# Are there any jokes in the Bible? (11/5/93) **URL:** \ **Category:** Cecil's Columns/Staff Reports\ **Created:** [October 3, 2000, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-any-jokes-in-the-bible-11-5-93/35517 "2000-10-03T20:11:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![davejg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ec9cab/32.png) [@davejg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davejg)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2000, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-any-jokes-in-the-bible-11-5-93/35517/1 "2000-10-03T20:11:13Z")
Okay, this is quite an old article, but I chose to comment on it anyway. November 5, 1993 someone asks “Are there any jokes in the Bible?” The only “joke” I ever came across was some name calling by the Jews. “Baalzebul” was a name the Philistines gave to their god, Baal. “Baalzebul” meaning “lord of the lofty dwelling”. The Jews would have of course disagreed with this position, so they instead refered to him as “Baalzebub”, which means “lord of the flies”. Boy, I bet those Philistines were red in the face when they heard that one! I’m sure they made some perversions of “Yahweh,” but if they did, it didn’t stick. Philistines are gone, and Jews are doing quite well, so the Jews get to write that part of history. ---
**Author:** ![zev\_steinhardt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/97f17d/32.png) [@zev\_steinhardt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zev_steinhardt)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2000, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-any-jokes-in-the-bible-11-5-93/35517/2 "2000-10-03T20:24:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by davejg \* > \*\*Okay, this is quite an old article, but I chose to comment on it anyway. November 5, 1993 someone asks “Are there any jokes in the Bible?” > > The only “joke” I ever came across was some name calling by the Jews. “Baalzebul” was a name the Philistines gave to their god, Baal. “Baalzebul” meaning “lord of the lofty dwelling”. The Jews would have of course disagreed with this position, so they instead refered to him as “Baalzebub”, which means “lord of the flies”. > > Boy, I bet those Philistines were red in the face when they heard that one! I’m sure they made some perversions of “Yahweh,” but if they did, it didn’t stick. Philistines are gone, and Jews are doing quite well, so the Jews get to write that part of history. \*\* Well, Dave, actually, Baalzebub was a Canaanite god. The Philistine god was Dagon. Zev Steinhardt ---
**Author:** ![samclem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9a28c/32.png) [@samclem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samclem)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2000, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-any-jokes-in-the-bible-11-5-93/35517/3 "2000-10-04T01:05:48Z")
There’s always the joke about Mary having PMS. “She rode Joseph’s ass all the way to Bethlehem.” ---
**Author:** ![Cabbage](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@Cabbage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cabbage)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2000, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-any-jokes-in-the-bible-11-5-93/35517/4 "2000-10-04T02:18:11Z")
This has always been my favorite joke in The Bible: [1] Jesus went unto the mount of Olives. [2] And early in the morning he came again into the temple, and all the people came unto him; and he sat down, and taught them. [3] And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst, [4] They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act. [5] Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou? [6] This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not. [7] So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is _without sin_ among you, let him first cast a stone at her. [8] And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground. [9] And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the penultimate: and Jesus was left with the adulterer and her lone accuser standing in the midst. [10] And the accuser, spying a very large stone, stooped down, picked it up, and verily did cast it at the adulterer. [11] And Jesus spake, “Mom, sometimes you really piss me off!” ---
**Author:** ![johnson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d07c76/32.png) [@johnson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnson)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2000, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-any-jokes-in-the-bible-11-5-93/35517/5 "2000-10-04T02:28:16Z")
There’s some verse about “David took his honey and necked her in the chapel…”. Oh, wait…“nectar.” ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2000, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-any-jokes-in-the-bible-11-5-93/35517/6 "2000-10-04T16:29:26Z")
Welcome to the SDMB, and thank you for posting your comment. Please include a link to Cecil’s column if it’s on the straight dope web site. To include a link, it can be as simple as including the web page location in your post (make sure there is a space **before** and **after** the text of the URL). Cecil’s column can be found on-line at this link: [Are there any jokes in the Bible? (05-Nov-1993)](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a5_244.html) The column ( **including** Slug Signorino’s illustration) can also be found on pages 244-247 of Cecil Adams’ book «[_Triumph of the Straight Dope_](http://www.straightdope.com/otheroutlets/books.html)». * * * moderator, «[**Comments on Cecil’s Columns**](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/forumdisplay.php?forumid=1)» ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2000, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-any-jokes-in-the-bible-11-5-93/35517/7 "2000-10-05T02:45:14Z")
How could any article about Bible Jokes be complete without Matthew 16:18? : “And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church” 'Cause you see, “peter” literally means “rock.” It’s where we get the words “petrified” and “petroleum.” Whoa ho, that Jesus, what a card! ---
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2000, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-any-jokes-in-the-bible-11-5-93/35517/8 "2000-10-05T12:51:31Z")
…And, for slapstick in the Bible, you might try the story of David and Goliath. David is going out to fight Goliath, King Saul insists that David wear heavy armour, but it’s too weighty and he falls flat on his face.