# Are waitresses rude to women? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 24, 2011, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-waitresses-rude-to-women/597496 "2011-09-24T21:47:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![LC\_Strawhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@LC\_Strawhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LC_Strawhouse)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2011, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-waitresses-rude-to-women/597496/1 "2011-09-24T21:47:55Z")
I noticed that when I have been to dinner with any of my female friends, they often got angry at the waitress at some point. Or complained to me that the waitress is annoying … or tried to make sure that I wasn’t tipping her too much. This all takes place over my head and I’m the last to notice. This only happens at fancy places, never at casual restaurants. And I never hear any comments about male waiters. Is there some dynamic going on that I should be sensitive about? (I’m a guy and I usually pay, if that matters). I just try to change the subject if it happens, but I don’t want anyone to get offended. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2011, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-waitresses-rude-to-women/597496/2 "2011-09-24T21:50:54Z")
I don’t recall ever being pissed at a server of either sex, or a server of either sex ever being rude to me. Of course, I’m generally polite to them, so that may make a difference. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2011, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-waitresses-rude-to-women/597496/3 "2011-09-24T21:51:20Z")
Speaking as a woman - I think it’s more likely your female friends are being bitches. I can’t remember the last time I found a waitress annoying. Oh wait - I was kind of annoyed at the probable jailbait waitress who kept making eyes at my husband on our anniversary several years back, but that was more funny than anything else. (She was **so** obvious with her “I will flirt with you/you’re going to pay so you’ll tip big because I’m blonde and hot, right?” routine, down to an “accidental” brush of a breast on his shoulder as she turned away from the table.) Both of us would chuckle at her antics after she would leave the table. I paid. 😃 (Yes, I tipped. Adequately.) ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2011, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-waitresses-rude-to-women/597496/4 "2011-09-24T22:00:29Z")
Not in my experience, and I’m female. I’m polite to them and they’re polite to me. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2011, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-waitresses-rude-to-women/597496/5 "2011-09-24T22:05:19Z")
I’ve never noticed it, no. Honestly your female friends sound like twats. Are you (or they) quite young? ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2011, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-waitresses-rude-to-women/597496/6 "2011-09-24T22:10:53Z")
I’ve had a couple of rude waiters/waitresses in my life, but I have never gotten an I’m being persecuted because I am female vibe from a server. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2011, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-waitresses-rude-to-women/597496/7 "2011-09-24T22:13:30Z")
Not from what I can recall. ---
**Author:** ![Ibanez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a4c791/32.png) [@Ibanez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ibanez)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2011, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-waitresses-rude-to-women/597496/8 "2011-09-24T22:17:38Z")
They should be carefull what kind of attitude their dishing out towards the server. Just remind them that serving staff get to “handle” their drinks and meals before they do. Use your imagination as to what can happen. It does. ---
**Author:** ![LC\_Strawhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@LC\_Strawhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LC_Strawhouse)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2011, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-waitresses-rude-to-women/597496/9 "2011-09-24T22:24:16Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > I’ve never noticed it, no. > > Honestly your female friends sound like twats. Are you (or they) quite young? They’re not bad people, maybe just a little high strung! They’d all be in their 30s or 40s - I’m recalling both personal and business dinners. It just happened again yesterday but hopefully it’s just a fluke and won’t happen again. ---
**Author:** ![Waxwinged](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c2a13f/32.png) [@Waxwinged](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waxwinged)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2011, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-waitresses-rude-to-women/597496/10 "2011-09-24T22:33:10Z")
Eh… most of them are nice. I do get mildly miffed at those that put the majority of their attention on the hubby (because they assume he’d be paying?). ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2011, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-waitresses-rude-to-women/597496/11 "2011-09-24T22:34:00Z")
> [@Ibanez](#): > > They should be careful what kind of attitude their dishing out towards the server. Just remind them that serving staff get to “handle” their drinks and meals before they do. Use your imagination as to what can happen. It does. I’ve been told by server friends that a server messing with your food is so rare that it would take thousands of meals for it to happen to you even once. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2011, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-waitresses-rude-to-women/597496/12 "2011-09-24T22:36:24Z")
