# Are Men Only As Faithful As Their Options? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 13, 2002, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840 "2002-05-13T17:15:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![BurglarGenie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eb8c5e/32.png) [@BurglarGenie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BurglarGenie)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2002, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/81 "2002-05-15T20:33:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Surreal \* > \*\ ***BlackKnight** - “_Isn’t Google-mining fun?_” > > So, if I don’t provide a cite, I get criticism even though anyone with common sense can observe that it is generally true. But if I DO provide a cite, it’s now “Google-mining”? > > Admit it. People here believe what they WANT to believe, and no logic or evidence will change their opinions. \*\* Did you read your “cite” at all? It seems to be a summary and critical review of 2 chapters of a larger work. Since the reviewers are summarizing someone else’s work, what you have is really hearsay: I heard it form a friend, who… heard it from a friend, who… heard it from a friend you been messing around. Then, from 2 different places in _your_ cite: > [@](#): > > “Lust is one thing; acting on it is another. Not all people who experience extramarital desires give in to them. The opening quote mark is in your cite both times (without ever having the corresponding closing quote) leading me to think that in the _original_ work that they summarized had this statement. So, you are left with your cite only giving 48% of men (which is _still_ not most men) expressing a desire to engage in extramarital sex; Your cite states that not all of these men experience these desires will have extramarital sex; and some of these men may be in “open” marriages and have consent from their wives and therefore not be cheating. So, if you don’t want to back off from your OP: cite? ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2002, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/82 "2002-05-15T21:13:16Z")
It’s time to unsubscribe to THIS thread. I’m not sure whether surreal is sulking or researching. Whichever, no longer replying. Hasta la vista! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2002, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/83 "2002-05-28T19:00:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Surreal \* > Admit it. People here believe what they WANT to believe, and no logic or evidence will change their opinions. \*\* Ding ding ding we have a winner. For what it’s worth, I have been married for more than 25 years and have never cheated despite having numerous opportunities. But what do I know. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2002, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/84 "2002-05-29T00:19:37Z")
> [@](#): > > Isn’t this what is usually done anyways? I would posit that the majority of debates on the StraightDope contain links to websites found on google, and then bantied about as fact. I’m sure the majority of us are guilty of this. True, but it’s obvious that Surreal didn’t explore his Google links very well. Further, one should find his links PRIOR to making a claim. If Surreal simply hadn’t grabbed the first piece of evidence that seemed to indicate that he was right, he would have seen the other links that Black Knight provided, and he would have realized that his statements are not entirely accurate. > [@](#): > > So then asking for cites is rendered obsolete since nothing can really persuade a person to acknowledge what is a “worthwhile” cite and what isn’t? If I told you that Desmond Morris wrote in his book “The Naked Ape” that humans are essentially adulterers, you would then retort that Desmond Morris is a quack, because it doesn’t prove your point. In my opinion, this is a very dangerous trend. Again, true, but the point is that simply grabbing the first “agreeable” citation isn’t the way to go. There’s a difference between simply citing “The Naked Ape” and additionally citing two or three studies/critiques that agree with it. Further, a good cite doesn’t come from Geocities… ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2002, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/85 "2002-05-29T02:09:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by yojimboguy \* > \*\*It’s time to unsubscribe to THIS thread. I’m not sure whether surreal is sulking or researching. Whichever, no longer replying. > > Hasta la vista! \*\* Damn! I thought this was a lovely thread killer, and then y’all have to come back and revisit it two weeks later. Mermaid, I know you meant no offense, but you spoiled my best ever thread killing post! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![David\_Simmons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9de053/32.png) [@David\_Simmons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/David_Simmons)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2002, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/86 "2002-05-29T06:26:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lucretia \* > \*\*There is a saying in the military (or the AF anyway); “What goes TDY stays TDY.”, meaning that many people feel unbound by conventional faithfullness mores when on temporary assignment away from their home base. > > It is true, many people take advantage of the relative anonymity, however, many more do not, and many of those people have no lack of willing partners. > > So no, I don’t think all men will cheat when given the opportunity. I think it has more to do with their character than their attractiveness. \*\* Of course not all people, men or women, cheat if given the opportunity. However many men do, I think. Take the example of WWII. I would venture to WAG that at least 80% of men in the services then were married. I think my estimate is low but take it for that anyway. Millions, probably hundreds of millions, of anti-venereal prophylactic kits were distributed and an awful lot of them got used. I really don’t believe that a large fraction of those used were used solely by single men. ---
