# Are flowers after a first date too soon? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 17, 2003, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-flowers-after-a-first-date-too-soon/161980 "2003-03-17T13:20:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-flowers-after-a-first-date-too-soon/161980/21 "2003-03-17T17:30:07Z")
I meant to put this in the above post; sorry. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Phlosphr \* > \*\*If she’s 29 I’d say flowers for the second date would be most appropriate. \*\* My date, and the aforementioned female friends, were at or near that age. I think they all disagreed. And just to clarify, they were carnations. It would be a fine thing if all women echoed **FaerieBeth** ’s sentiment, but I suppose everyone’s different. ---
**Author:** ![Sue\_Duhnym](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@Sue\_Duhnym](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sue_Duhnym)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-flowers-after-a-first-date-too-soon/161980/22 "2003-03-17T17:34:27Z")
Well, the first time I got flowers from my husband was the morning after the first time we had sex (date five or six). It was a single rose, delivered. I thought it was absolutely hilarious and a little cheesy but I still have the card that came with it, nine years later. YMMV ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-flowers-after-a-first-date-too-soon/161980/23 "2003-03-17T17:49:22Z")
I’m 29, and I’m with the “don’t bring flowers too soon” crowd. Your intentions are good, but there’s a chance it’ll be misinterpreted. Many girls have gone out with or know other people who have gone out with freaky guys. Freaky guys will bring flowers to convey messages like “even though I don’t really know you, see how much I’m willing to pay to make you happy? Let’s have sex!” or “I love you now, soon we’ll be married.” Even though you’re not a freaky guy, you have to avoid any similarity to them in the early stages. Also, the flowers will seem more sincere and special after you’ve gone out a few more times. ---
**Author:** ![flyboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/4da419/32.png) [@flyboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flyboy)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-flowers-after-a-first-date-too-soon/161980/24 "2003-03-17T19:36:37Z")
The funny thing is, **ChuckForbin** , this was part of my rationale. I mean, for the females, don’t you like getting flowers at work? Wouldn’t it brighten up your day? And **Giraffe** , you sort of pegged what I was debating. See, I’m sort of competing with a couple other guys. My gut tells me she doesn’t think I’m a freak and that she’d react in a good way to getting flowers. And hopefully this would help me sort of break out from the pack, so to speak. It was a bet I was willing to make before this thread, anyway. **jeevmon** , we did share a very nice kiss at the end of the date. Had she not had to leave suddenly (_not_ one of those emergency escape maneuvers), it may have been more. **Sue** , I’m assuming from what you wrote that if had he given you flowers (not a single rose) after the first date, you would have also thought it cheesy? **Duke** , sorry to hear your story. I think I’m going to average all this advice out and give her flowers on date #3. If she reacts badly, then so be it. ---
**Author:** ![ruadh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d2c977/32.png) [@ruadh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ruadh)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-flowers-after-a-first-date-too-soon/161980/25 "2003-03-17T19:43:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Phlosphr \* > \*\*The only reason I mention age, is because some more inexperienced women may take it as being waaaay to soon, but someone who is more mature may look at it like a kind gesture… \*\* FTR, I’m almost 33. ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-flowers-after-a-first-date-too-soon/161980/26 "2003-03-17T20:51:54Z")
I would be weirded out by a dozen rozes arriving on my doorstep after one date, but if you turned up for a second date with a few carnations, say, I would not be offended at all. I LOVE flowers. I hated having to tell my ex to not give me flowers because my cat would eat them! I’ll be 27 Friday, if that has any bearing on this. ---
**Author:** ![Magickly\_Delicious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magickly\_Delicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magickly_Delicious)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-flowers-after-a-first-date-too-soon/161980/27 "2003-03-17T21:24:18Z")
Roses are too much this early. Maybe you could bring her some carnations on the next date. Ooh! Or you could bring her some daffodils! Aren’t Daffodil Days soon? You’d bring her flowers _and_ contribute to an important charity. I know that would impress me, anyway. ---
**Author:** ![siberia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/siberia/32/9129_2.png) [@siberia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/siberia)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-flowers-after-a-first-date-too-soon/161980/28 "2003-03-17T21:26:00Z")
> [@](#): > > My gut tells me she doesn’t think I’m a freak and that she’d react in a good way to getting flowers. And hopefully this would help me sort of break out from the pack, so to speak. It was a bet I was willing to make before this thread, anyway. > [@](#): > > jeevmon, we did share a very nice kiss at the end of the date. Had she not had to leave suddenly (not one of those emergency escape maneuvers), it may have been more. Taking the above statements into consideration and being a woman I think that sending flowers (agreed, no roses…a lovely orchid would be a nice touch) would be appropriate after a first date. Go with your gut feeling…😉 Siberia ---
