# Are women in general inclined towards infidelity? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 2, 2013, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-in-general-inclined-towards-infidelity/659968 "2013-06-02T19:45:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-in-general-inclined-towards-infidelity/659968/41 "2013-06-04T18:44:41Z")
> [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > I think what bothers me about the ‘‘it’s natural’’ line of thinking is that it reads like an excuse for bad behavior. Supposing that mankind was not meant to be monogamous, that doesn’t excuse saying you would be faithful, breaking that promise and lying about it. That kind of viewpoint makes it hard to discuss human nature or to even admit it exists, since human instincts _didn’t_ evolve to be in perfect sync with early 21st century Western mores. “Natural” isn’t a "synonym for “good”. ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-in-general-inclined-towards-infidelity/659968/42 "2013-06-04T19:07:50Z")
> [@biqu](#): > > On the other hand, it appears that women are more likely to leave a dissatisfying relationship than to stick around and work things out. From [The Atlantic](http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2013/06/the-gay-guide-to-wedded-bliss/309317/): Interesting that they didn’t even suggest what seems to be the most obvious reason for the discrepancy - because divorce treats women better than men. Along those lines, I would be interested in seeing how the initiation rates compare for those with children against those without - my supposition would be that men would initiate a much higher percentage of divorces in childless marriages than they would in marriages with children. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2013, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-in-general-inclined-towards-infidelity/659968/43 "2013-06-05T16:53:32Z")
> [@Magiver](#): > > I’m not sure I became the secret keeper for so many people but I’ve come to a conclusion about cheating. I’m less surprised by the men who cheated than the women who cheated and the percentages are about the same. Yeah, somehow I also became the secret keeper (maybe because I actually do keep secrets) and in my totally anecdotal and not statistically valid experience more women have admitted to cheating than men. And a higher percentage of women are those I wouldn’t “expect” to be unfaithful, compared to men, who pretty much always fall into the category of “yeah, I could see him doing that.” ---
**Author:** ![Learjeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/94ad74/32.png) [@Learjeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Learjeff)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2013, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-in-general-inclined-towards-infidelity/659968/44 "2013-06-05T17:12:51Z")
> [@colander](#): > > (quoting a study) > > Studies generally find that men report more partners than women. But in 2003, researchers reported in the Journal of Sex Research that if you trick research participants into believing that they are hooked up to a lie-detector test, men report the same number of sexual partners as women. The first bit (hetero men reporting, on average, more sex partners than hetero women) is a good example of the fact that sometimes, people doing surveys don’t understand basic math, and that surveys can give implausible results (depending on how you interpret them). As long as the number of men and women in the population is equal, the average number of sex partners (for heteros) will be the same. Period. Assume there are 10 men and 10 women. Every man has sex with one partner plus one promiscuous woman. Every woman but the promiscuous one has sex only with her partner. Let’s do the math: 10 men, 9 with 2 partners, 1 with one, so 19 total partners divided by 10 men = 1.9 partners per man. 11 women, 9 with 1 partner, 1 with 10, so 19 total partners divided by 10 women = 1.9 partners per woman. Try any other possibility and you’ll get equal numbers for men and women. The stat of “average number of partners” for heteros is the same for men and women, so it makes no sense to separate the two, other than to show that there’s a bias to answering falsely one way or the other that’s different between the two groups. It shows nothing about the _behavior_ of men versus women. Now, if we were to discuss the different distributions between men and women, that might be significant. ---
**Author:** ![Learjeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/94ad74/32.png) [@Learjeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Learjeff)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2013, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-in-general-inclined-towards-infidelity/659968/45 "2013-06-05T17:19:00Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > Seems to me if you throw out the " virtual Casanovas" and the other outliers (I slept with 20 prostitutes!) the numbers for men vs women will be pretty darn close. Actually, you have to keep the outliers, and as shown above, if you do, the numbers aren’t just close, they’re exactly equal. My guess is that the median for women is lower (fewer sex partners), but a relatively small number of outliers provides a supply for the men. If true, there would have to be fewer/lesser outliers among men. ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2013, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-in-general-inclined-towards-infidelity/659968/46 "2013-06-05T17:23:24Z")
> [@Learjeff](#): > > Assume there are 10 men and 10 women. Every man has sex with one partner plus one promiscuous woman. Every woman but the promiscuous one has sex only with her partner. Let’s do the math: > > 10 men, 9 with 2 partners, 1 with one, so 19 total partners divided by 10 men = 1.9 partners per man. > > 11 women, 9 with 1 partner, 1 with 10, so 19 total partners divided by 10 women = 1.9 partners per woman. Why are you doing an arithmetic mean? I would think that either the median or the mode would provide a more accurate answer. (And why inflate the women to 11 when you started with 10?) ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2013, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-in-general-inclined-towards-infidelity/659968/47 "2013-06-05T17:28:02Z")
> [@Learjeff](#): > > It shows nothing about the _behavior_ of men versus women. _Au contraire._ It demonstrates quite clearly that men are more likely than women to exaggerate the numbers of people they’ve had sex with. This kind of discrepancy in the way men and women talk about their sexual experiences will undoubtedly have an effect on the general public’s _perception_ that men are more likely than women to have sexual affairs. But that perception may not represent fact. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2013, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-in-general-inclined-towards-infidelity/659968/48 "2013-06-05T18:42:20Z")
> [@Learjeff](#): > > Actually, you have to keep the outliers, and as shown above, if you do, the numbers aren’t just close, they’re exactly equal. > > My guess is that the median for women is lower (fewer sex partners), but a relatively small number of outliers provides a supply for the men. If true, there would have to be fewer/lesser outliers among men. Yes, I know. What I mean is when people go through all this “men sleep around a lot and women don’t” I don’t think they are particularly interested in the men who sleep with prostitutes, prostitutes, supper sluttly women and horndog men. I think they are more talking about the other about 80 percent of the population. That’s part of the population that IMO would be still “close”. ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2013, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-in-general-inclined-towards-infidelity/659968/49 "2013-06-05T18:47:53Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > Yes, I know. > > What I mean is when people go through all this “men sleep around a lot and women don’t” I don’t think they are particularly interested in the men who sleep with prostitutes, prostitutes, supper sluttly women and horndog men. Uh, they should be. It’s not like those people all live on some kind of sex island in the arctic sea. They’re part of the population just like everyone else (and you’re probably not as good at identifying them as you think you are). ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2013, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-in-general-inclined-towards-infidelity/659968/50 "2013-06-05T18:50:42Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > “Natural” isn’t a "synonym for “good”. That was sort of my point. Like I said, I really don’t have much insight into the human nature part of the equation when it comes to infidelity, because it’s not _my_ nature at all. I am rather bewildered that it is apparently such a common thing. The women I know, including the one woman I know who cheated on her partner, are not inclined toward infidelity. Neither are the men. So my anecdotal response to the OP would be ‘‘no.’’ I think in certain circles it is more socially acceptable/expected for men to cheat than for women to cheat, so maybe it appears to some people that men cheat more than women. But I highly doubt the actual numbers are all that disparate. I think the perception just comes from this misandrist attitude that men are all insatiable horn-dogs incapable of controlling themselves. I personally find that idea really off-putting, whether it’s being espoused by a man or a woman. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2013, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-in-general-inclined-towards-infidelity/659968/51 "2013-06-05T19:36:19Z")
> [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > The women I know, including the one woman I know who cheated on her partner, are not inclined toward infidelity. Neither are the men. :dubious: Of course they are; they did it. ---
**Author:** ![miss\_elizabeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@miss\_elizabeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/miss_elizabeth)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2013, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-in-general-inclined-towards-infidelity/659968/52 "2013-06-05T19:54:33Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > :dubious: Of course they are; they did it. Oh, I don’t know. Just because you did something once doesn’t mean you’re “inclined” to it. I know a guy who was with one women for about 12 years, and was faithful for 11 of those years. As his marriage reached it’s end (but before his divorce- it was cheating) he had a brief affair with another woman. He felt awful about it, confessed, and tried to repair his marriage. It didn’t work, he divorced, and ended up marrying the woman he cheated with