# Apt names found in news reports
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apt-names-found-in-news-reports/674181
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [November 18, 2013, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apt-names-found-in-news-reports/674181 "2013-11-18T15:41:18Z")
**Posts on this page:** 13
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)
#### Post date: [November 18, 2013, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apt-names-found-in-news-reports/674181/1 "2013-11-18T15:41:18Z")
I was reading an article in the Daily Mail UK edition about a suspected female serial killer. It caught my eye and interest because serial killers are most often male. I lost it though, when I read the line:
> [@](#):
>
> Her partner, 7ft 3in tall Gary Stretch…
Share your aptly named people (or animals/places/etc.) found in news articles.
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### Author:  [@Floater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Floater)
#### Post date: [November 18, 2013, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apt-names-found-in-news-reports/674181/2 "2013-11-18T15:44:53Z")
I just read about them and my immediate thought was that if he is that tall and she has a green tattoo in her face they probably shouldn’t commit crimes.
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### Author:  [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)
#### Post date: [November 18, 2013, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apt-names-found-in-news-reports/674181/3 "2013-11-18T15:54:22Z")
[Daisy Cowitt](http://newsfixnow.com/2013/11/05/woman-named-daisy-cowit-plows-into-herd-of-cows-while-texting/) plowed into a herd of cows. You cannot make that up.
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### Author:  [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)
#### Post date: [November 18, 2013, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apt-names-found-in-news-reports/674181/4 "2013-11-18T15:55:57Z")
I used to live near a house/office that had a sign in front: “Seymour Kuntz, OB/GYN.” I’d bet anything that he chose his profession, then changed his name.
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### Author:  [@snowthx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snowthx)
#### Post date: [November 18, 2013, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apt-names-found-in-news-reports/674181/5 "2013-11-18T22:45:17Z")
Wolf Blitzer, CCN’s war correspondent.
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### Author:  [@seal\_cleaner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seal_cleaner)
#### Post date: [November 19, 2013, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apt-names-found-in-news-reports/674181/6 "2013-11-19T02:06:03Z")
From _New York Magazine’s_ “apt names” competition-
Matt Burns, Wrestler
Lucinda Joints, Contortionist
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### Author:  [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)
#### Post date: [November 19, 2013, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apt-names-found-in-news-reports/674181/7 "2013-11-19T05:37:39Z")
Did anyone besides me initially think this would be a thread about apartment complex names?
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### Author:  [@Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earl_Snake-Hips_Tucker)
#### Post date: [November 19, 2013, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apt-names-found-in-news-reports/674181/8 "2013-11-19T14:12:45Z")
> [@rowrrbazzle](#):
>
> Did anyone besides me initially think this would be a thread about apartment complex names?
At least one more.
Edit: Hey, I just noticed–we’re practically neighbors. I’m 1972, and you’re 1990.
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### Author:  [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)
#### Post date: [November 19, 2013, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apt-names-found-in-news-reports/674181/9 "2013-11-19T19:15:12Z")
Sorry to burst your bubble, but it looks like from Googling that his name _may_ be Gary Richards and Stretch is an appropriate nickname. The Daily Mail and the Mirror seem to be uncharacteristically lax on their standards. It would be “cool” if his name were Gary Slaughter or something. Gary Stretch is a different guy, semi-famous, but he’s only 6’0"
And yes, apartments.
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### Author:  [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)
#### Post date: [November 20, 2013, 7:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apt-names-found-in-news-reports/674181/10 "2013-11-20T07:31:43Z")
I vaguely recall, from some high-profile execution some years ago (Ted Bundy? 1989) there was somebody in the news about it named “Slaughter”. IIRC, it was one of the witnesses to the execution who was interviewed about it and the interview was in the papers.
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### Author:  [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)
#### Post date: [November 20, 2013, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apt-names-found-in-news-reports/674181/11 "2013-11-20T15:17:11Z")
> [@thelurkinghorror](#):
>
> Sorry to burst your bubble, but it looks like from Googling that his name _may_ be Gary Richards and Stretch is an appropriate nickname. The Daily Mail and the Mirror seem to be uncharacteristically lax on their standards. It would be “cool” if his name were Gary Slaughter or something. Gary Stretch is a different guy, semi-famous, but he’s only 6’0"
Oh, I don’t care if they made it up out of whole cloth (a distinct possibility with some news rags today). It was apt, in print, for all the world to see. It takes very little to entertain me.
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### Author:  [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)
#### Post date: [November 20, 2013, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apt-names-found-in-news-reports/674181/12 "2013-11-20T18:45:54Z")
In our family we refer to this as “cognomen syndrome”.
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### Author:  [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)
#### Post date: [November 20, 2013, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/apt-names-found-in-news-reports/674181/13 "2013-11-20T19:51:11Z")
> [@Doctor\_Jackson](#):
>
> Oh, I don’t care if they made it up out of whole cloth (a distinct possibility with some news rags today). It was apt, in print, for all the world to see. It takes very little to entertain me.
No making up involved. It’s just the name didn’t come from his serial killer-spawning parents, but somebody some day said, “damn, you tall!”