Are fat people weak and lazy?

In My Humble Opinion
21

I don’t think you can pinpoint any one (or two) reasons fat people are fat and thin people are not. There are so many things that affect weight. I am not a small person. I was once, but I was anorexic at the time. That was almost like a game. “How little can I eat today and still be able to exercise without passing out?” Then I gained weight, got pregnant, gained some more, realized my cholesterol was high enough to fell an ox and lost 25 pounds. Now I’m slightly overweight but very healthy, with a BP of 160/72 and far, far lower cholesterol than I had even during my last marathon.

My transformation was two-fold: first, the cholesterol thing was a real smack in the face, just the wake-up call I needed to get healthier. I’m already on medication for a seizure disorder - did I want to set myself up to be on cholesterol meds for the rest of my life starting at 32? And what about my family?

Then I fell off the wagon again, didn’t like it, so I started reading books to motivate myself. And one day, something in my brain just clicked again. Now I exercise every single day. Similar to Glory with the cookies, if I miss a day, I allow myself far too much leeway to miss another. So I don’t miss any. I’ve gotten to the point where walking, even on hills, is a little too easy, so I’ve begun to run yet again.

I’ve never been a lazy person - growing up, we were taught that your hands should be busy at all times, whether you’re sitting down or not. If you’re watching TV, you’re sewing or folding laundry or ironing or dusting or tidying the room. If you’re passing through a room, there’s always something that needs to be straightened or moved or scrubbed. I do all the handyman-type work in the house, most of the cleaning and cooking and childcare. But motivation to take care of myself is far more difficult to come by than other physical labor. I used to be almost scared of it - if I make myself a priority, does that mean I’m selfish? Does that mean everything else falls by the wayside? What if my husband hates me for it or I neglect my kid?

I’m sure other things will play into it for you, but for me, most of it was mindset - reassuring myself that I’m just as vital and important as everyone else here, so even if taking care of myself is selfish, it’s also necessary and no one can do it but me. Plus, I don’t have to control how everything gets done - my husband can clean the kitchen after dinner and even if it’s not done how I would do it, who cares? It’s still clean and I’ve gotten in a work out. So maybe for you, it’s as simple as understanding that you’re important. I’ve noticed that for women especially, it’s hard to justify taking care of yourself when you feel like you have to take care of everyone else.

22

Some people are fat because they’re weak and lazy, but not all. Conversely some thin people are weak and lazy, but no one seems to care because they’re thin. If you feel weak and lazy, changing your eating habits and activity level might help. If nothing else, it should probably make you feel better, even if you don’t lose much weight or any at all. Get a medical checkup if you haven’t had one recently; despite the current thinking that all overweight people are overweight solely because they sit around all day stuffing Pringles into their maws, it’s possible to have a medical condition that contributes to weight gain–though it may not necessarily be the whole story. If you get easily bored, you will have to work a little harder to find exercise or healthy foods that you will stick with than someone who could do the same thing every day happily.

23

Some fat people are weak and lazy. Some just aren’t bothered by their weight. Most probably don’t notice they’re getting bigger, or underestimate it until it’s bad enough that they feel helpless. I think most of us know from experience that feeling helpless sucks the motivation right out of you. Also, doing something repeatedly with no obvious results is an extremely difficult routine to stick to. Brushing your teeth, for example, causes an immediate “clean” feeling. But you have to exercise for weeks before you start to lose enough weight to notice, which feels an awful lot like failure.

All you can do is try to stay positive, try to avoid the helpless feeling by getting feedback from people who have tried successfully to lose weight, and try to keep in mind that just because skipping that hamburger or running for 15 minutes on a treadmill doesn’t make you any thinner RIGHT NOW, if you stick with it you’ll feel better soon.

24

Awesome post, olives.

That’s a really interesting thought process. You understand, of course, that it’s ridiculous. But I’m betting not uncommon.

When you board an airplane, they flight attendant instructs you on what to do in case there’s a drop in cabin pressure. The instruction is to put a mask on yourself before putting them on your children. That’s a pretty good philosophy for life in general, I think. The best way to help others is to first help yourself. You come from a position of power and health that way.

25

I totally agree that it’s completely ridiculous and probably not very uncommon. Losing weight is hard. And [broad generalization warning] women heap more guilt on themselves and each other than any single person ever could, whether it’s because of time spent working out, not catering to their family (how do you think there are so many precious snowflakes out there?) or whatever other reason you can think of.[/broad generalization]

My husband is a very supportive man. In no way did he ever expect that I shouldn’t make myself a priority. But in my family when I was a kid, the wife and mother’s needs were always secondary to the “greater good” of the family, whether there was a husband involved or not (my mom was a single mother who had the resources to stay at home). Sheesh, I still get shit for from my family for working outside the home. And if the house is messy, it’s never my husband or kid’s fault - it’s always mine if my mom or dad is here. According to their world view, no matter how much a wife or mother works outside the home, she is solely responsible for the household, not the husband/father or kid, even if they were the people throwing stuff around. But that’s another thread. Suffice to say that time not spent contributing to the family is time wasted. And exercise was never considered a contribution.

