# Are my dating criteria unreasonable? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 4, 2003, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882 "2003-03-04T00:07:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![porcupine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ac91a4/32.png) [@porcupine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/porcupine)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2003, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882/101 "2003-03-05T22:33:44Z")
I think some of the criteria seem a bit unreasonable. Also, how are you going to know some of these before you start to date someone? Isn’t dating someone all about getting to know him/her to find out if the person is compatible or not? Also, just because someone might be politically conservative doesn’t mean they’re sexist, homophobic, or racist. But if you’re finding people to date, then of course they’re not too limiting. ---
**Author:** ![porcupine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ac91a4/32.png) [@porcupine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/porcupine)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2003, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882/102 "2003-03-05T22:36:40Z")
That came out sounding a lot snarkier than I intended. Sorry about that. ---
**Author:** ![Angelofthemist68](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a183cd/32.png) [@Angelofthemist68](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angelofthemist68)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2003, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882/103 "2003-03-05T23:33:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by JThunder \* > \*\*Yes I am, which is how I’ve made that observation. It’s hard not to notice, when you’re living that life. Does my ethicity invalidate my point in any way? > > FTR though, I’ve said the very same thing about black women. Both groups have an unusually difficult time with the opposite sex. > > As I’ve said in other threads, I’m involved with a beautiful disabled woman – and FTR, she’s Caucasian. However, that doesn’t prevent me from noticing that fellow Asian males have an extraordinarily difficult time dating outside their race, whereas Asian women have no such problems. \*\* I,personally wouldn’t have any problem dating an Oriental male,the only problem with Oriental men and My requirements are the fact that most,(not all but most) are shorter than I am and I prefer taller men. Godspeed,Monica:) ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882/104 "2003-03-06T00:14:25Z")
**porcupine** : It wasn’t really snarky. Note that most of my criteria are pretty obvious and straightforward, not usually hard things to find out. I’ve never dated a political conservative and don’t think I’d want to b/c we’d probably disagree on a lot of other things too. What is so unreasonable about liking a certain type? And, what does one do about such a thing? Can you force yourself or psyche yourself out of it? ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882/105 "2003-03-06T00:24:00Z")
I’ve always liked Asian men. For instance, Jackie Chan—he’s cute! I am surprised to learn that Asian men have trouble dating outside of their race. I never would have guessed that. I wondered if perhaps some of them have cultural reasons for wanting to date Asian women only. ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882/106 "2003-03-06T01:20:43Z")
I’d date Chow Yun Fat. Does that count? ---
**Author:** ![X\_Slayer\_ALE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/bbe5ce/32.png) [@X\_Slayer\_ALE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/X_Slayer_ALE)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882/107 "2003-03-06T01:24:45Z")
…dissed ☹ ---
**Author:** ![JerseyDiamond](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8491ac/32.png) [@JerseyDiamond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JerseyDiamond)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882/108 "2003-03-06T01:24:51Z")
Rubystreak, be patient and you will find him. I wasn’t even looking for a relationship, and I was unexpectantly set up, by a family member, with my dream guy. We are now married and I couldn’t ask for anyone better. Good luck, you will find him. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882/109 "2003-03-06T02:18:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rubystreak \* > [B **Duke** : I have no idea where Lewiston is. Are you near Central NY? Do you even loosely fit my pain in the ass list of personal preferences? If so, what the hell, my e-mail address is on this thread somewhere. Drop me a line. \*\* Lewiston is in the “coffin-corner” of upstate New York, north of Niagara Falls (yes, believe it). It’s a little ways from central upstate NY, but hey, I’m planning to drive 7 hours one way to a DopeFest in Montreal in two weeks… As for meeting “the list” (is it infamous enough to refer to in that way?), I think I miss the weight requirement by five pounds, but that’s it. But I’m wondering if you would meet my own stringent requirements… 1. not a psychotic axe-murderer 2. no outstanding felony warrants 3. um, couldn’t think of another one. Men just can’t be so choosy. Of course, I mentioned earlier in this thread that you’ll probably end up with a guy who doesn’t match anything on “the list.” But what do I know…even _I_ don’t believe in my own advice… ---
