For some reason, Cecil gets tons of emails asking who would win in a contest between a polar bear and a grizzly bear… a tiger and a (some-other-snarly-beast). I have no idea why they want to know.
Frankly, Jill, it’s because I want to know whether the guard-hippo I have in my moat is going to be able to keep out the junkyard rhinos that prowl the neighborhood.
[[Frankly, Jill, it’s because I want to know whether the guard-hippo I have in my moat is going to be able to keep out the junkyard rhinos that prowl the neighborhood]]
Do I smell a wager?
Are you suggesting that you have a rhino? I’ll put Pinky up against any damn perissodactyl. Name your venue.
[[Are you suggesting that you have a rhino? I’ll put Pinky up against any damn perissodactyl. Name your venue.]]
You haven’t had a date in awhile, have you.
Have one tonight, as a matter of fact. We’re going to the tapir races.
[[Have one tonight, as a matter of fact. We’re going to the tapir races.]]
Let me rephrase that. You haven’t had a second date in awhile, have you.
Ay, Jill, how little you know me. Koko and I have been an item for years. She quite loves the track.
Ewwwwww!!
I was attacked by a hippo on the grounds of Elsamere (Joy Adamson’s old place).
Or at least I thought I was being attacked. It turned out that the hippo was actually going for the people in front of me, who had not only come between the mommy hippo and its baby (which was a very cute little thing), but had also stupidly turned their flashlight on all of a sudden. We’d all been told that if we were wandering around the grounds at night, always have our flashlights on. If a hippo sees you coming a long way off it’ll get out of your way, but if you suddenly pop up out of nowhere, it’ll freak out and try to swallow you. Which is what happened to the two women in the group.
Luckily, the hippo didn’t succeed in swallowing them. One of the women ran straight for a jeep and hid under it, and the other one turned off her light and ran between a tree and a stone wall, which was a designated “hippo-safe area.”
It was all very exciting. After that night, everyone in the group was very careful about wandering around at night, and they always asked one of the armed rangers to escort them the 40 feet or so back to their rooms.
You are now returned to your regularly scheduled sordid tapir sex tales.
I’ve heard and just read that automobile collisions with deer resulted in 111 fatalities in the United States in 1995, and if I could find more recent information I’d bet the numbers have gone up since then.
Of course, the deer are more passive about killing people than hippos (as in they are in the wrong place at the wrong time), but I thought that was an interesting number.
Who would do what, slap the hippo?
Oh, cool! I finally managed to gross Jill out! It’s a tough job, but somebody’s got to do it.
Jill, take it from me, if you want hot monkey love, the best strategy is to find an actual monkey.
Koko says she has a brother. You want to be fixed up?
[[Jill, take it from me, if you want hot monkey love, the best strategy is to find an actual monkey.]]
I thought Koko was an ape, not a monkey, but it figures you’re apparently not monogamous.
ee ee ee aa aa OO! OO! OO!
Mono-gamous! Jill, if I didn’t know you better, I’d think you were making a bilingual pun! 
It’s never wise to nitpick where sex is involved. Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows.
[[It’s never wise to nitpick where sex is involved.]]
Speak for yourself.
Unless you get crabs, of course.
carnivorousplant said:
No, silly, slap the group member not following instructions. 
Colibri said:
Jillgat said:
I think it’s only fair to be critical of your own choices, not anyone else’s.
All sex is friction, preferrably well-lubed friction and friction with a friend. All else is a matter of taste. - David Gerrold in one of his War of the Chtorr books. (Not sure where he stole it.)
Colibri said:
ROFLMAO!
If you want to see hippos from the underwater perspective, the Toledo Zoo in Ohio has a nice, new enclosure with glass that allows you to do just that. Saw it about a month ago, along with their new, cute, baby hippo. Check it out.
In fact, I just checked their web site (www.toledozoo.org), and they have a hippo cam. It’s night now, so I don’t know if the view works or not, but the site does have a “best shots” section. I’m not from Toledo, but the zoo’s worth a visit. Listen to the cool song as you enter the site, too. I think it won an Addy or something.