# Are there lonely good-looking people? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 2, 2007, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-lonely-good-looking-people/390472 "2007-02-02T00:27:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-lonely-good-looking-people/390472/41 "2007-02-02T18:06:06Z")
[QUOTE=Stranger On A Train] (I still can figure out what’s with **alice** and the Canadian blokes who won’t step up to the plate…I mean, she’d crush me like a roach, but I’m sure there has to be someone in Calgary who’ll meet her minimum standards) [/QUOTE] There’s part of the problem. I’ve never met **alice**. She lives 3500 km away from me; I have only hearsay to go on as to her charms. Which is another way of saying that she and I don’t move in the same social circles. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-lonely-good-looking-people/390472/42 "2007-02-02T18:19:07Z")
[QUOTE=Maastricht] But anyway, to the OP; I really think that social skills are the determining factor for loneliness. Beauty is important for initial attraction; character is important in the long run; but social skills make human contact possible beyond just “hi” and “bye”. [/QUOTE] And for some people social skills are the hardest to learn and the last acquired. I am not enormously ugly. I have even had a few people say I was good-looking. But… I have never married, and have had a girlfriend for perhaps 4 months total of my entire 43-year life. Why? I did not understand body language. Flirting was an unknown skill to me. I couldn’t tell whether anyone was sending me positive signals, and my occaisional hesitant advances were more often than not towards the wriong people. As a result, I usually wasn’t able to connect with anyone. And the effect of this on my self-esteem made it less and less likely that I would connect. Fortunately, I have worked to correct that, to undo the damage, to become fit, to learn confidence and social perception. I may try dating again, even. :: wishes he had known **Maastricht** when in school :: ---
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-lonely-good-looking-people/390472/43 "2007-02-02T18:20:24Z")
[QUOTE=pool] I don’t get this. Just because you may not like her as a person how can you possibly say she is not good looking, barely passable?? So if you met her on the street and didn’t know who she was, she wasn’t famous you would think "omg jesus what a dog cover that face, she makes me want to puke? I mean if she s barely passable then pretty much nobody is passable. [/QUOTE] Shes not good looking at all. Skinny and blonde doesn’t equal good looking. Shes way too skinny, her face can at best be called plain. Shes not hideous, and if she put on some weight in the right places she might have a body decent enough to be called “hot”, but if she wasn’t famous and rich she wouldn’t stand out a club next to some real hotties. ---
**Author:** ![GargoyleWB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gargoylewb/32/199_2.png) [@GargoyleWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GargoyleWB)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-lonely-good-looking-people/390472/44 "2007-02-02T18:39:47Z")
[QUOTE=Sunspace] And for some people social skills are the hardest to learn and the last acquired. I am not enormously ugly… [/QUOTE] I’ll echo all of Sunspace’s comments. I acknowledge I’m at least unrepulsive, I’ve been described between cute and hot by various women, and have been the subject of a few hen-clucking-circles at the office water cooler. I realize now that my social personality (distant and wary, although nice) makes it incredibly difficult for others to get to know me or understand that I’m trying to express interest in someone romantically. All of my best attempts at 🆒 only ever make it to the level of :dubious: Fortunately, after being pretty much single into my late 30s, I eventually met my wife, who persisted in giving me the benefit of the doubt, even after 3 truly dreadful first dates where I subjected her to my withering :dubious: over and over again. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-lonely-good-looking-people/390472/45 "2007-02-02T19:35:20Z")
[QUOTE=pool] I don’t get this. Just because you may not like her as a person how can you possibly say she is not good looking, barely passable?? So if you met her on the street and didn’t know who she was, she wasn’t famous you would think "omg jesus what a dog cover that face, she makes me want to puke? I mean if she s barely passable then pretty much nobody is passable. [/QUOTE] I’ll repeat: she’s barely passable, and then only in set photoshoots where she’s painted up and airbrushed. In the candid photos I’ve seen of her make her she looks tired, stretched, and frankly, not at all pretty; standard issue party-girl with bug-eye glasses and a deer-in-the-headlights look, and that’s even before opening her mouth and let whatever vapidities that pass for thoughts pollute the environment. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![kimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f0a364/32.png) [@kimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kimera)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-lonely-good-looking-people/390472/46 "2007-02-02T19:48:09Z")
