# Are my dating criteria unreasonable? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 4, 2003, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882 "2003-03-04T00:07:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882/121 "2003-03-06T17:02:11Z")
> [@](#): > > JThunder wrote: > > The public doesn’t tend to view them as romantic leads or prospects. And that’s weird. And a shame. There are some really hunky Asian guys out there. But I am reminded of a charming little TV Movie I saw years ago: [Earth Angel](http://us.imdb.com/Title?0101793). The girl was caucasian, her “romantic interest” (Dustin Nguyen) was Asian. And he was cute! Why shouldn’t he be a “leading man”? ---
**Author:** ![Angelofthemist68](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a183cd/32.png) [@Angelofthemist68](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angelofthemist68)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882/122 "2003-03-06T22:06:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by JThunder \* > \*\*Unfortunately, that is often true… and yes, many women do prefer taller men. > > BTW, I think this is worth remembering, the next time someone complains that men don’t go for badly overweight women. \*\* That is exactly right JThunder,Iam a somewhat overweight woman who never complains if a male isn’t accepting of me,I just move on and find one who is,Godspeed,Monica ---
**Author:** ![FranticMad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c68b51/32.png) [@FranticMad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FranticMad)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882/123 "2003-03-06T22:43:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rubystreak \* > \*\*I think I can find someone who loves me and is good for me who also happens to possess a chin. \*\* Fair enough. It’s the sheer size of the list that makes it unreasonable. But now we’re down to a list of 3: 1. loves you, 2. good for you, 3. and has a chin. **Frantic Mad, surely there is some physical trait that is a turn-off for you** Sure. The trouble is that I kept discovering that I loved and had a really good time with people who were poor, fat, brunette, ugly, tall, not so stimulating, and not always fun. Weird, huh? **so you know, dismount the old high horse, will ya?** No way, I like it up here dammit. You asked for My Humble Opinion and you got it. I’ll grant you this – if the future shows that you met and stayed with someone who fit your list, then it was not unreasonable. If you meet such a person, good for you, but the loss is yours. You will never have stretched your understanding of who you are capable of loving – which is something that has taught me, in my life, to be a better person than I was. ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882/124 "2003-03-06T23:09:42Z")
**Duke** : How tall are you? Can you slice cheese with your chin? Kidding. E-mail me, will ya? I’m in NY down near the PA border, not too close, but you know, it’s e-mail. No big deal. I am capable of loving all kinds of people, **FranticMad** , and do. I’m not capable of getting it up for just anyone, though. If you are, bully for you, and I’m sure that’s awfully convenient for you–the whole phone book could be your dating prospects. I really haven’t had any trouble finding guys who meet most of my criteria, honestly. Just that I’m recently single after spending 4 years not looking around at anyone. Your judgements of my character are not really what I asked for when I asked your opinion, btw, but you know what opinions are like. Best of luck to you with dating people you find ugly, unfunny, and unstimulating. Hope it works out for ya. ---
**Author:** ![FranticMad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c68b51/32.png) [@FranticMad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FranticMad)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882/125 "2003-03-07T01:11:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rubystreak \* > \*\ ***Duke** : Your judgements of my character are not really what I asked for \*\* My mistake. I apologize. ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882/126 "2003-03-07T01:23:56Z")
Dunno what poor Duke has to do with it. ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882/127 "2003-03-07T02:28:58Z")
😕 Huh? Oh, wait, I get it, **FranticMad** somehow mixed up my name in **Rubystreak** ’s quote. Confusion corner there. FWIW, I’m 6’2". I should say that, while **Rubystreak** ’s “expectations” are, how should I say, forward, to someone who’s been through the trial of Internet dating they’re hardly unbelievable, or all that unreasonable. The only two I think one might find objectionable are race and money, and those two are front-and-center in any Internet date matching program. Go on any commercial date site, and you’ll see men and women alike talking openly about their preferences in either. OK, maybe the chin thing is a little funny, too. I’ve never tried to slice cheese with mine. E-mail duly on its way, once I can recall my Southern Tier geography. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882/128 "2003-03-07T02:34:50Z")
Is hoping to date someone who makes over $30K/year really unreasonable? Or unrealistic for a 30ish person? I had no idea. ---
