# Are some people aware thet their SO is a paedophile but choose to do nothing? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [May 12, 2018, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-some-people-aware-thet-their-so-is-a-paedophile-but-choose-to-do-nothing/814072 "2018-05-12T22:56:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2018, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-some-people-aware-thet-their-so-is-a-paedophile-but-choose-to-do-nothing/814072/21 "2018-05-16T01:08:47Z")
I can understand why someone would be reluctant to turn in their child-molesting spouse (thanks, **Napier** ) It would be embarrassing. It might get in the news. Everyone in your social circle would know about it, and they’d be wondering how you could have not known all that time. It would be rough. The wife/mother in that documentary “Capturing the Friedmans” knew of her husband’s proclivities but claims to have not known about all the molestation (she admitted knowing about one act that had happened years before the others). But I suspect she knew about the child porn because the police discovered stacks of stuff just sitting out in the open. I’m guessing she was simply able to convince herself that child porn isn’t THAT bad. Certainly not so bad as to warrant disrupting her family life over it. And I’m guessing that if she did have a clue about what was really going on (and I think a lot happened, despite the ambiguity painted by that documentary), she was able to convince herself that her husband went after only boys, boys are naturally horny, so what’s the harm? ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2018, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-some-people-aware-thet-their-so-is-a-paedophile-but-choose-to-do-nothing/814072/22 "2018-05-16T02:57:37Z")
> [@CharmaChameleon](#): > > It’s not so much about SOs, you know; more it is about those who want to “protect” the abuser against the needs of the abused. > > In the Summer of 1956 I was four years old. During that Summer Vacation an Aunt, her Son, and her Daughters visited from another State. They all went somewhere, taking my two-year old Sister with them, but leaving me in the care of my first Cousin, who did, during that long Summer afternoon, introduce me to what I’m sure he conceived of as a delightful activity involving his penis and my anus. When (whatever it was) came to an end he told me never to tell anyone about it, and he told me to take a nap. > > The next thing I knew was my Grandmother and my Aunt were holding me down to the bed and administering enemas rectally, and telling me not to worry about it, that “Brother” hadn’t meant to do anything wrong with me. > > Well, “Brother” died a few years ago. To be honest I had entertained fantasies about bringing that end about on his behalf. Thankfully I never got the chance. Also thankfully he’s in his “Reward Zone” now (whatever that might be). > > If you’re protecting a pedophile (American spelling), a child abuser, a spouse abuser, you deserve the same thing “Brother” got. You deserve it now, and not after living a “long, rewarding life”. That’s my take on it. :eek: :mad: I am so sorry this happened to you. ---
**Author:** ![glowacks](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/glowacks/32/5548_2.png) [@glowacks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glowacks)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2018, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-some-people-aware-thet-their-so-is-a-paedophile-but-choose-to-do-nothing/814072/23 "2018-05-16T04:10:03Z")
> [@Napier](#): > > Nit pick to some, but important to others: a pedophile is an adult sexually attracted to children. Pedophiles don’t necessarily actually do anything with children. You’re discussing child molesters. Equating pedophiles with child molesters is like equating typical straight men with rapists. I came here to say the exact same thing. Pedophiles can, in some ways, be compared to homosexuals. Their mind is not built to the standard model of sexual attraction. The cultured world has slowly come to realize that there is nothing wrong with homosexuality so long as it’s between consenting adults. The problem with pedophilia is that there by definition is no such thing as a consenting child. This leads to society thinking that just having those sorts of sexual desires is a crime in and of itself, even if you have no desire to hurt children. It leads society to ban all the possible ways for you to get sexual gratification outside of your imagination because it might in some way lead to violence against children, even if its production involves no live child. Please do not group people who are sexually interested in children with those that actually molest children. The overlap is not actually all that large; most pedophiles are law-abiding citizens, and most child molesters are mainly after the power trip. I am not a pedophile, but I am another marginalized category of society that is taken to be “bad” just by how our brains are built because of what it means in terms of our interactions with other people. Law-abiding pedophiles have my greatest of sympathies for having to suppress their sexual instinct their entire life just as I have to pretend to be someone I’m not to be a member of civil society, and I have it much easier. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2018, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-some-people-aware-thet-their-so-is-a-paedophile-but-choose-to-do-nothing/814072/24 "2018-05-16T20:10:21Z")
> [@glowacks](#): > > most pedophiles are law-abiding citizens, and most child molesters are mainly after the power trip Any cite for this claim that there are large numbers of people that are sexually attracted to children that don’t act on it, versus a smaller population of people that are sexually attracted to children that do act upon those feelings, either through actually molesting children or collect photographs or video of children being molested? ---
**Author:** ![nelliebly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nelliebly/32/5422_2.png) [@nelliebly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nelliebly)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2018, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-some-people-aware-thet-their-so-is-a-paedophile-but-choose-to-do-nothing/814072/25 "2018-05-16T22:00:11Z")
[Pedophiles](https://theconversation.com/psychology-of-a-paedophile-why-are-some-people-attracted-to-children-59991) are adults who are preferentially or solely attracted to children, usually children under age 13. A molester may or may not be sexually attracted to children. So while not all pedophiles are molesters, it’s also true that not all molesters are pedophiles. We don’t know how many pedophiles are out there, so while it’s safe to say not all pedophiles sexually abuse children, we simply don’t know what percentage do: 20%? 50%? 90%? To the OP, child molesters are often very, very good at covering their activities. Think of the lengths some people go to to hide an affair, where the consequences might mean a bitter divorce. Molesting a child can result in jail time and could mean the loss of a job as well as a marriage. So yes, it’s certainly possible an SO would be unaware. That’s not to say all are. ---
**Author:** ![senoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@senoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/senoy)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2018, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-some-people-aware-thet-their-so-is-a-paedophile-but-choose-to-do-nothing/814072/26 "2018-05-17T15:36:59Z")
I think the simplest answer is that life is not simple and when presented with ethical quandaries, there are many different inputs that go into a decision. We know within more than a reasonable doubt that the President of the United States is a serial sex offender. A great deal of people still support him. They likely would not if he were just a guy off the street, but there are reasons that they choose to explain away his behavior. Life is complicated. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-some-people-aware-thet-their-so-is-a-paedophile-but-choose-to-do-nothing/814072.md?page=1)