I have a friend who I met about 6 years ago. At the time he was incredibly handsome and famous among a certain group of people. There were so many girls fawning over him that a few even set up fan websites. He was constantly surrounded by people and had no trouble making friends of either sex. I met him during this period, developed a huge crush on him, and we started to talk. He was a miserable person at that time. He’s a nice guy, so he tried to give all of the girls who liked him attention which would make the other ones jealous. Most of the girls weren’t in love with him, they were in love with the idea of him. He dropped out of that scene, cut his hair really short and stopped putting so much attention into his looks. While before he was stunning, easily a 10, now he is average. Almost all of his old friends are gone. He has since told me that he was very lonely during that period he had all those friends and many girlfriends. None of them really cared about him as a person. He probably had hundreds of “friends” during that time yet he only really talks to about three people from that era including me. I’m single right now, I’ve been single for almost two years and I’m not lonely. I’ve got a loving family, several really good friends, and work/school/hobbies to occupy my time. I don’t think that being in a relationship makes one less lonely. You can be in a relationship and still be lonely if you haven’t properly connected to the individual you are dating. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-lonely-good-looking-people/390472/47 "2007-02-02T20:59:31Z")
[QUOTE=Heffalump and Roo] Eh? The description was: “Are there lonely good-looking people?” The first part is lonely. You’re lonely but you’re not lonely? As to the OP, the reviewer also makes the assumption that the person (Mandy Moore’s character in this case) is also outgoing and extroverted. A person could be smart and attractive but not go out enough to meet people. Maybe there’s something in the movie that negates that. [/QUOTE] I was simply saying that someone can be beautiful and not lonely. It’s an obvious joke made not so obvious due to the anonymity of the Internets. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-lonely-good-looking-people/390472/48 "2007-02-02T21:09:53Z")
I’ll also echo my social-awkwardness. I don’t pick up on flirting or signals and don’t often develop any crushes. To the plus side, the last time I did do any kind of dating, I essentially walked up to her and told her she was frickin’ hot and that we should go out some time. It worked, but the dating was pretty quickly squashed. Consequently, I don’t date much, if at all. I think my female birth giver is starting to slowly push me towards the singles’ section in the local paper. As someone that doesn’t drink or dance, I feel it’d be an exercise in futility. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-lonely-good-looking-people/390472/49 "2007-02-02T21:53:35Z")
[QUOTE=kimera] I have a friend who I met about 6 years ago… He has since told me that he was very lonely during that period he had all those friends and many girlfriends. None of them really cared about him as a person. He probably had hundreds of “friends” during that time yet he only really talks to about three people from that era including me. [/QUOTE] This is an interesting point. Sometimes “Popular” people can actually be quite miserable. They may have very few true friends and their relationships can actually feel more like playing a role or working a job. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-lonely-good-looking-people/390472/50 "2007-02-02T22:15:51Z")
[QUOTE=GargoyleWB] I’ll echo all of Sunspace’s comments… I realize now that my social personality (distant and wary, although nice) makes it incredibly difficult for others to get to know me or understand that I’m trying to express interest in someone romantically… [/quote] How well expressed. It was only in the past couple of years that I understood this. Now I make an effort to ask questions and really listen to people. > [@GargoyleWB](#): > > Fortunately, after being pretty much single into my late 30s, I eventually met my wife, who persisted in giving me the benefit of the doubt, even after 3 truly dreadful first dates where I subjected her to my withering :dubious: over and over again. No such luck. Last woman I met with mutual interest turned out to be smart, eclectic, curvy and good looking, …and 24 years younger than me. :smack: With much regret, we decided it wouldn’t work. ☹ Looks like it’s time to try internet dating again. Or look for an overseas fling in Tokyo this summer. (Hey, they don’t call the part of the government that, among other things, issues passports, the [Department of Foreign Affairs and International Trade](http://www.international.gc.ca/index.aspx) for nothing! 🙂 ) ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-lonely-good-looking-people/390472/51 "2007-02-02T23:09:38Z")
[QUOTE=alice\_in\_wonderland] Well, some people think that I’m cute, I have empirical evidence that I’m not a complete dumbass and I’m totally single. [/QUOTE] I daresay this is my situation too. My singleness doesn’t make me miserable, and I’m only lonely every once in a while. I can honestly say that I’ve stayed single thus far by choice - as in, I’ve had guys who were interested, but who didn’t interest me. As has already been pointed out, I don’t think attractiveness makes you any less prone to loneliness. Even the most attractive people in the world can have bad luck with relationships. I am more jealous of people who’ve found a person they can actually connect with than I am of people who are considered attractive by all. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2007, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-lonely-good-looking-people/390472/52 "2007-02-15T17:25:44Z")
