# Are house mates a sign of immaturity? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 24, 2010, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-house-mates-a-sign-of-immaturity/537254 "2010-04-24T23:41:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Bean\_Wrangler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9de053/32.png) [@Bean\_Wrangler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bean_Wrangler)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2010, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-house-mates-a-sign-of-immaturity/537254/1 "2010-04-24T23:41:13Z")
In a previous thread about instant deal breakers when pertaining to relationships, I noticed many people mentioned “not living on his (predominantly) own”. As an individual who is living with 3 other people, I’m curious if the reasons for a multi-entity household are more important than the fact itself. My question is, under which of the following scenarios seem appropriate for an individual past college age to live with others. 1. Receiving assistance from family members/friends financially, either temporary or chronically. 2. A desire to reduce house hold costs in an effort to save long term (i.e. a house, retirement, or even a car or boat). 3. General philosophical/ecological reasons, in an effort to reduce consumptionism. 4. To provide assistance to family members/friends financially, either temporary or chronically. 5. Simply enjoys the social structure of a household more than living as an individual. 6. Any other valid reasons you’d admire or compliment, rather than admonish? At what age, if any, do none of the previously previously mentioned reasons apply? As for me, I’m 26 and after living on my own for 2 years, I find the benefits from living with a group of people much more reasonable than the benefits of living alone. In addition to having a small ecological footprint, it’s nice to have a group of people to share meals with, reduce stress with, and in general learn and grow with. Privacy isn’t really an issue, since the household understands each other has their own life, and it’s much easier to have a house dog instead of having to worry about finding someone to take care of her. ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2010, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-house-mates-a-sign-of-immaturity/537254/2 "2010-04-24T23:44:16Z")
It wouldn’t be for me, but I understand why it would be for someone else just like having children would be a deal breaker for others. It’s just a personal preference. If I was looking and found someone with roommates I’d try to pay attention to how they interact. Tells a lot about people. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2010, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-house-mates-a-sign-of-immaturity/537254/3 "2010-04-24T23:56:31Z")
It depends where you are. In NYC, it is not at all uncommon for totally mature adults to have housemates. If you remember “Seinfeld” Elaine had a roommate and that was not considered anything odd. I had a roommate at several points in my 20s, in every case both of us were working professionals. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2010, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-house-mates-a-sign-of-immaturity/537254/4 "2010-04-24T23:59:36Z")
As I said in the mentioned thread, it’s one thing if you’re in your twenties. It’s another thing if you’re in your forties. Even if it’s only a sign that we are incompatible, it’s still a sign. And no, I don’t date men that live in SF or NYC, so cost is not a factor in this case. ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2010, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-house-mates-a-sign-of-immaturity/537254/5 "2010-04-25T00:13:41Z")
House mates in some situations could be a sign of _maturity_. It might be, among other things, a sophisticated means for establishing a spacious and comfortable home that would be otherwise impractical. (I noticed that almost everyone in the other thread seems to be talking about themselves and potential daters living in little rented apartments.) > [@Carol Pimentel](#): > > Why would anyone voluntarily give up having a place of her own? “I could never do it,” say my more traditional friends, shaking their heads in wonder. “I could never handle other people in my home. I can’t even take house guests for more than three days! I need to have my own space.” > > Having one’s own house (and washer, dryer, garden, lawn mower, stuff) may be the American Dream, but some of us have a different dream: a dream of learning to live more cooperatively with others and sharing resources rather than each needing to have our own. And as it happens, the skills it takes to live closely with others and low on the food chain are extremely useful when the economic systems of the larger culture hit the skids. > > I’ve lived in shared households all my adult life. Shared living has always been my chosen lifestyle, both for the companionship and the sharing of resources. When other young women were dreaming of becoming brides, my dream was to find my tribe. I was part of several start-up groups exploring intentional community, but none of them got off the ground. However, at age 35, I joined with three other women to buy a large house on an acre of land in San Luis Obispo, California as an experiment in community living on a small scale. > > None of us could have afforded to buy property alone, and none of us wanted to dedicate our lives to earning enough to do so. We reasoned that if we shared living expenses we could all be free from the rat race. We called the place Caballeros House, and buying it jointly was a splendid decision. There was lots of turnover in the household as people’s lives changed, but for 20 years there was always a houseful of folks living and growing together. ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2010, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-house-mates-a-sign-of-immaturity/537254/6 "2010-04-25T00:26:36Z")