**Author:** ![The\_Ace\_of\_Swords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e495f1/32.png) [@The\_Ace\_of\_Swords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Ace_of_Swords)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882/110 "2003-03-06T02:26:58Z")
Oh, fer chrissake. Listen, have whatever lists/personal perferences you want – as long as “really loves me and is good for me” still gets veto power. Sheesh. 🙂 (and FTR I maxed out all the criteria. In the mornings, if the knife’s out of reach, I slice cheese with my chin, take my 16 pound tabby out on his chain; followed by volleyball practice – cardio and strength training, and then, if there’s time, defacing my oodles money into liberal propaganda. Go, me!) ---
**Author:** ![FranticMad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c68b51/32.png) [@FranticMad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FranticMad)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882/111 "2003-03-06T04:01:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Ace of Swords \* > \*\*Oh, fer chrissake – as long as “really loves me and is good for me” still gets veto power. > \*\* Ah, that’s good. I needed a laugh today. People udner age 35 really choose their lovers by what’s good for them. Chortle. You almost had me there, thinking you were serious. How can someone really love you and be good for you when their chin is wrong? Ewww. ---
**Author:** ![DrLizardo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5fc32e/32.png) [@DrLizardo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrLizardo)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882/112 "2003-03-06T04:30:32Z")
Upon reflection, I have to thank you for your OP, which made me ponder my own “list”… An academic exercise as I happen to be married to the love of my life (and yes, she meets 'em) But nevertheless they are: 1. Female. I stand by this: I am a straight male and make no apologies for my stubborn refusal to be attracted to men. I’m a pig, I know. Get over it. Race-wise, I am an equal-opportunity male pig. I’ve had relationships with every race I know of (and some very beautiful and wonderful combinations thereof) and I can assure you it is NOT an issue; though I’ll admit there may be a grain of truth to the old saying: 'once you had black, you’ll never go back." 2. Likes sex. I realize this sounds flippant, but I don’t mean it that way. I seriously mean that I can only be with someone who just flat out enjoys sex. Can’t have hangups, guilt, “icky” feelings, etc. Can’t play games with sex or use it as a negotiating tool. Gotta wanna do it 'cuz it’s fun and you’re in love with the other party… You just plain gotta be into it. You have to like it when it’s gentle tender making love, and then the next night be ready to scream out “Screw that, just f\*\*k me!”… Please note this does not imply “loose” No stereotyping, please! Everything beyond that is not a requirement, but a preference… And frankly, I’m pretty mellow about preferences. In my personal experience, those I’ve encountered who meet requirement #2 above will tend to have the other the mental and moral makeup to be compatible with me. Emilio PS - I’m over six feet, but pretty much blow every other thing on the original list. ---
**Author:** ![Essured](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Essured](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Essured)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882/113 "2003-03-06T05:15:01Z")
I agree, **DrLizardo,** this thread made me think about what were my preferences and what were my dealbreakers. Good thought exercise. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Ace\_of\_Swords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e495f1/32.png) [@The\_Ace\_of\_Swords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Ace_of_Swords)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882/114 "2003-03-06T06:02:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by FranticMad \* > \*\*Ah, that’s good. I needed a laugh today. People udner age 35 really choose their lovers by what’s good for them. Chortle. You almost had me there, thinking you were serious. > > How can someone really love you and be good for you when their chin is wrong? Ewww. \*\* 😕 Whatever you meant by this didn’t come across. Modern dating got you cynical, perhaps? ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882/115 "2003-03-06T07:05:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Angelofthemist68 \* > \*\*I,personally wouldn’t have any problem dating an Oriental male,the only problem with Oriental men and My requirements are the fact that most,(not all but most) are shorter than I am and I prefer taller men. \*\* Unfortunately, that is often true… and yes, many women do prefer taller men. BTW, I think this is worth remembering, the next time someone complains that men don’t go for badly overweight women. ---
