# Are women less sexual than men? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 19, 2011, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-less-sexual-than-men/586070 "2011-06-19T22:51:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-less-sexual-than-men/586070/41 "2011-06-22T17:25:51Z")
I once started a [thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=512535) in GD offering an evolution-based theory for men having a higher sex drives. (Essentially, a higher sex drive will have a bigger impact on the number of offspring a man has than it will on the number a woman has.) Might be worth a read for those interested in the subject. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-less-sexual-than-men/586070/42 "2011-06-22T17:28:07Z")
_ambles through thread with a cup of tea and a biscuit_ ---
**Author:** ![KarlGrenze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dbc845/32.png) [@KarlGrenze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KarlGrenze)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-less-sexual-than-men/586070/43 "2011-06-22T17:52:13Z")
> [@Laggard](#): > > Even a “plain jane” can go to a bar or even to the market and if she wants get laid in five minutes. Same cannot be said about men. If it were so simple I would not have spent so many nights home alone when i was single. My point being I guess that women are much more selective about who they sleep with. No big news there I know. There is a big confirmation bias in that statement. Guys (but the same applies to women) who are looking for someone else, are not going to notice on what they consider plain janes (or johns) at a bar. They’re not going to notice the woman who’s been staring at them from a corner or the women who tried to give innuendos (because they didn’t want to be upfront, that’s unladylike). Heck, they may not even remember or notice the plain (to them) women who are upfront and try to hit on them. Maybe they don’t realize it, think it is not true, or just plain ignore, because they are interested in someone else. Maybe men don’t see that many ugly women in bars or clubs because they ignore them, focusing their attention on the ones they find attractive. How do I know this? Because for years, I was that woman, I’ve been that woman, and I would probably still occasionally be that woman, if I hadn’t stopped going to clubs and bars regularly. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-less-sexual-than-men/586070/44 "2011-06-22T20:10:25Z")
> [@Laggard](#): > > Even a “plain jane” can go to a bar or even to the market and if she wants get laid in five minutes. Same cannot be said about men. If it were so simple I would not have spent so many nights home alone when i was single. My point being I guess that women are much more selective about who they sleep with. No big news there I know. I love this statement. It’s always brought out. “Girls can get laid anytime, anywhere!” Well, sure, if we lower our standards and are willing to sleep with anyone. And it’s so simplistic, without every considering all of the facets. - If there is a gorgeous woman in the bar, we plain janes are hardly going to get noticed. I have been around gorgeous women and honestly men just lose their shit and it’s embarrassing as all fuck for everyone involved. - It is far less safe, perception-wise, for a girl to go home with a guy. Whether the stats match up or not, the average guy will always be stronger than me, and if I am home alone at his place, I may not be comfortable if I don’t know him. - It is still far more acceptable for a guy to go home with a girl than a girl to pick up a guy. When I was in my dating days this was always in my mind. If I am going to buck the trend and risk censure if someone sees me, I want to do it for someone special and/or hot, rather than someone plain. Now other women don’t have this problem, they don’t care, and I’d think differently now - but when I was 20? Not so easy. - Which goes back to lowering standards. Sure, I can probably get a guy every time I go to the bar…as long as I go for Mr. Skanky in the corner there. Not. Interested. - Just plain old sex doesn’t often do it for us. Sure, I could take you home and bed you but it may just leave me unsatisfied…are you a good lover at all (i.e., do you listen to your lover or do you come - heh - thinking you know everything already?) Is it going to be wham-bam-thank you ma’am? Whereas the male orgasm is indubitably easier. - And you don’t have to worry about getting pregnant. And no, I don’t care what you say about being on the hook for child support, it’s still not equivalant to being pregnant, having the baby, and still having to somehow take care of it. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-less-sexual-than-men/586070/45 "2011-06-22T20:46:29Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I love this statement. It’s always brought out. “Girls can get laid anytime, anywhere!” Well, sure, if we lower our standards and are willing to sleep with anyone. And it’s so simplistic, without every considering all of the facets. Another thing that bothers me about the whole argument that women can always find sex is that this argument applies primarily to a specific age. In other words, I can’t think of many 30+ women who visit bars regularly, much less go on the prowl for sex partners at bars (yes, there are exceptions). Also, as noted above, that’s not saying a whole lot for the men who fuck them. Basically you’re making them out to be sex-starved, desperate jerks who’ll do anything that walks. ---
