# Are gay men really given over to bizarre sexual practices? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [June 4, 2004, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-gay-men-really-given-over-to-bizarre-sexual-practices/248544 "2004-06-04T00:30:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-gay-men-really-given-over-to-bizarre-sexual-practices/248544/1 "2004-06-04T00:30:18Z")
Of course, some people will regard any form of gay sex as a “bizarre sexual practice” in and of itself, but that’s not what I’m talking about. This is not an anti-gay thread. I’m simply trying to assess the truth, if any, of a widespread cultural stereotype. In the Kids in the Hall comedy _Brain Candy,_ one of the minor characters is a suburban husband and father who is completely in denial about his homosexuality, even though he habitually masturbates to gay porn, etc. At one point the police bust a bunch of guys having gay sex in a public park restroom, and this guy is the only one they manage to catch. They take him home, naked and handcuffed. His wife asks, “Did you have to cuff him?” One cop replies, “Well, actually, ma’am, the handcuffs were his idea.” That kind of thing. The audience will always laugh. It’s a cliche that a gay guy will be much more likely than a straight guy to be given over to such outre tastes as B&D, D&S, S&M, fetishes, water sports, coprophilia, etc., etc. Is there any truth at all to this? Or is like assuming blacks have natural rythm? I’m not asking about lesbians – the lifestyles are so different that any discussion of them would belong in a different thread. At least, I think they are. At any rate, I don’t think the same weird-sex stereotype exists about lesbians. ---
**Author:** ![Zagadka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zagadka/32/7272_2.png) [@Zagadka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zagadka)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-gay-men-really-given-over-to-bizarre-sexual-practices/248544/2 "2004-06-04T00:33:33Z")
You could just say “fetish” instead of “bizarre sexual practices” Generally, no, but the gay community is, understandably, more open and upfront with their “perversions.” Thus, the popular image of the gay/BDSM biker bar. ---
**Author:** ![pervert](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbe5ce/32.png) [@pervert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pervert)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-gay-men-really-given-over-to-bizarre-sexual-practices/248544/3 "2004-06-04T00:44:26Z")
I should start with the disclaimer that I do not think _any_ sexual practices are bizarre except in the sense that some are only practiced by a few. I think that the stereotyp is probably just that. It may be true for some, but not for enough to say that “gay men are given over to bizarre…”. However, I can propose one possibility for the reason why this particular stereotype has survived so long. The simple fact that gay men are not easily recognizable. They cannot (in most societies) simply walk up to another male and propisition him. This has 2 results. First, it leads to unusual behavior on the part of some gay men to identify themselves. Secondly, it leads the rest of us to remember those sorts of behaviors in order to fool ourselves into thinking that we can identify gay men by identifying such behavior. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-gay-men-really-given-over-to-bizarre-sexual-practices/248544/4 "2004-06-04T00:44:41Z")
Men are more likely to have fetishes, period. So gay men are more likely to be able to hook up with like-minded partners. ---
**Author:** ![Freyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freyr/32/5763_2.png) [@Freyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freyr)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-gay-men-really-given-over-to-bizarre-sexual-practices/248544/5 "2004-06-04T00:44:43Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > It’s a cliche that a gay guy will be much more likely than a straight guy to be given over to such outre tastes as B&D, D&S, S&M, fetishes, water sports, coprophilia, etc., etc. Is there any truth at all to this? Or is like assuming blacks have natural rythm? In my experience, it’s pretty much a myth. IE: the sexual practices of gay men are no more bizarre or unusual than those of straight men. I run a website that deals with a very particular and “bizarre” fetish. Most people haven’t even heard of it. If you really want to know, email me privately and I’ll send you the URL. One of the more surprising facts I discovered after having it on the web is that a number of straight men have the same fantasy. In fact, it appears that approximately 50% of the regular visitors to the site are straight men. While the site focuses on the gay aspect of the fantasy (men doing it to other men) many straight men visit it to enjoy the stories and pictures and envision themselves as the “receiptient” of the fantasy, usually having it done to them by women. _shrug_ Whatever trips your trigger, I suppose. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-gay-men-really-given-over-to-bizarre-sexual-practices/248544/6 "2004-06-04T00:47:35Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > Men are more likely to have fetishes, period. What do you base this on? ---
**Author:** ![pervert](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbe5ce/32.png) [@pervert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pervert)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-gay-men-really-given-over-to-bizarre-sexual-practices/248544/7 "2004-06-04T00:48:12Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > Men are more likely to have fetishes, period. Is that really true, or is it possible that men are more likely to have identified their own fetishes. Or perhaps that men are simply more likely to act on them? ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-gay-men-really-given-over-to-bizarre-sexual-practices/248544/8 "2004-06-04T14:23:41Z")
I think this is just prejudice and projection, **BG**. Like when you finally learn the name of a new actor, or something, and suddenly you see them everywhere. It’s not that they are suddenly more ubiquitous; it’s just your awareness of them that creates that illusion. The ONLY thing that gay men have in common with one another is that they tend to cluster at one end of the Kinsey scale (or whatever it’s called). Period. Otherwise, they’re just as individual as lefthanders or Englishmen. I’m a gay man with SPECTACULARLY vanilla sexual tastes. Any assumptions to the contrary are illfounded and aggressively smallminded. ---
**Author:** ![scule](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@scule](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scule)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-gay-men-really-given-over-to-bizarre-sexual-practices/248544/9 "2004-06-04T14:37:42Z")
Well, I don’t know if this qualifies as a fetish or bizarre type of sex, but I’ve read a lot of research on HIV and gay men (it’s my job) and one of the most significant issues that keeps coming up with regards to HIV risk behaviours is the inordinately high rates of illegal drug use among gay men, in particular, poppers (amyl nitrates). Apparently poppers significantly increase the “power”, if you will, of orgasm and if I’m not mistaken also dilate the anus (though I’d have to look that up). Random sampling of gay men from various areas (community groups, bars, universities, telephone surveys, etc) has continually shown this to be the case. Whether that contributes to “bizarre” fetishes and what not, I don’t know, but it does exist (and contributes to HIV transmission). ---
**Author:** ![stpauler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@stpauler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stpauler)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-gay-men-really-given-over-to-bizarre-sexual-practices/248544/10 "2004-06-04T14:39:18Z")
IMO, it seems more acceptible in the gay community to practice and advertise practicing these fetishes. I’m not going to assume I know the ins and outs of the straight sex scene at all, but I don’t think the hanky code has been used as widely as it has (had) been used in the gay community. I also see a larger amount of gay leather bars as opposed to straight ones. Straight/omnisexual dating websites tend not to include sexual proclivities whereas the larger gay ones, [gay.com](http://www.gay.com) for instance, have check boxes for Leather, S&M etc. It would seem safe to me to extrapolate the facts that gays are at least more comfortable being open about these fetishes even if an equal number of straight people have them. ---
**Author:** ![Zagadka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zagadka/32/7272_2.png) [@Zagadka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zagadka)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-gay-men-really-given-over-to-bizarre-sexual-practices/248544/11 "2004-06-04T14:41:42Z")
> [@lissener](#): > > I think this is just prejudice and projection, **BG**. Like when you finally learn the name of a new actor, or something, and suddenly you see them everywhere. It’s not that they are suddenly more ubiquitous; it’s just your awareness of them that creates that illusion. > > The ONLY thing that gay men have in common with one another is that they tend to cluster at one end of the Kinsey scale (or whatever it’s called). Period. Otherwise, they’re just as individual as lefthanders or Englishmen. > > I’m a gay man with SPECTACULARLY vanilla sexual tastes. Any assumptions to the contrary are illfounded and aggressively smallminded. Well said, I think that sums it up very nicely. I would still like to challenge that it is men who have more fetishes, though. Women have plenty of kinkiness in them. I think, socially, they keep it more restrained, though. We are saturated with men’s sexual interests daily, but women’s sexual interest is more subdued. Whereas we might see a bevy of shapely young ladies in bikinis in a beer commercial, we aren’t seeing men with throbbing muscles wearing speedos all too much on TV (largely because that isn’t necessarily what all women/gay men are interested in seeing). We see a lot of “handsome” men, but then, the men in men’s commercials are usually handsome, as well. So basically, women’s fetishness and kinkiness is there, it is just subdued. There are plenty of women into BDSM, leather, latex, anal, feet, or pretty much everything else you can think of. Besides, they get all of the fun sex toys. ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-gay-men-really-given-over-to-bizarre-sexual-practices/248544/12 "2004-06-04T14:44:03Z")
