# Are there "death in the family" checklists? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 10, 2009, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-death-in-the-family-checklists/480728 "2009-01-10T23:15:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Hunter\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/50afbb/32.png) [@Hunter\_Hawk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hunter_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2009, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-death-in-the-family-checklists/480728/1 "2009-01-10T23:15:53Z")
(Wow, that sounds odd…) My dad’s in the hospital and there’s a chance he won’t make it out again. If the worst does happen, are there any guidelines about the stuff you should be sure to handle? This will be a novel experience for me, and I don’t do my best thinking while under stress. My mom is still alive and is okay mentally, but she would of course be in really bad shape emotionally, so I would need to handle whatever I could to help ease the load on her. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2009, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-death-in-the-family-checklists/480728/2 "2009-01-10T23:25:34Z")
I’d be interested in this myself. **Hunter Hawk** -I’m sorry for your troubles. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2009, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-death-in-the-family-checklists/480728/3 "2009-01-10T23:54:16Z")
You might try contacting your local Hospice. They certainly can help. Sorry that you’re going through this. ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2009, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-death-in-the-family-checklists/480728/4 "2009-01-10T23:54:56Z")
My parents both died within a month, so I can sympathise completely. My sister and I had to sort out the following each time: - get death certificate from hospital / hospice (i.e. place of death) - take death certificate to Registrar (of Births, Deaths and marriages) - inform lawyers who held my parent’s wills … these lawyers probated the estate and sorted out inheritance; they also informed tax authorities, bank accounts and pension people - contact family and friends to let them know the news - contact funeral director and answer questions on funeral arrangements, write eulogy … sort out reception after funeral - clear parent’s house (which we inherited), sell house My mother (bless her) gave clear guidance about her funeral. It really helps to know what they would like: - what sort of ceremony - cremation or burial - what music - who speaks As a result of this, I’ve prepaid my own funeral and left clear notes about the service, plus details of my finances. Funeral arrangements come at the worst possible time and if you can bear to do things in advance it really helps. ---
**Author:** ![freckafree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freckafree/32/3050_2.png) [@freckafree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freckafree)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2009, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-death-in-the-family-checklists/480728/5 "2009-01-11T00:01:31Z")
Another vote for contacting Hospice. I’d also think the social worker and/or the chaplain at the hospital could help with this. I’m sorry you and your family are going through this, **Hunter Hawk**. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2009, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-death-in-the-family-checklists/480728/6 "2009-01-11T00:15:05Z")
I’m sorry you have to go through this. Ivylad knows where my life insurance policy is, should I predecease him. You need to make sure you know where your father’s bills are, as well as his bank account info and any insurance policies. I think my FIL knew he was getting sicker, because before he died he disconnected his internet and cancelled some credit cards, I think in an attempt to make things a bit neater for my MIL. ---
**Author:** ![Hunter\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/50afbb/32.png) [@Hunter\_Hawk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hunter_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2009, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-death-in-the-family-checklists/480728/7 "2009-01-11T00:31:13Z")
Thanks for the info and the kind thoughts. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2009, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-death-in-the-family-checklists/480728/8 "2009-01-11T00:34:33Z")
Here’s a UK government version. > **[What to do after someone dies](https://www.gov.uk/after-a-death)** > > The steps you must take when someone dies - register a death, report a death with Tell Us Once, coroners, funerals and death abroad. There’s lots of sites that came up when I googled “What to do if someone dies”. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2009, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-death-in-the-family-checklists/480728/9 "2009-01-11T00:35:12Z")
