# Are southerners friendlier than northerners? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 7, 2013, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-southerners-friendlier-than-northerners/662833 "2013-07-07T00:43:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2013, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-southerners-friendlier-than-northerners/662833/41 "2013-07-07T20:43:38Z")
> [@Cartooniverse](#): > > I’ve been in the deep south enough to know that " bless her heart " is identical to " that \*\*\*\* \*\*\*\* " up North. No, actually it isn’t. “Bless your/his/her heart” _can_ be used in that way, but it isn’t _always_. It can be used to express sincere sympathy or affection, and if it were never used in this way it wouldn’t work as a _veiled_ insult. When used as an insult then IME it most commonly means the person being referred to is a total idiot, which isn’t nice but isn’t actually obscene either. ---
**Author:** ![Filbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/filbert/32/3433_2.png) [@Filbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Filbert)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2013, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-southerners-friendlier-than-northerners/662833/42 "2013-07-07T20:47:54Z")
I’m English, born in the North, currently live in the South. The city I currently live in- Bristol- is much friendlier than Manchester, where I also lived a while. It’s really common here for total strangers to start friendly conversations while waiting for a bus, or just while walking down the street- in Manchester, you get ignored by everyone but guys leering and heckling. However, once you get into the smaller towns and villages, it switches. In most Northern villages, it seems de rigeur to acknowledge everyone you see, if at all possible, while that doesn’t seem to be as common in similar sized places I’ve been to here in the South, and I’ve never had someone driving past pull over and ask if I’m OK or need a lift, while I’m walking down a country lane here, which does happen in the North. I think that’s just because in poor rural areas everyone is more likely to need a hand (crap cars break down, bus service can be none existant), than in the more affluent areas, such as most of the South, and if you had to rely on a stranger’s help before, you’re more likely to offer it yourself. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2013, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-southerners-friendlier-than-northerners/662833/43 "2013-07-07T21:16:05Z")
> [@Lamia](#): > > No, actually it isn’t. “Bless your/his/her heart” _can_ be used in that way, but it isn’t _always_. It can be used to express sincere sympathy or affection, and if it were never used in this way it wouldn’t work as a _veiled_ insult. So can “that \*\*\*\* \*\*\*\*!” ---
**Author:** ![InternetLegend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/internetlegend/32/13154_2.png) [@InternetLegend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InternetLegend)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2013, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-southerners-friendlier-than-northerners/662833/44 "2013-07-07T21:40:29Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > Good points, **mons**! Esp the differences from city to city in some areas. > > For instance, I’m convinced that in Dallas, it’s merely a front for many if not most. Some of the nastiest, rudest, most selfish people I’ve ever met were from Dallas. Houston? Totally different. Maybe because Houston is so mixed. > > Rural East Texas, and desert SE New Mexico had some of the most closed minded people I’ve ever met. Didn’t matter if it was about politics, religion, race, TV shows, or even food. In Henderson, TX, tho, they would wave or nod at you, say please and stuff. But they obviously hated us, evidenced by how they treated us beyond superficial social manners. In SE NM, they would rather throw rocks at you than even say excuse me as they bumped you out of the way in WalMart. It seemed they went out of their way to be impolite. > > Yes, all confirmation bias, I know. Yeah, no. You’re dead-on about SE New Mexico, unless you stay on base. The locals are not friendly. (Okay, I’m sure I have my confirmation bias, too.) > [@Blackberry](#): > > Do kids call their friends’ parents Mr. and Ms. Lastname, like people do on TV? Because I’ve never done that and would think it was really weird if my daughter’s friends did. My kids are in their 20s now, and they and their friends always called each others’ parents Mr. and Mrs. Lastname. I kind of liked it, because, you know, I’m not their peer. It’s a tad awkward now that we’re all adults, though, getting them to switch over to first names. > [@Crafter\_Man](#): > > Northerner here. > > I see it mainly in the women. Northern women rarely smile and always look depressed. Like life has dealt them a bad hand. Southern women tend to have a much happier demeanor, and they smile a lot. That’s because, historically (and stereotypically, again), Southern women have been trained to be decorative. Realistically, I haven’t noticed much regional difference in how friendly people are. There are somewhat different manners in different areas, but generally you can find the same ratio of friendly to unfriendly people everywhere you go. (Except Hobbs, New Mexico.) ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2013, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-southerners-friendlier-than-northerners/662833/45 "2013-07-07T23:08:38Z")
My mother-in-law, visiting us from Virginia, went on at length about how much friendlier people were here in Chicago suburbia than back home. From this sample size of one, I’ll give the North the edge. I can’t say I noticed any difference when we’ve visited Virginia. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2013, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-southerners-friendlier-than-northerners/662833/46 "2013-07-08T01:12:12Z")
