# Are police procedurals becoming self-parodies? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 7, 2013, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-police-procedurals-becoming-self-parodies/673363 "2013-11-07T22:22:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![johnspartan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a183cd/32.png) [@johnspartan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnspartan)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2013, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-police-procedurals-becoming-self-parodies/673363/1 "2013-11-07T22:22:29Z")
TheMrs. will watch just about any CSI or Law & Order (or Bones or Mentalist or Liar, Liar or Sherlock or NCIS or whatever). So, even by “osmosis”, I’m subjected to some of this genre. My question… It seems there’s more, lately, of one of these two things (or both): (Guy standing over girl on computer): “Give me a list of everyone left-handed who got a C- or lower in 4th grade reading in a school west of the Mississippi sometime in the 1970s.” Clackety clackety clack. “Got it.” (computers are magic and everything is in one index.) OR “He’s a banker. Bankers are left-brained. Left brained people are left handed. Our person is left handed.” (confusing tendency for proof) So, my question… are these law/cop shows putting in these sorts of bullcrap paths to the conclusion to be moderately funny? Or is it just lazy, formulaic writing? There’s a pretty funny YouTube video out there that’s just a montage of “Zoom in. Okay now _enhance_.” Do you figure they’re always serious with this stuff? ---
**Author:** ![obfusciatrist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/4af34b/32.png) [@obfusciatrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/obfusciatrist)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2013, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-police-procedurals-becoming-self-parodies/673363/2 "2013-11-07T22:32:17Z")
Most of the time it is shortcuts. Watching people do the grunt work to find all of the people at a school who got a C- in a school district over a three year span in the '70s would be boring. The cleverness (to the extent there is any) is in them figuring out that if they knew who all got a C- in a school district over a three year span in the '70s that this would help them find the answer. Procedurals have always been unrealistic to one degree or another. When was the last time a police investigation took six months to solve and then three years to come to trial? And Perry Mason always got a confession on the witness stand. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2013, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-police-procedurals-becoming-self-parodies/673363/3 "2013-11-07T23:40:41Z")
I always liked taking note of the dates on the L&O dum-dum scene separators. Tho it took all of 12 minutes of screen time, they were trying to show us it some days or weeks (I think I remember even some months in one or two eps) of character time to get to a certain point in the case. Still unrealistic, but at least they seemed to be trying. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2013, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-police-procedurals-becoming-self-parodies/673363/4 "2013-11-07T23:47:29Z")
Your two examples are from Criminal Minds, which is probably one of the worst offenders of the “Computers Are Magic” trope. When they don’t rely so much on the elite superduper hacking SKILLZ of Garcia, the show is actually pretty entertaining. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2013, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-police-procedurals-becoming-self-parodies/673363/5 "2013-11-07T23:48:55Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > I always liked taking note of the dates on the L&O dum-dum scene separators. Tho it took all of 12 minutes of screen time, they were trying to show us it some days or weeks (I think I remember even some months in one or two eps) of character time to get to a certain point in the case. Still unrealistic, but at least they seemed to be trying. There was an early one with an epilogue that was “ten months later” or something. The murderer, in addition to being batshit crazy, was also extremely intelligent and was producing, from prison, legal motions of such good quality that Ben Stone respected her work. Of course, there was that other episode that had someone going from crime to conviction to execution in under a year. In New York. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2013, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-police-procedurals-becoming-self-parodies/673363/6 "2013-11-07T23:56:27Z")
> [@Bryan\_Ekers](#): > > There was an early one with an epilogue that was “ten months later” or something. The murderer, in addition to being batshit crazy, was also extremely intelligent and was producing, from prison, legal motions of such good quality that Ben Stone respected her work. > > Of course, there was that other episode that had someone going from crime to conviction to execution in under a year. In New York. Yeah. They should’ve just used stardates Wake up! Time to die! ---
