# April ranters bring May decanters! (April Mini-Rants Thread) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 2, 2012, 7:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-ranters-bring-may-decanters-april-mini-rants-thread/617555 "2012-04-02T07:30:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![StarvingButStrong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/starvingbutstrong/32/335_2.png) [@StarvingButStrong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StarvingButStrong)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2012, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-ranters-bring-may-decanters-april-mini-rants-thread/617555/141 "2012-04-09T05:28:15Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Looks like someone is ready to join my crusade against the three-pint half gallon of ice cream, the thirty-ounce quart of mayonnaise, and the twelve-ounce pound of bacon. Absolutely! Spotted a new one this week: the 18 oz. jar of peanut butter is now 16.2 ounces. Same height and diameter, I think, but there’s a big raised bulge in the bottom. Like they do with champagne bottles to strengthen them, but I’ve never heard of peanut butter exploding… > [@](#): > > When I win the lottery, one of the things I’ve budgeted the jackpot for is a road trip to hunt down the people responsible for these abominations. I call shotgun! ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2012, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-ranters-bring-may-decanters-april-mini-rants-thread/617555/142 "2012-04-09T05:37:11Z")
When did I become an insomniac? I used to be an Olympic-caliber sleeper! ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2012, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-ranters-bring-may-decanters-april-mini-rants-thread/617555/143 "2012-04-09T06:13:50Z")
> [@flatlined](#): > > **Curlcat** , do you have any advice as how I can trap a dog? I’m not good with dogs and the poor thing is too scared of me to get close. I tried driving next to him and opening the car door to give him a car ride, but he just ran away. He also won’t get close when I’m offering food, but he comes to eat when I go back inside. > > I’m pretty sure he was dumped because his coat was glossy and he looked well fed when I first saw him. Now he’s getting skinny and his fur is ragged. > > I want to get him off the street. There are coyotes, javalina and skunks here, and if he runs a mile down the road, he will be on the highway and likely end up as roadkill. Sent you an email. ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2012, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-ranters-bring-may-decanters-april-mini-rants-thread/617555/144 "2012-04-09T07:17:13Z")
> [@madrabbitwoman](#): > > Thank-you for yourkind thoughts. There is not much more than kind thoughts/prayers/vibes from you guys. I’m having some distressing physical symptoms at the moment Ouch, but not surprising - could be cystitis, could be physical trauma to the area affecting your control, or could be a psychological response still lingering ☹ > [@madrabbitwoman](#): > > Tomorrow I will be putting in a report. I don’t want to go through the whole legal nightmare of pressing charges and a report is compromise. It makes him and what he did known to police. It makes taking out a ago easier if neccessary and if I choose to make a statement (ie press charges) it can be used for that. > > Only it scares the crap out of me. I feel so horrible a stupid and I dunno what else. No, that sounds sensible - you’re taking care of you first and foremost, but leaving it open to take it further if you feel up to it later, or want closure. You are not horrible or stupid or anything else. Do you have a friend you could stay with for a few days? Company is good. ---
**Author:** ![NinjaChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@NinjaChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinjaChick)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2012, 8:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-ranters-bring-may-decanters-april-mini-rants-thread/617555/145 "2012-04-09T08:22:37Z")
Hey, dumbfuck: I don’t comment on what you do or don’t eat, so how about you offer me the same courtesy and shut the fuck up before I knock your fucking teeth in? ---
**Author:** ![Tanaqui](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3bc359/32.png) [@Tanaqui](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tanaqui)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2012, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-ranters-bring-may-decanters-april-mini-rants-thread/617555/146 "2012-04-09T12:28:57Z")
> [@](#): > > I pit the motherfucker who has been making bomb threats at Pitt for the last few weeks. They make tons of automated calls to us every time one happens or they figure out (yet again) that it’s a false alarm. One of them woke me up when I was trying to nap. I second that pitting and raise you a few points of invective. Since this was posted, the bomb threats have continued unabated, even accelerating. We can’t go more than a few hours now without another bomb threat. I honestly feel like this is a form of terrorism. Every time a threat is made, the buildings involved must be evacuated. On Saturday there was a bomb threat made in the building where I study. They decided to close the whole building down for the weekend. One of my friends is taking his comprehensive exams today and left some of his study materials in there–he was screwed. There was a bomb threat last night at 3 AM too, called in on a bunch of dorms. All those kids get booted out in the middle of the night. Was one on a different set of dorms Saturday night. Most of the freshman have probably gone home by now (if possible) and I don’t blame them. I’m both a TA and a grad student, and it is deeply frustrating. I TA for a 200 person class and we can’t take the risk of a bomb threat disrupting our final exam, scheduled for 2 weeks from now, so we’ve had to change the format to a take home exam. And we’re required to make accommodations for people unable to attend lecture, so we have no idea how many people are actually going to show up today. Of course, we still have to show up. Last night was the last straw in terms of my frustration. A new security policy has been enacted on the Pitt campus–only one entrance per building, which will be policed, and no book bags or backpacks allowed! On a college campus! I understand the concern for safety must come first–but what am I supposed to DO on a college campus with no books or laptop?! ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2012, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-ranters-bring-may-decanters-april-mini-rants-thread/617555/147 "2012-04-09T12:35:36Z")
> [@StarvingButStrong](#): > > Absolutely! Spotted a new one this week: the 18 oz. jar of peanut butter is now 16.2 ounces. Same height and diameter, I think, but there’s a big raised bulge in the bottom. Like they do with champagne bottles to strengthen them, but I’ve never heard of peanut butter exploding… I always wondered why certain types of wine had that dent in the bottom of the bottle. Now I know. And knowledge is power! ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2012, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-ranters-bring-may-decanters-april-mini-rants-thread/617555/148 "2012-04-09T13:48:17Z")
> [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > By the way, I like the title of this minirants thread. I’m assuming it’s whiskey they’re decanting and the plan is to be completely sauced until May, a plan of which I heartily approve. I pit fetal alcohol syndrome! I can’t drink until after my baby is born (due in August). I really wish they’d been right back in the 50’s when they said that alcohol a pregnant woman drinks can’t affect the fetus. I know that’s not right, but oh, how I wish it were. ☹ Save some of the whiskey for me, OK? ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2012, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-ranters-bring-may-decanters-april-mini-rants-thread/617555/149 "2012-04-09T20:28:05Z")
> [@The\_Vorlon](#): > > **Spaz** , tell your roomate to keep his arms up. > > It makes it harder to throw the net over him. And you know exactly what to get him for his birthday. The 500’ roll of aluminum foil from Sam’s so he’ll have a lifetime supply of hats. ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2012, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-ranters-bring-may-decanters-april-mini-rants-thread/617555/150 "2012-04-09T20:29:35Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > People that have to have the last word- I hate them. That is all. Why is that? ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2012, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-ranters-bring-may-decanters-april-mini-rants-thread/617555/151 "2012-04-09T20:59:12Z")
I wanted to see if there were detailed maps of Linville gorge park that I visited last year and found [this monstrosity](http://www.nps.gov/blri/planyourvisit/upload/Linville%20Falls%20Trails.pdf), in the running for the worst-laid-out _official_ map I’ve ever seen. Of course there is the standard “north in a random direction” requirement for map effedupness, but they went above and beyond. Check out the blue lines. What are those? If you guessed “water” you’d be wrong. Those are trails and roads. The black lines are mostly water. But are sometimes roads as well. ---
**Author:** ![Mrs\_Ducky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrs_ducky/32/6227_2.png) [@Mrs\_Ducky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mrs_Ducky)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2012, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-ranters-bring-may-decanters-april-mini-rants-thread/617555/152 "2012-04-09T22:13:03Z")
Posted by **flatlined** “I’ve picked the date. 7/4/13. Lots of time to plan, and we will always have the day off to celebrate with fireworks”. We got married on the 4th of July back in 1987. I only knew Dave for 4 months and we’ll be celebrating the 25th this year. Why are you waiting so long? What’s wrong with this year? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2012, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-ranters-bring-may-decanters-april-mini-rants-thread/617555/153 "2012-04-10T00:36:46Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > People that have to have the last word- I hate them. That is all. > [@Projammer](#): > > Why is that? I’m planning to bookmark this post to respond to it at the end of April. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2012, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-ranters-bring-may-decanters-april-mini-rants-thread/617555/154 "2012-04-10T00:53:08Z")
