# Are girls during school years prone to be "bitchy"? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [March 20, 2016, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-girls-during-school-years-prone-to-be-bitchy/749681 "2016-03-20T19:02:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2016, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-girls-during-school-years-prone-to-be-bitchy/749681/21 "2016-03-22T02:46:44Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > Perhaps related. > \*\* > My “hypothesis” is that men compete with other men. Women see other women as competition.\*\* > > Add the numerous disclaimers here… I’m not seeing much difference here. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![spamforbrains](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@spamforbrains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spamforbrains)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2016, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-girls-during-school-years-prone-to-be-bitchy/749681/22 "2016-03-22T03:10:14Z")
> [@](#): > > Anecdotally, as a little girl, I was a little on the weird side and I was not popular. But the only kids who _ever_ teased me (and I’m talking kindergarten through high school here) were boys. And no, they didn’t secretly like me, they just had fun teasing me. I’d call that “bitchy”. YMMV. > > As an adult, I’ve enjoyed working with both men and women. ditto. Teenage boys can be nasty. I’ve never encountered anything but support from girls and women. ---
**Author:** ![T.M](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ad7895/32.png) [@T.M](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/T.M)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2016, 9:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-girls-during-school-years-prone-to-be-bitchy/749681/23 "2016-03-22T09:23:41Z")
> [@Kimstu](#): > > ? What “matter” is being “settled” when mean boys beat up weaker boys just for fun? > > ISTM that this is another example of **subtle “erasure of bitchiness” in descriptions of boy behavior.** > > The implication is that physical aggression between boys is typically just an honest and mutual “settling of matters”, whereas in reality it’s often just one boy bullying another for no good reason. That behavior would be called “bitchy” if girls were engaging in it. Bullies are universally despised they may be feared but never respected. As a boy I lived in social housing and was a part of a group of lads that probably run on the lines of a pack rather than a gang with its criminal implications, Yes there was an Alpha male who kept order and if you challenged him you got thumped to bring you back in line. It is to easy to mistake play fighting with in a group as bullying this is how you learn to stand up for yourself and those around you, far from bullying the weaker boys we watched out for them, yes we wrestled with them and sat on them to make them struggle but it worked and as they grew stronger they started to give a good account of them selves. ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2016, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-girls-during-school-years-prone-to-be-bitchy/749681/24 "2016-03-22T11:54:04Z")
> [@GlowingDarkness](#): > > I am male who went to a single sex school. I didn’t really enjoy the fact boys were mean because I was not the most normal kid. I would have preferred going to a mixed school and tried to make friends with girls but people kept on saying that girls were “bitchy” and could be more vicious than boys? > > Is this really true and if so what’s the cause? Is it socializing, genetic, or a mixture of both? So - you have an answer: nah, girls/women aren’t any more vicious vs. boys/men, just a different kind of vicious. But if you are no longer at school, there is no reason you can’t interact with women and see what you experience directly. ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2016, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-girls-during-school-years-prone-to-be-bitchy/749681/25 "2016-03-22T11:58:29Z")
> [@Buck\_Godot](#): > > Admittedly what follows is random speculation without anything other than possibly stereotypes to back it up. > > Bullies exist at that age among both sexes as the desire to gain status and self esteem by pushing down others is universal. But boys are more likely to bully others around them with physical aggression while girls are more likely to do so with social aggression. I think this might be correct. But I think most of the other posts describing the “differences” between male and female unpleasant behavior are just making Kimstu’s point. Have none of seen men murmuring in a quiet corner about how catty some woman is? After leaving the schoolyard, and the option of physical aggression behind, the only real difference in behavior between the sexes that I have seen is that a man’s is respected more. > [@tomndebb](#): > > … > Possibly due to the threat of physical violence, (and workplace rules prohibiting it), men do not appear to engage in as many “catty” exchanges as women. > … > Men are quite capable of behaving obnoxiously and expressing contempt or disdain for fellow workers, but it is expressed differently. For example, women might call each other “catty”, with its connotations of pettiness, but men might call each other “contemptuous”, with its connotations of reasoned (if unkind) judgment? > [@billfish678](#): > > My “hypothesis” is that men compete with other men. Women see other women as competition. And the difference is …? ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2016, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-girls-during-school-years-prone-to-be-bitchy/749681/26 "2016-03-22T14:29:59Z")
:smack: > [@T.M](#): > > Yes there was an Alpha male who kept order and if you challenged him you got thumped to bring you back in line. Dude, that’s bullying. > [@](#): > > we wrestled with them and sat on them to make them struggle _That’s bullying._ > [@](#): > > but it worked and as they grew stronger they started to give a good account of them selves. Oh, it was _for their own good_. That’s makes it better, then. Like smacking a kid! Builds character! ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2016, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-girls-during-school-years-prone-to-be-bitchy/749681/27 "2016-03-22T15:04:15Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > I’m not seeing much difference here. :dubious: It is subtle. But think about it awhile. Don’t do a cursory read and think “they say the same thing!”. Instead wonder “How could these two similar sounding sentences mean slightly different things?”. ---
