# Are clams really happy??? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 20, 2009, 8:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-clams-really-happy/518270 "2009-11-20T08:57:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Surly\_Chick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Surly\_Chick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surly_Chick)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2009, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-clams-really-happy/518270/21 "2009-11-20T23:55:22Z")
Only at high tide. Or so I hear. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2009, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-clams-really-happy/518270/22 "2009-11-21T01:10:27Z")
> [@Enderw24](#): > > Quahog? Littleneck? Cherrystone ? Pismo ? Butter? Longneck? Manila? Razor? Geoduck? East Coast hard-shell? Mahogany? Surf? Hokkigai? Pacific littleneck? Venus? Soft shelled? Steamer? Ipswitch? Ark? Nut? Trough? File? Giant? Peppery Furrow shell? Bald clam. ---
**Author:** ![Dallas\_Jones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dallas_jones/32/3277_2.png) [@Dallas\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dallas_Jones)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2009, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-clams-really-happy/518270/23 "2009-11-21T02:17:23Z")
> [@Enderw24](#): > > Quahog? Littleneck? Cherrystone ? Pismo ? Butter? Longneck? Manila? Razor? Geoduck? East Coast hard-shell? Mahogany? Surf? Hokkigai? Pacific littleneck? Venus? Soft shelled? Steamer? Ipswitch? Ark? Nut? Trough? File? Giant? Peppery Furrow shell? Razor clams!! I dig them every season on the Pacific near my home. They seem to like where they are at on the beach because they try to get away, dig as fast as they can. Plant their foot and hold on when you try to pull them up. So they must be happy. We get to keep 15 each day of the season. I still have about a dozen limits in the freezer. Of course those clams aren’t really happy anymore, they are just ‘chillin’. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2009, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-clams-really-happy/518270/24 "2009-11-21T12:36:44Z")
Of course clams are happy. As anyone who walks a beach will know, as you walk above a clam, the vibration causes it to squirt. Google for images on “squirt”, take the safe filter off, and you will see a lot of happy clams. ---
**Author:** ![Audrey\_Levins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Audrey\_Levins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Audrey_Levins)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2009, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-clams-really-happy/518270/25 "2009-11-21T13:30:59Z")
Since I don’t like eating clams, the clams I don’t eat are presumably happy. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2009, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-clams-really-happy/518270/26 "2009-11-21T14:06:58Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Quick! Somebody make a dirty joke. The geoduck’s pretty happy, at the expense of the other clams in the locker room. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2009, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-clams-really-happy/518270/27 "2009-11-21T21:39:35Z")
> [@Elyanna](#): > > No, of course not. They are in miserable, excruciating pain every day of their short lives. You could hear them scream except their voices are far out of our hearing range. > > Eating them does them a favor, really. Seabirds are their gods because they relieve them of this horrid mortal coil. > > Any questions? ☹ All of the clams I know are happy. [QUOTE=Bill Waterson] [You] once said you loved me Just the way I am But I wonder what would happen If I became a clam? If I were gray and grimy Slippery and slimy An oversized hors d’oeuvre, Would [you] still have the nerve? [/QUOTE] For the record, if anyone I knew became a clam, I’d love them \* more\*. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2009, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-clams-really-happy/518270/28 "2009-11-21T21:51:12Z")
The wise molluscs discern between realistic contentment and the foolish pursuit of happiness. [As in staying in bed versus seeking reckless adventure with questionable company.](http://www.jabberwocky.com/carroll/pics/glass21.gif) ---
**Author:** ![Finally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/67e7ee/32.png) [@Finally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finally)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2009, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-clams-really-happy/518270/29 "2009-11-22T00:34:38Z")
As a midwest girl without access to oceans will sunfish love do? ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2009, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-clams-really-happy/518270/30 "2009-11-22T01:36:15Z")
I don’t know if clams could be described as being happy, but I know they’re never crabby. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2009, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-clams-really-happy/518270/31 "2009-11-22T01:37:55Z")
I dunno. Are the haps really clammy? What’s the haps? Not much. What’s the haps with you? ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2009, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-clams-really-happy/518270/32 "2009-11-22T01:47:39Z")
> [@Slithy\_Tove](#): > > The geoduck’s pretty happy, at the expense of the other clams in the locker room. But does a geoduck’s quack echo? ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2009, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-clams-really-happy/518270/33 "2009-11-22T02:39:12Z")
> [@Slithy\_Tove](#): > > The wise molluscs discern between realistic contentment and the foolish pursuit of happiness. [As in staying in bed versus seeking reckless adventure with questionable company.](http://www.jabberwocky.com/carroll/pics/glass21.gif) Yeah, the happiest clams are the [most responsible ones.](http://textboxart.blogspot.com/2009/06/responsibility-scallop.html) For the record, I am officially bookmarking this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2009, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-clams-really-happy/518270/34 "2009-11-22T04:57:08Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Hmm. Maybe a giant clam would make him happy. But what if the giant clam snaps shut suddenly? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2009, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-clams-really-happy/518270/35 "2009-11-22T12:18:31Z")
> [@Polycarp](#): > > But does a geoduck’s quack echo? The geoduck is the Chuck Norris of clams. the laws of physics will not reflect its sound waves for fear of pissing it off. ---
**Author:** ![NJ\_Kef](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/258eb7/32.png) [@NJ\_Kef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NJ_Kef)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2009, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-clams-really-happy/518270/36 "2009-11-22T14:27:20Z")
Not only are clams happy for the most part, CLAMS GOT LEGS!!! ---
**Author:** ![Amber\_in\_Treasury](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc79bd/32.png) [@Amber\_in\_Treasury](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amber_in_Treasury)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2009, 7:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-clams-really-happy/518270/37 "2009-11-23T07:18:45Z")
I doubt most “clams” are truly happy, even is they are clears. I mean, what with having to pay through the nose (those clams have noses), and then the auditing and all that weird shit… ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2009, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-clams-really-happy/518270/38 "2009-11-23T11:58:37Z")
Of course clams are happy. Has anyone met a clam that was not happy? I thought not. ---
**Author:** ![T.Slothrop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3e96dc/32.png) [@T.Slothrop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/T.Slothrop)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2009, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-clams-really-happy/518270/39 "2009-11-24T06:23:29Z")
Having been a professional clammer on the coast of North Carolina (by the way, this is socially the lowest peg on the social scale), I can tell you: But before I go into that . . . at that time (early eighties) I only got .05 for the large ones and .10 for the ones smaller than about a quarter. They were more tender I think is the reason that they paid more. People can tell that you are a clammer (and thus the lowest peg) just by walking past you because you smell like mud. So to answer your question . . . they were happier than me. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-clams-really-happy/518270.md?page=1)