My in-laws made a list for my mother when my dad died - my FIL is a minister, retired now but when practicing he was obviously one of the first people on call to help grieving relatives. This is what they sent - sorry if the wording is a bit ambiguous in spots, if you need clarification PM me. I’m sorry for what you are going through, I know first hand how terrible it is. Paperwork related to death 1. Get 10-20 copies of certified death certificate from funeral director, you’ll be surprised at how many situations you need them for 2. If nec contact attorney re dying intestate outside US 3. Car license – ownership and title; make sure is put into name of survivor only 4. Financial accounts – contact banks etc. 5. Insurance – inform health insurer, collect life insurance 6. Inform trustee of trust if there is one (the attorney who set up the trust) 7. Inform social security administration 8. Items in safe deposit box? 9. Credit card companies? 10. Title of house – in name of survivor 11. Pension/annuity – contact provider ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2009, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-death-in-the-family-checklists/480728/10 "2009-01-11T02:28:59Z")
Sorry to hear that your father is sick, **Hunter Hawk**. A few additional thoughts, in no particular order. Sometimes the funeral director will take care of getting the death certificate and getting it registered with the appropriate authority. They can order you copies. If the deceased or their spouse is a veteran, they could qualify for burial in a veteran’s cemetery with a veteran’s plaque. Both are less expensive than regular plots and plaques. You’ll need to give his discharge papers to the funeral director. They’ll take copies. Get photocopies of the death certificate as well. Some places will take a photocopy and they’re ten cents rather than twelve dollars each. Utilities, for instance, will take a photocopy, and if the bill’s in both names or if they’re getting a discount, the utilities will want to know. If you feel it appropriate to ask about the possibility of organ donation, now is the time to do it. If the hospital hasn’t already - get him to plan and sign an advance directive. A good directive answers a series of questions about what level of intervention should be done when he is no longer able to respond. It will also give someone medical power of attorney, authorizing them to make choices for him when he cannot. This will have to be notarized. Some hospitals have a notary on staff. Otherwise, you may need to have one come in. The more that gets planned out ahead of time, the easier things will be. Funerals, for instance, are less expensive if they’re planned and paid in advance. My step-father, bless him, had a paid account with a local funeral home. There were still details to plan, but the basics had been covered. Some retirement plans have a separate death benefit. You usually don’t have to request it separately, but check. Some retirement payments are reduced for surviving spouses. Some spouses do not qualify for continued benefits. This can be a rude surprise. If your mother’s health insurance was through your father’s employment or retirement, it may discontinue or require payments. Not something that needs to be checked immediately, but something that should be checked. Some mortgages have a small life insurance rider that pays off the balance of the mortgage in the case of the death of the main breadwinner. It would be an initialed line in the mortgage documents, if it’s there. * * * Our thoughts are with you. ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2009, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-death-in-the-family-checklists/480728/11 "2009-01-11T13:24:20Z")
My deepest sympathies. I’ve got a nifty form to fill out with that sort of information. PM me and I’ll send it out to you (and to anyone else who wants it). It might be too late to fill in all that information, but it’ll help. One thing I can suggest is that you go through all of his financial information, especially bills, and organize it for your mother to make it easier for her. Make sure she has enough cash to live on while your father’s estate is being settled. If your parents use an accountant or financial planner, make an appointment to go over all this stuff. This is going to sound weird, but go through all the furniture – especially old furniture. Sometimes people stash insurance policies and whatnot there to keep them safe, then forget they’re there. Whatever you do, document document document, especially if there are siblings involved. There are a couple of reasons for this. First, it keeps people from working at cross-purposes if some things are getting done and others are not. Second, it helps avoid accusations that you’re trying to help yourself to a larger share of the inheritance. Robin ---
**Author:** ![Hunter\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/50afbb/32.png) [@Hunter\_Hawk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hunter_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2009, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-death-in-the-family-checklists/480728/12 "2009-01-11T17:49:38Z")
Folks, thanks for the additional information. **MsRobyn** , I’ve PMed you; thanks for the offer. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2009, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-death-in-the-family-checklists/480728/13 "2009-01-11T21:17:29Z")
I am sorry you are going through this little slice of hell. You are a better person for getting your ducks in a row before the inevitable happens. Don’t let anyone tell you differently. When you have some sort of order to the madness that is Death, it makes it just that much more easier to cope, IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![Savannah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@Savannah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Savannah)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2009, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-death-in-the-family-checklists/480728/14 "2009-01-11T23:52:43Z")
What Shirley said. And my sympathies with you and your family.