**Author:** ![Gus\_Gusterson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85f322/32.png) [@Gus\_Gusterson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gus_Gusterson)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-less-sexual-than-men/586070/46 "2011-06-22T20:47:49Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I love this statement. It’s always brought out. “Girls can get laid anytime, anywhere!” Well, sure, if we lower our standards and are willing to sleep with anyone. And it’s so simplistic, without every considering all of the facets. > > - If there is a gorgeous woman in the bar, we plain janes are hardly going to get noticed. I have been around gorgeous women and honestly men just lose their shit and it’s embarrassing as all fuck for everyone involved. While many men will check out that gorgeous woman, most of them don’t have a chance with her and they know it. Plain Jane can make herself competitive by letting those men know that she _will_ sleep with them. > [@](#): > > - Which goes back to lowering standards. Sure, I can probably get a guy every time I go to the bar…as long as I go for Mr. Skanky in the corner there. Not. Interested. I don’t agree with this. If you make it clear that you will put out, you will be able to pick up a guy who meets your standards. It’s not only the skanky guys who will fuck anything that moves - good-looking, intelligent guys do that, too. > [@](#): > > - Just plain old sex doesn’t often do it for us. Sure, I could take you home and bed you but it may just leave me unsatisfied…are you a good lover at all (i.e., do you listen to your lover or do you come - heh - thinking you know everything already?) Is it going to be wham-bam-thank you ma’am? Whereas the male orgasm is indubitably easier. That’s a risk you take no matter how you find a partner so I don’t see how it applies. > [@](#): > > - And you don’t have to worry about getting pregnant. And no, I don’t care what you say about being on the hook for child support, it’s still not equivalant to being pregnant, having the baby, and still having to somehow take care of it. You can pretty much eliminate the chance of getting pregnant if you’re on the pill and always use condoms for intercourse. A plain jane woman who has the guts to go up to a man and let him know that she will have sex with him is going to find a willing man in short order. She is in control of the men she selects, so she doesn’t have to settle for anyone she deems substandard. Even uglier women can do this. It takes determination and the ability to accept some rejections, but you will succeed. And here’s the twist - the same is true for men. If you have the guts to ask a bunch of women to have sex with you you will get laid. ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-less-sexual-than-men/586070/47 "2011-06-22T20:48:54Z")
> [@overlyverbose](#): > > Also, as noted above, that’s not saying a whole lot for the men who fuck them. Basically you’re making them out to be sex-starved, desperate jerks who’ll do anything that walks. Or maybe they’re just “men”. IOW your logic is circular. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-less-sexual-than-men/586070/48 "2011-06-22T20:52:15Z")
> [@Gus\_Gusterson](#): > > While many men will check out that gorgeous woman, most of them don’t have a chance with her and they know it. Plain Jane can make herself competitive by letting those men know that she _will_ sleep with them. > > I don’t agree with this. If you make it clear that you will put out, you will be able to pick up a guy who meets your standards. It’s not only the skanky guys who will fuck anything that moves - good-looking, intelligent guys do that, too. I’m not sure “competitive” is the word you’re looking for. That implies that both the plain janes and the hot women are going for the same men. But, as you noted, they’re not. Plain jane is basically taking the hot women’s leavings. ---
**Author:** ![alexandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e68b1a/32.png) [@alexandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alexandra)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-less-sexual-than-men/586070/49 "2011-06-22T20:52:30Z")
A big part of what stops me from actively seeking a casual hook-up is fear of rape and violence. Those I have had have been spontaneous and the result of getting comfortable in a guy’s company and reasonably confident he’s not a psycho. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-less-sexual-than-men/586070/50 "2011-06-22T20:52:51Z")
