# Are the Teeming Masses really THIS stupid? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 29, 2000, 8:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-the-teeming-masses-really-this-stupid/43166 "2000-11-29T08:34:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Sterra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Sterra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sterra)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2000, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-the-teeming-masses-really-this-stupid/43166/41 "2000-11-30T03:19:29Z")
Swedish chainsaw “do not stop with hands or genitals” [http://www.thatsrich.com/manual.htm](http://www.thatsrich.com/manual.htm) Now thats a instruction manual:) ---
**Author:** ![Locke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e9a140/32.png) [@Locke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Locke)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2000, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-the-teeming-masses-really-this-stupid/43166/42 "2000-11-30T03:25:17Z")
I once bought a sushi knife imported from Japan, with a label reading “Do not put in children”. (Must have lost something in the translation) 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![BigGiantHead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b4bc9f/32.png) [@BigGiantHead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigGiantHead)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2000, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-the-teeming-masses-really-this-stupid/43166/43 "2000-11-30T03:39:24Z")
Okay, the part that wigs me out about all this is the “To extinguish, carefully blow out flame to prevent eye injury. Do not snuff” portion. WTF? It would seem to me that the use of a snuffer would HAVE to be safer than the possibility of hot, atomized, breath-born wax particles. Can somebody clue me in on when (and HOW) snuffers became deemed a litigious liability? As an aside - thanks, **particlewill** ; your thread prompted me to retrieve and light my own wax stick of death for personal enjoyment. ‘Mountain spruce’, Mmmmmm. And of course, to get that title properly I had to pick up and look at the bottom of my already-burning, improperly-trimmed, non-heat-resistant-container-mounted pyrotechnic device. Warnings - HA! - Dave ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2000, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-the-teeming-masses-really-this-stupid/43166/44 "2000-11-30T03:42:52Z")
Sounds like we’re all fans of Bill Evengal, eh? ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2000, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-the-teeming-masses-really-this-stupid/43166/45 "2000-11-30T06:23:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Welfy \* > \*\*But anyway… > it bugs me when I find a packet of silica gel in my new clothes or shoes, saying DO NOT EAT. Why the hell would I eat those? They’re tiny, don’t look very tasty…I don’t know, it just annoys me I guess. > \*\* Well, those packets are also used in some food containers, so I can see how there might be a good reason for the warning. My bag of instant ramen today contained the following: 1 plastic pack of dried noodles 1 plastic pack of dried onions 1 plastic pack of miso paste 3 plastic packs of assorted sauces 1 plastic pack of silica gel marked “do not eat” In this case, I’m actually glad the notice was there. As for the non-food warning, it’s probably cheaper for the gel manufacturer to just make one package and ship it to everone rather than tracking which package goes where. –sublight. ---
**Author:** ![Mac\_Guffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2bfe46/32.png) [@Mac\_Guffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mac_Guffin)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2000, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-the-teeming-masses-really-this-stupid/43166/46 "2000-11-30T07:49:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Welfy \* > \*\*But anyway… > > it bugs me when I find a packet of silica gel in my new clothes or shoes, saying DO NOT EAT. Why the hell would I eat those? They’re tiny, don’t look very tasty…I don’t know, it just annoys me I guess.\*\* Why the hell would you eat those? Hey, I eat **everything** I find in my shoes. 🙂 From our bottle of baby powder… > [@](#): > > To use. Shake powder onto hand and smooth onto skin. Not me! I blow a big puff of it into the air, and walk thru it. [sub]At least I did till my wife brought in lawyers.[/sub] Well Duh! Duh Duh Duh! Double Duh! ---
**Author:** ![idiotb0x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ecae2f/32.png) [@idiotb0x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/idiotb0x)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2000, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-the-teeming-masses-really-this-stupid/43166/47 "2000-11-30T13:10:41Z")
Kinda related: When I was in halls for the first year of uni we used to get some wonderfully worded warning signs in the communal areas. They tended to read: “Would the cooks using this facility please refrain from dripping candle wax on the surfaces, as it entails more work for our cleaners.” The best one by far though was a sign put on the door to the shower room: “TALC HAZARD!!! Please refrain from spilling talc onto the tile floors as this may result in slippage and injury!” Had me in stiches for weeks at the thought of some reckless talc fiend deliberately sprinkling the floor with talc in order to injur the unwary. ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2000, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-the-teeming-masses-really-this-stupid/43166/48 "2000-11-30T13:47:35Z")
I love the commercial that shows some campers fighting a bear for a tupperware container of salad. The disclaimer reads “Do not attempt.” Yeah OK, I won’t fight a 1500 pound bear just because you warned me not to. Thanks so much for the warning! ---
