# Are there any jokes in the Bible? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cecil's Columns/Staff Reports\ **Created:** [September 7, 2008, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-any-jokes-in-the-bible/462446 "2008-09-07T03:30:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2008, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-any-jokes-in-the-bible/462446/21 "2008-09-21T02:39:35Z")
> [@True Blue Jack](#): > > There being nothing “dirty” in the Bible, of course. [2 Kings 18:27](http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=12&chapter=18&verse=27&version=9&context=verse) > [@](#): > > But Rabshakeh said unto them, Hath my master sent me to thy master, and to thee, to speak these words? hath he not sent me to the men which sit on the wall, that they may eat their own dung, and drink their own piss with you? ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2008, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-any-jokes-in-the-bible/462446/22 "2008-09-21T03:01:18Z")
> [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](#): > > There’s also just plain slapstick in the bible. There’s also black comedy. In 2Kings Elisha’s moseying along when a bunch of punks said, ‘Hey, Cueball! I’ll shine your head for a shekel!’ (Or maybe it was ‘Go up, you baldehead!’ But I like my [del]version[/del] translation better.) So Elisha called down a couple of bears and killed 42 of them. It doesn’t mention if _Yackety Sax_ was heard during the event. ---
**Author:** ![tesseract](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bb73d2/32.png) [@tesseract](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tesseract)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2008, 9:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-any-jokes-in-the-bible/462446/23 "2008-09-22T09:40:06Z")
> [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](#): > > There’s also just plain slapstick in the bible. In I Samuel 17:38 - 39, young David is going to fight the giant Goliath. King Saul says, you can’t go out in your shepherd’s clothes and gives David his armor and a helmet for protection; David puts them on, and they’re so heavy, he falls over. 1Sa 17:38 And Saul armed David with his armor, and he put a helmet of brass upon his head; also he armed him with a coat of mail. 1Sa 17:39 And David girded his sword upon his armor, and he attempted to go; for he had not proved it. And David said unto Saul, I cannot go with these; for I have not proved them. And David put them off him. Where does it say he fell over? ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2008, 10:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-any-jokes-in-the-bible/462446/24 "2008-09-22T10:16:06Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > There’s also black comedy. In 2Kings Elisha’s moseying along when a bunch of punks said, ‘Hey, Cueball! I’ll shine your head for a shekel!’ (Or maybe it was ‘Go up, you baldehead!’ But I like my [del]version[/del] translation better.) So Elisha called down a couple of bears and killed 42 of them. It doesn’t mention if _Yackety Sax_ was heard during the event. Oh come on, Elisha/Elijah was the most overpowered super-hero duo EVER. Spiderman? Batman? Good ol’ pre-crisis Superman? Pansies. I mean seriously, Elijah was so powerful as soon as he ascended bodily into heaven on a Chariot of Fire (no… not THAT one) all Elisha had to do was put Elijah’s remnant clothing (his cloak) in the Jordan and the water split. Everyone makes a big scene about Moses doing it but no one ever gives the Great E Duo™ any credit for accomplishing the same feat using nothing but ripped dirty laundry. > [@Fear\_Itself](#): > > [2 Kings 18:27](http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=12&chapter=18&verse=27&version=9&context=verse) And that whole book between Ecclesiastes and Isaiah for that matter, which was basically just softcore pornography. (Yeah yeah, porn isn’t as offensive as violence, it’s an elaborate allegory etc etc) Anyway I found one in Exodus, a little more dry, but I laughed: Exodus 14:11, 12 (The Israelites to Moses, 7 days post flight, army on their tail) - "And they said unto Moses: ‘Because there were no graves in Egypt, hast thou taken us away to die in the wilderness? Wherefore hast thou dealt thus with us, to bring us forth out of Egypt? Is not this the word that we spoke unto thee in Egypt, saying: Let us alone, that we may serve the Egyptians? For it were better for us to serve the Egyptians, than that we should die in the wilderness.’ " So basically they’re about top die at the edge of the Red Sea and just go, “Dude, seriously, did they run out of graveyard real estate so you had to take us out HERE before we died? Because, you know, comparatively we were pretty happy in Egypt, better than dying in this Hellhole and getting stabbity stabbed by Pharaoh’s dudes and feasted upon by wildlife at the very least.” (Most of it is standard fare, the graveyard part is the meat of the joke) ---
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2008, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-any-jokes-in-the-bible/462446/25 "2008-09-22T12:43:45Z")
