# Are you a turtle? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 16, 2001, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-turtle/69041 "2001-06-16T15:53:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![GrizzRich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7ba0ec/32.png) [@GrizzRich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrizzRich)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2001, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-turtle/69041/1 "2001-06-16T15:53:40Z")
Well? Are you a turtle? Or are you gonna buy me a drink? ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2001, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-turtle/69041/2 "2001-06-16T16:02:23Z")
You bet your sweet ass I am. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2001, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-turtle/69041/3 "2001-06-16T17:52:43Z")
**You bet your sweet ass I am!** šŸ˜ƒ (BTW: I keep my ass on my toy shelf in my cubicle at work, and itā€™s the sweetest ass you ever did see!) ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2001, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-turtle/69041/4 "2001-06-16T18:17:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by GrizzRich \* > Are you a turtle? > Or are you gonna buy me a drink? I just know Iā€™m missing something here, but for me (pending further information) the answer would be ā€œNeither.ā€ ---
**Author:** ![Grok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/96bed5/32.png) [@Grok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grok)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2001, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-turtle/69041/5 "2001-06-16T18:26:08Z")
You bet your sweet ass I am too. (It will be interesting to see how many of the Doper pilots get this before everyone elseā€¦) ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2001, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-turtle/69041/6 "2001-06-16T18:35:48Z")
Fnord! ---
**Author:** ![yabob](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yabob/32/2821_2.png) [@yabob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yabob)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2001, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-turtle/69041/7 "2001-06-16T18:54:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by friedo \* > \*\*Fnord! \*\* Youā€™re ahead of your cue. That would have been appropriate if Iā€™d have said ā€œNo, I have no armourā€. ā€œBlessed beā€ would have been better. Still, Iā€™m glad somebody knows this reference, not just the silly old game. I expect somebody to bring up things that are long and hard and full of seamen any minute now. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2001, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-turtle/69041/8 "2001-06-16T19:27:00Z")
But didnā€™t we already cover submarines extensively, with the Kursk incident and the thing with the Japanese fishing boat? Anyway, this is not a General Question. I think it might be an IMHO, so Iā€™m moving it there. ---
**Author:** ![flyboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/4da419/32.png) [@flyboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flyboy)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2001, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-turtle/69041/9 "2001-06-16T21:14:12Z")
Geez, Iā€™m a pilot, _and_ in the Navy, and Iā€™m clueless here. ā˜¹ ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2001, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-turtle/69041/10 "2001-06-16T23:22:28Z")
Iā€™ve known this since high schoolā€“many, many moons ago, (and you certainly can bet my sweet ass that I am a turtle) but I have no idea why pilots would be more inclined to know the reference. Whatā€™s round and hard and sticks so far out of a manā€™s pajamas he can hang a hat on it? His head, of course! ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2001, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-turtle/69041/11 "2001-06-16T23:52:07Z")
Oh, okay, Iā€™ll let you off the hook. [http://ruaturtle.com/](http://ruaturtle.com/) (Note: The e-mail seems to be dead.) ---
**Author:** ![No\_Bones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ba8739/32.png) [@No\_Bones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/No_Bones)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2001, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-turtle/69041/12 "2001-06-17T00:23:25Z")
I prefer the Monkees, but they donā€™t do state fairs any more, so Turtle will have to do. ---
**Author:** ![flyboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/4da419/32.png) [@flyboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flyboy)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2001, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-turtle/69041/13 "2001-06-17T00:24:33Z")
Thanks for the link, **JohnnyLA**. Ok, now I get it (except for the owning a Jack Ass part, and the Fnord referenceā€¦ keep in mind I never said I was in any way intelligent). Well, if Iā€™d stumbled across that on my own, I would have walked away thinking, ā€œIs this thing for real?ā€ Apparently it is! So can I consider myself ā€œiniatedā€? ---
**Author:** ![MrO](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/50afbb/32.png) [@MrO](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrO)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2001, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-turtle/69041/14 "2001-06-17T01:30:34Z")
I think itā€™s fairly obvious to those who know me that I am a turtle. I am not, however, a member of the Turtle Club, which is also fairly obvious, because if I were, Iā€™d have to buy GrizzRich a beer. I do, however, know the answers to those riddles. This post would have been funny (to a few), except that Johnny L.A. let the turtle out of the bag. ---
