# Are house mates a sign of immaturity? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 24, 2010, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-house-mates-a-sign-of-immaturity/537254 "2010-04-24T23:41:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2010, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-house-mates-a-sign-of-immaturity/537254/41 "2010-04-26T18:01:52Z")
In theory, I think all the OP’s reasons for living together are valid ones, and I often wish that the American culture were more accepting of extended family living together. I can tell you that it would help immensely with things like child care and shared household duties. As grating as I find my mom’s presence at our home when she visits, she does cook for us in the evenings, which is really nice because that way I get to spend more time with the kids and less time with a baby strapped to my chest and a preschooler at my heels wanting me to play while I’m frantically trying to whip something up that’s moderately healthy and fast. As for bachelors or bachelorettes living together - I don’t see anything wrong with it, but it does seem to have that aging Animal House connotation associated with it. ---
**Author:** ![Perciful](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b38774/32.png) [@Perciful](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Perciful)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2010, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-house-mates-a-sign-of-immaturity/537254/42 "2010-04-26T18:03:51Z")
I have had the misfortune of dating a few men that rented rooms out. Some were actually just sponging off a friends and one lived at home. They were all between 45 and 55. One did pay weekly rent. All three were immature. Big red flags for me. None them were trying to contribute anything to anyone and would not even know what a carbon foot print was. They were broke and not saving for anything like a home. They were all hoping I would take them in but I would not seeing two of the three could not keep a job. I did help one get on housing as he was disabled. His Mom was so happy to see him out on his own for the first time in his life at 47. I’m sure some people like the company of roommates or to save money. The men I dated were unable to make it on their own. Big difference! They all said things like I’m saving for a house or I’m getting out of a bad relationship and she took everything. I believed it in the beginning but after a few dates I could see the real reason they did not have their own apartments. It’s a good thing for a man or a women to really look at a potential parters living situation and maturity level. Are you are willing to support them and house and feed them, etc. I’m not and it is not because I’m mean. I want an equal parter. ---
**Author:** ![Barrett\_Bonden](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5e9695/32.png) [@Barrett\_Bonden](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barrett_Bonden)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2010, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-house-mates-a-sign-of-immaturity/537254/43 "2010-04-26T18:34:04Z")
I like living with people. During my career so far I’ve lived alone for several stretches without problems, but generally found it a bit lonely. My current landlord and his wife and really great housemates. (We’re pretty close in age.) They have an awesome fun dog and I’m a convenient dog-sitter in a pinch. They return the favor by looking after my bird if I’m away. If I lived alone I wouldn’t be able to have a dog; with the hours I work it wouldn’t be fair to the dog at all. I have a down payment to buy a place of my own or I could rent a place of my own. But right now I’m quite content with my situation and I like being able to save the amount I’m saving and travel the amount I’m traveling. People can have whatever dealbreakers they want, but having ‘housemate’ automatically equal ‘dealbreaker’ seems silly to me. ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2010, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-house-mates-a-sign-of-immaturity/537254/44 "2010-04-26T19:29:43Z")
If you’re living with housemates because you can’t or won’t make enough money to live in the style you feel you deserve, or if you can’t or won’t do your own cooking or housework, that’s a problem. I’m not looking for somebody to support financially, cook for every night, or clean up after. ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2010, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-house-mates-a-sign-of-immaturity/537254/45 "2010-04-26T19:32:09Z")
> [@Anne\_Neville](#): > > If you’re living with housemates because you can’t or won’t make enough money to live in the style you feel you deserve, or if you can’t or won’t do your own cooking or housework, that’s a problem. Damn right. If you want someone to do all that, you get married. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2010, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-house-mates-a-sign-of-immaturity/537254/46 "2010-04-27T13:51:50Z")
> [@Shakester](#): > > I’d say that assuming someone is immature based on them living in a shared house is, in itself, a great big flashing warning sign about the maturity of the person _making_ the assumption. > > Anyone that’d look down on me for living in a shared house is someone I am _not_ going to want to know anyway. That’s not a very mature attitude. And societal convention would seem to disagree with you. > [@lindsaybluth](#): > > So if you didn’t have housemates in an expensive city, I’d see that as a red flag as in “Boy, they can’t live with anyone, they must be high maintenance”. Usually people see it as a red flag as in “boy he must make a lot of money to live there by himself”. ---
**Author:** ![Agent\_Foxtrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2010, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-house-mates-a-sign-of-immaturity/537254/47 "2010-04-27T14:16:10Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > But if you’re dating someone who has roommates, and you have roommates… then where will you _bone_? In my bedroom. If my roommate is vexed by our monkey sounds, then that’s _her_ problem. We’re not loud, but you’d be able to hear us if you stand with your ear three inches from the door. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2010, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-house-mates-a-sign-of-immaturity/537254/48 "2010-04-27T16:44:35Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Usually people see it as a red flag as in “boy he must make a lot of money to live there by himself”. Making a lot of money is a red flag? ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2010, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-house-mates-a-sign-of-immaturity/537254/49 "2010-04-27T16:50:40Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Making a lot of money is a red flag? In a good way. It says “hey, this dude has enough money to house me and my crotch spawn without any extra financial help” Some women eat that shit up. ---
**Author:** ![Throatwarbler\_Mangrove](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8c91f0/32.png) [@Throatwarbler\_Mangrove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Throatwarbler_Mangrove)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2010, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-house-mates-a-sign-of-immaturity/537254/50 "2010-04-27T17:39:50Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > In a good way. > > It says “hey, this dude has enough money to house me and my crotch spawn without any extra financial help” > > Some women eat that shit up. By that point, we have already established what we are, and are simply haggling over the price. ---
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2010, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-house-mates-a-sign-of-immaturity/537254/51 "2010-04-27T18:07:47Z")