**Author:** ![FranticMad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c68b51/32.png) [@FranticMad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FranticMad)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882/129 "2003-03-07T02:43:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rubystreak \* > \*\*Is hoping to date someone who makes over $30K/year really unreasonable? Or unrealistic for a 30ish person? I had no idea. \*\* No, it’s not unreasonable. If you live in a city, it’s wise. Sorry Duke, I didn’t erase that part of the post I was quoting – apologizing when I know I’m wrong gets me rattled. ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882/130 "2003-03-07T02:46:33Z")
FranticMad, it’s actually rather wonderful that you are able to apologize. I appreciate it and no hard feelings. ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882/131 "2003-03-07T03:01:59Z")
As the G’Dopers would say, no worries, **FranticMad**. **Ruby** , I wouldn’t think 30K/yr is unreasonable. I just think some would find any discussion of money and attention to be a bit troubling. Hence the success of _Joe Millionaire_ IMHO–it allowed some people to feel self-righteous about not needing someone to be rich to be attracted to them. Besides, who was it who said, “Your demands are unreasonable–I cannot meet them. If I could meet them, I might consider them more reasonable”? ---
**Author:** ![Scribble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scribble/32/3317_2.png) [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882/132 "2003-03-07T03:22:25Z")
> [@](#): > > Ah, that’s good. I needed a laugh today. People udner age 35 really choose their lovers by what’s good for them. Chortle. You almost had me there, thinking you were serious. Hey–I’m 29, and I choose guys based on what’s good for me. I have a pretty good grasp, I think, on what’s really important in a relationship (sharing a sense of humor, trust, mutual attraction, etc.) Why is that so hard to imagine? ---
**Author:** ![Urban\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Urban\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urban_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882/133 "2003-03-07T05:58:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by JThunder \* > Quite the opposite, really. They’re usually willing to date non-Asians, especially since Asian women are already in tremendous demand. Maybe in the US, but not in Asia. ---
**Author:** ![Sappho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sappho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sappho)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882/134 "2003-03-07T20:46:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rubystreak \* > \*\* > Sappho, is it objectionable to you that I only find white or Latino men attractive? Why? I like what I like. This is not to say that I don’t find some black men attractive, sure I do, but they’re not my general type. > > The reason there are so many physical characteristics on the list is b/c those are the easiest to quantify. Age, height, build, coloring, they’re right out there. Basically, a lanky man born before 1980 or after 1960 is fine. I think a lot of people doth protest too much when they say they don’t care about looks. Everyone cares about looks. If you don’t think someone’s hot, how can you expect to have a thriving sexual relationship with him? I think sex is one of several very important components in a relationship; if it doesn’t work, the relationship will be in trouble. > > \*\* That’s rather defensive… I said I found it “a little objectionable” and then went on to ask your reasons. Specifically I was curious to know whether or not you preferred to date within your race for cultural reasons (perfectly good reasons that work for many people) or for physical reasons. I think what I find a little bizarre about your physical criteria in general is that you acknowledge that they don’t always apply. So you do find some black men attractive, some men with weak chins etc etc. So why bother with the list? Why not just assess each potential date as they come along? As I said before, thinking about what you want is no bad thing, just don’t rule out someone who doesn’t fit the criteria. ---
**Author:** ![Vector](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/dc4da7/32.png) [@Vector](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vector)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882/135 "2003-03-07T21:04:09Z")
Actually, you described my to a tee… Except that I have a crazy ex-girlfriend that won’t leave me alone. I really like cats, and am NOT gay or lying about it. ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2003, 8:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882/136 "2003-03-08T08:54:15Z")
Well, since a couple people are posting, I might as well post mine. 1. Female.(Non-negotiable) 2. Straight. 3. Likes to read(something deeper then pulp books) 4. Somewhat agrees with me as to politics (This has to do with the fact I’ve found it’s quite annoying to be around people who either worship the ground Bush walks on, or considering him to be Hitler’s dumb little Brother, who has never done anything right or good in his life) 5. Is niether a reglious fundiementalist or a religion-bashing atheist. (Being told I’m going to hell for not going to church is going to make me not want to be around you just as much as being looked down on because I do believe in God). 6.Must like meat, or at least tolerate it without trying to give me a guilt trip about the animals I am well aware that I’m eating. I respect the vegitarian lifestyle and don’t try to tell them they are wrong, and I expect the same couresty. 1. Doesn’t object to my hobbies. 2. Practices good Hygiene. (Showering once a day on average, making a certain effort to stay healthy, etc.) 3. Intelligent. (Airheads need not apply). 4. Must have a sense of humor. 5. Be respectful of my opinions and viewpoints even if you don’t agree with them. (Telling me I’m a idiot or threatening my life is only going to get you a quick trip to the door). I’ve been told that I’m picky. ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2003, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882/137 "2003-03-08T22:53:58Z")