> [@Projammer](#): > > Why is that? Why do I hate them? Because it’s a game of oneupmanship, and a silly egostroke. People that do this think that just because they’re the last to say something, that then they’ve “won”. I usually feel forced to go along with it, because I don’t want to look petty and silly, but it just irks me. I am irked. ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2012, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-ranters-bring-may-decanters-april-mini-rants-thread/617555/155 "2012-04-10T01:22:07Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > Why do I hate them? Because it’s a game of oneupmanship, and a silly egostroke. People that do this think that just because they’re the last to say something, that then they’ve “won”. I usually feel forced to go along with it, because I don’t want to look petty and silly, but it just irks me. I am irked. I’m irked right along with you! Sisters in irkdom! ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2012, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-ranters-bring-may-decanters-april-mini-rants-thread/617555/156 "2012-04-10T01:59:11Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > Why do I hate them? Because it’s a game of oneupmanship, and a silly egostroke. People that do this think that just because they’re the last to say something, that then they’ve “won”. I usually feel forced to go along with it, because I don’t want to look petty and silly, but it just irks me. I am irked. Admit it, you replied so you could have the last word. And now… …we’re awaiting your reply. ---
**Author:** ![ENugent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4af34b/32.png) [@ENugent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ENugent)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2012, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-ranters-bring-may-decanters-april-mini-rants-thread/617555/157 "2012-04-10T02:09:28Z")
My grandparents’ anniversary was 7/4. There were always fireworks to celebrate their anniversary - it was sweet. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2012, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-ranters-bring-may-decanters-april-mini-rants-thread/617555/158 "2012-04-10T02:11:58Z")
> [@digs](#): > > Admit it, you replied so you could have the last word. > > And now… > > …we’re awaiting your reply. I said Good day, sir! (I didn’t, but it was implied.) ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2012, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-ranters-bring-may-decanters-april-mini-rants-thread/617555/159 "2012-04-10T03:11:51Z")
Sigh… I really wanted to go and eat a burger and have a white Russian (and maybe a couple rum and cokes) at a nice local pub after work tonight. I had scoped it out on Yelp and looked at their website. It seemed like the perfect place. I grabbed my book (re-reading Ender’s Game, woo) and prepared to get mildly tipsy and stuff myself with delicious Irish nachos. So, I walked in the door at 830pm. Unexpectedly, my ears were practically blasted off their drums by some crappy classic rock cover band playing Ozzy Osbourne at full volume in a 500 square foot room. I have \*never \*heard music that loud before, and never will again. I mean, I get that it’s a bar. But it’s a strip mall in suburbia, not fucking Woodstock. There were like 5 people in the entire place… I guess I know why. ---
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2012, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-ranters-bring-may-decanters-april-mini-rants-thread/617555/160 "2012-04-10T04:03:08Z")
> [@SpazCat](#): > > There’s a whole long story from the beginning of this year about what he did to my boyfriend that I don’t want to get into right now. Maybe when said boyfriend and I get our own place in a couple of months I’ll go into it, but if I did right now I’d have to go out in the living room and punch dude in the head eight or nine times. I really do get this. We will wait. I don’t want you to hurt your hand on a rock hard head. Good luck, I hope you get out soon. > [@Sigmagirl](#): > > …snipped. > My husband informed him that he was engaged and congratulated him. They were married a month before we were. That was such a cute story, thank you for sharing it 🙂 > [@Springtime\_for\_Spacers](#): > > Well, congratulations Flatlined. Dya think you should invite SG to the reception to make sure there’s no left overs? Refuses to even think about the P word. I do think that it would be a good idea to invite SG so we don’t have to bother with the leftovers. I’ll have to change the time so he arrives late enough that our guests have forks! > [@Mrs\_Ducky](#): > > Posted by **flatlined** “I’ve picked the date. 7/4/13. Lots of time to plan, and we will always have the day off to celebrate with fireworks”. > > We got married on the 4th of July back in 1987. I only knew Dave for 4 months and we’ll be celebrating the 25th this year. Why are you waiting so long? What’s wrong with this year? > [@ENugent](#): > > My grandparents’ anniversary was 7/4. There were always fireworks to celebrate their anniversary - it was sweet. Hurray, we will get to share our anniversary with the cool crowd 🙂 Mrs\_Ducky, my intended victim, errr, soon to be betrothed had major surgery a few months back. Its best to not make major life decisions for a year after something like that. We don’t need to rush things. He’s worth waiting for. Sometimes. Bill sends treats to me at work. Chocolate covered coffee beans, chocolate covered strawberries, chocolate covered cherries (anyone seeing the pattern here?). The mailroom lady knows that when I get a package addressed to me without my title, its yummy treats that I will share. Bill knows that I share. Today, she brought me a box and announced, “Flatlined, it looks like Bill sent you some Easter treats!” Everyone in the office came right over, looking like a flock of turkey buzzards, jostling, crowding and exclaiming. I eagerly opened the box to find 4 bottles of gromet cat treats. Much coworker grumbling commenced. When I called Bill at lunch to thank him, he said that he was grumbly about it too, because they were supposed to have been delivered on April Fool’s Day. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-ranters-bring-may-decanters-april-mini-rants-thread/617555.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-ranters-bring-may-decanters-april-mini-rants-thread/617555.md?page=9)