# Are hippos the most dangerous animal? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cecil's Columns/Staff Reports\ **Created:** [December 6, 2000, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-hippos-the-most-dangerous-animal/44331 "2000-12-06T17:41:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![BPBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/59ef9b/32.png) [@BPBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BPBob)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2000, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-hippos-the-most-dangerous-animal/44331/1 "2000-12-06T17:41:36Z")
Link to Staff Report edited in by Dex: [Are hippos the most dangerous animal?](http://www.straightdope.com/mailbag/mhippo.html) Well, folks, we all know WE are THE most dangerous animals, but that’s all relative. And if you’ve seen my relatives you know what I mean (baDUMbum). 😃 But I wish to relate my hippo story. I was touring the zoo in Denver, CO back when my big bro was in the army, and they had hippos. My family & I were following the path the zoo pamphlet suggests and were therefore stuck behind The Tourists From Hell: an overweight couple in horrid hawaiian shirts and shorts, two bratty mewling offspring (also rotund) and their flotsam & jetsam. The children harrassed every animal they could & their parents encouraged them and took photos from the cameras dangling from their overinflated necks. Well, we watched as their antics caused many animals to turn their backs or worse, including chimps masturbating at them, but the hippos had the best response. There were three in their tank, mom, dad & junior hippo, and the kids kept trying to drop food crackers into the hippo family’s nostrils. Hippos can close their nostrils while underwater and open them to breathe on the surface. But they couldn’t breathe without the rodent family’s kids dumping ry-krisps into their noses. So, as if in a water ballet, the 3 hippos pivoted in a line with awe-inspiring grace, and slowly paddled away from the offending children, and as I watched, smirking, I noticed that pop hippo seemed to be growing another leg… Sure as, well, you know, a torpedo-sized loaf came floating back toward the front of the pond straight at the T. F. H. Touche’, I said, in between guffaws!!! :wally: Anybody else got any animal attacks? Bob [Edited by C K Dexter Haven on 12-13-2000 at 04:03 PM] ---
**Author:** ![Myron\_Van\_Horowitzski](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@Myron\_Van\_Horowitzski](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myron_Van_Horowitzski)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2000, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-hippos-the-most-dangerous-animal/44331/2 "2000-12-06T18:21:42Z")
_Oh, I want a hippopotamus for Christmas! Only a hippopotumus will do. Mom says a hippo Would eat me up but then Teacher says a hippo is a veg-e-tarian!_ ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2000, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-hippos-the-most-dangerous-animal/44331/3 "2000-12-06T18:45:04Z")
“This little safari is taking a bit of a bad turn, Elliot.” Is that a literary reference? Something from “The Short Happy Life Of Francis MacComber”? ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2000, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-hippos-the-most-dangerous-animal/44331/4 "2000-12-06T19:12:13Z")
A serious question about the column ([here’s the link](http://www.straightdope.com/mailbag/mhippo.html), by the way)… > [@](#): > > The hippo, found today throughout sub-Saharan Africa, is considered by many experts, explorers and Africans to be the most dangerous animal in Africa (not counting the mosquito). Or perhaps arthropods in general? Tsetse flies, hook- and roundworms, etc… Don’t these stand fairly high on the “causes most human suffering” scale, compared to their mammalian and reptilian competition? ---
**Author:** ![fish\_in\_the\_sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7ba0ec/32.png) [@fish\_in\_the\_sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fish_in_the_sky)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2000, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-hippos-the-most-dangerous-animal/44331/5 "2000-12-06T19:58:55Z")
I just want to mention that when I first scanned over the title of the article, I thought it read “Are hippies the most dangerous animal?” (That’s all, I have nothing more to say) ---
**Author:** ![Shaunn\_Rosenberg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/db5fbb/32.png) [@Shaunn\_Rosenberg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shaunn_Rosenberg)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2000, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-hippos-the-most-dangerous-animal/44331/6 "2000-12-06T20:24:02Z")
I saw a special on the Discovery Channel within the past year on Hippos- and I vividly (yet nautiously) recall the “poo shower” that was mentioned within the article. Jill reports that this is a territorial issue, but I distinctly remember the show explained that this habit was used for cooling the animal in the hot sun. A hippo happily demonstrated without quuestion, and it showed the liqui-poo being sprayed all over their back, where it cakes on like a protectant. Looks like in the Sahara there is a market for Sun Tan Poo, or Diarheal Solar Block manuafactured by 3Poo. Can this be validated for the sake of your loyal audience? Take your time, Shaunn ---
**Author:** ![JillGat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9fc29f/32.png) [@JillGat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JillGat)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2000, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-hippos-the-most-dangerous-animal/44331/7 "2000-12-06T20:56:09Z")
Thanks so much for that, Shaunn. I’m reading this as I drink a mango lassi… ---
**Author:** ![DSYoungEsq](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c6cbf5/32.png) [@DSYoungEsq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSYoungEsq)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2000, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-hippos-the-most-dangerous-animal/44331/8 "2000-12-06T23:07:39Z")
May I just say, “hats off!” to Jill for another thoroughly enjoyable article! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![spaz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@spaz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spaz)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2000, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-hippos-the-most-dangerous-animal/44331/9 "2000-12-06T23:49:38Z")
