# Are women in general inclined towards infidelity? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 2, 2013, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-in-general-inclined-towards-infidelity/659968 "2013-06-02T19:45:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2013, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-in-general-inclined-towards-infidelity/659968/1 "2013-06-02T19:45:43Z")
As a spin off on this thread, [Is every man in this world inclined towards infedility?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=692477), I pose a similar question, but for the opposite gender. It seems many people agreed that both men and women were inclined towards infidelity, but ultimately have the ability to make their own choices. Now, with men, it seems that the answer is a bit more obvious. They have a biological imperative to “spread their seed” and often have higher sex drives. [Cite - WebMD](http://www.m.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/features/sex-drive-how-do-men-women-compare) I think it’s a bit more complicated with women and why I consider it to be more interesting question. ---
**Author:** ![Lakai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9de0a6/32.png) [@Lakai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lakai)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2013, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-in-general-inclined-towards-infidelity/659968/2 "2013-06-02T20:37:50Z")
Women are more faithful because there is more social pressure for them to be faithful. I doubt you’ll find a study that can control for social pressure and only measure the biological drive toward infidelity. ---
**Author:** ![miss\_elizabeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@miss\_elizabeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/miss_elizabeth)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2013, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-in-general-inclined-towards-infidelity/659968/3 "2013-06-02T21:02:44Z")
Based on the size of human males’ testicles, women have evolved as promiscuous. Not as much as chimps, but much more so than gorillas. Also, the idea that women don’t crave sex is pretty much completely cultural. It the past it was the exact opposite; women were insatiable and because they were so sex obsessed they were unfit to lead. It was one of the reasons given for continuing gender inequality; only men who had lower sex drives and could control their passions should be in charge. Funny, huh? ---
**Author:** ![Atomic\_Alex](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atomic_alex/32/175_2.png) [@Atomic\_Alex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atomic_Alex)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2013, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-in-general-inclined-towards-infidelity/659968/4 "2013-06-02T21:29:33Z")
> [@miss\_elizabeth](#): > > Also, the idea that women don’t crave sex is pretty much completely cultural. It the past it was the exact opposite; women were insatiable and because they were so sex obsessed they were unfit to lead. It was one of the reasons given for continuing gender inequality; only men who had lower sex drives and could control their passions should be in charge. Funny, huh? Which makes you wonder _(along with other historical reversals)_ how much of current commonly-accepted beliefs about gender and stereotypical attitudes have any basis in reality or will be looked at askance from the perspective of another few decades down the line. ---
**Author:** ![Lakai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9de0a6/32.png) [@Lakai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lakai)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2013, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-in-general-inclined-towards-infidelity/659968/5 "2013-06-02T22:00:27Z")
> [@miss\_elizabeth](#): > > Also, the idea that women don’t crave sex is pretty much completely cultural. It the past it was the exact opposite; women were insatiable and because they were so sex obsessed they were unfit to lead. It was one of the reasons given for continuing gender inequality; only men who had lower sex drives and could control their passions should be in charge. Funny, huh? Would you happen to know any books on this subject? I ask because I want to learn more about how cultural attitudes toward sex have changed over time. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2013, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-in-general-inclined-towards-infidelity/659968/6 "2013-06-02T22:11:39Z")
Since you are asking for opinions. IMO they are a heck of a lot more inclined towards it, as well as actually doing it, than what is taken as a cultural fact by the masses. Throw in the reverse, where single women have affairs with married men (which one could argue is actually a morally worse “sex crime” so to speak) and I’d say when it comes to respecting fidelity the two sexes are about equal. And think about it for a minute. All this sex cheating thing going on involves both sexes so the math kinda has to work out even. Yeah, there are SOME women that don’t know Bob was married, but honestly IMO I think most women DO know Bob was married. They either don’t care or are lying to themselves to feel better about it. That, or you could argue there are lots of stupid women out (that will go over well) and or lots or really smooth operating men (yeah right). ---
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2013, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-in-general-inclined-towards-infidelity/659968/7 "2013-06-02T22:16:30Z")
> [@Lakai](#): > > Women are more faithful That is going to require a cite. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2013, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-in-general-inclined-towards-infidelity/659968/8 "2013-06-02T22:16:49Z")
