# Are all transgendered people mentally ill? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [November 1, 2017, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-all-transgendered-people-mentally-ill/800378 "2017-11-01T12:20:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 39
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2017, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-all-transgendered-people-mentally-ill/800378/762 "2017-12-07T16:56:19Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > The dishonest part, to the extent that there is a part, is the pretense that being transgender isn’t an absolute deal-breaker. And then going out with someone as if there was any chance of a relationship, when there isn’t any such chance. Why do the transgender people want to waste the time and take the risk? Leaving aside the desperation of a segment of the transgender community for ANY sort of relationship… Because a non-zero number of people with a kneejerk reaction of “no way!” to the idea of a transgender date, with an image of a stereotype of a “man in a dress” in the media, might change their minds if they spend time with and get to know a post-op transwoman who can pass. If transwomen don’t take chances most of them will _never_ have a relationship that most of the rest of the world takes for granted. Why does anyone take a risk? Because the perceived potential pay-off with success seems worth the risk. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2017, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-all-transgendered-people-mentally-ill/800378/763 "2017-12-07T17:14:40Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > According to what I’ve heard from trans people, making it clear “up front” to someone who amounts to a stranger carries a risk of its own, and based on some of their experiences, that risk can be greater than waiting to make sure they trust their new acquaintance (and not engaging in any intimate activities with them before revealing their trans status). Transgender people need to decide which is the greater risk - putting “I’m transgender” in their dating profile, or going on dates with people who don’t know they are transgender and might, unjustifiably, react badly. As well as wasting time dating people with whom there is absolutely no possibility of a romantic relationship. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2017, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-all-transgendered-people-mentally-ill/800378/764 "2017-12-07T17:26:14Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > Because a non-zero number of people with a kneejerk reaction of “no way!” to the idea of a transgender date, with an image of a stereotype of a “man in a dress” in the media, might change their minds if they spend time with and get to know a post-op transwoman who can pass. Or, they might beat the shit out of them. It’s a question of what reaction is more likely, and if the risk of one is worth the risk of the other. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2017, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-all-transgendered-people-mentally-ill/800378/765 "2017-12-07T17:38:42Z")
Yes, true. But if you’re choices are between self-imposed isolation and the next best thing to solitary confinement and going out in the world in hopes of human contact albeit with a risk of violence… a surprisingly high number of people in general (not just transgender) will choose the latter option. I’m sure transgender people try to asses the risk of coming out to people they encounter. Sometimes they get it wrong. Sometimes they get it right. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2017, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-all-transgendered-people-mentally-ill/800378/766 "2017-12-07T17:48:16Z")
> [@Damuri\_Ajashi](#): > > Yes they are. They are saying that they can be forgiven for their dishonesty because honesty puts their life at risk. That is literally one of maybe 4 arguments being made for why dishonesty is OK in this case. Do you understand the distinction between “That action is dishonest, but that’s okay,” and “That action is not dishonest?” ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2017, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-all-transgendered-people-mentally-ill/800378/767 "2017-12-07T17:49:41Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > Transgender people need to decide which is the greater risk - putting “I’m transgender” in their dating profile, or going on dates with people who don’t know they are transgender and might, unjustifiably, react badly. As well as wasting time dating people with whom there is absolutely no possibility of a romantic relationship. Which goes back to **iiiandyiiii** ’s list of potential turnoffs and/or hot topics, including those relating to race, religion, sexual interest/fetishes, medical and criminal records, (other) body modifications and so forth. It used to be that the whole point of the first date was to find out whether the two people involved were compatible. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2017, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-all-transgendered-people-mentally-ill/800378/768 "2017-12-07T17:52:43Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > Transgender people need to decide which is the greater risk - putting “I’m transgender” in their dating profile, or going on dates with people who don’t know they are transgender and might, unjustifiably, react badly. Right, and transgender people who are dating have been making this choice, and continue to, based on their own experiences and inclinations. > [@](#): > > As well as wasting time dating people with whom there is absolutely no possibility of a romantic relationship. > > Regards, > Shodan This one applies to literally everyone who has ever dated, whether online or otherwise. This is always a possibility, or more likely a certainty (I went on dates with many, many decent but still no-possibility-of-a-romantic-relationship folks before I met my wife). I’m sure many of them thought the same of me, and probably wished that I had stated whatever no-go characteristic about myself that was unacceptable on my profile so that they wouldn’t have wasted their time. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2017, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-all-transgendered-people-mentally-ill/800378/769 "2017-12-07T18:17:04Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > This one applies to literally everyone who has ever dated, whether online or otherwise. This is always a possibility, or more likely a certainty (I went on dates with many, many decent but still no-possibility-of-a-romantic-relationship folks before I met my wife). You are missing the point. Chance of a romantic relationship with any random cisgender woman: low. There could be all kinds of disqualifying circumstances or deal-breaker. Chance of a romantic relationship with any random transgender woman: zero. There is always a deal-breaker, by definition. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2017, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-all-transgendered-people-mentally-ill/800378/770 "2017-12-07T18:20:19Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > You are missing the point. > > Chance of a romantic relationship with any random cisgender woman: low. There could be all kinds of disqualifying circumstances or deal-breaker. > > Chance of a romantic relationship with any random transgender woman: zero. There is always a deal-breaker, by definition. > > Regards, > Shodan …for you. Other people feel differently. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2017, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-all-transgendered-people-mentally-ill/800378/771 "2017-12-07T18:25:58Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > …for you. Other people feel differently. Yes, there are some people that feel differently. Maybe one day, science will come up with a way for those people to identify themselves in dating profiles so transgender people would know who is open to it. ---