> [@Lamia](#): > > That is a stereotype, though. I won’t say there’s no truth to it, but the South can be more accepting, and the North less accepting, than one might assume. There’s also plenty of variation within these regions – I’d rather be a minority in say Athens, GA than plenty of places in the North. Hence my use of the word “stereotype”? 😃 I think you done been wooshed. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2013, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-southerners-friendlier-than-northerners/662833/47 "2013-07-08T01:33:05Z")
> [@Kaio](#): > > Hence my use of the word “stereotype”? 😃 > > I think you done been wooshed. Yes, I saw that you used the word “stereotype”, and I was agreeing that the stereotype is…a stereotype. (Maybe I should have put the IS in all caps or something: “That IS a stereotype, though.”) But your post didn’t say anything about the _accuracy_ of the stereotype, which is what my post was about. ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2013, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-southerners-friendlier-than-northerners/662833/48 "2013-07-08T03:17:17Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > Do kids call their friends’ parents Mr. and Ms. Lastname, like people do on TV? Because I’ve never done that and would think it was really weird if my daughter’s friends did. When I was a kid I never addressed my friend’s parents by their first name. It was always Mr. and Mrs. X whether I was in Texas, Colorado, Germany or California. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2013, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-southerners-friendlier-than-northerners/662833/49 "2013-07-08T03:32:16Z")
> [@Odesio](#): > > When I was a kid I never addressed my friend’s parents by their first name. It was always Mr. and Mrs. X whether I was in Texas, Colorado, Germany or California. How old are you? I’m 31 and I just don’t see it done, but then we are known for being casual in Seattle. Sort of related: there have been literally maybe two times in my daughter’s 13 years of life that someone who didn’t know me but knew I was daughter’s mom called me “Mrs. Herlastname”. One of the times it was the mom of her friend who emailed me, but we hadn’t met yet. I was a bit thrown off, not only because neither part of that was accurate: I’m not Mrs. and I don’t share her last name. I can’t think of that happening any other time, but I feel like it might have once. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2013, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-southerners-friendlier-than-northerners/662833/50 "2013-07-08T03:40:44Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > For example, here’s a conversation I had with a coworker from Atlanta while walking down the street in NY: > Atlanta: (to stranger on the street) “Hi! How yall doin?!” > Me: “That’s weird. You saw someone you knew?” > Atlanta: “No…why?”😕 > Me: “Because saying ‘hi’ to perfect strangers on the street is a good way to get punched in the face.” > Atlanta: “I don’t think he would have punched me.” > Me: “Continuing to say ‘hi’ to strangers on the street is a good way to get ME to punch you in the face.” 🙂 And the converse conversation, when I was a teenager backpacking in Appalachia with some other teenagers. We were walking along a rural mountain road, and I was deep in conversation with a girl from Poughkeepsie when a pickup came around the corner. I paused for a second to smile, nod, and wave my hand at the driver, and he smiled and waved back. My friend turned to me, astonished, and said, “You KNOW him?!” It took awhile for me to explain the custom to her. Because that’s all it is. Putting it as nicer or meaner is missing the point. I was brought up to make eye contact with and smile and nod at people I pass on the street, if the street’s not terribly busy. If I’m on a trail or something, a “How’s it going?” is in order. I mean nothing by it. I’m also not being false. The folks I’m smiling and waving and nodding and “how’s it going” to are doing the same to me, and it’s nothing more than a customary social lubricant, similar to saying “please” and “thank you” to people, or the waitress calling me “sugar” or whatever. If folks in New York don’t do that, that doesn’t make them either meaner or more honest. Just different customs. I do remember walking through streets in Norway; if I caught someone’s eye, I’d smile and nod like I normally do. Folks in Norway seemed to be all about the eye contact, but not at all about the smile, and it was unnerving, felt to me like they were staring at me straightfaced. But then when I got help from someone at a business, I’d try to close the transaction with, “Thanks, appreciate it!” or whatever, and leave, and they’d look astonished and say, “Uh, goodbye!” as if leaving without saying goodbye at a business were a major cultural breach. Not meaner, not more honest, just custom. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2013, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-southerners-friendlier-than-northerners/662833/51 "2013-07-08T03:49:44Z")
> [@Lamia](#): > > Yes, I saw that you used the word “stereotype”, and I was agreeing that the stereotype is…a stereotype. (Maybe I should have put the IS in all caps or something: “That IS a stereotype, though.”) But your post didn’t say anything about the _accuracy_ of the stereotype, which is what my post was about. I’m pretty sure the **definition** of a stereotype is a broad generalization that can’t be relied upon for specific accuracy… ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2013, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-southerners-friendlier-than-northerners/662833/52 "2013-07-08T03:55:43Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > How old are you? I’m 31 and I just don’t see it done, but then we are known for being casual in Seattle. I’m thirty-seven. I didn’t start calling any of my friend’s parents by their first names until I was an adult. Today I work in a museum and occasionally play docent for groups of school children. They all refer to me as Mr. Odesio and I would correct them if they addressed me by my first name. Edit: Oh, and in my line of work I come across plenty of interesting people from out of state. The people who come in from New Jersey are always delighted when I tell them I visited their state and how much I enjoyed it. I had a Jewish guy from Brooklyn come in and it was his first time west of the Mississippi River and we talked for a while. The only rude people from the north that I can remember came from Wisconsin but I don’t hold it against the state because I like cheese. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2013, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-southerners-friendlier-than-northerners/662833/53 "2013-07-08T04:35:06Z")
