# are good-looking guys unattractive? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 7, 2000, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-good-looking-guys-unattractive/12633 "2000-01-07T00:50:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2000, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-good-looking-guys-unattractive/12633/21 "2000-01-07T17:16:00Z")
I am lucky. People seem to find me attractive and smart, and both of those characteristics were all due to genetics. I cannot claim anything but genetics for those traits. But, and it’s been said before, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I wish more people would realize how beautiful they are without worrying about things beyond their control or letting bullshit societal ideals make them feel inadequate. * * * Yer pal, Satan ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2000, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-good-looking-guys-unattractive/12633/22 "2000-01-08T06:08:00Z")
Discussions like this remind me of Holly Hunter’s line in “Always” – “I can’t date a man who looks like I won him in a raffle.” My personal experience is that really attractive men (like really attractive woman) are very aware of how good they look and can be – not qualifying “can” – self-absorbed jerks. I have met a total of one man in my life who was the whole package – really handsome AND smart AND funny AND self-effacing (and, of course, really taken). The guy I’m seeing now – heck, let’s throw caution to the wind, the guy I’m in love with – would never make the cover of GQ. He is a geek with a capital “g”. He’s also hilarious, brilliant, sweet, strong, and, wonder of wonders, worships the ground I walk on. What are wash-board abs in comparison to that? * * * Jodi _Fiat Justitia_ ---
**Author:** ![Kiki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dc4da7/32.png) [@Kiki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kiki)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2000, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-good-looking-guys-unattractive/12633/23 "2000-01-08T06:26:00Z")
I think you have to be attracted to someone first and everything else is secondary. If you’re in a bar, you’re not going to go talk to the ugly person because you think they may have a great personality. You go talk to the good looking person and hope that they have a great personality. It all starts with looks. * * * That John Denver’s full of shit man! ---
**Author:** ![BrainWeasel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@BrainWeasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainWeasel)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2000, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-good-looking-guys-unattractive/12633/24 "2000-01-08T06:35:00Z")
You wanna hear something weird? I don’t, for the most part, “check out” females in the traditional sense. When I first meet someone, I size up how she would feel in a cuddling position. Because of this, I lean away from the anorexic look (they’re just too small, and I’m afraid I might break them), and opt more toward smaller breasts (the big ones can get in the way). About the only body part I admire in itself is hair. I always end up falling for a plain-looking woman with nice hair who isn’t afraid to act five years old and makes puns that churn your stomach. * * * -BrainWeasel Squeaks from BrainWeasel’s Cage [http://brainweasel.home.att.net](http://brainweasel.home.att.net) ---
**Author:** ![Milossarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Milossarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Milossarian)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2000, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-good-looking-guys-unattractive/12633/25 "2000-01-07T19:01:00Z")
As I guy, I obviously have no clue how the female mind works. But I’m beginning to believe it has WAY more to do with a projection of confidence than looks. I recently re-entered the dating scene, and I just SUCK at meeting women. That I live in a rural area, and am picky as hell certainly do not help. 🙂 I would probably be considered above-average-looking, and have a terrific sense of humor, but that seems to not be much help when it comes to initially meeting members of the opposite sex. I have the worst combination a guy can have: shyness and low self-esteem. The former is just the way it is; the latter probably has something to do with being from a broken home, having some disastrous relationships where I was cheated on, blah, blah, blah. Its something you can be conscious of and try to work on, but not something you can instantaneously reverse or “just stop doing,” even if you are aware that it is standing between you and happiness. I would guess it’s about overcoming fear of possible rejection, not making that big of a deal out of occasionally being shot down by someone you express interest in, and exuding confidence and a sense of humor, even if you are just faking the confidence part. Easier said than done, I know, fellas. * * * “You had me at ‘Hell no.’” ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2000, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-good-looking-guys-unattractive/12633/26 "2000-01-07T22:57:00Z")
MY sweetie’s adorable! ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2000, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-good-looking-guys-unattractive/12633/27 "2000-01-08T01:21:00Z")