**Author:** ![In\_Conceivable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/4bbf92/32.png) [@In\_Conceivable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/In_Conceivable)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-flowers-after-a-first-date-too-soon/161980/29 "2003-03-17T21:42:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Duke \* > \*\*I brought flowers on a second date. The date went well, I thought…but she never spoke to me again, either phone or e-mail. When I related the story of the date to a couple of female friends, they nearly retched when I told them I’d brought flowers. One of them said gently, “Well, at least you know for the next time.” > > I thought I was being nice, but apparently I was wrong. \*\* Huh? You did a nice thing. The girl was a jerk. How was it your fault? I for one would love it if a man brought me flowers on a first or second date. Not Two-Dozen-Roses-I-Must-Have-You-Or-Die flowers but a few inexpensive flowers would be nice. ---
**Author:** ![ChuckForbin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@ChuckForbin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChuckForbin)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-flowers-after-a-first-date-too-soon/161980/30 "2003-03-17T21:48:23Z")
I think I may have worded my response a bit poorly. Your situation made me recall an incident where a woman at work had mentioned she was going on a first date that night, and when flowers arrived the next morning, we all assumed a night of passion. We had fun with it, and she did too, but in other work environments it might make her uncomfortable. That was my point - don’t send her flowers at work. Dating advice from me should be taken with a grain of salt. I’m handsome, wealthy, witty, and wise. And I spend a lot of Saturday nights watching Columbo reruns. I really like Columbo, though. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-flowers-after-a-first-date-too-soon/161980/31 "2003-03-17T21:52:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by flyboy88 \* > **And Giraffe, you sort of pegged what I was debating. See, I’m sort of competing with a couple other guys. My gut tells me she doesn’t think I’m a freak and that she’d react in a good way to getting flowers. And hopefully this would help me sort of break out from the pack, so to speak. It was a bet I was willing to make before this thread, anyway.** I like the idea of giving her flowers on date #3. Having flowers delivered is a way bigger deal than bringing them with you to the date. As for the competition thing, my experience is that having other guys interested in her means it’s even more important that above all you come across as confident and self-assured. Make it clear you like her, but don’t fall all over yourself trying to be the most devoted of her suitors. It’s often true that past a certain point, the more of a fuss you make over her on the first few dates, the less you’ll respect you. (i…e why would you try so hard for someone you don’t really know, if you weren’t sort of desperate?) So focus on being charming while still playing it cool. Bringing flowers on the third date is charming, and will go over well. I myself am confident that you will prevail. ---
**Author:** ![mcms\_cricket](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@mcms\_cricket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mcms_cricket)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-flowers-after-a-first-date-too-soon/161980/32 "2003-03-17T21:56:40Z")
OK, I may be one of the few Lone Voices of Dissent here, but oh well. I think that flowers after the first date can be OK. It all depends on how the date went and the vibes. However, definitely not roses, but a very small bouquet of flowers (the gerbera daisy idea was a good one) can be a good thing - a sort of confirmation that you had a good time. I think it’s all in what you put on the card - that’s what could make the difference between sweet - creepy - and coming-on-too-strong. Just a little note saying “I had a nice time, thank you” should be OK. Now, I’m basing all this on the fact that you said the date went well, you both had fun, you think she’d like the flowers, etc. I think it’s too bad that we ladies sometimes immediately assume “weird” “creepy” or “too much too fast” for something like this. Understandable, but too bad. I will also add that I had a first date (we’d gone out in a group but not by ourselves) with a guy four days before Valentines Day. On Valentines Day I found a typical Valentines Day bouquet outside my door with a card that basically said “I had a great time and I hope you’ll come out with me again sometime.” My first reaction was “wow, he DID have a good time too!” I still have the card - still have the guy, too. We just celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary. Cricket ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-flowers-after-a-first-date-too-soon/161980/33 "2003-03-17T22:21:47Z")
Geez, I would have taken flowers anytime!!! Maybe I’m too old-fashioned in my thinking. I think bringing flowers for a second date sounds lovely though. My suggestion is don’t have them delivered. ---
**Author:** ![Contrary](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/db5fbb/32.png) [@Contrary](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrary)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-flowers-after-a-first-date-too-soon/161980/34 "2003-03-17T23:06:52Z")
I went on a date that was ok (not great, and not the start of something cool). The next day he sent a dozen roses to my office. That was definitely way too much way too soon – and it confirmed my initial decision not to go out with him again. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-flowers-after-a-first-date-too-soon/161980/35 "2003-03-18T00:19:21Z")