Ignoring whatever moral convictions she may have, from a Darwinian perspective a woman’s interests are in a reliable male to support her, _and_ a male to give her the genes that are most likely to help her own spread. Those are not necessarily the same thing - in fact in some ways they are opposites. A man who’s good at seducing many women and inclined to do so can pass on whatever genes help/incline him do that, which can benefit her sons’ attempts to do the same - and her sons carry half _her_ genes. On the other hand, such men leave women with a severe disadvantage at _raising_ those children; a man who stays with her is much better for that, obviously. So the _amoral_ ideal from a female point of view is to find a man to pay for everything, and a _different_ guy good at seducing women to father the children that the reliable man will unknowingly raise. _“Every woman should have four pets in her life: A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass to pay for it all.”_ I recall that there are interesting studies showing that women prefer different types of men according to where they are in their fertility cycle; the nearer they are to peak fertility, the more they prefer your stereotypical “manly man” types. This sexual strategy seems as hardwired into women as the “love them and leave them” strategy appears to be built into men. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2013, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-in-general-inclined-towards-infidelity/659968/9 "2013-06-02T23:30:55Z")
> [@Lakai](#): > > \*\*Women are more faithful because there is more social pressure for them to be faithful. \*\* > > I doubt you’ll find a study that can control for social pressure and only measure the biological drive toward infidelity. I don’t think this is it. If a woman can find a man who will meet her most important needs (if not all), she’ll stay faithful. Emotional, physical, economic. If he doesn’t, she might go looking elsewhere. ---
**Author:** ![Lakai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9de0a6/32.png) [@Lakai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lakai)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2013, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-in-general-inclined-towards-infidelity/659968/10 "2013-06-02T23:31:38Z")
> [@DigitalC](#): > > That is going to require a cite. According to [Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extramarital_sex): > [@](#): > > American biologist Alfred Kinsey found in his 1950-era studies that 50% of American males and 26% of females had extramarital sex. [1] Depending on studies, it was estimated that 26-50% of men and 21-38% of women,[2] or 22.7% of men and 11.6% of women had extramarital sex.[3] Other authors say that between 20% and 25% Americans had sex with someone other than their spouse.[4] Durex’s Global Sex Survey has found that 44% of adults worldwide have had one-night extramarital sex and 22% have had an affair.[5] According to a 2004 United States survey,[6] 16% of married partners have had extramarital sex, nearly twice as many men as women, while an additional 30% have fantasized about extramarital sex. There were also studies that have shown rates of extramarital sex as low as 2.5%.[2] As many authors[who?] conclude, these kinds of estimates are probably understated because extramarital sex is commonly disapproved. ---
**Author:** ![Lakai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9de0a6/32.png) [@Lakai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lakai)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2013, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-in-general-inclined-towards-infidelity/659968/11 "2013-06-02T23:32:41Z")
> [@Helena330](#): > > I don’t think this is it. If a woman can find a man who will meet her most important needs (if not all), she’ll stay faithful. Emotional, physical, economic. If he doesn’t, she might go looking elsewhere. Why is this not true for men? ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2013, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-in-general-inclined-towards-infidelity/659968/12 "2013-06-03T00:34:22Z")
> [@Lakai](#): > > Would you happen to know any books on this subject? I ask because I want to learn more about how cultural attitudes toward sex have changed over time. [Sex at Dawn](http://www.sexatdawn.com/), a very scholarly and well-researched tome on the history of sexuality. Its conclusions are that both human sexes are not really wired for monogamy. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2013, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-in-general-inclined-towards-infidelity/659968/13 "2013-06-03T00:35:32Z")
> [@Helena330](#): > > If a woman can find a man who will meet her most important needs (if not all), she’ll stay faithful. Emotional, physical, economic. If he doesn’t, she might go looking elsewhere. That’s been pretty well debunked in the link I supplied above, also in multiple other credible studies. ---
**Author:** ![raspberry\_hunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b19c9b/32.png) [@raspberry\_hunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raspberry_hunter)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2013, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-in-general-inclined-towards-infidelity/659968/14 "2013-06-03T05:20:54Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > [Sex at Dawn](http://www.sexatdawn.com/), a very scholarly and well-researched tome on the history of sexuality. > > Its conclusions are that both human sexes are not really wired for monogamy. …I’m sorry, but I found that book neither scholarly nor well-researched. [Here](http://www.epjournal.net/wp-content/uploads/EP09325335.pdf) is an academic review (PDF) of it, and [here](http://charlie-ego.livejournal.com/62070.html) are my concerns with it (as someone who is neither an anthropologist nor an evolutionary psychiatrist, but who does have some experience with paper-diving). (Though both the Sex at Dawn authors and the “standard narrative” that they purport to take down assume nonmonogamy of both males and females in practice, so I suppose I am not disagreeing with your larger point. And it’s been a little while, but I think that I didn’t have any quibbles with their discussion of historically-recorded attitudes towards women’s arousal, which was the purpose of the cite.) ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2013, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-in-general-inclined-towards-infidelity/659968/15 "2013-06-03T06:49:55Z")
> [@Lakai](#): > > Why is this not true for men? I never said it wasn’t. I know several men to whom it could apply, but this subject is about women so that’s what I addressed. > [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > That’s been pretty well debunked in the link I supplied above, also in multiple other credible studies. I really am cynical when it comes to New York Times best sellers. No offense intended, but that entire page is marketing spiel and I don’t consider that book a credible source. I’m much more inclined to give any credible studies or even abstracts a serious read if you’ve got links. Not having read them, I’m certainly at a disadvantage, so I’ll speak from my own expereince. I’m having all my needs met, and I’ve no desire to look elsewhere. From talking with my peers, the theory seems to hold true as well, both with faithful and unfaithful women. ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2013, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-in-general-inclined-towards-infidelity/659968/16 "2013-06-03T17:53:19Z")
> [@miss\_elizabeth](#): > > Also, the idea that women don’t crave sex is pretty much completely cultural. It the past it was the exact opposite; women were insatiable and because they were so sex obsessed they were unfit to lead. It was one of the reasons given for continuing gender inequality; only men who had lower sex drives and could control their passions should be in charge. Funny, huh? Do you have any source for this claim? (I am very skeptical.) ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2013, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-in-general-inclined-towards-infidelity/659968/17 "2013-06-03T19:29:46Z")
When examined in aggregate, data often shows significant average differences between men’s and women’s sexual behavior. However! [This 6-page science news website slideshow](http://www.livescience.com/16900-busted-gender-myths-bedroom.html) brings up a lot of ways that our cultural conventional wisdom exaggerates both the magnitude of the differences between men’s and women’s sexualities and the degree to which those differences seem to have any kind of discernable “evolutionary” or biological basis that is independent of cultural factors. Here’s a selection of points from the article. (Text in quotes is from the article, but bolding and bracketed words have been added by me for clarity.) Men don’t generally end up having more sex partners than women: > [@](#): > > Studies generally find that men **report** more partners than women. But in 2003, researchers reported in the Journal of Sex Research that **if you trick research participants into believing that they are hooked up to a lie-detector test, men report the same number of sexual partners as women**. Most men don’t even report _wanting_ to have more sex partners than most women. It’s the responses of a minority sub-population of self-reported aspiring Casanovas that drives up the average number for men: > [@](#): > > If you look instead at the “typical” response to the question of how many partners people want, you find that **the majority of both men and women offer the same answer: one.** If a woman doesn’t return your calls, it probably _isn’t_ because you aren’t rich enough for her: > [@](#): > > But when people in an actual speed-dating event rated the importance of attractiveness and status, these gender differences evaporated, according to a 2008 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. > > **When the research participants met potential dates face to face, there was no difference [by gender] in the way they rated their romantic interest based on those people’s attractiveness and earnings.** As far as whether women crave sex as much as men, one thing you have to consider is that what both men and women crave is not just sex, but _enjoyable_ sex. And let’s face it: if only for purely mechanical reasons, enjoyable sex is much harder to come by for a woman than it is for a man. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2013, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-in-general-inclined-towards-infidelity/659968/18 "2013-06-03T19:55:51Z")
> [@colander](#): > > Men don’t generally end up having more sex partners than women: Now, I have not really thought through the nitty gritty details of the math and such… But its always bothered me that people in general think men are shagging left and right and women aren’t. Uhhhh…who do (general)you people think these men are having sex with? ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2013, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-in-general-inclined-towards-infidelity/659968/19 "2013-06-03T19:59:40Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > Now, I have not really thought through the nitty gritty details of the math and such… > > But its always bothered me that people in general think men are shagging left and right and women aren’t. > > Uhhhh…who do (general)you people think these men are having sex with? Hookers. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2013, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-in-general-inclined-towards-infidelity/659968/20 "2013-06-03T20:06:10Z")
True enough. But when average Joe Blow is talking about all his “conquests” I doubt on average he includes hookers in the total. And for that matter what percentage of men frequent hookers? Seems to me if you throw out the " virtual Casanovas" and the other outliers (I slept with 20 prostitutes!) the numbers for men vs women will be pretty darn close. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-in-general-inclined-towards-infidelity/659968.md?page=2)