# Are Men Only As Faithful As Their Options?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [May 13, 2002, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840 "2002-05-13T17:15:23Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Surreal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surreal)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2002, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/1 "2002-05-13T17:15:23Z")
In one of his HBO comedy specials, Cris Rock said “Men are only as faithful as their options”, meaning that a man’s fidelity hinges upon how desirable he is. Do you agree with this statement?
I tend to agree. I can’t imagine any man turning down a good offer, ever. I don’t care how much ‘in love’ he is with his partner. If he’s poor and ugly, he probably won’t cheat, not because he wouldn’t want to, but because the opportunity to do so will not present itself.
If he’s rich, famous, good looking, etc., he most definately will cheat, because the temptation will always be there.
Thanks.
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### Author:  [@DAVEW0071](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DAVEW0071)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2002, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/2 "2002-05-13T17:24:43Z")
I dunno. Your theory sounds plausible, but at the same time, it fails to explain the Jerry Springer Specials who are obviously poor and ugly, yet have a mistress, or two wives, or seven kids with five different women.
Another hole in the theory is that it assumes that a rich, good-looking guy will _always_ cheat, and I just don’t think that would be so.
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### Author:  [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2002, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/3 "2002-05-13T17:27:26Z")
To say that your appeal to the opposite sex has no effect on the possibilities you are or aren’t confronted with is crazy, but when it comes right down to it, your choice is a matter of character.
I’ve known plenty of very attractive people who’d never consider cheating, even though they’re presented with plenty of willing partners. And why should a person who’s not considered a classic beauty and doesn’t cheat be considered to be any less virtuous?
Your linear extrapolation simply doesn’t work.
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### Author:  [@Who\_me\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Who_me_1)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2002, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/4 "2002-05-13T17:35:20Z")
Chris Rock is a comedian… meaning he probably just made it up.
No, I think men are only as faithful as they are committed to the relationship.
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### Author:  [@Surreal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surreal)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2002, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/5 "2002-05-13T17:41:17Z")
**lieu** - “_I’ve known plenty of very attractive people who’d never consider cheating, even though they’re presented with plenty of willing partners._”
Why not? It’s so easy to rationalize it. Let’s say that he does it in such a way that his wife doesn’t find out about it. He uses a condom, so no harm done!
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### Author:  [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2002, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/6 "2002-05-13T17:45:47Z")
So why wouldn’t women cheat then?
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### Author:  [@Surreal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surreal)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2002, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/7 "2002-05-13T17:54:02Z")
I don’t think that women enjoy variety as much as men do. Generally speaking.
But women DO cheat!
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### Author:  [@B.Serum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/B.Serum)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2002, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/8 "2002-05-13T17:57:41Z")
Puh-leease. It’s a comedy routine. Stereotyping all men is about as accurate as sterotyping any other group.
I’m a guy and I’ve DEFINITELY had the option to cheat on my girlfriend, with persons that I’ve found HIGHLY attractive.
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### Author:  [@Who\_me\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Who_me_1)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2002, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/9 "2002-05-13T18:01:09Z")
And at least some men don’t. I think you’re wrong.
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### Author:  [@Calliope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Calliope)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2002, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/10 "2002-05-13T18:06:19Z")
You are not only wrong, you are downright insulting. Surely you don’t think men are merely subject to the penis? Men who cheat do so because they lack the integrity to be up front about what they need in a relationship…same with women. It has nothing to do with “options”. Even an unattractive man can pay a hooker.
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### Author:  [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2002, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/11 "2002-05-13T18:06:59Z")
Surreal: “Why not? It’s so easy to rationalize it. Let’s say that he does it in such a way that his wife doesn’t find out about it. He uses a condom, so no harm done!”
Who says “no harm done”?
I’d be ashamed as hell if I ever cheated on my wife. I’d consider it a character defect on my part. How could I then expect her to hold to a higher standard than I? How could I look at my kid and expect any admiration from her after I had cheated on her mom?