> [@Gus\_Gusterson](#): > > I don’t agree with this. If you make it clear that you will put out, you will be able to pick up a guy who meets your standards. It’s not only the skanky guys who will fuck anything that moves - good-looking, intelligent guys do that, too. I’m not really going to discuss this, because everyone’s experiences are different, I’ll just say here that no - not all guys will fuck anything that moves. If that was the case I never would have been turned down for sex, and I have been. ---
**Author:** ![filmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-less-sexual-than-men/586070/51 "2011-06-22T21:58:44Z")
If you define sexual as engaging in activities with the primary purpose sexual of genital stimuation, then yes, I say women are less sexual than men. I think most men have several orgasms a week–either through masturbation or sex. Women don’t seem to engage in regular genital stimulation as much. This is speaking in general terms. Just because there’s a woman out there who masturbates 10 times a day doesn’t mean that’s typical for women. I feel this difference is because men’s sexual urge is internal and a woman’s is external. By this I mean: **External sex drive** - The desire for sex is highly dependent on what is happening outside the person. The desire for sex may be very high if the person is in a new relationship, in an exciting location, has some reason to celebrate, is feeling very loved, etc. But if it is just some normal, random Tuesday, they may not feel the desire for sex at all. **Internal sex drive** - The urge for sex exists all by itself. It just is there inside the person. The desire for sex exists within the person almost regardless of what is happening in their life. Not only do they desire sex on any random Tuesday, they desire it on every day of the week. I feel that, generally speaking, women have external sex drives. Their drives may be very high in certain situations, but when they do not have the external conditions met, their sex drive goes down, maybe even to zero. Men, on the other hand, have an ever present desire for sex. It may be stronger or weaker at certain times, but it is always there. This “always on” desire means that men will do more to get their urge satisfied. They have the urge so they work to get it met. A woman’s urge may be very low or non-existant, so she is not going to be as motivated to take the steps to have sex. This is speaking in general from my own experience from long-term relationships. You may not even know your true level of sexual desire until you’ve been in a relationship longer than 2 years. For the first 1-2 years, your brain is swimming in love hormones that enhance your desire for sex. But when you’re in year 3, 4, 10, 15 of a relationship, you truly learn how much you and your partner each desire sex. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-less-sexual-than-men/586070/52 "2011-06-22T23:09:38Z")
> [@marshmallow](#): > > And it’s not anything to be jealous of. We’re absolute monsters. For women to be as sexual as men they’d have to do things like set up international human trafficking networks where they kidnap and rape little boys or lock their sons in a dungeon for their entire life and impregnate themselves multiple times. You’d have to invade the neighboring village, kill all the women, and take the men for yourselves. Because that’s the sort of thing we do. This sounds like an argument that men are more aggressive or have poorer impulse control than women, not that they’re more sexual. ---
**Author:** ![KarlGrenze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dbc845/32.png) [@KarlGrenze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KarlGrenze)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2011, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-less-sexual-than-men/586070/53 "2011-06-23T00:55:27Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I’m not really going to discuss this, because everyone’s experiences are different, I’ll just say here that no - not all guys will fuck anything that moves. If that was the case I never would have been turned down for sex, and I have been. Ditto. ---
**Author:** ![Shalmanese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shalmanese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shalmanese)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2011, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-less-sexual-than-men/586070/54 "2011-06-23T06:23:53Z")
I think the women in this thread are underestimating just how much sex a man would have if it were freely available. Again, I say just look at gay culture for an example of what could be typical male attitude towards sex if their partners had a similar sex drive to them. Gay culture has a bell curve just like straight culture does, with some people being highly sexual and others being almost non-sexual but the bell curve is significantly shifted compared to straight culture. ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2011, 11:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-less-sexual-than-men/586070/55 "2011-06-23T11:14:59Z")
I’d estimate about four times what I’m having now…but that slack is taken up through other outlets. Despite that difference, we’re pretty happy. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-women-less-sexual-than-men/586070.md?page=2)