# Are you a Turtle? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 11, 2014, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-turtle/698142 "2014-09-11T04:33:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2014, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-turtle/698142/1 "2014-09-11T04:33:03Z")
You bet your sweet ass I am! Those of you who have read “The Right Stuff” will know about the [Turtle Club](http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Ancient_and_Honorable_Order_of_Turtles), (or The Ancient and Honorable Order of Turtles). For those who don’t, the Turtles started as an informal drinking club among pilots during WW II, self-described as “an honorable drinking fraternity composed of ladies and gentlemen of the highest morals and good character, who are never vulgar.” Turtles identify each other by wearing lapel pins. When one Turtle sees another member, he can say, “Are you a turtle?” The other Turtle must reply, “You bet your sweet ass I am!” in an audible voice. Otherwise, he owes the other Turtle a drink. During initiation, a Turtle must answer questions which suggest dirty punchlines, but he can only reply with clean answers. Some examples are: What does a woman do sitting down, that a dog does on three legs, and a man does standing up? Shake hands. What does a cow have four of and woman only two? Legs. Every man has one of these. Some men’s are longer than others and the Pope doesn’t use his. What is it? His last name. What is it on a man that is round and hard, and sticks so far out his pajamas that you can hang a hat on it? His head. What others can you come up with? I didn’t know whether to post this here or in the Game Room. It’s not really a game, but the mods can move it if they see fit. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2014, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-turtle/698142/2 "2014-09-11T04:33:52Z")
You bet your sweet ass, I am. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2014, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-turtle/698142/3 "2014-09-11T04:41:38Z")
What’s brown and sticky? A stick ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2014, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-turtle/698142/4 "2014-09-11T05:51:50Z")
How do you make a Cop come? Dial 911 ---
**Author:** ![usedtobe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ec9cab/32.png) [@usedtobe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/usedtobe)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2014, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-turtle/698142/5 "2014-09-11T05:55:34Z")
I haven’t heard of the Turtle Club since 1965, when my sister (the cute one who married a big, strong man to take care of her (didn’t work out in the end)) thought it was the cutest thing she had ever heard. She loved sexual double-ententes. ---
**Author:** ![USCDiver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/uscdiver/32/354_2.png) [@USCDiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/USCDiver)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2014, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-turtle/698142/6 "2014-09-11T05:57:55Z")
What’s brown and rhymes with Snoop? Dr Dre ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2014, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-turtle/698142/7 "2014-09-11T06:04:02Z")
What takes 5 minutes and lasts 9 months? Johnson’s Wax ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2014, 9:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-turtle/698142/8 "2014-09-11T09:04:09Z")
What’s six inches long, has a head on it, and women love to blow it? A $100 bill. ---
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2014, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-turtle/698142/9 "2014-09-11T10:57:38Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > What’s six inches long, has a head on it, and women love to blow it? > > A $100 bill. What’s pink and wrinkly and hangs out grandpa’s pyjamas? Grandma ---
**Author:** ![Bumbershoot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbershoot/32/3428_2.png) [@Bumbershoot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbershoot)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2014, 11:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-turtle/698142/10 "2014-09-11T11:13:12Z")
This one doesn’t work nearly as well in print, but: What’s long and hard and full of seamen? A submarine ---
**Author:** ![Whatever4](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@Whatever4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whatever4)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2014, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-turtle/698142/11 "2014-09-12T16:47:06Z")
I hadn’t thought about being a turtle in years, but did remember some of the jokes. I worked for the Navy, tho, and was told a turtle was a sailor who had crossed the Equator or the International Date Line. Can’t remember which. It was a **lot** of years ago. ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2014, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-turtle/698142/12 "2014-09-12T19:01:53Z")
> [@Whatever4](#): > > I hadn’t thought about being a turtle in years, but did remember some of the jokes. I worked for the Navy, tho, and was told a turtle was a sailor who had crossed the Equator or the International Date Line. Can’t remember which. It was a **lot** of years ago. That’s a shellback. Crossing the equator is another excuse for a day of [del]humiliation and homoerotic hazing[/del] fun bonding rituals. ---
**Author:** ![Whatever4](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@Whatever4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whatever4)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2014, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-turtle/698142/13 "2014-09-12T23:12:18Z")
> [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](#): > > That’s a shellback. Crossing the equator is another excuse for a day of [del]humiliation and homoerotic hazing[/del] fun bonding rituals. Thank you. I hate buying drinks. ---
**Author:** ![Flywheel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Flywheel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flywheel)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2014, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-turtle/698142/14 "2014-09-12T23:34:22Z")
> [@running\_coach](#): > > What’s brown and sticky? > > A stick What’s a foot long and slippery? A slipper. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2014, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-turtle/698142/15 "2014-09-13T10:29:05Z")
No, I have no armor. ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2014, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-turtle/698142/16 "2014-09-13T13:33:42Z")
Cowabunga dudes! Where’s the pizza? ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2014, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-turtle/698142/17 "2014-09-14T00:17:56Z")
Sorry, you must be of legal drinking age. No teenagers permitted. ---
**Author:** ![Atomic\_Mama](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b5ac83/32.png) [@Atomic\_Mama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atomic_Mama)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2014, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-a-turtle/698142/18 "2014-09-14T00:57:08Z")
Turtle Here. But I don’t know any other turtles except y’all Dopers replying to this thread 😃