# Are you (females) okay with being called "Ma'am"? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 28, 2009, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-females-okay-with-being-called-maam/483333 "2009-01-28T01:53:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Poysyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2009, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-females-okay-with-being-called-maam/483333/61 "2009-01-28T16:06:31Z")
I am an officer in the military. I get called Ma’am all the time. At first it was a little startling, but I got used to it. I am 32 ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2009, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-females-okay-with-being-called-maam/483333/62 "2009-01-28T17:40:10Z")
Interesting thread, I’m in California and I only use the terms at work, but I don’t attach any age significance to them at all. Kids are scooter (girls) and sparky (boys), adults are sir and ma’am. ---
**Author:** ![Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4da419/32.png) [@Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gala_Matrix_Fire)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2009, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-females-okay-with-being-called-maam/483333/63 "2009-01-28T17:45:07Z")
I love being called ma’am, and I have loved it for quite a while now. I appreciate outward signs of respect. If one of my soldiers had called me “Ma’am” instead of “Sergeant,” I would have found that weird, but it sure wouldn’t have angered me. ---
**Author:** ![Auntbeast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Auntbeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Auntbeast)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2009, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-females-okay-with-being-called-maam/483333/64 "2009-01-28T17:55:54Z")
What I guess my post failed to make clear. Sir and Ma’am are traditional forms of showing respect. If they have been relegated to snark or snide in the mean time, that is incredibly unfortunate for those of us who mean nothing other than respect. Not to mention, acknowledging that those from farther up have taken a perfectly respectable form of addressing someone whose name you may not know, to be something offensive, really makes me wonder. Makes me wonder about those who get all huffy and say “My Daddy was Sir!” So, your dad was a shithead, eh? It isn’t like we are using the N-word or any other historically charged epithet. More places than not, it is and shall remain a form of showing respect. I won’t even start on the Miss Firstname habit we have. Or how pathologically uncomfortable it makes me feel to have my daughters teacher request I call her by her first name. I’d like to show respect for the job she has and does so well. Can we meet in the middle and call her Miss TeachersFirstName? FTR: “Excuse me” vs. “Excuse me, Ma’am” narrows down the potential respondents by a typical 50%, handy, don’t cha think? ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2009, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-females-okay-with-being-called-maam/483333/65 "2009-01-28T18:32:34Z")
> [@bobkitty](#): > > I remember going home for my grandmother’s funeral, and one of my mom’s friends telling me it was okay to call her by her first name now that I was over the age of 30, but I simply couldn’t do it- she’ll always be “Mrs LastName.” Same here–I can’t do it either with a woman who is my friend’s mom, even though we’re all friends. I cringe when people introduce adults to their kids using the first name. And ma’am is fine – Miss sounds a little young these days. ---
**Author:** ![Monstera\_deliciosa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monstera_deliciosa/32/109_2.png) [@Monstera\_deliciosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstera_deliciosa)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2009, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-females-okay-with-being-called-maam/483333/66 "2009-01-28T19:40:24Z")
I’m a Northerner, (originally from Westchester County, NY) African-American if it makes a difference, and was first called “Ma’am” when I was about 20, by a cashier maybe a few years older than me. This was in New Hampshire. As I’ve posted before, it didn’t make me feel old; it made me feel like an adult. At forty-eight, I still consider it a proper, totally non-offensive form of address. In fact, “Miss” has always seemed slightly tacky to me. ---
**Author:** ![Critical1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@Critical1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Critical1)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2009, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-females-okay-with-being-called-maam/483333/67 "2009-01-28T19:45:06Z")
> [@toadbriar](#): > > Gentlemen: with whom do you use the word “ma’am” and why? I use Miss, I consider Ma’am a four letter word. not sure where I picked up that attitude but it may have been my Grandmother. ---
**Author:** ![Litoris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9f8e36/32.png) [@Litoris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Litoris)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2009, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-females-okay-with-being-called-maam/483333/68 "2009-01-28T20:18:28Z")
> [@bobkitty](#): > > I “throw a tantrum” when it’s coming from someone I _work with on a daily basis_, who already knows my name. I don’t think that’s unrealistic- we’re all on the same playing field here (except, of course, for the Administration or our direct supervisors)- there’s no need to pull that out. It took me long enough to get used to “Ms FirstName” as a standard form of address from my coworkers- it’s understandable, since by consistently using it it teaches the kids to do the same, although it’s still sort of weird coming from someone 20+ years older than me- but if we’re in the privacy of our office having a normal conversation, there’s no need to address me as anything other than my first name. > > I _do_ take offense at your implication that we should get over it; what about our neighbors to the north, who have pointed out that it’s a loaded, offensive term? Should they get over it? > > I understand it from retail/service-related people, and although it grates on me I don’t necessarily say anything. I’ve been known to joke with the nurses in my doctor’s office, though- I’ve been going there and have known them long enough that I think it’s okay to make fun of them a little for calling me ma’am when I’m younger than they are. They take it for the good-natured humor it is, but I wouldn’t pull it with a medical person I didn’t know, or with a law enforcement officer, because I know it’s part of their training. > > As a child growing up in MA, anyone older than you was “Mrs/Ms. LastName” if you knew it, and if you didn’t you either didn’t speak to them until you were introduced, or you