# Are you closer to the parent of the same gender, or the opposite one. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 22, 2011, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-closer-to-the-parent-of-the-same-gender-or-the-opposite-one/597239 "2011-09-22T19:22:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2011, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-closer-to-the-parent-of-the-same-gender-or-the-opposite-one/597239/21 "2011-09-23T15:29:43Z")
Definitely closer to my mother. I didn’t see my father for 10 years. Now I do visit him occasionally and I love him but a part of me just feels dead inside when he says how much he loves me, or that I’m his only reason for living. Whatever those ‘‘Dad’’ feelings are, I don’t have them. And the only person I ever had them for, my adopted father, abused me and is out of my life for good. My mother, I love her like crazy. She is mentally ill. It’s not an easy relationship by any means, but we’ve always had a close, intense, at times volatile relationship. It’s stupid how much I love her. I don’t know what a ‘‘normal’’ mother-daughter relationship is like but this is the Mom I’ve got, and I love her unconditionally. ---
**Author:** ![GoodOmens](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@GoodOmens](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GoodOmens)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2011, 11:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-closer-to-the-parent-of-the-same-gender-or-the-opposite-one/597239/22 "2011-09-24T11:16:37Z")
I’m male. Growing up I was always closer to my mother, and still am, but as I’ve gotten older it’s changing. I’m coming to understand and interact with my father more, and I think I’m becoming more like him as well. My wife sometimes will comment that the look on my face, or how I just said something, are exactly like him. ---
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2011, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-closer-to-the-parent-of-the-same-gender-or-the-opposite-one/597239/23 "2011-09-24T13:42:57Z")
Male, definitely closer to my mother. My father was more or less absent when I was growing up, and today our relationship is less like father and son and more like that friend of yours on Facebook you meet for coffee once or twice a year. ---
**Author:** ![Ludy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Ludy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludy)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2011, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-closer-to-the-parent-of-the-same-gender-or-the-opposite-one/597239/24 "2011-09-24T13:59:34Z")
Female here and I voted Mother. I love both my parents but I talk to my Mom more. My Mom will call me every other day or so, just to chat, while I can go for ages without talking to my Dad. Mostly I chat with him when Mom hands him the phone. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2011, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-closer-to-the-parent-of-the-same-gender-or-the-opposite-one/597239/25 "2011-09-24T14:24:50Z")
I voted “love them both”, but this is quite a tricky question to answer. I have more in common with my father but my mother is the one I tend to hang out with… and yet, my father is the one I communicate with the most when we’re not together (Mum doesn’t really answer emails or text messages and hates talking on the phone. Dad does all three). My father is less insane, but my mother tends to be more outwardly compassionate. I have different relationships with them both, so I can’t really compare my feelings for them and quantify one as “more” or “less” than the other. They’re both important to me in different ways. ---
**Author:** ![LH75](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lh75/32/4438_2.png) [@LH75](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LH75)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2011, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-closer-to-the-parent-of-the-same-gender-or-the-opposite-one/597239/26 "2011-09-24T16:07:18Z")
Both of my parents are gone. My father died when I was less than two years old, so of course I do not even remember him. I am the youngest of my siblings, and Mom and I had ten years or so that I was the only one at home. We were very close. ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Onimous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ea5d25/32.png) [@Ann\_Onimous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Onimous)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2011, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-closer-to-the-parent-of-the-same-gender-or-the-opposite-one/597239/27 "2011-09-24T16:32:22Z")
I can’t vote yet because you can’t see polls on Tapatalk. I loved both my grandparents: after all, they sure didn’t have to take me in when my mom didn’t want me. But my grandma and I always did things together. Every Wednesday, I’d go with her to get her hair done and go shopping. She and I would go downtown, look around, and have lunch at the ABC Grill. Even at home: we had a couch and a chair in the living room. The chair was grandpa’s: grandma had one end of the couch, and I would usually lie on the couch with my head in her lap. Grandma would always hug me and say she loved me. Grandpa said he loved me twice: once when I graduated high school, and once after my grandma died. But I never doubted that he did. Everytime I’d leave the house, Grandma would say, “I love you” and grandpa would say, “Be careful.” I knew it meant exactly the same thing. My grandma died in 1985 and my grandpa died in 1988. They are the only parents I have ever known, and even though I have my own family now, sometimes I just feel completely alone. I miss them. ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2011, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-closer-to-the-parent-of-the-same-gender-or-the-opposite-one/597239/28 "2011-09-24T19:22:18Z")
My mom has been gone for 17 years but I’m STILL closer to her than my father, who still lives…somewhere. Wherever he can find someone to sponge off of. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2011, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-closer-to-the-parent-of-the-same-gender-or-the-opposite-one/597239/29 "2011-09-25T05:04:12Z")
Good ol’ Mom! Mom always babied me…I was always a Mama’s boy, so it worked out. Father was a pathetic loser. Not evil, per se, just a loser. If he were alive today, I’d like to avoid him. Not where he would notice, but, no real need to experience his company. Mom’s only mistakes in life were in marrying him, and in not strangling her kids at birth. I guess that was her way of getting back at life! hh ---