> [@Kaio](#): > > I’m pretty sure the **definition** of a stereotype is a broad generalization that can’t be relied upon for specific accuracy… Yes, I know. That’s basically what I said, yet for some reason this seems to have offended you. I really don’t understand what you’re trying to argue with me about here. ---
**Author:** ![kevinb70](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7cd45c/32.png) [@kevinb70](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kevinb70)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2013, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-southerners-friendlier-than-northerners/662833/54 "2013-07-08T05:26:11Z")
This. USA: I’m southern, we’re friendlier to our own race. I’d say northerners are less friendly but don’t discriminate against who they don’t like! ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2013, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-southerners-friendlier-than-northerners/662833/55 "2013-07-08T08:13:30Z")
I’m from Oregon so I voted as if I were a Northerner even if we are kind of not quite that. When I moved to the south I noticed a VAST improvement in friendliness than what I was used to. Random people in the checkout lines in WalMart and such would chat with me, customer service people were nicer. It was just a much more pleasant experience. This was Houston specifically, a big city. I’ve never met nicer people in general. The PNW is very isolationist and cold toward other people, I feel. ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2013, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-southerners-friendlier-than-northerners/662833/56 "2013-07-08T14:35:13Z")
I’m southern and I’d definitely say we are friendlier, to a point. If you rub us the wrong way things change quickly. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2013, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-southerners-friendlier-than-northerners/662833/57 "2013-07-08T15:02:49Z")
There’s no selection for “USA: People are the same degree of friendly/not-friendly all over the place; the culture of the North and South may present that differently to folks who are inside and outside that culture” so I can’t vote in the poll. ---
**Author:** ![gwendee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@gwendee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gwendee)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2013, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-southerners-friendlier-than-northerners/662833/58 "2013-07-08T16:20:55Z")
About 60% of my years to date were spent in New York metro area, which seems to have a reputation for outright rudeness and I would like to say that I never encountered or observed that. Now I live in Baltimore which is both the southernmost Northern city and northernmost Southern city on the east coast. My broad brush overly general answer to the question in the OP is that I think that southerners are more friendly to strangers. But honestly, I’ve also lived in Illinois and California and people are pretty much the same degree of friendly everywhere. Of those places I felt the most lonely and isolated living in southern California. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2013, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-southerners-friendlier-than-northerners/662833/59 "2013-07-08T16:24:20Z")
> [@Lamia](#): > > Yes, I know. Then why exactly are you under the impression I wasn’t making a point about accuracy? > [@](#): > > That’s basically what I said, yet for some reason this seems to have offended you. I really don’t understand what you’re trying to argue with me about here. That’s what _I_ said too, and yet you seem to believe that I didn’t, and have been attempting to “correct” me. I chose the word “stereotype” for a reason. You are arguing with me, for what reason I don’t know. Since it’s evidently not clear from context, I don’t actually think too highly of stereotyping. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2013, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-southerners-friendlier-than-northerners/662833/60 "2013-07-08T17:48:33Z")
> [@Kaio](#): > > Then why exactly are you under the impression I wasn’t making a point about accuracy? Because your post did not have a clear point. You just said there existed a certain stereotype about the South. That could mean “There are negative stereotypes about every region, and saying Northerners are unfriendly is no more true than saying Southerners are a bunch of bigots” or it could mean “Southerners pretend to be friendly, but this stereotype about them exists because most, though not all, of them really are bigots.” > [@](#): > > That’s what _I_ said too, and yet you seem to believe that I didn’t, and have been attempting to “correct” me. I chose the word “stereotype” for a reason. You are arguing with me, for what reason I don’t know. If you look at my post again, I didn’t accuse you of anything, call you any names, or even bless your heart. I said that the stereotype you described, while not without basis, isn’t really fair either. If that was what you meant all along then I wasn’t arguing with you at all, I was _agreeing_ with you and elaborating upon your point. Because however clear your meaning was to _you_, there are other people reading this thread and I suspect a couple of them saw your post and thought “That’s right, everyone knows that Southerners are a bunch of bigots.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-southerners-friendlier-than-northerners/662833.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-southerners-friendlier-than-northerners/662833.md?page=4)