By a certain age you should have yourself together enough to afford a place of your own, and furniture. This age varies. Some people from time to time are forced to take flatmates. When I lived in the Florida Keys it was just impossible to afford any place on my own. People should be able to live on their own and deal with situations. Too often people with roommates are far too dependent, at least every one I’ve ever known was. Of course the people who have roommates will deny this, so it’s a vicious circle. People who rent room out often are living beyond their means. If you can’t afford a mortgage without renting a room there is an issue there. Unless it’s because of a lay off or you got sick and couldn’t work, and you were renting a room out to recover from this. As for Elaine, you will note she got the roommate 'cause she moved up from Baltimore. Another good reason for having a roommate. You just move and need a place fast. Elaine quickly lost the roommate you will note as she got successful. Of course she sub-leased from said roommate. There are good reasons for having roommates, but unless you can provide a really good one, sickness or job loss or moving to a new city. As I said, people who can’t live alone or don’t like to have an issue with being able to cope. This will come out later on in the relationship, unless of course the person you like is dominant and the person with the roommate submissive ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2010, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-house-mates-a-sign-of-immaturity/537254/52 "2010-04-27T19:50:37Z")
> [@Throatwarbler\_Mangrove](#): > > By that point, we have already established what we are, and are simply haggling over the price. What’s wrong with a woman wanting a guy who has it together financially? Most of them eventually grow out of their romanticized adolescent fantasy of getting with some “bad boy” with cool hair, a motorcycle and no checking account. Usually when they figure out that often means “unemployable, abusive drug addict”. Money obviously shouldn’t be the only consideration, but part of becoming an adult is learning to apply the difference between childish fantasy and pragmatic reality. > [@Markxxx](#): > > People should be able to live on their own and deal with situations. Too often people with roommates are far too dependent, at least every one I’ve ever known was. Of course the people who have roommates will deny this, so it’s a vicious circle. I would agree. IMHO, living alone truly allows you to figure out who you are and lets you be your own person. When you live with roomates, it’s just too easy to digress into a sort of adolescent group mentality. It’s nice having a couple of roomates around to do stuff with, but sometimes it can prevent you from meeting new people or taking up interests that don’t involve the other roomates. You become the “weird roomate” who is always off doing their own thing. ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2010, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-house-mates-a-sign-of-immaturity/537254/53 "2010-04-27T20:11:46Z")
One advantage to living alone (at least for a while) is that it helps with procrastination. I didn’t consider myself a messy person, but I’ll admit I never wanted to clean the bathroom. Looking back I realized I tended to conveniently make myself scarce when people would complain about the mess, and just clean it themselves. When I actually lived completely alone, I had no one to lean on to weasel out of work I didn’t want to do, so I had to start getting used to it. When a person has roomates it can be harder to tell how organized/clean/proactive they are because they could have roomates that ‘carry’ them- but if you meet someone that lives on their own its much easier to tell how clean they are since nobody is around (hopefully) to pick up the slack. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2010, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-house-mates-a-sign-of-immaturity/537254/54 "2010-04-27T20:34:24Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > What’s wrong with a woman wanting a guy who has it together financially? Most of them eventually grow out of their romanticized adolescent fantasy of getting with some “bad boy” with cool hair, a motorcycle and no checking account. Usually when they figure out that often means “unemployable, abusive drug addict”. Hey, hey, watch it now. Not all of us unemployable, abusive drug addicts ride motorcycles. ---
**Author:** ![Throatwarbler\_Mangrove](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8c91f0/32.png) [@Throatwarbler\_Mangrove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Throatwarbler_Mangrove)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2010, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-house-mates-a-sign-of-immaturity/537254/55 "2010-04-27T20:42:11Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Hey, hey, watch it now. Not all of us unemployable, abusive drug addicts ride motorcycles. As an aspiring unemployed drug addicted motorcyclist, I guess the girls are just going to have to like me for me. ---
**Author:** ![Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tastes_of_chocolate/32/3232_2.png) [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tastes_of_Chocolate)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2010, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-house-mates-a-sign-of-immaturity/537254/56 "2010-04-27T22:59:13Z")
In my life, I’ve lived with my parents, I’ve shared apartments, I’ve lived on my own, and now I live with my SO. If I were to end up on my own again, I’m not sure I’ve want to buy a house and live by myself. I enjoy having someone to talk, to cook/eat with, to share the chores with. Owning a home and living by yourself is not the be all/end all. Being ABLE to live by yourself (ie. self sufficent), even if you chose not to, is a good thing though. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-house-mates-a-sign-of-immaturity/537254.md?page=2)