> [@tesseract](#): > > 1Sa 17:38 And Saul armed David with his armor, and he put a helmet of brass upon his head; also he armed him with a coat of mail. > 1Sa 17:39 And David girded his sword upon his armor, and he attempted to go; for he had not proved it. And David said unto Saul, I cannot go with these; for I have not proved them. And David put them off him. > > Where does it say he fell over? A crappy translation that takes the humor out. Better: > [@](#): > > Saul clothed David in his own garment; he placed a bronze helmeton his head and fastened a breatplate on him. David girded the sword over the garment. Then he tried to walk but he was not used to it. And David said to Saul, “I cannot walk in these, for I am not used to them.” The Septuagint, instead of “he tried to walk but…” says “he could not walk for…” It’s a breastplate and helmet, the only reason he couldn’t walk was they were too heavy. I exaggerated with “fell down” – but “they’re too heavy, I can’t walk” is pretty slapstick-ish as well. > [@Jragon](#): > > Exodus 14:11, 12 (The Israelites to Moses, 7 days post flight, army on their tail) - "And they said unto Moses: 'Because there were no graves in Egypt, hast thou taken us away to die in the wilderness? Just in case it’s unclear, the joke here is that Egypt was a huge graveyard – mausoleums and mummification and necropolis, the Egyptians were obsessed with death and graves. So “were there no graves in Egypt?” is extremely ironic on several levels. ---
**Author:** ![Find\_Friends](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@Find\_Friends](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Find_Friends)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2008, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-any-jokes-in-the-bible/462446/26 "2008-09-22T14:40:33Z")
> [@Fear\_Itself](#): > > [2 Kings 18:27](http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=12&chapter=18&verse=27&version=9&context=verse) Didn’t you catch my sarcasm at my acquaintance thinking there was nothing “dirty” in the Bible? (I think some of the references to male _ **members** _ would be even more upsetting to him than what you cited. In Ezekiel, IIRC, certain individuals are compared to horses in that, um… capacity.) * * * Still, can anybody tell me whether _emerods_ are literally hemorrhoids? It’s not that I even bother with the individual in question any more. I just would like to know. - “Jack” ---
**Author:** ![John\_W.Kennedy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_w.kennedy/32/1031_2.png) [@John\_W.Kennedy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_W.Kennedy)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2008, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-any-jokes-in-the-bible/462446/27 "2008-09-22T17:50:18Z")
> [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](#): > > A crappy translation that takes the humor out. Better: The Septuagint, instead of “he tried to walk but…” says “he could not walk for…” No, just old-fashioned. “Prove”, in period, generally means “test” or “try”. > [@](#): > > It’s a breastplate and helmet, the only reason he couldn’t walk was they were too heavy. I exaggerated with “fell down” – but “they’re too heavy, I can’t walk” is pretty slapstick-ish as well. > > Just in case it’s unclear, the joke here is that Egypt was a huge graveyard – mausoleums and mummification and necropolis, the Egyptians were obsessed with death and graves. So “were there no graves in Egypt?” is extremely ironic on several levels. ---
**Author:** ![Find\_Friends](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@Find\_Friends](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Find_Friends)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2008, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-any-jokes-in-the-bible/462446/28 "2008-09-24T18:54:59Z")
> [@True Blue Jack](#): > > Still, can anybody tell me whether _emerods_ are literally hemorrhoids? It’s not that I > even bother with the individual in question any more. I just would like to know. > > - “Jack” Nevermind! While _emerod_ could easily mean _hemorrhoid_, it could also mean _boil_. That’s no surprise to me, since I’ve been aware for some time that there are problems with Hebrew-English translations of many terms. * * * Getting back to the OP: It seems that there is some wordplay with Esau also being called “Edom” referring to the color red, and saying to Jacob, “Let me have some of that red stuff.” - “Jack” 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2008, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-any-jokes-in-the-bible/462446/29 "2008-09-24T20:14:06Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > … > > 1. What is the first mention of baseball in the bible? “In the beginning…(big inning)” > > 2. What is the first mention of motorcycles in the bible? “And the sound of Joshua’s Triumph was heard throughout the land…” Heh. Q: Why do rednecks think the Three Wise Men were firefighters? A: The Bible clearly says, “And they came from afar…” ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2008, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-any-jokes-in-the-bible/462446/30 "2008-09-24T20:16:21Z")
Most of the names in the Old Testament are puns: You’ll get two very similar-sounding words, both relevant to the situation. I don’t remember any specific examples, but whenever you see something like “And she named her son \_\_\_\_, because he \_\_\_\_”, the name itself is one word, and the “because he \_\_\_\_” is another word. Of course, of all types of humor, puns translate particularly poorly, so you don’t know they’re there unless you speak Hebrew or your copy of the Bible has good footnotes. ---
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2008, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-any-jokes-in-the-bible/462446/31 "2008-10-10T01:44:36Z")
Since the column was just re-run as a “classic,” I’m going to close this thread and direct folks to the new one: [Biblical Jokes - Cecil's Columns/Staff Reports - Straight Dope Message Board](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=487060) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-any-jokes-in-the-bible/462446.md?page=1)