could default to ma’am if absolutely necessary (“Excuse me” was/is appropriate when trying to get someone’s attention). I remember going home for my grandmother’s funeral, and one of my mom’s friends telling me it was okay to call her by her first name now that I was over the age of 30, but I simply couldn’t do it- she’ll always be “Mrs LastName.” Yeah, “our neighbors to the North” should get over it. Being rude to someone simply because they have been polite to you makes YOU the asshole. Period. I call people I work with ma’am/sir, even I know their name. Example: coworker who sits catty-corner to me and is 7 years younger says something to me that I don’t quite hear. I am not going to say “what?” “huh?” or “\” I am going to say “ma’am?” – it she knows in one word that I didn’t hear her and need it repeated. Example 2: coworker asks me about a picture in the catalog “does that look like the oasis tissue in the white bag to you?” me: “yes, ma’am” It’s polite. If it offends you that people are polite, please, stay the hell out of my world, because it’s your type that has helpd with the dumbing down and ruding up of America. ---
**Author:** ![Tabula\_Rasa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a9adbd/32.png) [@Tabula\_Rasa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tabula_Rasa)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2009, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-females-okay-with-being-called-maam/483333/69 "2009-01-28T21:16:27Z")
I’m 38. I grew up in and currently live in Colorado. Ma’am is the only right guess for strangers in a service capacity to use to address me. If they know my last name, then Mrs. LastName is right. I certainly don’t need the dental hygienist to call me “Sweetie.” ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2009, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-females-okay-with-being-called-maam/483333/70 "2009-01-28T22:44:57Z")
> [@Glory](#): > > Both my parents are Texan, I grew up mostly in the South - sir/ma’am is engrained. In my experience, it isn’t really related to age, it’s related to respect. So, of course you would use sir/ma’am with someone older, to show respect, but it would also be used for sales clerks, people assisting you, etc. If I used it, it would have very little to do with the age of the recipient. I am always a little surprised when someone says it makes them feel old! n my experience, it’s just a courteous way of addressing someone, that’s it. Do I know you? Your story is my story; using ma’am and sir is what I was conditioned to do. No offense or condescension is ever intended. BUT: In the small town where I lived, once one reached a certain age, black people who knew you personally were expected to address you as: Mr. First Name and/or Miss First Name. The age at which this took place was somewhat variable. I’ve never liked the practice and still don’t. ---
**Author:** ![Ro\_Carter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7feea3/32.png) [@Ro\_Carter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ro_Carter)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2009, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-females-okay-with-being-called-maam/483333/71 "2009-01-28T23:01:18Z")
It doesn’t happen enough to me to be a problem or bother me. In general, the ma’am or sir is left out. Ma’am is general enough that you have to be paying attention to the person saying it to know that the statement was meant for you. Therefore, if the person can grasp that what you are saying is meant for them, the ma’am identifier is kinda superfluous. I typically only say sir or ma’am if I’m doing some kind of work that involves guiding the general public, where I’ve never seen the person before, and expect to never see them again, and then only to women (or men, in the case of sir) that are older than me. The lone exception to this is a person in uniform (particularly police or military). In that case, they are always sir or ma’am unless they are a personal friend of mine. The only form of address that will consistently irritate me is being called “hon”, “sweetheart” or anything in that vein, particularly by people I’ve just met (waitstaff, etc). Matter of fact, I can count on one hand the people I would be ok with them addressing me like that, and all of them are either very good friends or family. ---
**Author:** ![spike404](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@spike404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spike404)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2009, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-females-okay-with-being-called-maam/483333/72 "2009-01-28T23:19:38Z")
It is not that you address someone as ma’am, it is how you say it. Voice inflection, and tone, can make it either a courtesy, or an insult. In the military one can be charged with “insolence through manner”, by how they say, “Yes, sir.” ---
**Author:** ![schnuckiputzi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecb155/32.png) [@schnuckiputzi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/schnuckiputzi)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2009, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-females-okay-with-being-called-maam/483333/73 "2009-01-29T00:08:09Z")
Southern upbringing here, so ‘ma’am’ is just polite and respectful. I like being called Ma’am. I’m definitely not a Miss, and no one’s going to yell “Mrs.!” after me. I even tend to respond with a “Yes, ma’am?” if my principal calls me over the intercom. ---
**Author:** ![elle.anthony](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ec9cab/32.png) [@elle.anthony](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elle.anthony)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2016, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-females-okay-with-being-called-maam/483333/74 "2016-07-13T02:38:41Z")
I do get offended. Unless you have a very strong southern accent! i usually think it is applied to older women. If it is used regardless of age (meaning you would still call a 14 year old ma’am) then I do not mind. But I am baffled when people say they use it to be polite to those over 30 or older than them. I cant even fathom how telling a woman she looks older is remotely polite. Even if she is older and knows it, why make her think about it! I like miss personally. ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2016, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-females-okay-with-being-called-maam/483333/75 "2016-07-13T03:02:47Z")
I was standing at a liquor store counter with a friend. She had a nice figure and long hair, but she liked to wear biker attire, and had tucked her hair inside a leather jacket. The counterman called her “sir.” She loudly unzipped her jacket and thrust her ample chest towards him. Said the counterman, “Oh, excuse me, ma’am. I didn’t see your boobs.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-females-okay-with-being-called-maam/483333.md?page=3)