**Author:** ![T.M](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ad7895/32.png) [@T.M](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/T.M)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2016, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-girls-during-school-years-prone-to-be-bitchy/749681/28 "2016-03-22T20:34:53Z")
> [@andros](#): > > :smack: > > Dude, that’s bullying. > > _That’s bullying._ > > Oh, it was _for their own good_. That’s makes it better, then. Like smacking a kid! Builds character! It was just after the second world war when times were hard and violent, we stuck together and got through it. We all took one thing into our adult life and that is to look out for those around us, most of us are now in our seventies and are grand parents. We had to raise our daughters in a high crime area majoring on guns and drugs, their safe upbringing into adult hood was achieved by tough love that made it easier for them to say no to drugs. I now have three fantastic daughters and five wonderful grandchildren. Must have done something right ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2016, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-girls-during-school-years-prone-to-be-bitchy/749681/29 "2016-03-23T00:55:31Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > It is subtle. > > But think about it awhile. Don’t do a cursory read and think “they say the same thing!”. Instead wonder “How could these two similar sounding sentences mean slightly different things?”. Or you could say what you mean. > [@T.M](#): > > It was just after the second world war when times were hard and violent, we stuck together and got through it. We all took one thing into our adult life and that is to look out for those around us, most of us are now in our seventies and are grand parents. We had to raise our daughters in a high crime area majoring on guns and drugs, their safe upbringing into adult hood was achieved by tough love that made it easier for them to say no to drugs. I now have three fantastic daughters and five wonderful grandchildren. Must have done something right Did you thump them when they got out of line, and physically push them around to make them stronger? Because if you did, don’t sneak up on them when they are reminiscing about their childhood. ---
**Author:** ![T.M](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ad7895/32.png) [@T.M](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/T.M)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2016, 8:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-girls-during-school-years-prone-to-be-bitchy/749681/30 "2016-03-23T08:37:31Z")
> [@j666](#): > > Or you could say what you mean. > Did you thump them when they got out of line, and physically push them around to make them stronger? Because if you did, don’t sneak up on them when they are reminiscing about their childhood. Did they get a slap on the leg when they got it wrong? Yes. Did they get a great deal of love and encouragement? Yes. Outside our front door was a big bad world with the crime figure’s to prove it. Were they allowed out to meet their friends? Yes although they always ended up at our house, sleep overs arranged or ad hoc. Were they allowed out clubbing when old enough (17/18)? Yes BUT dads taxi was outside waiting when they came out. My wife and I raised three daughters who have grown into strong woman who are trusted by their friends and are willing to step foreword to help a stranger. ---
**Author:** ![Yersenia\_Pestis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/e495f1/32.png) [@Yersenia\_Pestis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yersenia_Pestis)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2016, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-girls-during-school-years-prone-to-be-bitchy/749681/31 "2016-03-23T23:59:54Z")
Yes ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2016, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-girls-during-school-years-prone-to-be-bitchy/749681/32 "2016-03-24T03:19:26Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > But think about it awhile. Don’t do a cursory read and think “they say the same thing!”. Instead wonder “How could these two similar sounding sentences mean slightly different things?”. There’s no need to be condescending. Just go ahead and explain it. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2016, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-girls-during-school-years-prone-to-be-bitchy/749681/33 "2016-03-24T04:42:57Z")
In my experience, the nastiest bullies are middle school girls. (Probably from ages 11-14). Girls that age can be some of the most hateful people around. It’s a lot of passive-aggressive, behind your back, catty, playing the whole, “one minute we’re friends but now we’re not!” bullshit. And I freely admit to being guilty of it myself a few times. I don’t know if it’s puberty or what. Most of us seemed to have grown out of it by 9th-10th grade. Not always, but middle school is definitely the worst. ---
**Author:** ![T.M](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ad7895/32.png) [@T.M](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/T.M)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2016, 8:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-girls-during-school-years-prone-to-be-bitchy/749681/34 "2016-03-24T08:59:42Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > In my experience, the nastiest bullies are middle school girls. (Probably from ages 11-14). Girls that age can be some of the most hateful people around. It’s a lot of passive-aggressive, behind your back, catty, playing the whole, “one minute we’re friends but now we’re not!” bullshit. And I freely admit to being guilty of it myself a few times. > > I don’t know if it’s puberty or what. Most of us seemed to have grown out of it by 9th-10th grade. Not always, but middle school is definitely the worst. I think you have nailed it puberty is the most probable cause, when my three daughters were at that stage it was like living in the middle of a cat fight (loads of hissing and spitting) left them to sort themselves out unless my wife told me to get involved. ---
**Author:** ![Lorne\_Armstrong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/87869e/32.png) [@Lorne\_Armstrong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lorne_Armstrong)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2016, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-girls-during-school-years-prone-to-be-bitchy/749681/35 "2016-03-25T05:35:46Z")
When I was in jr. high the boys were mean but the girls were meaner. And girls were mean to both girls and boys, where boys were mainly just mean to other boys. If there was another girl who was stunningly beautiful, other girls were jealous of her and mean. And if there was a girl who was particularly unattractive, the girls would be vicious. At least in my experience, the girls were meaner than the boys. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-girls-during-school-years-prone-to-be-bitchy/749681.md?page=1)