**Author:** ![fierra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58956e/32.png) [@fierra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fierra)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2000, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-the-teeming-masses-really-this-stupid/43166/49 "2000-11-30T14:13:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BigGiantHead \* > \*\*Okay, the part that wigs me out about all this is the “To extinguish, carefully blow out flame to prevent eye injury. Do not snuff” portion. > WTF? > It would seem to me that the use of a snuffer would HAVE to be safer than the possibility of hot, atomized, breath-born wax particles. Can somebody clue me in on when (and HOW) snuffers became deemed a litigious liability? > \*\* Quite a lot of people snuff them out using their fingers & pinching the end of the wick - they usually lick their fingers first to do this. It looks quite scary the first time that you see if done, but, if you are quick (which is the important part…), it doesn’t hurt. Obviously if someone did this slowly & hesitantly & burnt their fingers, they could sue… oh, with respect to warnings…I still love Jack Batty’s “warning cape does not enable user to fly…” sig line (well that’s what you get for picking up the stylish black cape…if only you’d picked up the red one next to it in the cloakroom…) ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2000, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-the-teeming-masses-really-this-stupid/43166/50 "2000-11-30T14:57:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by particlewill \* > \*\*Has anyone else run across silly, condescending, or outright “duh!” instructions or warning labels on anything of late? > \*\* I love the caution “Caution: this toy is a marble.” Can’t get more basic than that. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2000, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-the-teeming-masses-really-this-stupid/43166/51 "2000-11-30T16:41:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by fierra \* > \*\*oh, with respect to warnings…I still love Jack Batty’s “warning cape does not enable user to fly…” sig line \*\* You know what makes it especially funny - it was actually printed on the box for a Superman costume. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2000, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-the-teeming-masses-really-this-stupid/43166/52 "2000-12-01T05:04:45Z")
This seems like a “duh”, today in the 2Ks, but I bet it wasn’t always. Virtually every recipe for something to be baked, or instructions on a box of mix, starts out, “Preheat oven…” It seems like a no-brainer, but I wonder how many cakes came out looking like sidewalk chunks before cookbook editors realized that saying, "Mix together blah with blah, add blah and **bake at 350 for 20 minutes** didn’t explicitly tell people they **had** to preheat the oven, instead of turning it on at the same time they put the pan in. My apologies if this has already been stated; I haven’t read the entire thread. Also, my mom likes to tell the anecdote about liquid dish soap. When it first came on the market, people thought the dishes didn’t have to be rinsed, because the soap didn’t leave a visible residue the way powdered soap did. Scrambled eggs a la Palmolive. Blaugh. ---
**Author:** ![meek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ce73a5/32.png) [@meek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/meek)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2000, 10:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-the-teeming-masses-really-this-stupid/43166/53 "2000-12-01T10:50:40Z")
As I was checking for a warning label on the bottom of my candle… I got a third degree burn on my palm. ---
**Author:** ![HannibaIV](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/9fc29f/32.png) [@HannibaIV](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HannibaIV)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2000, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-the-teeming-masses-really-this-stupid/43166/54 "2000-12-01T18:03:49Z")
I came across one a while back for an ice cream bar that read (paraphrasing as best I can recall): “This product may be extremely cold. Allow to warm slightly before eating to prevent sticking to lips and tongue.” It was upon reading that that I lost the last shred of my faith in humanity. ---
**Author:** ![adamsc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ec9cab/32.png) [@adamsc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/adamsc)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2000, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-the-teeming-masses-really-this-stupid/43166/55 "2000-12-04T05:13:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Asmodean \* > \*\*Swedish chainsaw “do not stop with hands or genitals” \*\* This one’s been going around for years. Does anyone have a source cite? ---
**Author:** ![Origato](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/b2d939/32.png) [@Origato](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Origato)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2000, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-the-teeming-masses-really-this-stupid/43166/56 "2000-12-04T05:27:42Z")
To be printed on every product, street corner, skywritten: WARNING: THE ULTIMATE RESULT OF LIFE IS DEATH! THERE IS NO ESCAPING THIS REALITY. IF YOU DO ANYTHING TO CAUSE OR ACCELERATE THIS PROCESS YOU WILL BE DEEMED TO BE UNFIT FOR LIFE AND THUS INELIGIBLE (AS WILL AS YOUR SURVIVORS) FOR ANY COMPENSATION AS A RESULT OF YOUR OWN ACTIONS. Shit, better than any legalese and I’m not charging a cent for it. The world would be a better place if things could be stated so simply. O ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2000, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-the-teeming-masses-really-this-stupid/43166/57 "2000-12-04T17:11:09Z")
> [@](#): > > I once bought a sushi knife imported from Japan, with a label reading “Do not put in children”. What? Do you know how long it takes to fillet them by hand? ---
**Author:** ![Tygr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/df788c/32.png) [@Tygr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tygr)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2000, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-the-teeming-masses-really-this-stupid/43166/58 "2000-12-04T19:49:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Guinastasia \* > \*\*Sounds like we’re all fans of Bill Evengal, eh? > \*\* Here’s yer sine… ---
**Author:** ![Smitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@Smitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smitty)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2000, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-the-teeming-masses-really-this-stupid/43166/59 "2000-12-04T20:11:48Z")
It may be an urban legend, but a nurse friend told me she heard a story about a woman who got some contraceptive jelly. She came back to the doctor and asked for some that was grape flavored, because she couldn’t stand the kind she got, even on toast. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2000, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-the-teeming-masses-really-this-stupid/43166/60 "2000-12-04T21:34:03Z")
> [@](#): > > This is the same man who holds his face just inches away from the propane grill when he lights it. In all seriousness, a friend of mine (35 years old) died this summer from complications after he caught himself on fire trying to light a propane grill. It exploded in his face. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-the-teeming-masses-really-this-stupid/43166.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-the-teeming-masses-really-this-stupid/43166.md?page=4)