One of the ways I got over this is to try to consider my efforts to stay healthy a family contribution as well as much-needed time for me: I figure if my son sees me exercising every day without fail and eating right, he’s more likely to do it himself and consider that the way things are done.

26

You know one now. I exercise because my body needs it to be healthy and strong. But I hate deliberate exercise, hate every single miserable minute of it. Walking extra blocks, taking extra stairs, swimming–all okay. Not wild fun but no burden either. But the jogging, elliptical machines, treadmills, stationary bikes–hate them with a passion. Every minute on them is tedious misery.

27

OK, I should have counted on my earlier statement spurring people to say how much they detest exercise. There’s 1000 ways to exercise, though, of which going to they gym is just one - albeit the most convenient one for a lot of people.

How about hiking? Prior to our baby being born, me and my wife would go hill walking in the Scottish Highlands on Spring / Autumn weekends. Epic, awe-inspiring landscape, challenging weather, serious aerobic workout, companionable way to exercise, visit new places etc etc - who wouldn’t enjoy that? (Don’t answer that one…)

Not everyone lives close to hiking country, but it’s just an example. I guess finding the right form of exercise is what it’s all about.

28

Sorry - hate hiking.

I understand the importance of exercise, so I have tried out many different types of exercise - running, hiking (used to live in the Pacific North West with lots of pretty hiking spots), walking, spin class, tennis lessons, interval training, swimming (as exericse, not just splashing around for fun, which I do like), step class, aerobics, biking, the elliptical and I actively disliked every activity.

That doesn’t mean that I won’t exercise, it just means it’s work, not a “treat.”

29

I used to be very, very heavy. I would go to the gym every day, lose some weight, and eventually stop going because it sucked to have to get into my workout gear, drive to the gym, work out for an hour or two, drive home, etc. It took up WAY too much of my time and it never made me feel any better.

Then I moved from Dallas, where you can’t really get around at all without a car, to NYC where having a car is more of an impediment than anything else. It forced me to exercise as part of my daily routine. If I want to get somewhere I have to either walk there or walk to the train to get there. I climb stairs to get to and from my apartment every day. I wander the city and the parks because everything here is so freaking awesome that I feel the need to be surrounded by it all the time. Over the last year I’ve lost 60 lbs. I am still heavy but not NEARLY as heavy as I was before I moved. Based on my experience I have to say that fitting the activity into your daily routine is the way to go. I can’t forget to work out today because my workout routine is my day to day life. Buy a bicycle and use that to get around instead of your car whenever possible. Do you work close to home? You can walk the distance instead of driving. For me this kind of thing was much easier than forcing myself to go to the gym every day.

30

IMHO, exercise definitely needs to be part of your regular routine, and it really needs to be something you enjoy. People who take up exercise “to lose some weight” are the ones who don’t stick with it for long. It is the ones who exercise because they enjoy it that stay with it.

I recommend not only trying many and different sports and activities, but finding someone to do it with (preferably, someone you like spending time with).

Perhaps you need to look at this as teaching your son that kids and husbands helping keep up the house is also the way things are done. Really wouldn’t want him growing up thinking that the grandparents’ thinking is acceptable.

31

The problem is motivation and reinforcement schedules. The least motivating reinforcement schedule is one where all the pain is now and the payoff far into the future. This is why dieting is so hard. Also eating is fun now and most of the worst consequences are years away. This is why eating right is so hard.
In order to break this equilibrium you must change reinforcement schedules.
Get a scale and give it to a friend. Write a check for an amount that would hurt to lose but not bankrupt you. Give the friend the check and tell them I will weigh myself once a week in front of you and if I do not lose weight that week cash the check and give it to a charity I don’t agree with. Once you reach your goal weight, rip up the check. Also every week you lose weight give yourself a non-food reward.

32

That, too. Even at two, my son already has a couple of very simple chores. I’ve also delegated to his dad, who noted, “Overly, if you don’t let me clean because you do it faster, I’ll never learn to do it any faster than I do it now.” I still do most of the housework and virtually all cooking, but I’m slowly learning to let go and get others in on the action - maybe by the time my son has solid memories of us, I will have recovered from being a total control freak.

As a result of my husband and son taking on household duties, my mother refers to me as The General. Eh, I figure if I get a rep for being the family hard-ass, maybe they’ll lay off out of fear. :wink:

33

Your evolutionary heritage. Humans are not well adapted to a permanent abundance of food. We have evolved extremely powerful instincts and impulses that say eat. Some people’s urge to eat is stronger than others’, but most people don’t have the willpower to resist these impulses without considerable help. That is why in wealthy nations where cheap calories are freely available, most people are overweight.

34

Personal example: I’m really fat, and my brother is really thin. He doesn’t have any more willpower than I do. He likes junk food just as much as I do. Sometimes he gets into exercising regularly, but only if it’s fun exercise. Sometimes he just sits around. Our personalities are actually quite similar. But whereas I always clean my plate, he rarely finishes a meal. Although he eats often, he typically eats half of what he takes and then feels full. He’s also very picky about his food, and often doesn’t finish it because he decides he doesn’t like it. I’ve concluded that the only reason he’s thin and I’m fat is that he doesn’t like to eat as much as I do.