pardon me for asking, agisofia, but are you a guy or a girl? ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2000, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-good-looking-guys-unattractive/12633/28 "2000-01-08T01:28:00Z")
Milossarian: FWIW, this is a trick I’ve used in my past. I used to be deadly shy around women, and had low self esteem to boot. Then one day I told myself “Just think of asking _this_ girl out as practice for the “real” thing.” It’s not a callous(sp) mind set that I had, simply a little confidence trick I used for the initial approach. If you don’t look at the woman as a “real” date, then you can just be yourself, and actually get to _use_ that great sense of humor to charm her. It’s easyer (at least for me) to ask a woman out after I’ve talked with her for awhile. ## Just my two cents. You say “cheesy” like that’s a **BAD** thing. ---
**Author:** ![brdrcolle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ebca7d/32.png) [@brdrcolle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brdrcolle)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2000, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-good-looking-guys-unattractive/12633/29 "2000-01-08T01:30:00Z")
To me, looks aren’t as important as attitude! “The” attitude is what makes a man sexy. Look at Bruce Willis and Ed Harris. I wouldn’t call either one of them great looking, but wow, they knock my socks off!!! And once the socks are off… * * * “My, my. Such a lot of guns around here and so few brains.” ~Humphrey Bogart in “The Maltese Falcon” ---
**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2000, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-good-looking-guys-unattractive/12633/30 "2000-01-08T02:34:00Z")
…the feet are cold? * * * Yer pal, Satan ---
**Author:** ![fuzzy-wuzzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b38774/32.png) [@fuzzy-wuzzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fuzzy-wuzzy)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2000, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-good-looking-guys-unattractive/12633/31 "2000-01-08T02:36:00Z")
Jodih…you hang on to that man… I’ve found that the more self-confidence a person gains…the better they start to look…I have no idea why…but if someone thinks they aren’t that great looking…and they start dating someone…it’s like…they begin to get this air about them…and they do actually start looking better…maybe it’s a little more pride in appearance…I don’t know…but I’ve seen it happen over and over… * * * “Do or do not, there is no try” - Yoda ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2000, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-good-looking-guys-unattractive/12633/32 "2000-01-08T02:39:00Z")
A few people have made the point here that looks do matter in the sense of _noticing_ someone initially, and I think they’re right. But there’s a difference between that first impression and the kind of attraction that grows. I commiserate with the shyness thing. I’m happiest hugging the walls and just looking on. Meeting people can be so rough. The only thing that’s made it easier is time and my mother’s advice, i.e. self-consciousness is close to selfishnes; quit thinking about yourself and pay attention to the other person. (Mom didn’t mince words.) But even though it’s still hard to do, Mom was right. People can’t be attractive if they aren’t given a chance to shine. A friend said the sweetest and truest thing, dead serious, with no idea of deeper meaning: “It’s strange; all my friends are beautiful.” Bingo. Veb ---
**Author:** ![brdrcolle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ebca7d/32.png) [@brdrcolle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brdrcolle)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2000, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-good-looking-guys-unattractive/12633/33 "2000-01-08T02:41:00Z")
Satan, the feet can definately get cold, especially in the winter, but the rest of the body can get…well…use your imagination ok? (HOT) * * * “My, my. Such a lot of guns around here and so few brains.” ~Humphrey Bogart in “The Maltese Falcon” ---
**Author:** ![John\_Corrado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a88e4f/32.png) [@John\_Corrado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Corrado)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2000, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-good-looking-guys-unattractive/12633/34 "2000-01-08T02:49:00Z")
Milos- I’m sure you’ve heard this advice before, and I’m sure you found it either A) flip, B) stupid or C) impossible to imagine doing. Doesn’t matter; I’ll give you the advice I thought was just as crazy: Stop caring. Swear to above, it worked wonders for me. One day I just said to myself, “Self, if you keep worrying yourself bald and gray over dating, you’re just going to end up bald and gray.” I ended up bald and gray anyways, but by not caring about whether I got dates or not, and not being hyper-sensitive and concerned about the impression I was making, I found it a lot easier to be myself, and I probably projected a sense of confidence that I’ve never really had. And, within about six months of giving up on ever being in a relationship, I found myself dating the most beautiful, wonderful woman I’ve ever met. Oh, and as far as the OP (but gender reversed)- when I was dating, _and_ when I was looking for a romantic partner (very different standards from a meaningless sex partner), the only standards of attractiveness I really cared about was, “Could I stand to look at this woman every day for the next forty or fifty years?” It’s a lot harder to meet the “Could I even think about spending forty or fifty years talking to this person?” requirement. By a long shot. * * * JMCJ This could be YOUR sig line! For just five cents a post, JMCJ Enterprises will place YOUR sig line at the bottom of each message! ---
