# Are you close friends with your co-workers?

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-close-friends-with-your-co-workers/474622>\
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion\
**Created:** [November 26, 2008, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-close-friends-with-your-co-workers/474622 "2008-11-26T23:18:19Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 2\
**Page:** 3

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**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\
**Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-close-friends-with-your-co-workers/474622/41 "2008-11-28T16:00:06Z")

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I’m friendly with a lot of coworkers, but outside of work socializing is pretty restricted- I’ll go to Christmas and retirement parties. I’ll also “socialize” when a group of us are traveling, but that’s not really socializing- there’s little personal talk. We’re mostly trading information from different work locations.

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**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\
**Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-close-friends-with-your-co-workers/474622/42 "2008-11-28T18:28:54Z")

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> [@Antinor01](#):
>
> Why? I don’t have to relate to the people that happen to work in the same office that I do. I like my job well enough (as much as I would any job) and they just aren’t that relevent to that.
> 
> I prefer to take my breaks and lunch alone and most of my work I do myself at my own desk.

It depends what you do I suppose. But part of being successful in most professional fields involves an ability to network with and connect with people. You don’t need to be BFFs but you want people to be able to recommend you for jobs or speak highly of your work and professionalism.

I went to an elite private college in undergrad where fraternities were popular. I’m not sure if it was a function of just my school or elite private colleges in general, but you learn a lot about social politics there. It’s not so black and white as “know who your friends are” and “friends never screw each other.” Your going to school with a lot of ambitious type-A people. You are often in competition - joining fraternities or sororities, sports, classes or special programs, dating, etc. You learn how to get ahead without isolating yourself from everyone else or withdrawing into a world of nothing but study.

Work is the same way. You can come in every day and just focus on your tasks. But chances are you won’t get ahead or achieve much unless you can relate to your coworkers. At best you will just become the reliabole workhorse everyone dumps work on until you get resentful and quit.

> [@ThePylon](#):
>
> As having been one in the past (not vindictive, but resentful of not fitting in with a “clique”), I would take the flip of that - being excluded socially at work by others who seem to be close friends outside of it can be a pretty shitty feeling - you’re part of the “Team”, but not really…

This is true. The flip side can be cronyism and nepotism. People get resentful when they think the only way to get ahead is to go drinking or golfing or to strip clubs with the boss (unless you like those things of course).

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