# Are you lonely? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 29, 2018, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lonely/813325 "2018-04-29T23:25:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2018, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lonely/813325/61 "2018-05-01T18:24:20Z")
With social media and 100s of connections people don’t ever have solitary thoughts. You should occasionally be alone with your thoughts to return everything back to factory settings. I couldn’t do constant contact and be sane. I need to have an uncluttered mind. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2018, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lonely/813325/62 "2018-05-01T19:31:15Z")
> [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](#): > > Fair enough, but if you were to ask, say, “Are you single?” or “Do you like eggnog?”, my answer might change by this time next year, but it usually won’t change later that same day, the way a question like “are you lonely?” very likely could. I don’t know that it changes quite so suddenly. I’m doing some volunteering this weekend, and there will be plenty of people and interaction while I’m there. But while I’m there I might still answer that I’m lonely, knowing I’m coming home to an empty apartment and have nothing planned for the next week. > [@Beckdawrek](#): > > You should occasionally be alone with your thoughts to return everything back to factory settings. What a great way to put it. In fact, I may have to steal that. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2018, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lonely/813325/63 "2018-05-01T23:49:25Z")
I voted yes, but that’s probably a lie. I’m really only about 20% lonely, but that’s not 0%, so I’m (at least a little) lonely! For more detail, which I know you all care about, I live alone, have family in town, have one non-family friend, and between them all I hang out with somebody about 3-4 evenings a week. I also have light infrequent social interaction at work, with people I consider more-than-acquaintences and less-than-friends. In the evenings and days I interact with nobody I’m usually completely fine with that. The only reason I consider myself even slightly lonely is because I’d like romance and loving companionship, if it was at all possible. (It’s not; I will die alone and unloved.) That bothers me a little, sometimes, when I think of it. So: lonely! ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2018, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lonely/813325/64 "2018-05-02T02:21:32Z")
Not really. I’m married and have two kids. I have a group of friends I get to see now and then. I’m friendly with my coworkers and they are all pretty social. A couple of bars where I’m a regular and am friendly with the bartenders. My Dad lives a couple hours away and I see him about once every other month. About once a month we go to my wife’s family. I’m not crazy about that, but it keeps me busy and the kids get to play with their cousins. Plus I have a lot of family about 8 hours away I see now and then and some random uncles and cousins within a couple of hours. If anything, I could use more “alone time”. I actually find Facebook useful for keeping in touch with the people I’d like to see more often. I’m also relatively outgoing. I’ve spent a fair amount of time travelling for work and became pretty good at making “single serving friends”. But I see how people could feel alone. Like if you don’t have a SO, have a horrible job with horrible people, don’t make a lot of money to go out. Might be pretty easy to fall into a rut of just going back and forth to work and vegging on the couch for years. ---
**Author:** ![PlaceboTarget](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/placebotarget/32/1073_2.png) [@PlaceboTarget](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlaceboTarget)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2018, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lonely/813325/65 "2018-05-02T05:23:43Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Actually, I just stole the whole [thing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHGIOEtZAuI&feature=youtu.be&t=36m30s) from an old episode of _Moonlighting_. I might have seen something similar in a musical, but I’m not sure because my system seems to enjoy pooling memories when it serves them to my conscious self. I won’t go into details, but the shallowness of these images (which has nothing with you in particular, by the way) does not reside in their cinematic quality but in the fallacy conveyed by the profane belief known as the American Dream which coaxes people into thinking everyone’s important. I have the feeling that more often than not this tenet is likely to make the recipe for despondency and loneliness. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2018, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lonely/813325/66 "2018-05-02T05:26:41Z")
Essentially, we all die alone. Grow a pair and get used to it. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2018, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lonely/813325/67 "2018-05-02T11:44:39Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > Essentially, we all die alone. Grow a pair and get used to it. Does this even mean _anything_? ---