**Author:** ![Girlbysea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Girlbysea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Girlbysea)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2000, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-good-looking-guys-unattractive/12633/35 "2000-01-08T02:59:00Z")
Every morning,I wake up early just to have a few minutes to watch my chief sleeping. My heart just melts. Looks…He’s the most beautiful thing in the world to me. * * * * * * Girlbysea (AKA: ChiefScott’s GBS) ---
**Author:** ![The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Asbestos_Mango)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2000, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-good-looking-guys-unattractive/12633/36 "2000-01-08T04:38:00Z")
First of all, handy, I am in fact a girl. A darn cute one at that, if anyone cares, and it seems very few people do. I figured I’d get a lot of posts from chicks who thought good-looking guys tend to be self absorbed a\*\*holes, and think personality is more important than looks, but I’m surprised at the number of guys who feel the same way about women. Seems I’ve underestimated the male of the species. My apologies, boys. Oh, and mfki, if you’re out there reading this, I told you chicks dig guys like you. Say hi to Mrs. M. for me and see you at work. * * * I never could get the hang of Thursdays. - Arthur Dent ---
**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2000, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-good-looking-guys-unattractive/12633/37 "2000-01-08T07:25:00Z")
Oh, wait… You’re a girl, agisofia? Are you hot? * * * Yer pal, Satan ---
**Author:** ![Gumby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bb73d2/32.png) [@Gumby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gumby)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2000, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-good-looking-guys-unattractive/12633/38 "2000-01-08T12:42:00Z")
Men are a strange lot, I am usually attracted to men who look like they have been around a bit - eg Daniel Day Lewis anyday over Leonardo Dicaprio. I am currently lusting over a guy at work who is so not conventially handsome - he is very pale, quite skinny, but his accent makes me melt and he is just so attractive to me for some reason. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Asbestos_Mango)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2000, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-good-looking-guys-unattractive/12633/39 "2000-01-09T05:04:00Z")
Satan- You seem to be missing the whole point of this thread, but yes, I’m pretty hot. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2000, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-good-looking-guys-unattractive/12633/40 "2000-01-10T05:40:00Z")
John Corrado said: > [@](#): > > I’ll give you the advice I thought was just as crazy: Stop caring. I’ll have to try this. If all goes well this year, I’m off to Europe, there to meet relatives and visit a culture festival in my other language. If I do meet anyone at the festival, it won’t really matter, because in a week or two, I’ll be on that plane, out of their land, and out of their life. So there would be no point in caring, when the other person would soon be thousands of kilometres away… TVeblen said: > [@](#): > > Looks are fine, but it’s just gloss. The real zest and zing and ka-POW comes from > intelligence, humor, personality. I’ll take character and some rough edges any day. > > It’d be interesting to see if the males on the board would say the same about looks in regard to women. Definitely! The women I’ve been attracted to, and most wish I’d had the chance to go out with, weren’t necessarily the “gorgeous” ones. They were the ones with compassion and realness, the ones who didn’t waste all their time worrying about surface appearance, the ones who could actually take time to be human, the ones who became friends. And most of the womes presented as “gorgeous” by the media are not particularly attractive; they tend to be too skinny, too snobby, and have WAY too much makeup on. It’s like they want to hide themselves in their glitzy shells… This is not to say that gorgeousness is bad in and of itself; but it is little more than sparkle when comapred to the far deeper and more important matter of whether two people will get along together. I did, however, meet one woman who was both gorgeous _and_ real. That was… interesting. It’s probably just as well she’s married and lives in another city. * * * “Rigardu, kaj vi ekvidos…” -Magnu [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-good-looking-guys-unattractive/12633.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-good-looking-guys-unattractive/12633.md?page=3)