I’ve had my chances but was never even remotely interested. I think your too easily discounting guilt and the terrible toll it might take on a cheating spouse. Not to mention the fact any woman I ever had an affair with would likely stalk me forever. 🙂
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### Author:  [@sidle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sidle)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2002, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/12 "2002-05-13T18:09:56Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Surreal \*
> \*\ ***lieu** - “_I’ve known plenty of very attractive people who’d never consider cheating, even though they’re presented with plenty of willing partners._”
>
> Why not? It’s so easy to rationalize it. Let’s say that he does it in such a way that his wife doesn’t find out about it. He uses a condom, so no harm done! \*\*
Well, I think you’re stereotyping a bit here. It may be so easy for _you_ to rationalize it, but that doesn’t necessarily extend to every man. You are assuming that the only reason not to cheat is because the partner may find out. However, what if the man in question has a value system which does not include certain behaviors? What if he values his relationship above casual sex on the sly? Even if “no harm done”, in terms of sexual health, maybe the man has character standards for himself that he does not wish to violate. He may be harming his own sense of security, well-being, self-esteem, and general desire to “be a good person”(according to his own definition). He may genuinely love his partner and only want to be with that person sexually.
Just because these reasons may not apply to some men, doesn’t mean they won’t to others.
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### Author:  [@Lucretia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucretia)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2002, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/13 "2002-05-13T18:53:50Z")
There is a saying in the military (or the AF anyway); “What goes TDY stays TDY.”, meaning that many people feel unbound by conventional faithfullness mores when on temporary assignment away from their home base.
It is true, many people take advantage of the relative anonymity, however, many more do not, and many of those people have no lack of willing partners.
So no, I don’t think all men will cheat when given the opportunity. I think it has more to do with their character than their attractiveness.
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### Author:  [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2002, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/14 "2002-05-13T19:14:34Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by lieu \*
> \*\*Surreal: “Why not? It’s so easy to rationalize it. Let’s say that he does it in such a way that his wife doesn’t find out about it. He uses a condom, so no harm done!”
>
> Who says “no harm done”?
>
> I’d be ashamed as hell if I ever cheated on my wife. I’d consider it a character defect on my part. How could I then expect her to hold to a higher standard than I? How could I look at my kid and expect any admiration from her after I had cheated on her mom?\*\*
Darn right.
Besides, if you honestly think “no harm done” simply because you used a condom, then I think you’re putting way too much faith in a piece of latex.
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### Author:  [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2002, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/15 "2002-05-13T19:31:14Z")
Frankly, the OP is wrong. Sure, some people might cheat, but they aren’t good people. I love my BF, and I would never cheat on him. I’d feel flawed and dishonest if I did.
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### Author:  [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2002, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/16 "2002-05-13T19:34:55Z")
If you want marital-affair guilt, go see _Unfaithful._
Not that it’s a great movie or anything, but it’s got “Oh gosh I shouldn’t have cheated on my SO” in spades. And some steamy sex scenes for the guys. 😉
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### Author:  [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2002, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/17 "2002-05-13T19:55:20Z")
Bear in mind, “options” are not a static thing.
I mean, as far as I know, I’ve NEVER had a serious opportunity to cheat on my wife in the years we’ve been married… but that’s partly because I don’t go places where such opportunities might arise, and I don’t do things to bring about such opportunities.
I’ve never cheated on my wife, and I think that would be an utterly rotten thing to do. That said, I’m not virtuous, crazy or dishonest enough to say I could never be tempted. I certainly COULD be tempted. All the more reasons not to put myself in temptation’s way.
Men may be “only as faithful as their options,” but men also have some control over what those options are. A businessman who travels a lot may SEEM to have more opportunities to cheat than I do… but where and how he spends his free time in a strange city is a matter of CHOICE.
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### Author:  [@Bumbazine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbazine)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2002, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/18 "2002-05-13T19:56:05Z")
I for one _always_ look to Chris Rock for guidance on those pesky morality questions. :rolleyes:
Now go write on the blackboard 500 times:
“All men are NOT the same.”
People who like to pretend that they are are probably trying to justify something to themselves.
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### Author:  [@Surreal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surreal)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2002, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/19 "2002-05-13T20:17:24Z")
Well Chris Rock was not saying how men _should_ behave, he was just commenting on how they _do_ behave.
And I don’t think I buy this whole ‘lack of integrity’ argument. Just look at JFK, who was a man of very HIGH integrity. But because he was rich, famous, powerful, and good-looking, he was having orgies in the white house.
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### Author:  [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2002, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/20 "2002-05-13T20:18:48Z")
Excellent point **astorian**.
Maybe part of our ability to always say no is having the sense not to put yourself in a situation where we’d come under any temptation to ever say yes.
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