# Are Men Only As Faithful As Their Options? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 13, 2002, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840 "2002-05-13T17:15:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Fred](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/db5fbb/32.png) [@Fred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fred)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/41 "2002-05-14T02:38:55Z")
Even if Americans in this thread **are** tainted by Judeo-Christian teachings, they are still (a) Men who (b) don’t cheat when given the opportunity. Whether or not they **should or should not** cheat guilt-free doesn’t change the fact that your OP hinged on the fact that all men **do** cheat given the opportunity, a statement which has been shown to be false. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Aguecheek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@Aguecheek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aguecheek)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/42 "2002-05-14T02:47:05Z")
> [@](#): > > For the record, Bill Maher said the exact same quote on ‘Politically Incorrect’. And he was NOT joking. Oh. Well. If Bill Maher said it, it’s _got_ to be true.:rolleyes: For the record, I am **not** American, I am **not** religious, and I was **not** raised in America. And incidentally, your point about polygamous societies proves nothing whatsoever. In those societies, it is not cheating, nor is it a breaking of a vow. It is the accepted practice in whatever polygamous society you might be looking at that men are allowed more than one wife. In my society, and yours, it is not accepted practice. Our marriage vows, our laws, and our society, be they religious or not, do not condone more than one partner per man or woman. Personally, that is what I believe, and from the looks of it, that is what most people here believe. We don’t do it because we believe that it is wrong. End of story. The word of a comedian and a soon-to-be-cancelled media hound does not validate your theory a whit. ---
**Author:** ![Calliope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Calliope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Calliope)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/43 "2002-05-14T02:52:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Surreal \* > \*\*As far as I can tell, everyone who has responded here has been an American, which is probably why they seem so interested in forcing their _religious_ opinions off on everybody else. > > I’ve heard that in _many_ cultures the women allow their husbands to have mistresses because it is understood that this is how men are. If you want a good husband, you’ll let him cheat because good men will have many opportunities. \*\* American–yes religious-no And for the record-female Now, to address the “cultural” thing–women who “allow” their husbands to have mistresses are not being cheated on. The man in question has been honest in his dealings with his wife and she has accepted the relationship on those terms. Cheating is being dishonest and hoping your partner doesn’t find out. I am in no way endorsing the mistress thing, but it is important that you understand the difference between an open marriage and cheating. And your OP is still a crock. ---
**Author:** ![Eternal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecb155/32.png) [@Eternal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eternal)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/44 "2002-05-14T03:48:14Z")
There’s a lot of people here who obviously don’t WANT to believe this (we all know our reasons but I won’t get into it), but I’d wager that on average the statement is correct, but needless to say it’s not quite so simplistic. People are only faithful if they feel they have reason to be -when they are faithful, they don’t honor their vows (who honestly cares about what God thinks? They can always repent), they honor their SO, who they deem to be too precious to lose. If they have BETTER OPTIONS -options that are more attractive in terms of looks and companionship than the SO to which they are committed, and they are reasonably certain they will not get CAUGHT, they will almost certainly cheat. This is kind of simplistic, too. But there are books on the subject I’m sure. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Wrong\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b782af/32.png) [@The\_Wrong\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Wrong_Girl)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/45 "2002-05-14T03:57:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Surreal \* > \*\*In one of his HBO comedy specials, Cris Rock said “Men are only as faithful as their options”, meaning that a man’s fidelity hinges upon how desirable he is. Do you agree with this statement? > > \*\* No, and (just checking here) how does my opinion as an American, which you strongly argue has been influenced by my “mind-molding” upbringing (in a completely Atheist household, btw) coordinate with what Chris Rock and Bill Maher have to say? They’re Americans too, right? What about their upbringing? Perhaps this “Judeo-Christian ethic” concept you’re trying to posit as the reason that people are disagreeing with you isn’t as strong as you thought. Men aren’t the same. They aren’t. If someone came in here making statements like this about women, they’d be run out on a rail. So why is it okay to make blanket statements about men? ---
**Author:** ![Fred](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/db5fbb/32.png) [@Fred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fred)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/46 "2002-05-14T04:04:06Z")
**Eternal** : Your statement is silly. Those who prefer the companionship of another woman to that of their SO should have no reason to cheat. They should break up with their SO and be with the person the prefer to spend time with. What is preventing said man from forming a new relationship with the quote, “BETTER OPTION”? ---
**Author:** ![\_ceQueen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/b9bd4f/32.png) [@\_ceQueen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_ceQueen)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/47 "2002-05-14T04:15:09Z")
I read the title and thought it was a troll post. I mean, it targets half the population. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/48 "2002-05-14T04:39:51Z")
Surreal, if you simply amended your position to “Some men are only as faithful as their options”, nobody here would be going on about what an asinine stance you’ve taken. But you don’t. It _MUST_ be all men, according to you. Are you saying, “You’re not a man if you DON’T cheat”? Are you trying to reationalize your own contemptuous attitude toward women as “manly”? ---
**Author:** ![Surreal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@Surreal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surreal)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/49 "2002-05-14T04:49:07Z")
I don’t know what made everyone think I said “all”. I _never_ said “all”. I thought that everyone would have automatically realized that when someone says “men do…” or “men like…” that they are only speaking generally, not absolutely. Of course not ALL, but certainly MOST. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/50 "2002-05-14T05:00:54Z")