I have had 2 GF that told me that flowers delivered after the first "night of passion’ was to be expected. But after the first date? No. However, a well done single rose “mini- bouquet” handed to her at the next date is very nice. I found a “single rose” worked well even on a first “real” date. Flowers at work? Anniversery or Birthday, or Valentines- after you are a well known & aknowledged “item”. But note- I buy flowers sometimes “just because”. I’ll admit they are those you get from Safeway, but still… ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-flowers-after-a-first-date-too-soon/161980/36 "2003-03-18T00:36:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by In Conceivable \* > **Huh? You did a nice thing. The girl was a jerk. How was it your fault?** I don’t think I did anything wrong, but apparently my female friends thought it was “creepy” to bring flowers so early. Yes, it was a jerkish thing for her to abruptly stop speaking and returning e-mail, but I’d already experienced that with the last two women I’d dated in LA, and I figured it was just par for the course. Believe me, far worse things have happened. **flyboy** , I guess my advice would be, go ahead with the flowers by date #3. By that time, you (both) should have a pretty good idea of how you feel about each other. If there’s something there, she’ll take the flowers as a kind gesture. If there isn’t, flowers couldn’t hurt things any more. Keep in mind that I’m not **Manda JO** , so take my advice with a grain of salt. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-flowers-after-a-first-date-too-soon/161980/37 "2003-03-18T02:31:53Z")
I think a 29 year old woman would be more freaked by flowers after the first date than a 22 year old one. She’s old enough to have had at least one weirdo stalker boyfriend that came on too strong and then didn’t stop calling. Flowers at work means she will now need to explain to everyone at work the details of her love life. And if it doesn’t work out between you, why it didn’t. It may seem easier to her to cut her losses and dump you when the flowers arrive (“oh, they are from this weird guy I went out with.”) I got flowers at work for the first time this year on valentines day from my husband. We’ve been married going on eight years. But, my boyfriend before my husband was one of those stalker guys from hell who sent me flowers for months after I dumped him - his previous girlfriend had been a “flowers are necessary every time I get mad at you, which is all the time whether you did something to deserve it or not” kind of girlfriend, so we are both a little flower adverse. Go ahead and bring flowers - even to the next date. It will seem “sweet.” But definately a casual boquet. I’d recommend tulips at this time of year. ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-flowers-after-a-first-date-too-soon/161980/38 "2003-03-18T02:42:18Z")
Never! Maybe not red roses, if things didn’t go swimmingly, but flowers are always a good thing! Email me if you need advice. ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 10:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-flowers-after-a-first-date-too-soon/161980/39 "2003-03-18T10:49:06Z")
Personally, I’d think flowers after a first night would be a nice touch. There was a fellow who brought me a rose before the first date, and, while I admit I dumped him partway through the second, it had nothing to do with the flowers and everything to do with his complete lack of conversation. Yes, I told him that. My one cavil about bringing flowers to a date is the logistics. The person who’s receiving them has to find a vase, but water in it, and put the flowers in it, trimming the stems, etc. If you’re going to bring flowers to a date, I’d say make it a small bouquet which is already in a vase. As to what getting flowers at work implies, in my workplace they’d better not imply sleeping with someone – I got flowers there last Monday, my first day on the job, and they were from the bosses! 😃 CJ ---
**Author:** ![djsteve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6bbea6/32.png) [@djsteve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/djsteve)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2014, 9:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-flowers-after-a-first-date-too-soon/161980/40 "2014-11-23T09:53:46Z")
We just had a first date but have known each other for a while and also work together (both jobs). The date was amazing and we both want to get to know each other much better. She had mentioned the previous night a friend had come into the bar where she works to introduce her to the man she was on a 2nd date with. She said it was so sweet how he sent her flowers after the first date. Based on that information, I wanted to send her flowers to let her know I had a great time and look forward to seeing much more of her. 1. Do you think this is a good idea? 2. If so, what kind? 3. What do you think about sending them to the bar we both work at? (kids are involved so would rather let her to decide to tell them about the flowers than a delivery man at her home) I do not want to scare her away but want to let her know she is special. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-flowers-after-a-first-date-too-soon/161980.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-flowers-after-a-first-date-too-soon/161980.md?page=3)