**Author:** ![They\_Call\_Me\_Sneeze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@They\_Call\_Me\_Sneeze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/They_Call_Me_Sneeze)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2001, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-turtle/69041/15 "2001-06-17T04:22:50Z")
How nice to find some other turtles! Itā€™s hard to get internet access installed in your shell - Iā€™m surprised there are so many of us! You guys will never guess what happened out in my neck of the woods last week. Myrtle the Turtle stopped by the local bookstore for a booksigning! Myrtle!! Can you believe it? He signed my book and said (get this) that he liked what Iā€™d done to my shell! Isnā€™t that great! A compliment from Myrtle! (For those non-turtles - this is like Martha Stewart coming by and complimenting your decor, or having the Cadbury Bunny say that your eggs are really tasty.) I was so pepped up afterwards that all my friends were like ā€œHey there, slow down. What are you, a tortoise?ā€ It was great. So - what do you guys think of Shell Ordinance 405? ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2001, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-turtle/69041/16 "2001-06-17T15:43:41Z")
From [http://www.geocities.com/SunsetStrip/Palms/1396/turtle.html](http://www.geocities.com/SunsetStrip/Palms/1396/turtle.html) : > [@](#): > > Once upon a time, many years ago there was a man who was of good and noble character; without a trace of impurity in his thoughts. Unfortunately all about him he saw persons with vulgar minds unable to think of anything, except in sexual terms. He bemoaned his inability to find others with a similar highmindness, to his own. Like a turtle, he retreated into his shell. Then one day, while partaking of a pint of ale (for purely medicinal purposes of course), he realized that there must be others like him. Forced into bars, and saloons; imbibing alcohol as a balm for the ills inflicted by obscene and vulgar persons. > > He resolved to locate all the other pure minded individuals that he could, even if this meant spending his every waking hour crawling from one bar to the next. This was the beginning of the Turtles. He embarked upon this quest with vigor and determination, but, since he was a man of limited means, quickly ran out of money. > > Then one day, he got a tip on a horse running at long odds at the local track. The problem was that he had no money left with which to gamble. So, in desperation he wagered his last and most prized possession: a donkey which he had raised from birth. Now this donkey was a particularly gentle and temperate animal, with a loving disposition. To lose his donkey would have been devastating, and yet what choice was there if the quest was to continue? Fortunately, he won the wager, and with the money was able to continue in his search for many more years, and begin the association of Turtles we know today. > > And so, to comemorate this event, all members of this esteemed organization when asked, ā€œAre You a Turtle?ā€, must respond immediately without hesitation or fear of embarrassment, in a voice as loud and clear as the voice of the questioner: ā€œYou bet your sweet ass, I am!ā€ Failure to do so at any time, will be penalized by having to buy a beer for everyone close enough to have heard the original question. Sorry to let the turtle out of the shell, **MrO** ; but part of the fun of being a Turtle is getting new members, eh? **flyboy88** : No, youā€™re not initiated until you pass the test! 1. What is it that a gentleman does standing up, a lady does sitting down, and a dog does on three legs? 2. What is it that a cow has four of and a woman has only two of? 3. What is a four-letter word ending in ā€œKā€ that means the same as intercourse? 4. What is it on a man that is round, hard and sticks so far out of his pajamas you can hang a hat on it? 5. What is it thatā€™s long and stiff and full of seamen? 6. What is it that goes in stiff and dry and comes out soft and sticky? Remember: A Turtle is pure of mind and _thinks clean_! And you must own a jackass. A jackass is a Turtleā€™s most prized possession and each Turtle believes his ass is the sweetest one around. If a Turtle bets his sweet ass on something, you can be assured that he or she believes s/he will win the bet! ---
**Author:** ![flyboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/4da419/32.png) [@flyboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flyboy)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2001, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-turtle/69041/17 "2001-06-17T16:11:05Z")
Well, from seeing your original link, I was able to conclude: 1. Club origination seems to be a point of contention. What I read said it was a group of test pilots around WWII. 2. No mention of any Jack Ass story 3. They have a serious, chronic problem with the mispelling ā€œiniationā€ 4. The answers to questions 1-4 (shake hands, legs, talk, and his head, respectively), although no mention of questions 5 & 6ā€¦ so my guesses are: submarine and gum. 5. Any guy drinking beer in a pub, pondering the sale of his last prized possession so he can go to the track with a fistful of cash, with the ultimate goal of something pure/highminded, is all right in my book. Now all I need to do is find a Jack Ass! Whereā€™s my mirror? ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2001, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-turtle/69041/18 "2001-06-17T16:25:59Z")
1. Yes. I think I read a thread a while ago where a Navy chief swore the club was started by Navy chiefs. The usual way Iā€™ve heard it was that it was started by Army Air Force pilots. 2. I only recently heard the jackass story. It may (or may not) have been made up to explain why the pilotsā€™ asses are so dear to them. Test pilots in particular are known to put their asses on the line, and their egos are such that they are sure they can save their asses. 3. Youā€™d have trouble spelling too, if you had to spend so much time in bars looking for clean-minded people. 4. šŸ™‚ 5. Right on.