I think it sounds fine. It may possibly show less selfishness, more consideration for issues like environmentalism and consumption, more ability to work with others. My brother and his wife have a housemate who rents space in their house. It helps with the mortgage. ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2010, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-house-mates-a-sign-of-immaturity/537254/7 "2010-04-25T00:33:51Z")
All things being equal, someone who lives alone is better for privacy concerns, no matter how cool the roommates were. Living with people would not be a dealbreaker, though; if I like someone it will work out. As mentioned by others, in certain places living alone is rarer than not. ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2010, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-house-mates-a-sign-of-immaturity/537254/8 "2010-04-25T00:55:13Z")
Nothing wrong with living with others, especially if you’re 26. I shared houses with friends well into my late 20’s. It was nice to not have to leave the house to hang out with my boys, and it usually meant that all of our other friends had to come to us when everyone got together. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2010, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-house-mates-a-sign-of-immaturity/537254/9 "2010-04-25T01:49:33Z")
> [@Bean\_Wrangler](#): > > My question is, under which of the following scenarios seem appropriate for an individual past college age to live with others. 1. Receiving assistance from family members/friends financially, either temporary or chronically. **Depends. What’s “assistance”? I’m 27 and my mother still occasionally buys me things. She hasn’t paid my rent or utilities or anything since college, though.** 1. A desire to reduce house hold costs in an effort to save long term (i.e. a house, retirement, or even a car or boat). **House, retirement, car; fine. Boat… not so much.** 1. General philosophical/ecological reasons, in an effort to reduce consumptionism. **All in favor of this.** 1. To provide assistance to family members/friends financially, either temporary or chronically. **No problem with this at all.** 1. Simply enjoys the social structure of a household more than living as an individual. **I always have. I don’t think I’m either particularly immature or mature for my age.** It occurs to me that I’ve _never_ lived alone; I had roommates until three years ago, when my girlfriend and I moved in together. We bought a house together a year after that, and we’re getting married on Saturday. ---
**Author:** ![Not\_a\_Platypus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d26b3c/32.png) [@Not\_a\_Platypus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Not_a_Platypus)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2010, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-house-mates-a-sign-of-immaturity/537254/10 "2010-04-25T02:13:58Z")
Until I met my boyfriend, I would probably say yes it is a sign of immaturity, because I view independence as a huge part of being an adult. Now that I’ve met him (and grown up a bit more myself) and other people that have roommates, I see it’s usually just preference. I’m introverted and highly value quiet time to myself (and being able to lounge in my undies), so living alone is very important to me. He’s outgoing and much happier around other people, so for him living alone would be depressing and dull. When you factor in finances, it makes sense, but I’d still rather be alone in a small apartment than share a house with a bunch of people. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with living with family because they need help, or you do. ---
**Author:** ![AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2010, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-house-mates-a-sign-of-immaturity/537254/11 "2010-04-25T04:21:40Z")
> [@](#): > > House mates in some situations could be a sign of maturity Like the Golden Girls maybe? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2010, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-house-mates-a-sign-of-immaturity/537254/12 "2010-04-25T04:28:24Z")
I have a friend in his early 30s. He’s a college professor, smart guy, and seems plenty mature. He not only shares with a friend, but the two of them actually purchased the house together. Neither of them has a partner, and neither of them could afford a proper house by himself, so they went halves and got themselves a very nice three-bedroom house here in San Diego. I certainly don’t think housemates are a sign of immaturity, and while i enjoyed having my own apartment back when i was single, there were times when i missed the company and the general atmosphere of a shared household. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2010, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-house-mates-a-sign-of-immaturity/537254/13 "2010-04-25T06:10:46Z")
But if you’re dating someone who has roommates, and you have roommates… then where will you _bone_? ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2010, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-house-mates-a-sign-of-immaturity/537254/14 "2010-04-25T06:27:50Z")
In Rugby League it is common for players who don’t live with a partner to share a house. Sometimes they don’t even play for the same club. These are all guys in their 20s with plenty of money and free time. Whenever you see them in public they all seem to have an attractive companion. ---