**Author:** ![kabbes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e99b99/32.png) [@kabbes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kabbes)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2002, 9:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/87 "2002-05-29T09:20:10Z")
This blanket statement is _so_ offensive that it is _beyond_ offensive. If I wanted to sleep with someone other than my girlfriend, I would first end it with my girlfriend. As long as I wish to remain in a committed relationship with my girlfriend, I will not even _entertain_ the thought of sleeping around. And I will expect her to do the same. I suppose one _could_ make the case that one’s options become extremely limited if one isn’t looking for any extra-curricular activity, so to this extent affairs are a function of options. But this is to redefine “options” beyond the meaning of the OP and create a self-fulfilling prophesy. No - whatever way I look at the OP’s application of his own odorous set of morals to _me_ is simply obnoxious. Grow some moral fibre. pan ---
**Author:** ![Pablito](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ed655f/32.png) [@Pablito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pablito)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2002, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/88 "2002-05-29T17:26:45Z")
Before we all get self-righteous and congratulatory about how wrong the OP is and how No-One on the straight dope would ever cheat, it might be interesting to consider how we would respond if the question had been modified slightly: “Most men, given the right (wrong) set of circumstances, will cheat.” The circumstances including not merely “opportunity and options” but also a terrible current relationship fraught with stress, anxiety, distrust, lack of support and the like. My point, such that it is, is that it’s easy to say “I’d never do it” and to talk about somebody’s need to have some charactor or to ‘grow some moral fiber’ when one is in a relationship that is going well, but put your average man (or, perhaps, woman) in a really troubling relationship for a couple of years, and then his (her?) answer might very well be different. No one (I hope) gets married planning to cheat, yet many, many people do that very thing. Hmmmmm. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2002, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/89 "2002-05-29T19:10:33Z")
Back when I was a single girl, I got turned down at least once by SINGLE men. And I’m not bad looking. In the one case I remember, it was a male friend who didn’t want to change the relationship Believe it or not, not all men cheat. Not all men will even grab at sex when offered to them when it isn’t cheating. ---
**Author:** ![Meatros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2002, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/90 "2002-05-29T19:26:41Z")
Surreal, you are wrong. Deal with it. Fluffy, you sound bitter. ---
**Author:** ![sidle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee59a6/32.png) [@sidle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sidle)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2002, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/91 "2002-05-29T20:41:16Z")
> [@](#): > > Before we all get self-righteous and congratulatory about how wrong the OP is and how No-One on the straight dope would ever cheat 😕 Wha? No one ever said or even remotely implied **anything** like “no one on the Straight Dope would ever cheat”. With regards to how we would have responded if the OP had been worded differently, that’s already been covered. It’s a given. Oy. I need a Tylenol. ---
**Author:** ![kabbes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e99b99/32.png) [@kabbes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kabbes)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2002, 9:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/92 "2002-05-30T09:22:07Z")
**Pablito** - then they need to end that relationship. Noone is holding a gun to your head and insisting you stay in it, after all. Whilst you _are_ committed to the relationship, however, you have a responsibility to the other party. I’m sorry - I see no grey area here at all. pan ---
**Author:** ![gex\_gex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/94ad74/32.png) [@gex\_gex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gex_gex)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2002, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/93 "2002-05-30T13:15:20Z")
no, i agree **surreal**. men will cheat if they have the oppurtunity. and, i also just _know_ that women are bad drivers, blacks are lazy, atheists have no morals, southerners are rednecks, muslims are terrorists and gay people have a secret agenda controlled by their lobby. or something. :roll eyes: ---