**Author:** ![Aquadementia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aquadementia/32/555_2.png) [@Aquadementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aquadementia)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2013, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-police-procedurals-becoming-self-parodies/673363/7 "2013-11-08T00:02:56Z")
I don’t watch any. I prefer more traditional detectives, private eyes or cops. But I keep seeing things about NCIS like [this thing about pumpkins](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=16819581&highlight=NCIS#post16819581) and it makes me think I’ve been wrong dismissing them all this time, they may be for laughs. ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_A.Robrin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sam_a.robrin/32/14497_2.png) [@Sam\_A.Robrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_A.Robrin)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2013, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-police-procedurals-becoming-self-parodies/673363/8 "2013-11-08T04:53:36Z")
What scares me is when real-life cops see these shows and take cues from them. A few years ago, I edited a true-crime book that started with a cop taking the report of the murder, and concluding, “No one uses the word ‘ajar’ when they’re reporting a murder.” From that point on, the entire investigation was targeted toward convicting the person who made the report, and of course they succeeded. ---
**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2013, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-police-procedurals-becoming-self-parodies/673363/9 "2013-11-08T05:05:23Z")
Not just police procedurals. I’ve just started watching _MI-5_ on Netflix and they not only do the magic computer thing, but I’ve seen them throw up a fully-stocked video store in hours on the off chance the target would wander in. ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2013, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-police-procedurals-becoming-self-parodies/673363/10 "2013-11-08T05:22:49Z")
> [@Justin\_Bailey](#): > > Your two examples are from Criminal Minds, which is probably one of the worst offenders of the “Computers Are Magic” trope. When they don’t rely so much on the elite superduper hacking SKILLZ of Garcia, the show is actually pretty entertaining. I never watched that show, but I’ll bet NCIS can give them a run for their money for the magic computer clichés. In both cases, maybe because it’s The Feds, we’re supposed to assume they can do just about anything. I especially love when they’re trying to keep some outside person (!) from cracking into their computer so they start typing really really fast, and meanwhile the display is going from one screen to another as if every third keystroke was directing to another program, and it just makes no sense at all. Cracks me up every time. Roddy ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2013, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-police-procedurals-becoming-self-parodies/673363/11 "2013-11-08T06:12:02Z")
> [@johnspartan](#): > > (Guy standing over girl on computer): “Give me a list of everyone left-handed who got a C- or lower in 4th grade reading in a school west of the Mississippi sometime in the 1970s.” > > Clackety clackety clack. “Got it.” (computers are magic and everything is in one index.) _Criminal Minds_ is particularly bad about that is the resident computer whiz Garcia is able to come up with just about any information on the information super highway. In one episode she able to access the yearbook of a small town high school from the 1980s online. > [@](#): > > “He’s a banker. Bankers are left-brained. Left brained people are left handed. Our person is left handed.” (confusing tendency for proof) _Criminal Minds_ again. Thankfully the show doesn’t typically deal with them getting warrants for anything. > [@](#): > > So, my question… are these law/cop shows putting in these sorts of bullcrap paths to the conclusion to be moderately funny? Or is it just lazy, formulaic writing? Lazy writing I think. ---
**Author:** ![JLRogers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ce73a5/32.png) [@JLRogers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JLRogers)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2013, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-police-procedurals-becoming-self-parodies/673363/12 "2013-11-08T07:48:11Z")
> [@Sam\_A.Robrin](#): > > What scares me is when real-life cops see these shows and take cues from them. I’m more frightened by [the Presidential administration that takes its cues from that reprehensible trash they called _24_](http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/jurisprudence/2008/07/the_bauer_of_suggestion.html). ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2013, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-police-procedurals-becoming-self-parodies/673363/13 "2013-11-08T08:28:44Z")
