Are you a Klutz?

In My Humble Opinion
21

I’ve got a strange form of kutziness combined with a almost inhuman recovery metod.

I don’t know how many objects that have slipped from my grasp to then be, microseconds later, recovered by a fast hand-snatch inches from floor - or caught on the top of my foot.

If I wasn’t a klutz, I wouldn’t have dropped the object in the first place but, somehow, I’m frequently able to recover it before damage.

One day at a drive through, I dropped the ice-cream cone delivered to me through the window. The cone, at the end of my extended arm, turned three flips, a spin or two, an iron-cross and a half-gainer to finally be caught, inverted, by the rim of the cone in my hand (I have long fingers). I gathered the praises of the driver behind me for that.

One the other hand, I’ve cut the tip of one finger off, bumped into innumerable objects, fallen down, over and/or through most objects in my house, nearly broken the foot of my fiance days before our wedding, and have deep fried my right hand (Burger King fry vat).

I’m currently nursing one finger back to health after slicing it with a pocket knife that folded unexpectedly and growing a toenail back after peeling it off on an object on the floor.

Hmm. Maybe it’s a gross-motor/fine-motor skills thing.

Maybe I’m just klutzy.

22

Am I a klutz? Oh, my goodness, yes, yes, yes! Actually, reading this thread has made me feel both better (“at leas I’ve never done that”) and worse (. . .yet). It’s reminded me of all the klutzy-type things that are still possible! I bruise easily, and always carry visible reminders of my unfriendly encounters with furniture, door jambs, kitchen counters, etc. Somehow, I’ve never had a broken bone. I don’t break dishes very often, but, Lord do I run into stuff, trip over stuff, stub my toe, jam my finger and yadda, yadda, yadda!

When I was about 16, my father insisted on me having my eyes examined (because I tend to read with the book right up in my face). The ophthalmologist examined me, pronounced my vision fine, and then said “I bet you trip over the designs in the carpet and can’t ride a bike or rollerskate, and bump into door jambs a lot, huh?” WTF? Was this guy a psychic on the side or what? Nope. Turns out he could tell from my exam that, while I’m right-handed, I’m left-eye dominant. This skews the way I see things, just a tiny bit. Well, at least I have an excuse (not saying it’s a good excuse, just an excuse).

23

Yes, I’m am a klutz. Matter of fact, the one thing I will be remembered for is the fact that I am NOT and NEVER will be graceful.

I have tripped going up AND down stairs, tripped over nonexistant things, walked into walls, doorframes. Heck, I even hit my head on the trunk of my car 3 times within a minute timespan while my family rolled on the ground laughing.

Back when I managed fast food restraunts, a wet floor was my doom. It didn’t matter if I was wearing special shoes that could stick to tile like a magnet, my ass would be on the floor.

Matter of fact, now that I think of it, I don’t think there was a peice of equipment in any store I worked in that I hadn’t seen the underside of up close and personal.

One day i’m sitting in the office doing paperwork, and one of the new trainee’s comes up to me, taps me on the shoulder and says, “Grimace, the floor is wet.” I think nothing of it, and then sometime later that night he comes up to me and taps me on the shoulder again, and says the same thing. Well, after the THIRD time that night, I knew something was up, and found out the other employees had told him, see that manager there, MAKE SURE you let him know the floor is wet, or he’s gonna bust his ass comin out of the office or coming around the corner.

On my last real vacation, I was in SC at table rock mountain…naturally I didn’t have my hiking shoes with me, and we went on an unplanned hike. Well, about two hours into this hike, I hit a root and somehow manage to hairline fracture my ankle. Now naturally, we’re not on the novice trail, but the more advanced “work your ass off” one. So imagine 3 paramedics and 3 park rangers carrying my 6’1" 240lb self down this trecherous trail. Thankfully every single one of them all had a good sense of humor, as several times they had to put me down because one of us had made some outragous comment. As we got to the bottom, I had said…so, what would ya do if I just got up off of this, said, Thanks for the ride and walked off. One of the Rangers looked at me totally deadpan and said, “I have a gun, and I have a lake, do the math.”

One friend says that my ass is a floor magnet. Me ex used to say I was one of the babies who learned to walk before they learned to crawl. I have no clue why i’m so graceful, maybe I was just lucky not to be like everyone else!

24

Whoo-hoo Belrix, I’ve never encountered anyone else with that bizarro combination of skills(?) before! I can tell how stressed I am by the amount of stuff I drop that actually hits the floor.

I can’t count the number of times I’ve started to trip up or down stairs and then caught myself on the railings before landing. I used to regularly pull muscles in my arms and shoulders when stopping my klutzy flight until I moved into a stair-free home.

I trained myself to jump backward when I drop knives, instead of doing an automatic wildass grab.

Currently, I’m sporting a fifty cent piece sized bruise on my thigh from reaching back in the car to grab my purse at a gas station.

25

People keep reminding me of stupid things I do in this thread. Speaking of cars, my old car had a cowling under the steering wheel that was exactly at knee level. Those of you reading this who are klutzes know exactly where I’m going with this - I would hit my knee on that cowling so hard that I almost blacked out about once a week. Our new car has a window crank that’s right at knee level when I’m getting out of the car. Who designs this shit, anyway? Some kind of klutz-hating engineer? “Where can I put this protruding stuff to do maximum damage to klutzes?”