**Author:** ![Biffster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biffster/32/339_2.png) [@Biffster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffster)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2017, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-all-transgendered-people-mentally-ill/800378/772 "2017-12-07T23:04:04Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > Yes, there are some people that feel differently. Maybe one day, science will come up with a way for those people to identify themselves in dating profiles so transgender people would know who is open to it. You win the Internet! ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2017, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-all-transgendered-people-mentally-ill/800378/773 "2017-12-07T23:28:07Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > You are missing the point. > > Chance of a romantic relationship with any random cisgender woman: low. There could be all kinds of disqualifying circumstances or deal-breaker. > > Chance of a romantic relationship with any random transgender woman: zero. There is always a deal-breaker, by definition. > > Regards, > Shodan Chance of a relationship with any random non-smoking man: low. There could be all kinds of disqualifying circumstances or deal-breaker. Chance of a romantic relationship with any random man who smokes: zero. There is always a deal-breaker, by definition. Is a smoker dishonest if he doesn’t say that on his profile? (Assume he want explicitly asked.) What if he doesn’t smoke before dates, and “passes” as a non-smoker? ---
**Author:** ![Biffster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biffster/32/339_2.png) [@Biffster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffster)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2017, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-all-transgendered-people-mentally-ill/800378/774 "2017-12-08T00:45:41Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > Chance of a relationship with any random non-smoking man: low. There could be all kinds of disqualifying circumstances or deal-breaker. > > Chance of a romantic relationship with any random man who smokes: zero. There is always a deal-breaker, by definition. > > Is a smoker dishonest if he doesn’t say that on his profile? (Assume he want explicitly asked.) What if he doesn’t smoke before dates, and “passes” as a non-smoker? That’s a good question actually. Smoking has an even bigger impact on one’s partner’s health than their transgender status. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2017, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-all-transgendered-people-mentally-ill/800378/775 "2017-12-08T01:44:09Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > Is a smoker dishonest if he doesn’t say that on his profile? (Assume he want explicitly asked.) What if he doesn’t smoke before dates, and “passes” as a non-smoker? What do you mean for “want” there? “wasn’t” or “was”? ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2017, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-all-transgendered-people-mentally-ill/800378/776 "2017-12-08T02:03:06Z")
Sorry, “wasn’t”. If someone is explicitly asked “are you X”, and they say " I am not X" when they are, I think that’s dishonest. I relevant comparison is “what if no one asked?” I don’t know what percentage of non-smokers won’t date smokers, but I bet it’s high. (And if I were on a dating site, my profile would say “non-smoker. Of course, it would probably also say “seeking non-smoker”, but hey…”) ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2017, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-all-transgendered-people-mentally-ill/800378/777 "2017-12-08T02:15:54Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > Sorry, “wasn’t”. > > If someone is explicitly asked “are you X”, and they say " I am not X" when they are, I think that’s dishonest. I relevant comparison is “what if no one asked?” > > I don’t know what percentage of non-smokers won’t date smokers, but I bet it’s high. (And if I were on a dating site, my profile would say “non-smoker. Of course, it would probably also say “seeking non-smoker”, but hey…”) That’s cool. But do you think that asking someone “Do you smoke?” is as offensive as “Are you transgender?” ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2017, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-all-transgendered-people-mentally-ill/800378/778 "2017-12-08T03:51:49Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > Yes, there are some people that feel differently. Maybe one day, science will come up with a way for those people to identify themselves in dating profiles so transgender people would know who is open to it. I know, right? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2017, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-all-transgendered-people-mentally-ill/800378/779 "2017-12-08T13:37:23Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > That’s cool. But do you think that asking someone “Do you smoke?” is as offensive as “Are you transgender?” No. That’s among the reasons I don’t think trans people should be required to answer that question before they get a chance to meet a person, such as during a coffee date in a public place. ---
**Author:** ![Damuri\_Ajashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/898d66/32.png) [@Damuri\_Ajashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Damuri_Ajashi)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2017, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-all-transgendered-people-mentally-ill/800378/780 "2017-12-08T15:04:24Z")
> [@Una\_Persson](#): > > I know, right? 🙂 I don’t think he said what you think he said. He was referring to people who are open to dating transgendered. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2017, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-all-transgendered-people-mentally-ill/800378/781 "2017-12-09T02:42:58Z")
I did mean that people who are open to dating transgender people should put that in the profile. That seems to me a win-win for everyone. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-all-transgendered-people-mentally-ill/800378.md?page=38) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-all-transgendered-people-mentally-ill/800378.md?page=40)