A thought that was only half-formed when I posted the above: Once you go through the process of learning that you’re “different” from everyone else in highschool; that you’re a _bad person_, according to the culture that surrounds you; and then must come to embrace the difference that makes you bad in order to have some basic human dignity and to prove to yourself that your \*not \* bad–well, if that difference is merely sexual, then by the time you’ve come through that process, you’ve learned to be–you’ve \*had \* to be–more open about your sexuality than most other people are ever forced to be, then you’re less likely to be repressed or shameful about discussing any other sexual subject. So as was noted above, just because gay men have come to be more open about discussing any fetishes they may have in no way suggests that they’re more likely to \*have \* more fetishes. An examination of Victorian literature indicates that, indeed, the opposite is very likely true. ---
**Author:** ![Mycroft\_Holmes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a5b964/32.png) [@Mycroft\_Holmes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mycroft_Holmes)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-gay-men-really-given-over-to-bizarre-sexual-practices/248544/13 "2004-06-04T14:52:28Z")
> [@pervert](#): > > I should start with the disclaimer that I do not think _any_ sexual practices are bizarre except in the sense that some are only practiced by a few. Why doesn’t this surprise me, coming from a guy called **pervert**? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![ouryL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ouryl/32/6067_2.png) [@ouryL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ouryL)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-gay-men-really-given-over-to-bizarre-sexual-practices/248544/14 "2004-06-04T23:22:08Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > Of course, some people will regard any form of gay sex as a “bizarre sexual practice” in and of itself, but that’s not what I’m talking about. This is not an anti-gay thread. I’m simply trying to assess the truth, if any, of a widespread cultural stereotype. In the Kids in the Hall comedy _Brain Candy,_ one of the minor characters is a suburban husband and father who is completely in denial about his homosexuality, even though he habitually masturbates to gay porn, etc. At one point the police bust a bunch of guys having gay sex in a public park restroom, and this guy is the only one they manage to catch. They take him home, naked and handcuffed. His wife asks, “Did you have to cuff him?” One cop replies, “Well, actually, ma’am, the handcuffs were his idea.” That kind of thing. > The audience will always laugh. It’s a cliche that a gay guy will be much more likely than a straight guy to be given over to such outre tastes as B&D, D&S, S&M, fetishes, water sports, coprophilia, etc., etc. Is there any truth at all to this? Or is like assuming blacks have natural rythm? > > I’m not asking about lesbians – the lifestyles are so different that any discussion of them would belong in a different thread. At least, I think they are. At any rate, I don’t think the same weird-sex stereotype exists about lesbians. I dunno. The obsession str8 men have with breasts are positively incestuous. ---
**Author:** ![pervert](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbe5ce/32.png) [@pervert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pervert)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-gay-men-really-given-over-to-bizarre-sexual-practices/248544/15 "2004-06-04T23:46:47Z")
> [@ouryL](#): > > I dunno. The obsession str8 men have with breasts are positively incestuous. I assume you mean that the obsession is relative in a good way? Os is that just me. ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2004, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-gay-men-really-given-over-to-bizarre-sexual-practices/248544/16 "2004-06-05T00:33:12Z")
> [@lissener](#): > > I’m a gay man with SPECTACULARLY vanilla sexual tastes. . 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2004, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-gay-men-really-given-over-to-bizarre-sexual-practices/248544/17 "2004-06-06T00:23:29Z")
> [@lissener](#): > > I’m a gay man with SPECTACULARLY vanilla sexual tastes. I hear you. But isn’t “spectacularly vanilla” kind of oxymoronic? You know, like “mighty weak” or “jumbo shrimp.” ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2004, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-gay-men-really-given-over-to-bizarre-sexual-practices/248544/18 "2004-06-06T20:10:14Z")
Or “military intelligence.” ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2004, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-gay-men-really-given-over-to-bizarre-sexual-practices/248544/19 "2004-06-08T19:35:59Z")
> [@stpauler](#): > > … gays are at least more comfortable being open about these fetishes even if an equal number of straight people have them. Sounds about right to me. Esprix