/QUOTE] ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2015, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472/159 "2015-09-06T07:01:36Z")
> [@Charlie\_Tan](#): > > It wasn’t a joke. Erm, not nice mate. Leave the poor sheila alone to work out her issues, please don’t follow her around the web seeking out her dilemmas. :(☹ ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2015, 7:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472/160 "2015-09-06T07:11:31Z")
> [@Charlie\_Tan](#): > > It wasn’t a joke. > [@kambuckta](#): > > Erm, not nice mate. Leave the poor sheila alone to work out her issues, please don’t follow her around the web seeking out her dilemmas. > > :(☹ Oh \*\*AprilR \*\*☹ At the very least, learn from **etv78** ’s mistakes, and use a new username when posting to different boards about the same thing? It looks like you actually got some good advice over there, and I hope you’re able to switch off the online drama for a while and calm down to see what real life has to offer you. All the best. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-r-we-need-to-talk-well-no-i-need-to-talk-to-you-because-im-fed-up/729472.md?page=9)