As a 4-6 Star Wars fanboy I have to vote for episodes 1-3 as the ultimate in suck with the Matrix 2-3 very close behind.
I admit to liking Armegeddon a little. Yes, I am hiding my face in shame.
:smack:
But while on the subject anyway, HAN FIRED FIRST!
Really another OP almost, but I’ll do it anyway and feel free to add your own:
Assume that it’s 10 years ago and you are Lucas’s script doctor. George has agreed as a dealbreaker to let you scrap any reference to midichlorians, but otherwise you can’t make major changes like scrapping the whole scripts and starting from scratch (assuming there actually were scripts and the whole thing wasn’t improv). You can however make just minor tweaks here and there- subtract 10 seconds here and add a minute there and change this to that. How would you have improved the prequel trilogy?
My suggestions:
—On Tattooine when Anakin tries to rescue his mother in the Sandpeople village- this is the first time that he lets the dark side really take him for a ride, and yet it cuts away. This is a violent scene that needed to be in the movie and that was not at all gratuitous- we need to see his expressions while he’s dismembering the Sandpeople, his complete lack of mercy when coming upon Sand-children, etc., and then his reaction moments later when he’s standing in a big pile of Sandpeople limbs and entrails, because this is the beginning of his big metamorphosis.
— On a similar note, why make Owen his stepbrother? Why not have him as a half-brother, his mother’s child with her husband? That way it would make more sense for him to take in the infant Luke, for the baby’s a family member and he would feel obligated to do so for the sake of his dead mother (rather than for the sake of a dead stepmother only briefly married to his dad).
—You show Jabba’s lady friend, let’s see another member of Yoda’s race in the background- a child maybe, or a young woman. What do they look like when they’re not old and wizened?
—General Grievous- change that voice. He sounds too Fozzy Bearish. And make him slightly more believable as a cyborg- give him some backstory perhaps (hell, you could merge him with Darth Maul almost). He’s Cyborg 1.0 while Darth Vader is Cyborg 4.0, so we need him to be more of a 2.1 or 3.0 to see the progression.
—Let’s rework the Palpatine/Anakin scenes to where they seem just a bit less like “Please Professor Hardass, if I get an F on that test my parents will kill me…I’ll do anything to pull it up to a B!” Daddy-Twink gay porn film. (Or, make it seem like more of one but add sex and nudity- Hayden/Anakin’s kinda twinky but worth tapping.)
What would be your changes?
If I ever won a MacArthur Grant… 
I don’t know specifics off the top of my head (It should be its own thread, really) but the first thing I’d do is impose a strict time limit of 120 minutes with a stretch goal of 100 minutes.
Hey, don’t knock Transformers! That’s the best two-hour car commercial you’ll ever see.
The OP said “big-budget blockbusters.” Unless I’m mistaken, “Blockbuster” usually means the movie was commercially successful - not just expensive to make. A big budget blockbuster is a movie that is both expensive AND commercially successful.
“Battlefield Earth” was not a box office success.
By straight up box office take, the highest grossing bad movie of all time is, IMHO, “The Phantom Menace,” which by some lists is the #5 all time rake (mind you, this is unadjusted for inflation) and is legitimately a pretty bad movie, overall.
There are a few movies in the Top 100 that are probably worse:
Alvin and the Chipmunks
Night at the Museum
Armageddon
Independence Day
As I recall, “The Golden Child” was a major hit, and it was a movie of transcedent awfulness, and has often bene cited as the worst blockbuster of all time.
In my own personal movie library, Episodes 1 and 2 rank below Independence Day. I can and have watched ID4 multiple times and enjoy it each time. I’ve seen Ep 1 maybe 3 times and turned it off midway through the third time, never to replay it again. Same for Ep 2, although I managed to finish it the last time.
The Lucas ego is larger than a Star Destroyer. He should have hired a half way decent director, and stepped away from the whole project.
The worst?
Not while Michael Bay lives!
Director, screenwriter, SFX director, casting director, and caterer.
It’s not on my favorite movies of all time, but it’s also nowhere near my least favorite. It did have some great scenes and memorable moments, mostly due to Eddie Murphy’s* delivery. (“I want the kniiiiiiiiiife… pleeeeeeaaaasssssse…”/“My Brother Boopsie has forgiven me!” and “the You can’t just sit behind a screen butt nekkid smoking cigarettes all day” scene.)
*Total hijack: One of my many irritations with the Academy of Motion Pictures [etc.] is Eddie Murphy’s nomination for Dream Girls. While I’ll admit he was great as Jimmy Early, I can think of a dozen actors who would have been just as good or possibly better [including his co-star Jamie Foxx]. However, he’s never been nominated for a comedy, and I can’t name one actor who would take a gross-out scene like the dinner fart-off scenes in the ‘about as plebeian as you can get’ NUTTY PROFESSOR, or the barbershop and Sexual Chocolate scenes from Coming to America, or the church scene from the abysmal Vampire in Brooklyn, and make them can’t catch your breath funny other than Eddie Murphy. He goes through slumps and sure as hell has some bad pictures to his credit, but at his best the man’s on par with Chaplin and Sellers in comic genius but will never be nominated for it.
(bolding mine)
Strange, that is exactly how I would describe the first Matrix movie.
The worst thing about the Star Wars prequels are that they are tritely manipulative and almost aggressively offensive in their complete disregard of the audience’s intelligence. They’re not just ineptly made. They’re testaments of George Lucas’s disdain for his audience, the entire viewing public, and probably the world. Good on him for turning his hatred for humanity into a multi-million dollar enterprise.
On Ain’t It Cool News, Harry reviewed The Day After Tomorrow and wrote something to the effect of, “people, you need to pay attention to this movie because THIS is what will happen if global warming spirals out of control”. Now, granted, Harry’s reviews are always kinda hyperbolic, but that one made me want to bang my head against a wall.
Seconded, although you’re much kinder than i am about the first one. It had its moments, but i found much of it painfully bad.
I also thought that Titanic, with the exception of the special effects during the last half-hour, was a steaming turd.
I can really comment on Star War II and III, because after seeing Star Wars I, i had no desire whatsoever to see them.
The Fantasic Four movies were really, really bad guys. I can’t think of a major blockbuster that has ever been worse than the 2nd fantastic four movie.
That should, of course, read “I can’t really comment…”
Well ya got me. I actually think the Lord of the Rings trilogy is quite entertaining. But I do like SW I II and III better than them. The SW films are more original. Even back in the day when Tolkein wrote the Ring trilogy, elves, dwarves and so forth had been done to death already. It’s not an exciting genre to me.
The FF movies aren’t that bad. They’re not really good, no, but they at least have good casting (okay, Alba was questionable), some fun moments, and they don’t take themselves too seriously. Besides, they have eye candy in the form of Chris Evans (oh no, my flames burned all my clothes off!) and Jessica Alba (I have to strip down so that I’m completely invisible!).
My first thought while reading the OP was the third Pirates movie. At least I could tell what was going on in the Star Wars prequels.
That is a terrifying thought without having anything to do with climate change.
Brother Numsey, actually.
(I love that movie.)
Really? By who?
Dwarves I can kinda see, if you count Snow White. But what other aspects of the genre had been done to death before Tolkien?
(Cause I kinda think you’re wrong.)