**Author:** ![Urban\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Urban\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urban_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882/116 "2003-03-06T11:42:47Z")
**Rubysteak** , But which criteria will you apply first? Mental, physical, or financial? It’s great if the guy fits with all the specs, but what if he doesn’t? How do you prioritise those? > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Winsling \* > Well, “stand” is different than “like”. I interperted the latter as, “enjoy the cat enough to clean the litterbox.” Stand, I’d guess about 80% I like cats, but I still won’t clean the litterbox. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882/117 "2003-03-06T13:15:37Z")
> [@](#): > > JThunder wrote: > BTW, I think this is worth remembering, the next time someone complains that men don’t go for badly overweight women. See, now, and that’s another thing. I never understood the height requirement. I mean, I understand that some people have one, but I never have. I figure, at 5’ 4", most men are taller than me. If they are taller than me, they are “tall”. I just don’t pay attention all that much. (Though of course, tall is _nice_, when I do notice it.) I remember asking one guy, “Could you get that from the top shelf? You’re taller than me.” (That’s he’s taller is always my default thought.) He looked at me like I was from Mars and said, “I’m 5’ 6”!" I’m _short!_" I just looked at him, shrugged, and said, “Well, you’re still taller than me—go get that from the top shelf, wouldja?” ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882/118 "2003-03-06T13:40:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by FranticMad \* > \*\*Ah, that’s good. I needed a laugh today. People udner age 35 really choose their lovers by what’s good for them. Chortle. You almost had me there, thinking you were serious. > > How can someone really love you and be good for you when their chin is wrong? Ewww. \*\* Oh, for god’s sake. :smack: Give me a break. I can’t stand weak chins. I find them a big turn off. You can have skinny legs, no ass, crooked teeth, a lisp, and a lazy eye and I might still think you were cute, but this is one thing I cannot dig. I’d be FRIENDS with someone who was an awesome person with no chin, but I couldn’t really find them physically attractive, and I’m sorry, but that’s important. I think I can find someone who loves me and is good for me who also happens to possess a chin. Frantic Mad, surely there is some physical trait that is a turn-off for you, so you know, dismount the old high horse, will ya? As for which criteria would prevail: financial would be the first to go, I admit it, b/c the economy sucks and I often date artists or musicians. As for personality v. looks, I’d have to say it would be a combination. He’d have to be attractive to me physically, but also fun and stimulating and healthy. I can’t say where I’d draw the line exactly. It’s too difficult to call b/c after a fashion they blend together, no? ---
**Author:** ![SlowMindThinking](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@SlowMindThinking](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlowMindThinking)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882/119 "2003-03-06T16:05:25Z")
You know, for what its worth, I’m somewhere between 6’ 1" and 6’ 2". I never dated a girl over 5’ 6", mostly because they never said “yes”. (Hunt back, that was on my list.) I can’t remember if any girl under 5’ 4" ever turned me down. (I’ve been married for almost 18 years, and my memory is evidently slipping.) What’s up with that? Back then I had no money, I was a geek (what’s more geeky than a guy majoring in physics and math?), and I was a real bean pole - 150 lbs. Evidently height was a deal breaker for an awful lot of women. I think JThunder is correct, women find height more important than the postings here would indicate. Of course, only one guy here mentioned big boobs. Me, I like athletic women. If I should ever be dating again, I’m going after women who swim butterfly. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882/120 "2003-03-06T16:54:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by yosemitebabe \* > \*\*I’ve always liked Asian men. For instance, Jackie Chan?he’s cute! I am surprised to learn that Asian men have trouble dating outside of their race. I never would have guessed that. I wondered if perhaps some of them have cultural reasons for wanting to date Asian women only. \*\* Quite the opposite, really. They’re usually willing to date non-Asians, especially since Asian women are already in tremendous demand. (In fact, average-looking Asian women are often in demand amongst non-Asians, due to their “exotic” looks.) Yes, Asian men frequently complain that they have trouble dating outside their race. Just look at those TV dating shows. You will almost never see an Asian male on those shows, and you will seldom see a male Asian romantic lead in the movies (outside of the occasional martial arts film). The public doesn’t tend to view them as romantic leads or prospects. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882.md?page=7)