There was a video game called LA Noire set in the late '40s and the best thing about it was that you often had to call the police station and get the secretary to look up things like license plate numbers, "eople who failed reading in upper west side manhattan between 3 and 6 years ago etc and such. She did it in about 20 seconds. Relational database software just took such a turn for the worst after 1950. (To be fair, it was for gameplay purposes, so you could get immediate follow up on your clues. I still find it funny, though. They must have the most organized filing cabinet ever) ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2013, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-police-procedurals-becoming-self-parodies/673363/14 "2013-11-08T16:06:02Z")
> [@Justin\_Bailey](#): > > Your two examples are from Criminal Minds, which is probably one of the worst offenders of the “Computers Are Magic” trope. When they don’t rely so much on the elite superduper hacking SKILLZ of Garcia, the show is actually pretty entertaining. The top class magic cop program didn’t use computers, but the genious mathemetician. I can’t remember the name of the show, but he seemed to create a mathematical formula every week to catch the criminals. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2013, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-police-procedurals-becoming-self-parodies/673363/15 "2013-11-08T16:23:40Z")
> [@Odesio](#): > > _Criminal Minds_ is particularly bad about that is the resident computer whiz Garcia is able to come up with just about any information on the information super highway. In one episode she able to access the yearbook of a small town high school from the 1980s online. [You mean like this one](http://www.classmates.com/yearbooks/Southold-High-School/168477)? This is an example of why you shouldn’t think things are impossible or incorrect based solely on your own knowledge. If you think that someone has gotten their facts wrong, look up the facts before commenting. ---
**Author:** ![AlsoNamedBort](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alsonamedbort/32/3213_2.png) [@AlsoNamedBort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AlsoNamedBort)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2013, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-police-procedurals-becoming-self-parodies/673363/16 "2013-11-08T16:37:40Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > The top class magic cop program didn’t use computers, but the genious mathemetician. I can’t remember the name of the show, but he seemed to create a mathematical formula every week to catch the criminals. That would be the wonderfully named [Numb3rs](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0433309/). But at least that was the whole basis of the show, so you could have a total suspension of disbelief, instead of random super computer moments taking you out of it. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2013, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-police-procedurals-becoming-self-parodies/673363/17 "2013-11-08T16:38:29Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > The top class magic cop program didn’t use computers, but the genious mathemetician. I can’t remember the name of the show, but he seemed to create a mathematical formula every week to catch the criminals. Numbers, starring that guy from Northern Exposure. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2013, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-police-procedurals-becoming-self-parodies/673363/18 "2013-11-08T16:53:38Z")
Actually, **Numb3rs** used real mathematical principles: the producers would write plots around a particular branch of math. So whenever Charlie started explaining the math involved, he was talking about a principle that actually existed, and usually used it correctly. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2013, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-police-procedurals-becoming-self-parodies/673363/19 "2013-11-08T17:08:13Z")
> [@RealityChuck](#): > > Actually, **Numb3rs** used real mathematical principles: the producers would write plots around a particular branch of math. So whenever Charlie started explaining the math involved, he was talking about a principle that actually existed, and usually used it correctly. Yeah, but then he would explain it to the FBI characters (and the audience) in such a painfully condescending way: Charlie: We can track the homicide Gaussian curve by a binomial analysis of the game theory set using a Wein displacement inverse over an asymptotic waveform- FBI agent: Whoa, can I have that again in English? Charlie: Well, imagine you have a ball. You bounce it. Agent: Okay. Charlie: The killer is the ball. ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2013, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-police-procedurals-becoming-self-parodies/673363/20 "2013-11-08T17:13:51Z")
> [@johnspartan](#): > > TheMrs. will watch just about any CSI or Law & Order (or Bones or Mentalist or Liar, Liar or Sherlock or NCIS or whatever). > > So, even by “osmosis”, I’m subjected to some of this genre. Abby, zoom in on that bottom part. > [@](#): > > o, even by “osmosis”, I’m subje Focus on the center section and enhance. > [@](#): > > mo There it is. That’s the killer’s M.O. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-police-procedurals-becoming-self-parodies/673363.md?page=2)