**Vector** : How you doin’? 😉 **Sappho** : I would never date someone with a weak chin. Ever. I probably wouldn’t date a black man for many reasons, some of which involve my highly bigoted Italian family and not wanting to put someone through that. There are categories on which I’m flexible, and race is not one of them. It’s sad, I know. However, you being offended by my personal taste is, well, a tiny bit offensive in itself. But it’s OK, no big deal to me, really. ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2003, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882/138 "2003-03-09T06:37:28Z")
I have to step in and defend Rubystreak about not dating black men (or men with a certain physical characteristic): She’s entitled to be as picky as she wants. (I’m sure no one will dispute this.) And who knows—she may amaze herself and discover herself in love with a weak-chinned black man someday—you never know! There are a lot of external reasons to not want to date a certain race. (Ruby brings up her bigoted family. It’s a good enough reason, IMO.) Sometimes it’s just not worth the grief. And it isn’t as if Ruby is the Last Woman on Earth, and she’s got an _obligation_ to give the black guys a crack at her. There are plenty of other women who will be very pleased to date black men! My sister’s husband is black. He’s a great guy. She chose her husband well. But would I want to follow in her footsteps? I am not sure. She’s had to deal with some grief. Maybe I don’t want to deal with that too. (I haven’t decided.) But whatever choice I make, it’s _MY_ choice. It’s nothing to do with bigotry, sometimes it’s just pragmatism. ---
**Author:** ![Angelofthemist68](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a183cd/32.png) [@Angelofthemist68](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angelofthemist68)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2003, 8:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882/139 "2003-03-09T08:30:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by yosemitebabe \* > \*\*See, now, and that’s another thing. I never understood the height requirement. I mean, I understand that some people have one, but I never have. I figure, at 5’ 4", most men are taller than me. If they are taller than me, they are “tall”. I just don’t pay attention all that much. (Though of course, tall is _nice_, when I do notice it.) > > I remember asking one guy, “Could you get that from the top shelf? You’re taller than me.” (That’s he’s taller is always my default thought.) He looked at me like I was from Mars and said, “I’m 5’ 6”!" I’m _short!_" I just looked at him, shrugged, and said, “Well, you’re still taller than me—go get that from the top shelf, wouldja?” \*\* Being that Iam close to 5ft9 Its a bit odd to be with a shorter male,that is why I have a height criteria. Godspeed,Monica ---
**Author:** ![Angelofthemist68](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a183cd/32.png) [@Angelofthemist68](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angelofthemist68)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2003, 8:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882/140 "2003-03-09T08:33:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by yosemitebabe \* > \*\*I have to step in and defend Rubystreak about not dating black men (or men with a certain physical characteristic): > > She’s entitled to be as picky as she wants. (I’m sure no one will dispute this.) And who knows—she may amaze herself and discover herself in love with a weak-chinned black man someday—you never know! > > There are a lot of external reasons to not want to date a certain race. (Ruby brings up her bigoted family. It’s a good enough reason, IMO.) Sometimes it’s just not worth the grief. And it isn’t as if Ruby is the Last Woman on Earth, and she’s got an _obligation_ to give the black guys a crack at her. There are plenty of other women who will be very pleased to date black men! > > My sister’s husband is black. He’s a great guy. She chose her husband well. But would I want to follow in her footsteps? I am not sure. She’s had to deal with some grief. Maybe I don’t want to deal with that too. (I haven’t decided.) But whatever choice I make, it’s _MY_ choice. It’s nothing to do with bigotry, sometimes it’s just pragmatism. \*\* If I love someone the grief from other people is not even an issue with me. Iam the one in the relationship and not them,however I choose to not be with Black men simply because Iam not attracted to them,well unless they looked like Wesley Snipes,lol Godspeed,Monica [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-my-dating-criteria-unreasonable/158882.md?page=8)