# Are Ex SOs off limits to friends? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 26, 2010, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-ex-sos-off-limits-to-friends/561949 "2010-11-26T03:40:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2010, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-ex-sos-off-limits-to-friends/561949/121 "2010-11-28T19:41:54Z")
> [@Kaio](#): > > If someone was an asshole, I’d warn them off for their own safety/sanity, not so much because I think it’s All About Me. If he treated me like shit, I wouldn’t expect any different with the next girl or the next, and I really wouldn’t want someone I consider a friend to get caught up in that. (Of course I couldn’t stop them, either, and if that happened I’d be prepared to be the shoulder for my friend to cry on when it crashes and burns, and avoid saying anything else or dealing with them in the meantime.) I’ve had friends who dated assholes, and I could be objective about it, tolerating the asshole because I wanted to be there for my friend when/if it all fell apart. I couldn’t do that if someone had been a serious asshole to me: tolerating them would seem like forgiving them. And it would seem disrespectful of my pain to take up with the person that caused it. But I am talking about a serious asshole, not just a normal jerk/person who was less than kind in a breakup. ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2010, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-ex-sos-off-limits-to-friends/561949/122 "2010-11-28T20:55:33Z")
I have a suggestion for **Mangosteen** : why don’t you talk to your up-grade hottie Chinese wife about how hurt you feel over this whole thing, and see what kind of support she gives you? ---
**Author:** ![Grumman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/43a26b/32.png) [@Grumman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumman)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2010, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-ex-sos-off-limits-to-friends/561949/123 "2010-11-29T03:02:14Z")
> [@misterW](#): > > But lets be realistic here: you spend a year with a person, get to really know them, and fall in love with them before things go bad for whatever reason… and you don’t think it will be just a bit uncomfortable hanging out with your friend and your ex when they are dating? You’ve glossed over the most important thing about this situation: what the reason was for things going bad. If the OP’s girlfriend had wronged him in some way, it would not be unreasonable to be unhappy that his friend didn’t care about what she did to him. But she didn’t, which means he has no excuse for holding their relationship against either of them. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2010, 9:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-ex-sos-off-limits-to-friends/561949/124 "2010-11-29T09:41:34Z")
> [@Mangosteen](#): > > I keep trying to you people that my problem was with my friend NOT my ex. > > … > > Maybe I’m old school, but I think its a shitty thing to do to someone who is supposedly a good friend. I’m _checks bits_ one of the women who have responded and I still can’t see what your problem is… you’re feeling betrayed by him because you think he may have dated the girl you dropped? Are you sure it wasn’t him you wanted to bang? ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2010, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-ex-sos-off-limits-to-friends/561949/125 "2010-11-29T16:49:49Z")
Manosteen is being a “chick” on this issue. Skald is wrong about this being a “guy rule”. Guys don’t care about what happens to exes. Chicks do. ---
**Author:** ![Who\_me\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/958977/32.png) [@Who\_me\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Who_me_1)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2010, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-ex-sos-off-limits-to-friends/561949/126 "2010-11-29T17:45:49Z")
It isn’t even old school not to date your friends’ exes. You don’t date them when your friend is still hurting over the breakup… unless he gets exessive about it, then he’s just being a martyr. Exes are exes and available for perusal. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2010, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-ex-sos-off-limits-to-friends/561949/127 "2010-11-30T18:06:20Z")
> [@Wilbo523](#): > > Manosteen is being a “chick” on this issue. Skald is wrong about this being a “guy rule”. Guys don’t care about what happens to exes. Chicks do. I know guys who have asserted that men may not date one another’s exes. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2010, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-ex-sos-off-limits-to-friends/561949/128 "2010-11-30T18:37:44Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I know guys who have asserted that men may not date one another’s exes. Yeah, my ex said this. To the man who wound up becoming Mr. Horseshoe. ---
**Author:** ![Stauderhorse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Stauderhorse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stauderhorse)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2010, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-ex-sos-off-limits-to-friends/561949/129 "2010-11-30T20:39:49Z")
It depends on the ex, I think. I’d be really hurt and betrayed if anyone I knew started dating the first boyfriend I had, but with my last ex it wouldn’t matter. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2010, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-ex-sos-off-limits-to-friends/561949/130 "2010-11-30T20:43:24Z")
