# Are you a coffee pooper? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 7, 2015, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-coffee-pooper/724493 "2015-07-07T17:31:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Sangahyando](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f14d63/32.png) [@Sangahyando](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sangahyando)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2015, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-coffee-pooper/724493/21 "2015-07-08T01:21:58Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Also I know I am middle aged now because I am talking about poop in public and even ten years ago I would have died first. > [@Procrustus](#): > > Get a little older and that’s _ **all** _ you’ll be talking about. I have a friend – we are now in our mid-60s, but we’ve known each other for 35-odd years, and he’s been as he is pooping-wise, for all that time… who has been a lifelong martyr to constipation. He has complicated urination issues too; all of which kind of stuff, he is very ready to discuss in great detail, with those close to him. He drinks (black, sugarless) coffee only – he abominates tea – and if anything can get him going for his hoped-for morning crap – which often, if it happens at all, takes him the best part of an hour; it’s several cups of black unsweetened coffee. This qualifies him, I suppose, as a sort of “coffee pooper”; but that result is not guaranteed for him, by any means. For decades, I’ve been listening to his – for me, TMI – detailed reports on his bodily-functions troubles / bothers / problems. He’s a great guy in many ways, and I’m sure there are things in which I’m a severe pain in the neck to him… ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2015, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-coffee-pooper/724493/22 "2015-07-08T01:22:58Z")
Not really. I go within an hour or so of getting up, generally. I often have coffee after that, so there’s nothing for the coffee to stimulate besides my bladder. It definitely acts as a diuretic for me and I need to pee within an hour or so. I eat largely vegetarian, so for me stool happens a couple times a day. Fiber is good. ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2015, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-coffee-pooper/724493/23 "2015-07-08T01:37:15Z")
After exactly 15 minutes, my morning coffee will invariably be followed by the passage of a well-formed and tapered stool. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2015, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-coffee-pooper/724493/24 "2015-07-08T04:42:31Z")
Yes, and it’s part of the reason I never drink coffee on the road. Have you seen some of those nasty roadside restrooms? ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2015, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-coffee-pooper/724493/25 "2015-07-08T19:27:13Z")
> [@Mr\_Quatro](#): > > I thought it was the cream being off temperature or something, but it turns out after a little investigation that the body thinks that coffee is a poison and rejects the poison. > > This is why the Doctor recommends coffee enema’s (cold of course) and the body will reject it faster cleaning you up good. Do WHAT!?!?! A) Coffee is NOT a poison. Coffee containes caffeine, [which is a natural laxative](https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#q=caffeine+laxative)(as is nicotine, BTW). Caffiene is primarily, but perhaps not solely, responsible for ‘coffee poops"; and B) Coffee enemas are only recommended by some “alternative medicine” affficianados, not by main stream doctors. In fact, [coffee](http://ineedcoffee.com/top-10-dangers-of-the-coffee-enema/) [enemas](http://www.livescience.com/27011-coffee-enema-alcohol-enema.html) have no known benefits and many known dangers. The “Gerson treatment” (developed in the 1940’s for cryin’ out loud), which first touted coffee enemas, also calls for IV injections of calf liver extract. Are you up for that, too? :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2015, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-coffee-pooper/724493/26 "2015-07-08T19:29:04Z")
> [@Doctor\_Jackson](#): > > Do WHAT!?!?! > > A) Coffee is NOT a poison. Coffee containes caffeine, [which is a natural laxative](https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#q=caffeine+laxative)(as is nicotine, BTW). Caffiene is primarily, but perhaps not solely, responsible for ‘coffee poops"; and > B) Coffee enemas are only recommended by some “alternative medicine” affficianados, not by main stream doctors. In fact, [coffee](http://ineedcoffee.com/top-10-dangers-of-the-coffee-enema/) [enemas](http://www.livescience.com/27011-coffee-enema-alcohol-enema.html) have no known benefits and many known dangers. The “Gerson treatment” (developed in the 1940’s for cryin’ out loud), which first touted coffee enemas, also calls for IV injections of calf liver extract. Are you up for that, too? Thank you for this post. ---
**Author:** ![Tangent](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tangent/32/3098_2.png) [@Tangent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tangent)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2015, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-coffee-pooper/724493/27 "2015-07-08T20:55:42Z")
> [@GreenElf](#): > > I’m not a coffee pooper, but am a walking pooper. Before I read your next sentence, the above conjured a really funny and disgusting image in my head. :o ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Nylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/77aa72/32.png) [@Mr.Nylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Nylock)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2015, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-coffee-pooper/724493/28 "2015-07-08T21:23:34Z")