Allow me to correct you. When you make assertions, it is your responsibility ot define who or what those assertions apply to. In the face if repeated examples of contrary evidence and opinion that clearly took your implication to be the WHOLE class of men, you continually defended your position, and repeatedly made statements that bolstered OUR understanding that you meant ALL men. You are weaseling. You said “Men”. You meant “Men”. You are wrong. Live with it. Oh, as far as MOST men, my opinion is that you are wrong about this as well. Go find some statistics to back up your claim. ---
**Author:** ![Surreal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@Surreal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surreal)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/51 "2002-05-14T05:01:54Z")
Here’s something I found- [http://bellarmine.lmu.edu/faculty/mmills\_fp/Sexdiffs/spr00/panel6.htm](http://bellarmine.lmu.edu/faculty/mmills_fp/Sexdiffs/spr00/panel6.htm) \*“It is also very common for a man in a position of power to use his status to attract women for sex.” “According to a study done by Ralph Johnson of Sacramento State College, 48% of men, but only 5 percent of women, expressed a desire to engage in extramarital sex.” “Men’s sexual fantasies more often include strangers, multiple partners, and anonymous partners” and “Numbers, variety, and novelty dominate men’s fantasies. Men focus on body parts and sexual positions stripped of emotional context.”\* And those are just the 48% who admit it. Imagine how high the actual figure is! ---
**Author:** ![BlackKnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eb8c5e/32.png) [@BlackKnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlackKnight)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/52 "2002-05-14T05:26:34Z")
Only 5% of women express a desire, and yet [40% actually do it](http://www.stanford.edu/dept/news/report/news/may17/feldman-517.html)? What does that tell you about women? 😉 Or maybe we should just admit that Google-mining for links we don’t understand but think support our case isn’t the way to actually prove our case. Sound like a good idea? My god these “men are naturally cheaters” threads are annoying. Nearly as annoying as threads about “-gry” or “All Your Base Are Belong To Us”. ---
**Author:** ![BlackKnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eb8c5e/32.png) [@BlackKnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlackKnight)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/53 "2002-05-14T05:50:33Z")
Wait! There’s more! Men and women have the [same reaction](http://www.laurushealth.com/healthnews/reuters/NewsStory022520023.htm) to actual infidelity. [Men cheat more](http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_255565.html?menu=news.weirdworld.sexlife) … if you poll women about it. [This](http://www.divorcewizards.com/cheating.html) gives very, very close numbers on infidelity. [This](http://www.thirdage.com/romance/marriage/infidelity/index02.html) is the prevailing wisdom, which is contradicted by my first link. [This](http://www.salon.com/feature/1998/02/13infidelity.html) says women are _more_ willing than men to cheat. [This](http://www.cnn.com/ALLPOLITICS/1998/08/20/time/fidelity.poll.html) link posits an interesting double standard that women have towards cheating. Isn’t Google-mining _fun_? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![sidle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee59a6/32.png) [@sidle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sidle)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/54 "2002-05-14T13:02:56Z")
**Surreal** , I skimmed the Sacramento State link you provided. Poor grammar, spelling, no scientific format or terminology, etc. It sounds like it was written by a remedial undergrad for extra credit. Besides, it doesn’t support your blanket claim that _men_, or even _most men_, will cheat. There is no argument here that _some men_ cheat. Beyond that, you’re not going to get anything, because you’re not going to convince anyone here of anything via blatant, simplistic generalizations. You’re wrong. Let’s pack this puppy up and go home. ---
**Author:** ![Spritle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Spritle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spritle)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/55 "2002-05-14T13:13:40Z")
TDY = **T** emporary **D** ut **Y** and means exactly what **RTFirefly** said. As opposed to PCS, Permanent Change of Station, which is a duty tour lasting a year or more (but is by no means permanent - just sort of long-term temporary.) ---
**Author:** ![Fluffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Fluffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fluffy)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/56 "2002-05-14T13:20:59Z")
I started a thread similar to this one several weeks ago and got ripped all to hell from a few people! In fact it was the statement that men are only as faithful as their options that put that thought in my mind anyway! The thread ended up being closed by a mod due to hostility and personal attacks I think. ---
**Author:** ![Fluffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Fluffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fluffy)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/57 "2002-05-14T13:32:41Z")
I also would like to add that it’s probably not even worth it to try to discuss the issue of men/women cheating on these boards as you can see the direction that this thread has taken! I stated above that I started the thread several weeks ago “Do all married men cheat” and even in this thread a certain person has stated that "the thread was started by an angry female looking to blame all men cart blanch,blah blah…This poster has no idea of my motivation for that thread! But, I digress, certainly a volatile subject! ---
**Author:** ![Xerxes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/d2c977/32.png) [@Xerxes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xerxes)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/58 "2002-05-14T13:55:21Z")
> [@](#): > > And all you have to do is go to Google and type in ‘Polygamy’, you’ll find countless documentation, such as this- I think you’ve just opened the debate out about 1000% from your original OP by bringing polygamy into it (and probably not in a good way). Insofar as we might agree that polygamy does not equal bigamy, and insofar as we might agree that \*bigamy is where a man marries two women without them having full knowledge of his marital relationship to the other. \* we might conclude that - whether we approve of the practice or not - that polygamy would involve a man in some relationship with \>1 women who **did** have knowledge of each other. Hence != cheating. ---
**Author:** ![Coil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Coil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coil)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/59 "2002-05-14T14:49:38Z")
Just to add another offended voice: Non-american male Atheist Married I would not cheat even if given the opportunity (and I have had offers). Like a number of people have already stated it does not matter if your SO was guaranteed to never find out. My conscience would kill me if I did it. ---
**Author:** ![Surreal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@Surreal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surreal)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/60 "2002-05-14T14:58:24Z")
**BlackKnight** - “_Isn’t Google-mining fun?_” So, if I don’t provide a cite, I get criticism even though anyone with common sense can observe that it is generally true. But if I DO provide a cite, it’s now “Google-mining”? Admit it. People here believe what they WANT to believe, and no logic or evidence will change their opinions. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840.md?page=4)