> [@Stauderhorse](#): > > It depends on the ex, I think. I’d be really hurt and betrayed if anyone I knew started dating the first boyfriend I had, but with my last ex it wouldn’t matter. Ok, I’ll bite: Why? What’s so special about Dude #1 that would make you feel betrayed\* that Dude #1+N is missing? - hurt, I get - that’s private and internal … but _betrayed_?? ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2010, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-ex-sos-off-limits-to-friends/561949/131 "2010-11-30T22:45:10Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > Meanwhile, Mango is on a beach, getting a topless massage. A vague smile plays across his lips. It’s almost as if he knows that on the other side of the world, people he hasn’t really thought about for most of a decade are still making him the number one priority in their love lives. … Very well said. **Mango** , you’re the sucky friend for holding this against your buddy. ---
**Author:** ![woodstockbirdybird](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/woodstockbirdybird/32/7905_2.png) [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2010, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-ex-sos-off-limits-to-friends/561949/132 "2010-12-01T00:13:51Z")
> [@Norse](#): > > Uh, WTF? Myself, I’m infinitely more intimate (both on the physical and the emotional level) with my wife, who was my girlfriend for several years and then my live-in girlfriend for even longer before we got married some time back in the Bronze age, than with any guy I’ve been getting drunk with, camping with, doing military service with, bullshitted with, etcetera, etcetera. Friends come and go, but my spouse doesn’t. Either I’m being whooshed here, or somebody has radically different priorities than I have. > > And to the OP: Get a life. You have no claim to your ex-GF’s romantic life, and you have no claim to your friend’s romantic life. I agree completely. “Bros before hos” is the cry of an emotionally retarded man-child, not an adult capable of a healthy relationship. Been with my girlfriend for almost 12 years, and that relationship is far more rewarding and important to me than any I have with my “guy friends”. ---
**Author:** ![Wendell\_Wagner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8491ac/32.png) [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2010, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-ex-sos-off-limits-to-friends/561949/133 "2010-12-01T02:01:17Z")
purplehorseshoe writes: \> Yeah, my ex said this. To the man who wound up becoming Mr. Horseshoe. So your husband took your name? ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2010, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-ex-sos-off-limits-to-friends/561949/134 "2010-12-01T14:02:03Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I know guys who have asserted that men may not date one another’s exes. Those guys are acting like chicks. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2010, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-ex-sos-off-limits-to-friends/561949/135 "2010-12-01T15:00:51Z")
> [@Wilbo523](#): > > Those guys are acting like chicks. Actually, pretty much all of the “chicks” in this thread have expressed the opposite opinion. If you are using “acting like chicks” as a shorthand for anything you think is lame, maybe it’s time to reexamine that practice. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2010, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-ex-sos-off-limits-to-friends/561949/136 "2010-12-01T16:51:34Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > Actually, pretty much all of the “chicks” in this thread have expressed the opposite opinion. > > If you are using “acting like chicks” as a shorthand for anything you think is lame, maybe it’s time to reexamine that practice. No, and I do not consider the women on SD to be a representative sample of women in society. Most women have a definite code among friends that a guy they have dated or even been interested in is off limits to the other women in their circle. Guys do not, except for Mango. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2010, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-ex-sos-off-limits-to-friends/561949/137 "2010-12-01T17:11:44Z")
> [@Wilbo523](#): > > No, and I do not consider the women on SD to be a representative sample of women in society. Most women have a definite code among friends that a guy they have dated or even been interested in is off limits to the other women in their circle. Guys do not, except for Mango. You seem very sure of that. I’m not sure your certainty is warranted. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2010, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-ex-sos-off-limits-to-friends/561949/138 "2010-12-01T17:35:15Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I’m not sure your certainty is warranted. That’s the one good thing about the internets, we’re all entitled to our opinions. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2010, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-ex-sos-off-limits-to-friends/561949/139 "2010-12-01T18:04:54Z")
> [@Wilbo523](#): > > Guys do not, except for Mango. Actually, the code is not unusual at all – c’mon “bros before hos” and all – you just grow out of it after high school. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2010, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-ex-sos-off-limits-to-friends/561949/140 "2010-12-01T19:01:25Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > Actually, the code is not unusual at all – c’mon “bros before hos” and all – you just grow out of it after high school. I’m guessing here…but I’d be willing to bet that Mango didn’t spend 7 years overseas finding his Chinese bride, and finishing high school upon his return. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-ex-sos-off-limits-to-friends/561949.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-ex-sos-off-limits-to-friends/561949.md?page=8)