# April showers may bring glowers (Mini rants) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 1, 2016, 8:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-showers-may-bring-glowers-mini-rants/750817 "2016-04-01T08:42:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![russian\_heel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f05b48/32.png) [@russian\_heel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/russian_heel)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2016, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-showers-may-bring-glowers-mini-rants/750817/181 "2016-04-28T06:55:40Z")
Women under 30: Congratulations for less occurrences of chewing gum and smoking. Big turnoffs for men, but seeing them less and less in public. Not sexy, has to go, good job. Now, here’s another habit to clear up: There’s no “ah” after the “you” in “Thank You”. Its pronounced “Thank You”, NOT “Thank you-ah”. “No” is not pronounced like the guy who built The Ark, either. “Fuck” is also not a required adjective. This goes for the fellas, as well. Take it from me: upgrade your language, ladies, and you’ll sound less like a reality star twit who is easy bait for bar hopping ne’er d’wells, and a lady who will attract true gentlemen, as rare as they may be. The latter is hotter to guys, believe you me. ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2016, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-showers-may-bring-glowers-mini-rants/750817/182 "2016-04-28T06:57:19Z")
BRB, I’m off to take up smoking, and ah, buy some fucking gum. No(ah)? ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2016, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-showers-may-bring-glowers-mini-rants/750817/183 "2016-04-28T08:13:33Z")
Oh, shit, some heel might not find me attractive! Oh, fucking hell, I’m over 30 so it doesn’t matter. I spend all my time trying to be attractive to old married dudes. Wah! ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2016, 8:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-showers-may-bring-glowers-mini-rants/750817/184 "2016-04-28T08:51:33Z")
Multiple married dudes? Darling, is there something you should have been telling us? ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2016, 10:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-showers-may-bring-glowers-mini-rants/750817/185 "2016-04-28T10:03:08Z")
Everyone needs a hobby 😉 ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2016, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-showers-may-bring-glowers-mini-rants/750817/186 "2016-04-28T13:13:20Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > Multiple married dudes? Darling, is there something you should have been telling us? Of course. I have to be attractive to all men, all the time. How else am I supposed to get a husband? That’s what I should be doing all the time, right? I’m not a proper female if I’m not either married or actively trying to get married! And the opinions of already married men sure do count. ---
**Author:** ![WolfpackJeep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpackjeep/32/2921_2.png) [@WolfpackJeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WolfpackJeep)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2016, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-showers-may-bring-glowers-mini-rants/750817/187 "2016-04-28T14:15:16Z")
Fuck if I’m interested in attracting a “gentleman” who’s, ah, turned off by gum. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2016, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-showers-may-bring-glowers-mini-rants/750817/188 "2016-04-28T14:31:29Z")
> [@drachillix](#): > > So…waiting 3 months to get paid by a place I subcontract for. > > Dropping off paperwork at his office for another call, mention the lack of payment. > > He apologizes profusely, cuts me a check for my full back payments (about $600). > > We chit chat about some other random BS, I leave. > > He calls me 15 min later and asks if I can “hold off a few days on depositing that check or it will bounce.” > > :mad: > > I told him I already deposited it as my next stop was the bank. > > He then proceeds to start yelling about what a mess this is gonna make for him… > > I told him to go fuck himself and please not to call again. I stopped accepting checks 6 or so years ago and never regretted the decision. ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2016, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-showers-may-bring-glowers-mini-rants/750817/189 "2016-04-28T16:33:59Z")
> [@russian\_heel](#): > > Women under 30: > > Congratulations for less occurrences of chewing gum and smoking. Big turnoffs for men, but seeing them less and less in public. Not sexy, has to go, good job. > > Now, here’s another habit to clear up: > > There’s no “ah” after the “you” in “Thank You”. Its pronounced “Thank You”, NOT “Thank you-ah”. > > “No” is not pronounced like the guy who built The Ark, either. > > “Fuck” is also not a required adjective. This goes for the fellas, as well. > > Take it from me: upgrade your language, ladies, and you’ll sound less like a reality star twit who is easy bait for bar hopping ne’er d’wells, and a lady who will attract true gentlemen, as rare as they may be. The latter is hotter to guys, believe you me. You actually had to edit this garbage?! Your edit should have just been to erase it and issue an apology to all women for being such an ass. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Girlfriend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.girlfriend/32/193_2.png) [@Dr.Girlfriend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Girlfriend)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2016, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-showers-may-bring-glowers-mini-rants/750817/190 "2016-04-28T17:15:01Z")
I love my doctor, but her front office staff is for the birds. I had to schedule my “yearly” today and I told the lady on the phone afternoons are best and it can’t be on a Tuesday at all due to my work schedule. Her: “How about the 3rd at 9am?” Me: “That’s a Tuesday, and I need the afternoon.” Her: “Ok, how about the 10th at 9am?” Me: _heavy sigh_ “Still a Tuesday, still not in the afternoon.” Ten fruitless minutes of back and forth later, she finally offers next Monday in the afternoon. I said I’d take it. What is so hard about no Tuesdays and no mornings? ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2016, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-showers-may-bring-glowers-mini-rants/750817/191 "2016-04-28T21:11:30Z")