Wooo boy -I certainly was earlier today! ---
**Author:** ![Enter\_the\_Flagon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Enter\_the\_Flagon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enter_the_Flagon)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2015, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-coffee-pooper/724493/29 "2015-07-09T14:27:02Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Anyone else find that sitting on the john makes it nigh-impossible to completely void the bladder? This only started happening after I hit middle age. I assume it’s a BPH thing. My doctor doesn’t seem concerned. Consternating, isn’t it? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2015, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-coffee-pooper/724493/30 "2015-07-09T14:40:46Z")
Every so often, when the topic of “Are interweb friends really friends?” comes up over lunch, I will insist that the Dopers know (or have the potential to know) more about me than my own family does. I am going to bookmark this thread for the next such argument. And yes, it works for me. Caffeine + warm liquid is a dead cert for most people. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2015, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-coffee-pooper/724493/31 "2015-07-09T14:59:26Z")
> [@HMS\_Irruncible](#): > > After exactly 15 minutes, my morning coffee will invariably be followed by the passage of a well-formed and tapered stool. What is a well-formed and tapered stool? You mean like a comet? Yes, coffee can make me inclined to part with my last meal. And when I smoked a cigarette could make the parting somewhat urgent. And decades back when other recreational drugs were used it might have caused the discarded material to achieve a rather impressive velocity. More than once I wiped my brow and thought _Whew, glad we got that out of the way._ ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2015, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-coffee-pooper/724493/32 "2015-07-16T16:59:17Z")
In college, the college newspaper once included a review of one of the cafeterias. It said this of the coffee: “Has the effect of combining benzedrine and Feenamints: it gets you up and going”. Not a coffee drinker here, so I never personally tested this assertion. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2015, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-coffee-pooper/724493/33 "2015-07-16T17:22:39Z")
Yep. [“…this town needs an enema!” - Jack Nicholson, 1989](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKofnVkUwBA) ---
**Author:** ![GreenElf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9de053/32.png) [@GreenElf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreenElf)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2015, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-coffee-pooper/724493/34 "2015-07-16T17:55:25Z")
> [@Tangent](#): > > Before I read your next sentence, the above conjured a really funny and disgusting image in my head. :o Well, I sometimes have had to go into a trot near the end of the walk as the trots ensue, not to the stage wear I need to where diapers though. ---
**Author:** ![Double\_Foolscap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/85e7bf/32.png) [@Double\_Foolscap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Double_Foolscap)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2015, 9:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-coffee-pooper/724493/35 "2015-07-17T09:35:14Z")
Definitely - but then, I’m an Asian palm civet. ---
**Author:** ![Surly\_Chick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Surly\_Chick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surly_Chick)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2015, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-coffee-pooper/724493/36 "2015-07-19T22:14:04Z")
> [@GreenElf](#): > > Well, I sometimes have had to go into a trot near the end of the walk as the trots ensue, not to the stage wear I need to where diapers though. My dog is walking pooper. He usually turns in a circle but sometimes will walk in a line. It was vastly annoying when he was a puppy and being house trained. Once he had projectile runny poos inside, which he sprayed in a circle. What a mess! ---
**Author:** ![Crafter\_Man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crafter_man/32/458_2.png) [@Crafter\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crafter_Man)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2015, 10:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-coffee-pooper/724493/37 "2015-07-20T10:41:15Z")
> [@Doctor\_Jackson](#): > > Coffee containes caffeine, [which is a natural laxative](https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#q=caffeine+laxative)(as is nicotine, BTW). Caffiene is primarily, but perhaps not solely, responsible for 'coffee poops" If this is true, then 1. Drinking a can of Pepsi would have the same effect. 2. Drinking decaf coffee would not have the same effect. I’m thinking it’s another ingredient in coffee. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2015, 10:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-coffee-pooper/724493/38 "2015-07-20T10:47:43Z")
From reading the thread’s title, I thought this was gonna be about kopi luwac. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2015, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-coffee-pooper/724493/39 "2015-07-20T15:08:09Z")
Coffee and pooping don’t seem to be connected in my metabolism. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2015, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-coffee-pooper/724493/40 "2015-07-20T17:02:14Z")
HOT pooping. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-coffee-pooper/724493.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-coffee-pooper/724493.md?page=3)