It’s just not their teeth you have to watch out for. Swim where they have pooed and you can pick up some nasty water born parasites. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5f8ce5/32.png) [@The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Peyote_Coyote)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-hippos-the-most-dangerous-animal/44331/10 "2000-12-07T01:08:09Z")
Jill: could you please explain what the hell a mango lassi is? I may not know much about hippos, but I am always delighted to learn about new drinks. ---
**Author:** ![JillGat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9fc29f/32.png) [@JillGat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JillGat)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-hippos-the-most-dangerous-animal/44331/11 "2000-12-07T01:32:35Z")
Lassi is an EastIndian yogurt drink. Mango is one popular flavor. It’s not as good when you’re reading about hippo liqui-poo. ---
**Author:** ![JillGat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9fc29f/32.png) [@JillGat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JillGat)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-hippos-the-most-dangerous-animal/44331/12 "2000-12-07T01:35:44Z")
[http://www.barnonedrinks.com/recipes/non\_alcoholic/l/lassimango.html](http://www.barnonedrinks.com/recipes/non_alcoholic/l/lassimango.html) ---
**Author:** ![DaveoRad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@DaveoRad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DaveoRad)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 6:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-hippos-the-most-dangerous-animal/44331/13 "2000-12-07T06:38:13Z")
The San Diego Zoo has a hippo habitat similar to the one in Singapore, with both above- and below-water viewing. ---
**Author:** ![BPBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/59ef9b/32.png) [@BPBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BPBob)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-hippos-the-most-dangerous-animal/44331/14 "2000-12-07T13:57:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by JillGat \* > \*\*Lassi is an EastIndian yogurt drink. Mango is one popular flavor. It’s not as good when you’re reading about hippo liqui-poo. \*\* MAN what a segue, hippo poo to yogurt! 🙂 BUT, the real thang in yogurt is Lebanese, and interestingly enough called “Leben”. Probably where the people got their name from, it’s worth naming a country for! HOWEVER, I was hoping for hippo folklore, though hippie folklore could be just as dangerous… Bob (and his pig) PS: for a complete waste of your time: [fly.to - coming soon](http://fly.to/batteredpigs) ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-hippos-the-most-dangerous-animal/44331/15 "2000-12-07T18:20:38Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by BPBob \* \*\* > [@](#): > > HOWEVER, I was hoping for hippo folklore, > \*\* The following African legend may serve: “God created the hippopotamus and ordered him to cut grass for the other animals. The hippo complained it was too hot during the day. He wanted to stay in the water all day and only cut grass at night. But God didn’t trust the hippo, fearing he might eat fish instead of doing his proper job. So now the hippo spreads his dung with his tail to show God there are no fish bones in it.” [paraphrase of George Schaller] And to back up Jill’s explanation of the function of dung-scattering: “When a male hippo wants to intimidate an opponent or impress a female, he sprays his a feces intentionally. The one who is able to produce the largest quantity in short bursts is at once superior to a less “productive” conspecific.” [From the _Encyclopedia of Animal Life_] The comparison to politicians is immediately obvious. ---
**Author:** ![degroof](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ba9def/32.png) [@degroof](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/degroof)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-hippos-the-most-dangerous-animal/44331/16 "2000-12-07T21:21:53Z")
The most dangerous animal in these parts is ‘homo ruficollis vulgaris’ ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2000, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-hippos-the-most-dangerous-animal/44331/17 "2000-12-08T15:34:25Z")
_Hip-HIP-Hip-po, hooray!_ \ Peter Potamus reruns, anyone? ---
**Author:** ![drasaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/65b543/32.png) [@drasaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drasaid)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-hippos-the-most-dangerous-animal/44331/18 "2000-12-11T01:43:45Z")
Hey, no lie. In Audubon Zoo in New Orleans, the hippo enclosure (the first one-more later) let the hippo raise itself completly out of the water and be on a level with the patrons. One day we were there when she cut loose. My father said the screams were like people being strafed with machine gun fire; and after when he looked cautiously at the carnage, there was excrement EVERYWHERE (at about a two foot line, starting about three feet off the ground and ending at about five, give or take the Jackson Pollack effect.) The zoo staff, like me, learn slowly but they learn. The present enclosure is below ground, so you can look (over that aforementioned crap line) down at the flaccid beast. The stink is amazing despite frequent cleaning. They are just loaded with malice (as well as fecal matter). ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2000, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-hippos-the-most-dangerous-animal/44331/19 "2000-12-13T14:55:06Z")
I heard the polar bear was THE most dangerous. They attack wtih no provocation whatsoever. ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2000, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-hippos-the-most-dangerous-animal/44331/20 "2000-12-13T22:46:00Z")
Vanilla, I think it matters how you measure. The method for determining hippos is by statistics of number of people attacked and injured or killed per year (or some reasonable variation). That’s frequency of incidents per capita. Polar bears may be even more prone to attack, but the frequency of attacks is very low because humans aren’t around them very often. Okay, who here wants to see the Crocodile Hunter try to take on a hippo? 😉 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-hippos-the-most-dangerous-animal/44331.md?page=2)