a couple years later. He’s been with her about 7 years now, and has been faithful all that time. So I wouldn’t say he’s inclined to infidelity, even though he’s cheated. I would say, actually, that he’s very faithful. Obviously opinions can vary though. ---
**Author:** ![fjs1fs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9e8a1a/32.png) [@fjs1fs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fjs1fs)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2013, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-in-general-inclined-towards-infidelity/659968/53 "2013-06-06T15:59:28Z")
> [@Lakai](#): > > According to [Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extramarital_sex): But these studies are based on interviewing the subjects; isn’t it possible that men are just more likely to brag about it and that women are more likely to be ashamed of it? ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2013, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-in-general-inclined-towards-infidelity/659968/54 "2013-06-06T16:13:38Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > :dubious: Of course they are; they did it. I said that she was not because she had no other history of cheating and hasn’t cheated since. When one is inclined toward something, I figure that means the behavior is the natural order of things. In my friend’s case this behavior seemed an exception to the rule. It was the last gasp of a dying relationship. Not that I condone what she did. I never have minced words with her on that subject, because the person she betrayed was a good friend of mine and anyway I think it’s a lousy thing to do no matter who you are. ---
**Author:** ![Lakai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9de0a6/32.png) [@Lakai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lakai)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2013, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-in-general-inclined-towards-infidelity/659968/55 "2013-06-07T22:34:17Z")
> [@fjs1fs](#): > > But these studies are based on interviewing the subjects; isn’t it possible that men are just more likely to brag about it and that women are more likely to be ashamed of it? It certainly sounds possible. However, if it is more shameful for women to cheat, then wouldn’t that make it more likely that they would cheat less? Also, if more men cheat than women, then it must also be true that more women sleep with married men than men sleep with married woman. ---
**Author:** ![Lakai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9de0a6/32.png) [@Lakai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lakai)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2013, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-in-general-inclined-towards-infidelity/659968/56 "2013-06-07T22:37:08Z")
> [@Lamia](#): > > Have you read \* The Origins of Sex: A History of the First Sexual Revolution\* by Faramerz Dabhoiwala? It’s about the shift in Western (particularly English) attitudes about sex around about the 1700s. Thanks! It’s going on my reading list. ---
**Author:** ![Learjeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/94ad74/32.png) [@Learjeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Learjeff)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2013, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-in-general-inclined-towards-infidelity/659968/57 "2013-06-11T17:01:41Z")
> [@tomndebb](#): > > Why are you doing an arithmetic mean? I would think that either the median or the mode would provide a more accurate answer. > > (And why inflate the women to 11 when you started with 10?) Because that’s what these studies report, and what people talk about. My whole point is that the average isn’t meaningful, but the median or mode would be. The 11 was a typo. > [@colander](#): > > _Au contraire._ It demonstrates quite clearly that men are more likely than women to exaggerate the numbers of people they’ve had sex with. > > This kind of discrepancy in the way men and women talk about their sexual experiences will undoubtedly have an effect on the general public’s _perception_ that men are more likely than women to have sexual affairs. But that perception may not represent fact. Exactly: if the average for men is higher, then either the study missed some serious outliers among females (imagine one woman who slept with millions of men but weren’t sampled … er by the study I mean) or else the men overestimated, or the women underestimated. Using the word “estimate” politely, that is. > [@billfish678](#): > > What I mean is when people go through all this “men sleep around a lot and women don’t” I don’t think they are particularly interested in the men who sleep with prostitutes, prostitutes, supper sluttly women and horndog men. > > I think they are more talking about the other about 80 percent of the population. That’s part of the population that IMO would be still “close”. Right: we’re generally more interested in “typical” than “average”, so mode or median would be a more useful stat. Definitely more useful than trying to figure out what “average” means if you toss out the outliers, though someone with a firmer grasp of stats could probably point out a proper method. One problem when you toss out the outliers is you can end up with any result you want depending on how you define outliers. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-in-general-inclined-towards-infidelity/659968.md?page=2)