35

Hello,

I’ve always struggled with my weight but lately I think I may have figured out how to motivate myself.

First of all, I eat well. I eat three meals a day, without fail. I do keep track of what I eat on mydailyplate.com where I have my calorie goal set for one pound weight loss per week. I don’t care if I lose a pound every week and I may have one or two days where I go 100-200 over my calorie limit. I try to bargain a little with myself- I know I’m having pork chops and corn tonight, so I had a light breakfast, a moderate lunch (about 400 cal. lunch- which was quite tasty itself) and will have a very delicious bbq meal to look forward too with no guilt. I may have to skip my wine spritzer tonight though :(. No biggie.

Anyways- by eating foods I like, trading their calories for a lighter meal before or after, I don’t feel that anything is “off limits”. Everything must be documented, but it’s not forbidden. I try to eat plenty of salads, veggies- never could be bothered about fruit though. I don’t eat out as much as I used too, but don’t feel I have to deny myself as long as I eat reasonable portion sizes. I spend alot of time outside on the weekend/walking or hiking- and at least three days a week I try to burn about 200 calories at the gym doing treadmill or stairmaster. I don’t love exercise, but with a good song list, it’s a quick 30 minutes.

I started out really low key in March, I hadn’t joined the gym yet but I started taking a 30 minute walk at lunch every day. The first two weeks it was hard to make it a habit, but after a while, I felt like it was something I “had” to do, like brushing my teeth. I joined the gym this summer when it got too hot for lunch and an added bonus to the weight I’ve lost (about 30 lbs since I started) is that my legs and butt are looking pretty dang good, at least according to the BF :).

I call it my “non-diet diet”- I find it so much easier to control my eating if I know I can have a reasonable portion size of foods I like. The exercise makes me feel better and also helps even out the days I "fudge " a little.

This is a good book as far as the “weak willpower” thing goes,:

36

I actually had a nice prose-filled paragraph typed. I read through it a while and decided it sounded pretentious and long-winded.

I’ve never understood the mystique and magic people place around body composition changes. For the vast, vast majority of the population (“everybody”) undesired bodyfat has everything to do with lacking willpower.

If you want to eat chocolate cake - eat chocolate cake and be fat. More power to you - fuck whatever strangers you’ll never meet think of you.

If you want to be skinny, don’t eat chocolate cake. Eat some chicken and go excercise instead. Or eat some chocolate cake, mark it into your food log (you are keeping one, right?) then eat your chicken and go excercise. How does it go? Self-discipline requires self-denial? If you’re that unhappy about your appearance but unwilling to do what’s required, weak and lazy seems to be a pretty good description.

On a more positive note, I will mention that high-intensity weight lifting is one of the most metabolically challenging things you can do and excellent for burning calories. It also keeps your muscles stronger and once your two weeks of muscle-burning agony wears off, I’ve found that it confers most of those positive excercisey qualities you seem to be missing.

37

That’s part of it, and part of it is food can make you high in a sense. It’s a cheap high and since lots of folks struggle with food, you figure why should you be any different. Food is a reward, a comfort, a habit, a commonality among all people, my best friend and my worst enemy. I am trying to eat more healthfully and avoiding certain foods does keep me more level and less likely to binge, but I figure it’s just a matter of time before I backslide, no matter all the positive things coming from being less heavy. Food is just everywhere and if you let it it will take over. As they say in OA and other programs, eternal vigilance is the price of sobriety. Sometimes it’s very tiring to do something eternally.

38

Missed my edit window, but I should mention;

You (we?) should ALL be eating six meals a day. More protein, more unsaturated fat, more fiber, less carbs. The huge insulin spike from the typical western dinner before bedtime means you awaken hypoglycemic and pissed off. And probably a little fatter.

And fish oil, fish oil, fish oil. Probably the most profound day-to-day quality of life increase was when I started supplementing high levels of Omaga-3 FAs. Thee caps with each meal does nicely for me - but remember, six meals!

39

Wow, there are so many great replies here!

Last night, when I posted it, I was feeling very bad about myself. I’ve been feeling like I’ve lost hope. I’m also scared because food is my only friend. And I mean that literally. I don’t have even one friend. Not one person in the world who calls me to ask how I am and if I want to do anything.

How do I cope with losing my one friend? What can I replace it with?

40

I don’t eat breakfast. I drink my coffee black, usually 3 or four cups a weekday.

I usually have soup and sandwich for lunch, with a tomato (or V8-type) juice.

Supper is mostly a traditional home-cooked meal.

I don’t snack. I honestly don’t snack.

I walk the dog. I sometimes ski. I sometimes golf. I usually work my ass off around the house, and I have two kids to keep up with.

I like my beer, but given the rest of my activities this is how I keep my weight in complete control. I’m 46, 5’8", about 160 lbs, and feel pretty great!