I have no trouble believing that some woman customers eating out with a guy would try to find an excuse to “hate” the waitress due to the “he’s MY man” dynamic. I thnk that process would be more common than the waitress actually being rude to the woman she is serving. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2011, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-waitresses-rude-to-women/597496/13 "2011-09-24T22:37:01Z")
> [@Justin\_Bailey](#): > > I’ve been told by server friends that a server messing with your food is so rare that it would take thousands of meals for it to happen to you even once. I’ve been told by server friends (and a former high school teacher who used to work in the food industry) something quite different. ---
**Author:** ![missred](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/missred/32/14096_2.png) [@missred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missred)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2011, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-waitresses-rude-to-women/597496/14 "2011-09-24T22:37:36Z")
I’ve never had one be what I would consider rude, but I’ve had young, female servers be patronizing or neglectful. Generally, when they’re neglectful, I look around and see how they are treating tables where men are seated. I don’t take it as neglectful-because-you’re-a-woman if they’re shirking their duties at other tables as well. However, there have been a few who blew me off to fawn over tables with guys. Patronizing is pretty much the way a woman dining alone is treated by young, usually white, female servers about half the time. In places where I’m a regular, I’m usually treated well by all of the staff. I tip well and am not demanding, so if they’ve served me before, they like to see me show up in their section again. BTW, I’ve been on the server side of the fence too, waiting tables and as an assistant manager of a couple of restaurants. I know that it can be hard work during rushes and boring as hell during slow times, so I do try to cut them some slack while still expecting decent service. Does that make sense? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2011, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-waitresses-rude-to-women/597496/15 "2011-09-24T22:39:29Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > I’ve been told by server friends (and a former high school teacher who used to work in the food industry) something quite different. I wonder what the actual truth is? Maybe I should read that Waiter Rant book I keep seeing at the library. ---
**Author:** ![Ibanez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a4c791/32.png) [@Ibanez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ibanez)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2011, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-waitresses-rude-to-women/597496/16 "2011-09-24T22:41:30Z")
> [@Justin\_Bailey](#): > > I’ve been told by server friends that a server messing with your food is so rare that it would take thousands of meals for it to happen to you even once. I’ll put it this way. There’s the type of person that enjoys bullying, treating service people like shit because they’re the customer and they think it’s their right to do so. They take sadistic pleasure in doing this every chance they get. You take a person like this that dines out frequently I can guarantee you it’s not going to take thousands of meals/drinks for it to happen. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2011, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-waitresses-rude-to-women/597496/17 "2011-09-24T22:51:49Z")
> [@Justin\_Bailey](#): > > I wonder what the actual truth is? Maybe I should read that Waiter Rant book I keep seeing at the library. It likely varies on what type of place it is (diner, fast food, fancy pants dinner place, etc). ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2011, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-waitresses-rude-to-women/597496/18 "2011-09-25T00:44:04Z")
I’m a woman who’s been dining out for decades, and while once in a great while I’ll encounter a crap waitress, it’s been my experience that people of either gender who frequently complain about chronic bad service _usually_ are bringing it on themselves. There is a perception out there that men tip better than women… but at any establishment where you become even a semi-regular the waitstaff will tend to remember how you, individually, tip. As I tip well for good service in addition to being polite and reasonable I usually get treated VERY well by waitstaff where I’m a regular. If your friends are \*frequently \*encountering problems with people in service positions they need to take a look in the mirror. ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2011, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-waitresses-rude-to-women/597496/19 "2011-09-25T01:02:27Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > _snip_ > If your friends are \*frequently \*encountering problems with people in service positions they need to take a look in the mirror. This. ---
**Author:** ![Sparky\_the\_Wonder\_Spirit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@Sparky\_the\_Wonder\_Spirit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sparky_the_Wonder_Spirit)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2011, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-waitresses-rude-to-women/597496/20 "2011-09-25T01:15:51Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > Speaking as a woman - I think it’s more likely your female friends are being bitches. This is my theory as well. I can count on one hand the number of bad servers I’ve had. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-waitresses-rude-to-women/597496.md?page=2)