**Author:** ![congodwarf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e36b37/32.png) [@congodwarf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/congodwarf)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-closer-to-the-parent-of-the-same-gender-or-the-opposite-one/597239/30 "2011-09-26T04:32:36Z")
I picked the never knew at least one of them, though this isn’t really true. I know my father. I think he’s a twat. But, I don’t really KNOW him. He was never around when I was growing up and my few interactions with him caused me to dislike him. But, there may be something about him that I don’t know or understand. I have no desire to get to know him better though. I don’t hate him. I don’t love him. But, other than spending a week with him when I was 13, I think my total interactions with him since he and my mom divorced 28 years ago (I was 3) probably total about 5 or 6 days and that’s fine with me. My mom, on the other hand, I am very close to. I see her at least once a week and we talk on the phone or on FB frequently. I love her and I’d be devastated if I lost her. ---
**Author:** ![PandaBear77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@PandaBear77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PandaBear77)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-closer-to-the-parent-of-the-same-gender-or-the-opposite-one/597239/31 "2011-09-26T05:03:08Z")
I was well into my 20s before I met my dad, so I picked the “never knew at least one of them” option. I miss my mom so much ☹ ---
**Author:** ![mnemosyne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c4cdca/32.png) [@mnemosyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mnemosyne)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-closer-to-the-parent-of-the-same-gender-or-the-opposite-one/597239/32 "2011-09-26T16:09:01Z")
I’m definitely closer to my mother, although I do love them both. My father is just a distant man, who provides for his family but doesn’t do “emotional crap” well! It’s only in the past few years that I’ve gotten him to understand that I really, really mean it when I say “no, I don’t need $20 for gas, just give me a hug goodbye already.” He’s working on it, though! As for my mom; over the past handful of years or so, we’ve actually become _friends_. We hang out together, go to restaurants, talk about pretty much anything and help each other through tough moments. It’s been fun getting to know her more, though occasionally it’s also been really tough. She’s had a rather bizarre falling out with one of her sisters, and I find it tough to both be the daughter/niece in the situation as well as her friend to support her through this weirdness. When it gets too hard for me, though, I let her know, and she goes back to being my mom 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![rhubarbarin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eb9ed0/32.png) [@rhubarbarin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhubarbarin)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-closer-to-the-parent-of-the-same-gender-or-the-opposite-one/597239/33 "2011-09-26T16:13:26Z")
My dad, by far (I’m female). He and I always got along like a house afire (to my mom’s displeasure), he thinks I am the greatest and I think he’s a sweetheart. My mom has never seemed to like me and was pretty mean to me growing up, and I can’t say I love her or like her at all. We’ve hardly spoken or seen each other since I moved out and she moved states away when I was a teenager. I don’t see my dad much either but we talk and I feel quite affectionate towards him. I’m otherwise someone who strongly prefers her own gender. A vast majority of my best and closest relationships have been with other girls/women. Only exceptions have been gay male friends and my SO (a man). ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-closer-to-the-parent-of-the-same-gender-or-the-opposite-one/597239/34 "2011-09-26T16:21:54Z")
> [@PandaBear77](#): > > I was well into my 20s before I met my dad, so I picked the “never knew at least one of them” option. > > I miss my mom so much ☹ My mom’s been gone just under five years, and I miss her enormously as well. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-closer-to-the-parent-of-the-same-gender-or-the-opposite-one/597239/35 "2011-09-26T16:31:51Z")
I miss my mom, too, even with all of the friction and everything. I miss everything we could have been and never were because of everything that happened. I was forced to see my dad all day yesterday and I was reminded of what a jerk he was. No thank you for taking up our whole day doing stuff for us, not even once, expects us to take care of all his bills and such when he’s in India for months at a time without asking, and never says please or excuse me. Ever. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-closer-to-the-parent-of-the-same-gender-or-the-opposite-one/597239/36 "2011-09-26T16:33:31Z")
I’m not close to either one of my parents, but it’s not because they’re bad people or anything (I definitely don’t “despise” them). We just aren’t close. ---
**Author:** ![installLSC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/54ee81/32.png) [@installLSC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/installLSC)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-closer-to-the-parent-of-the-same-gender-or-the-opposite-one/597239/37 "2011-09-26T17:33:31Z")
Voted “male, much closer to mom than dad”. Dad split before I was one, and spent most of the time since in the army overseas. I’ve seen him three times in the past 15 years. Then why didn’t I vote “didn’t know him”? Well those times I have met him he always seem cold and distant. Heck he doesn’t even keep in touch with his siblings. It was definately for the best that he split up; I may have only one parent, but better one parent that’s totally devoted to you than one who cares and one who doesn’t. ---
**Author:** ![gwendee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@gwendee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gwendee)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-closer-to-the-parent-of-the-same-gender-or-the-opposite-one/597239/38 "2011-09-26T17:57:38Z")
Ooh, tough. I know my mother better, (my dad was absent for about 23 years), but my father requires a lot less “handling” and so the relationship is much easier. By any normal folks’ definition I’d have to admit that I’m closer than my squirrely mom. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-closer-to-the-parent-of-the-same-gender-or-the-opposite-one/597239.md?page=1)