**Author:** ![sidle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee59a6/32.png) [@sidle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sidle)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2002, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/94 "2002-05-30T13:20:08Z")
…and chicks with big hooters are sluts! 😃 [sup] looks down, gasps; “I’M a slut!”[/sup] :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Pablito](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ed655f/32.png) [@Pablito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pablito)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2002, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/95 "2002-05-30T22:02:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by kabbes \* > \*\ ***Pablito** - then they need to end that relationship. Noone is holding a gun to your head and insisting you stay in it, after all. Whilst you _are_ committed to the relationship, however, you have a responsibility to the other party. I’m sorry - I see no grey area here at all. > > pan \*\* I agree–absolutely no gray area here. My point was that lots of people say and believe that they’ll never cheat, but then they do. Nothing excuses cheating, but that doesn’t mean we can’t argue about why they do it. The argument here, as I understand it, is not about the rightness of cheating but about the ‘whetherness’ of it. ---
**Author:** ![kabbes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e99b99/32.png) [@kabbes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kabbes)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2002, 9:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/96 "2002-05-31T09:27:05Z")
OK - but we have lots of people here saying that they _have_ had the chance and they have _not_ cheated. And I know for a fact that I would fall into the camp, because a few moment’s pleasure could never make up for the lifetime of guilt I would feel as a result. Being a human - i.e. one who is able to override their base instincts by rational decision - I know that I would simply say no. I hope the day never comes when I am just a big bag of hormones with no higher-order functionality. pan ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2002, 10:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/97 "2002-05-31T10:31:17Z")
Sheesh, maybe it depends on how you’re wired, but men do have control whether or not they pull their dicks out. Jimmy Carter lusted in his heart. Lot’s of people, heck maybe everyone does to a certain extent. Acting on that lust is a whole nother ball game. I go on business trips all the time. $10 for a rub-and-tug, $25 a rub-and-blow and under $50 will buy you all night. To me it’s cheating, and I’ve never done any of the above when involved with a SO. I’ll take the fifth on other times. There are a very vocal minority of married people that are absolute whore hounds the second their spouse’s back is turned. I’ve personally noticed a lot more men than women exhibit such blatant behavior, and for both groups they are a small minority of the business travellers. Yet this is the stereotype perhaps that the OP is addressing. This is an obnoxious minority. In my experience, most of the above are the kinds of co-workers and bosses that you want to keep as far away from as possible. They tend to fuck you over in your company faster than they proposition a hooker, and with as much deliberation. Think about it (provided they do not have a mutually agreed upon open marriage), they obviously do not value their SO’s trust, fidelity, health, etc. You think they are going to give a rat’s ass if they can stick it to you at work for any thing that will help them get ahead? ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2002, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/98 "2002-05-31T21:09:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by China Guy \* > **I go on business trips all the time. $10 for a rub-and-tug, $25 a rub-and-blow and under $50 will buy you all night.** How much for the rub-and-tug-ahoy? ---
**Author:** ![ianzin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ed655f/32.png) [@ianzin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ianzin)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2002, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/99 "2002-05-31T22:19:09Z")
It’s an inaccurate and offensive stereotype. Some men cheat a lot and may fairly be likened to ‘dogs’ in the sense that they indiscriminately ‘get it where they can’. These men get a lot of mentions, especially by women, and even more especially by women comedians. But they are in a minority. Most men, like me, do not regard sexual incontinence as either desirable or acceptable. It’s rather like saying 'Women are hopeless drivers". Well, a few truly are. But most can drive just as well as men, if not better. Stereotyping is ignorance recycled. It has no role on the SDMB. ---
**Author:** ![Critical1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@Critical1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Critical1)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2002, 10:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840/100 "2002-06-01T10:08:41Z")
you mean I was SUPPOSED to fuck all those highscholl girls that hit on me when I worked at the mall??? GOD DAMNIT! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-men-only-as-faithful-as-their-options/108840.md?page=6)