He’s almost 23 now, but she has always tried to baby him. What makes it worse is that he’s really mature for his age and always has been. He has told her to her face that the reason he put off college until after the Army is her hovering. He just couldn’t stand to stay at or near home for one more day after graduating high school. She refuses to believe it.
And, yes, she is this way with our daughter, who is also very mature for her age. Her IQ is 145. I personally believe that she’s smarter than her mother by a goodly amount.
Actually, in her case I think it stems from missing out on some of his childhood. He was cared for by her sister from age 4 to 8 while she was busy making a new life for herself and him in the U.S.
We helicopter a bit, though there are extenuating circumstances: Dweezil has autism and we genuinely do have to run interference. Though we do NOT try to prevent teachers from administering punishments / enforcing rules (if anything we’re likely to encourage the teachers to nail his sorry ass to the ground as required). I expect we’ll need to keep in touch with his teachers / school administration all the way through whatever college he goes to - mainly to make sure they’re aware of his issues and make appropriate accommodations. We may even try to slip a word in to potential employers (of the entry-level retail-clerk variety that is) when he first starts to get a part-time job.
Moon Unit has some emotional issues and part of our helicoptering is to keep her from alienating other people with bad behavior, sigh…
I really don’t think that is helicoptering. People expect you to be on top of your toddler - and a special needs kid can be much like that. You aren’t undermining your kids independence, you are there because you need to be.
Similar with dangermom - somehow I don’t think a homeschooling mom with several kids, her own interests, who keeps a tidy house - can really have TIME to helicopter. The nature of homeschooling means you are always there - but the nature of homeschooling several kids without employing a housekeeper, a cook, and a gardener means that you have to cultivate independence in your kids even more than non-homeschooling parents do. A SAHM with her kids in school can get her housework and cooking done in a few hours - and without any additional interests outside her children, looks to fill her time with them. Its harder (though certainly not impossible) to helicopter if your time is filled with a job, trying to homeschool your kids, surfing the Straightdope, raising purebred Cairns, or caring for an elderly parent. But there are, of course, some overachievers who can helicopter over their kids while becoming a partner in a lawfirm, baking their own bread, and taking first prize at the state fair for tatted lace.