> [@Kimballkid](#): > > You actually had to edit this garbage?! Your edit should have just been to erase it and issue an apology to all women for being such an ass. I dunno, I was going to pretty much agree with him, then my old ass remembered this; “The children now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise.” Which is a phony quote commonly attributed to Socrates or Aristotle to show how old this sort of complaint is. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2016, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-showers-may-bring-glowers-mini-rants/750817/192 "2016-04-28T23:54:52Z")
> [@Kimballkid](#): > > You actually had to edit this garbage?! Your edit should have just been to erase it and issue an apology to all women for being such an ass. Sorry, I don’t like watching someone male or female chewing cud [be it gum or tobacco…] and I prefer not to get second hand smoke though the sight of smoking doesn’t bother me. And I can be fully behind the crap lack of diction and funky talking hangups [I don’t like verbal place holders. Simply pause if you are thinking of what to say, I don’t need the umms, errs or whatever, or the vocal fry and whatever you call the up elision of sound at the end of a phrase that makes it sound like everything you are saying is a question [valley speak? Whatever it is called. I don’t do vocal education and never sat through it. My mom had a degree in speech therapy and raised my brother and I to not do that sort of thing.] So I guess you can add me to the pitting of ‘not liking cud chewing barely able to speak properly’ adverse readers. ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2016, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-showers-may-bring-glowers-mini-rants/750817/193 "2016-04-29T02:24:01Z")
> [@aruvqan](#): > > My mom had a degree in speech therapy and raised my brother and **I** to not do that sort of thing. However, apparently she and your teachers fell short in conveying correct rules of grammar. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2016, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-showers-may-bring-glowers-mini-rants/750817/194 "2016-04-29T03:08:51Z")
I love getting old – it’s full of advantages like the right to critique the habits and “language” of the demographic known as “whippersnappers”. I have a younger friend? Who puts such a lift? Sometimes with… a pause? On the end of each …sentence? So we of course have fun with that-- when she says “So, I’m going to Home Depot?” we immediately chime in with “Ooh, I know the answer to this one! _Yes!_ Yes, you ARE going to Home Depot. … did I win?” If another friend is going, she’ll ask “Want to come with?” and I always answer “Come with… _you?_ Did I miss a direct object there?” Even though I’ve heard that usage all my life – grew up in “Chicago’s parking lot” (Milwaukee). And we get to, like, mock our kids for like how many times they like say like. And when they try to tell a story they stage it as: _So I was totally chillax but he was like “Hey”, and oh yeah this is like Britt’s ex, and I was like “Outta here” and he goes like “Wha?” like he was… wait, so he’s like sitting on the uh, like, you know, this like bike rack thing? So he’s all like clueless and I get in his face like “no way” and he completely like flips over like all the way backwards and goes like “Noooooo…” and I literally peed my pants._ ---
**Author:** ![Seanette](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/seanette/32/9139_2.png) [@Seanette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seanette)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2016, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-showers-may-bring-glowers-mini-rants/750817/195 "2016-04-29T05:22:54Z")
My alarm will be going off at 0500. I haven’t gotten enough sleep in a day or so to begin with. DH took it into his head that he wanted waffles at 2200. He is making a very noisy dramatic production of making same, in a not-huge apartment. There is no [expletive] way he’s going to let me get any damn sleep, is there? ---
**Author:** ![russian\_heel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f05b48/32.png) [@russian\_heel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/russian_heel)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2016, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-showers-may-bring-glowers-mini-rants/750817/196 "2016-04-29T05:49:58Z")
> [@SeaDragonTattoo](#): > > Oh, shit, some heel might not find me attractive! Oh, fucking hell, I’m over 30 so it doesn’t matter. I spend all my time trying to be attractive to old married dudes. Wah! Try harder. ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2016, 8:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-showers-may-bring-glowers-mini-rants/750817/197 "2016-04-29T08:02:32Z")
> [@russian\_heel](#): > > Try harder. Haha! It’s only funny if you’re clever. ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2016, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-showers-may-bring-glowers-mini-rants/750817/198 "2016-04-29T13:51:13Z")
My mother just defriended my husband on Facebook. This is going to be interesting. ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2016, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-showers-may-bring-glowers-mini-rants/750817/199 "2016-04-29T13:53:17Z")
If you believe that “that the human body can naturally fight illnesses with prayer” or that your “body is a temple” and that “putting vaccinations in [your] body is wrong and disrespectful to God,” then please answer me one question: Why the fuck do you work at a hospital? I ask this because of [this news story](http://www.citizen-times.com/story/news/2016/04/28/eeoc-alleges-discrimination-against-mission-employees/83651664/). ---
**Author:** ![Lacunae\_Matata](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lacunae\_Matata](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lacunae_Matata)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2016, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-showers-may-bring-glowers-mini-rants/750817/200 "2016-04-29T19:21:51Z")
The nice thing about G\*d is that His opinions so closely align with whatever the hell crazy shit you’ve chosen to believe today. Seemingly very minor rant: I pit Wendy’s, based entirely on the quality of their kid’s meal toys. Months and months ago, when the new version of Annie was being released, Wendy’s did a promotional tie-in. Littlest Miss got a little radio thing, which plays an extremely tinny version of Tomorrow. It remains the very favorite toy in the history of all toys. And the stupid batteries will. Not. Die. Aaargh! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-showers-may-bring-glowers-mini-rants/750817.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/april-showers-may-bring-glowers-mini-rants/750817.md?page=11)