[QUOTE=Sunspace] She sounds intriguing, especially the ‘kind of nerdy’ part… but if she is as you describe, I would probably have been intimidated and would never have approached her. Which, I guess, proves your point. Except that things wouldn’t have gotten that far. I simply don’t move in the same upper-corporate circles as people like her. I think that the selection of one’s usual social circles has a lot to do with this. I am under the impression that stereotypically good-looking people tend to migrate to certain professions and jobs. As an example, marketing seems to be full of them. Even those marketing people who don’t deal with clients or the public tend to be pretty good looking, at least where I work. Meanwhile, other people migrate to other jobs. Am I wrong in this belief? [/QUOTE] No.. you’re right, marketing tends to be populated with good looking people. I think it’s because there’s a lot of overlap with sales functions, and good looks are a real asset in those situations. As for social situations, she’s not particularly the cocktail party/opera/little black dress kind of girl. She’s much more of a canned-beer at a cookout type girl for sure. The intimidation factor is pretty high; I have it on good authority that I might have had pretty good luck in dating her, but I never would have found out, because I’ve always thought she was out of my league, looks-wise. Professionally, I wasn’t intimidated, but being someone who’s basically built like an NFL offensive lineman, but 3" shorter, doesn’t exactly give one the impression that you can go out with girls who look like swimsuit models. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2007, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-lonely-good-looking-people/390472/53 "2007-02-15T18:03:53Z")
[QUOTE=bump] As for social situations, she’s not particularly the cocktail party/opera/little black dress kind of girl. She’s much more of a canned-beer at a cookout type girl for sure. [/QUOTE] Even better. Though if she was a Bush supporter, that would be a fatal incompatibility. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2007, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-lonely-good-looking-people/390472/54 "2007-02-15T18:57:43Z")
[QUOTE=pokey] Marilyn Monroe died a spinster all alone on a Saturday night. She went through lots of loneliness. Loneliness doesn’t come from being ugly or being a jerk. Anyone can suddenly feel lonely at any time just like people with running water still get thirsty. Besides if you’re beautiful the only thing that guarantees is a steady stream of people who will love your looks and if you aren’t just looking for someone who finds you beautiful it can still be hard. Being admired is not the same as being loved and understood. [/QUOTE] She wasn’t a spinster. She was married a few times. Fucked up and often (though not always) lonely? Sure. But not a spinster. ---
**Author:** ![kimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f0a364/32.png) [@kimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kimera)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2007, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-lonely-good-looking-people/390472/55 "2007-02-16T05:38:01Z")
[A London study has found that models have poorer mental health, and lower life satisfaction and psychological fulfilment than people in other careers.](http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,21219300-29277,00.html) ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2007, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-lonely-good-looking-people/390472/56 "2007-02-16T18:40:41Z")
[QUOTE=Kalhoun] She wasn’t a spinster. She was married a few times. Fucked up and often (though not always) lonely? Sure. But not a spinster. [/QUOTE] Purr-zackly. No-one’s saying that being good-looking is a guarantee that you’ll find someone to be happy with, or even necessarily anyone who values anything but looks. But chances are you’ll at least have some relationship material to work with. No-one can guarantee that you’ll get to score any runs, it’s up to you to hit the ball - but you generally have more chance if you actually get sent in to bat once in a while. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2007, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-lonely-good-looking-people/390472/57 "2007-02-16T23:10:34Z")
[QUOTE=kimera] [A London study has found that models have poorer mental health, and lower life satisfaction and psychological fulfilment than people in other careers.](http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,21219300-29277,00.html) [/QUOTE] I would imagine that it’s very stressful being forced to look perfect all the time and have your worth judged simply by the one thing you can do the least about - your looks. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-there-lonely-good-looking-people/390472.md?page=2)