**Author:** ![Not\_a\_Platypus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d26b3c/32.png) [@Not\_a\_Platypus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Not_a_Platypus)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2010, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-house-mates-a-sign-of-immaturity/537254/15 "2010-04-25T06:34:43Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > But if you’re dating someone who has roommates, and you have roommates… then where will you _bone_? Your bedroom? My boyfriend had a roommate when we got together, and she moved out I guess about 6 months after I moved in. We tried to be quiet if she was home, but really… it’s your home, you’ve got a life to live and presumably you’re all adults. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2010, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-house-mates-a-sign-of-immaturity/537254/16 "2010-04-25T06:56:06Z")
The reasons for having roommates and the age of the person having roommates definitely would have a bearing on whether I thought the person was “immature” or not. As someone mentioned in the other thread (paraphrased); Early 20 somethings living fratboy-like and 5 to an apartment=mostly age appropriate. 40 somethings doing the same thing?=probable/possible lack of maturity. Persons of any age having roommates; because they prefer having them around for social reasons, to afford a down payment, to help fund a college degree, to assist relatives (or be temporarily assisted by relatives) and so=probably age appropriate and mature. You’re right though, imho, the motive has a lot to do with whether it can be considered mature, or not very mature. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2010, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-house-mates-a-sign-of-immaturity/537254/17 "2010-04-25T07:22:40Z")
> [@CanvasShoes](#): > > The reasons for having roommates and the age of the person having roommates definitely would have a bearing on whether I thought the person was “immature” or not. > > As someone mentioned in the other thread (paraphrased); > > Early 20 somethings living fratboy-like and 5 to an apartment=mostly age appropriate. > 40 somethings doing the same thing?=probable/possible lack of maturity. > Persons of any age having roommates; because they prefer having them around for social reasons, to afford a down payment, to help fund a college degree, to assist relatives (or be temporarily assisted by relatives) and so=probably age appropriate and mature. > > You’re right though, imho, the motive has a lot to do with whether it can be considered mature, or not very mature. I find it odd that this is the answer to this question, because that meas that, in that thread, most people seemed to be saying it was perfectly okay to prejudge a guy as immature if he did not live alone. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2010, 7:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-house-mates-a-sign-of-immaturity/537254/18 "2010-04-25T07:40:31Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > I find it odd that this is the answer to this question, because that meas that, in that thread, most people seemed to be saying it was perfectly okay to prejudge a guy as immature if he did not live alone. Well, if I understand your question correctly…a coupla things here, 1.) The consensus in the dating thread was more along the lines that a person _could_ be considered immature, or a deal breaker if he had roommates. Not that they absolutely _were_. And it also was pretty well divided along age lines. Those of us who are older are more likely to desire someone who’s “on his own” and younger people were more willing to base it on the specific situation of the potential date. 2.) As to “prejudging” people for dating purposes. If a person wants to end up with a person who best meshes with their lifestyle, wants, and needs, as far as having a long term committed relationship, they’d BETTER be judging the other person. If any ole warm body will do, not so much I guess. 🙂 3.) “Immature” isn’t the same as saying “you’re a bad person”. I mean, I prefer to purchase a ripe piece of fruit when I go to the store. I don’t want to have to wait several days before it’s good to eat. 😃 Same thing with a relationship, a girl doesn’t want to spend her Saturday nights hanging out at a fratboy house, or as Alice shared, footing the bill for all of the groceries, hot water and so on if the boyfriend spends all of his time at her house. The boy just ISN’T quite ready for a serious relationship if that’s his modus operendi. Just as a few examples. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2010, 7:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-house-mates-a-sign-of-immaturity/537254/19 "2010-04-25T07:54:31Z")
> [@Not\_a\_Platypus](#): > > Your bedroom? My boyfriend had a roommate when we got together, and she moved out I guess about 6 months after I moved in. We tried to be quiet if she was home, but really… it’s your home, you’ve got a life to live and presumably you’re all adults. Eh, I don’t know. Knowing someone was in the next room watching TV would kinda sour the enjoyment of it for me. But whatever gets you off. ---
**Author:** ![SecondJudith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@SecondJudith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SecondJudith)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2010, 8:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-house-mates-a-sign-of-immaturity/537254/20 "2010-04-25T08:14:17Z")
I’ve always had housemates – I live and grew up in London, where the options are pretty much “have housemates”, “live in a 12x6 flat in Zone 5” or “be a banker or MP”. It’s a good way to meet people, both housemates and friends of housemates, and good if, like me, you enjoy socialising and are a bit depressed to come home to an empty dark flat. My fiance was a friend of a flatmate when I met him, and so were nearly all my (current) friends. ETA: Oh, and I’m 24, but most of my housemates have been 25-40. I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with continuing to share a house or flat with people as you get older, but most people over 40 I know are married and live with their spouses. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-house-mates-a-sign-of-immaturity/537254.md?page=2)