**Author:** ![MissTake](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misstake/32/3189_2.png) [@MissTake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissTake)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2018, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lonely/813325/68 "2018-05-02T14:03:24Z")
I answered yes. My closest relationship is with my daughter, who is moving out shortly. Mentally, she’s already 130 miles away. The situation with my best friend is complicated, so we haven’t spoken in quite a while. I can’t spend time with my sister without her husband (who I loathe) being involved, and she and I really don’t have the ability to “talk” talk - we’re way too different. I really don’t have anyone to confide in, to feel comfort with, to feel safe with. Well, I can talk to my cat, but she doesn’t give constructive answers. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2018, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lonely/813325/69 "2018-05-02T14:31:50Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > Essentially, we all die alone. Grow a pair and get used to it. Barring some strange accident, I don’t feel like I would die alone. I am fairly certain I have loved ones who would be at my bedside. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2018, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lonely/813325/70 "2018-05-02T14:33:37Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > Essentially, we all die alone. Grow a pair and get used to it. What if you die by falling into a giant industrial blender full of other people? ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2018, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lonely/813325/71 "2018-05-02T14:54:48Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > What if you die by falling into a giant industrial blender full of other people? 😃 We all do. That’s what life is, and life is the cause of all death. (find out more at [ijustblewyourmind.com](http://ijustblewyourmind.com)) ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2018, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lonely/813325/72 "2018-05-02T18:59:56Z")
I have a wife, three (grown) kids, 2 grandkids, a mom living a mile away, in-laws 5 miles away, one dog and one cat. I’m hardly ever alone, much less lonely. Being an introvert, I could do with more alone time. I’m comfortable enough with myself that I don’t ever remember feeling lonely - bored, certainly, but not lonely. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2018, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lonely/813325/73 "2018-05-03T04:16:33Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Barring some strange accident, I don’t feel like I would die alone. I am fairly certain I have loved ones who would be at my bedside. Irrelevant. You can have all of New York City at your bedside, and you’re still going through death’s door on your own. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2018, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lonely/813325/74 "2018-05-03T05:11:04Z")
That’s a sad way to look at it. ---
**Author:** ![PlaceboTarget](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/placebotarget/32/1073_2.png) [@PlaceboTarget](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlaceboTarget)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2018, 10:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lonely/813325/75 "2018-05-03T10:04:49Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > Irrelevant. You can have all of New York City at your bedside, and you’re still going through death’s door on your own. Which proves genocide is not a crime against humanity. Period. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2018, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lonely/813325/76 "2018-05-03T13:29:31Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > Irrelevant. You can have all of New York City at your bedside, and you’re still going through death’s door on your own. From the perspective of someone who believes that there is no door that I am going to be going through and that instead I just cease, no. I am defined by my relation to others until that microsecond “I” cease and maybe in some sense after, as those are the ripples I will leave behind. And _if_ I had the perspective of a door to another side then I would be rejoining some other sort of context, with God, with other souls, with the cosmic essence, whatever. But not alone. Physically together with another at any moment or not (inclusive of death) few of us are really alone. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2018, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lonely/813325/77 "2018-05-03T14:28:41Z")
Some interesting findings here: [New Cigna Study Reveals Loneliness at Epidemic Levels in America](https://www.multivu.com/players/English/8294451-cigna-us-loneliness-survey/) ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2018, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lonely/813325/78 "2018-05-06T19:13:05Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > From the perspective of someone who believes that there is no door that I am going to be going through and that instead I just cease, no. I am defined by my relation to others until that microsecond “I” cease and maybe in some sense after, as those are the ripples I will leave behind. > > And _if_ I had the perspective of a door to another side then I would be rejoining some other sort of context, with God, with other souls, with the cosmic essence, whatever. But not alone. > > Physically together with another at any moment or not (inclusive of death) few of us are really alone. I too do not believe there is a door to go through. I was speaking metaphorically to describe the hard fact, sad or otherwise, the each of us dies alone. Again, people need to grow a pai and accept it. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2018, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lonely/813325/79 "2018-05-06T20:23:49Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > Some interesting findings here: [New Cigna Study Reveals Loneliness at Epidemic Levels in America](https://www.multivu.com/players/English/8294451-cigna-us-loneliness-survey/) Interesting findings. It is however still unclear if it is an epidemic or if it has always been this bad. That it is something of major public health significance though? That is pretty clear. > [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > I too do not believe there is a door to go through. I was speaking metaphorically to describe the hard fact, sad or otherwise, the each of us dies alone. Again, people need to grow a pai and accept it. Calling it a “hard fact” does not make it any less posturing nonsense. The origin of the phrase “we all die alone” btw goes to Pascal. One of those things that sounds profound but don’t mean more and one can just as easily go with the Biblical: “For none of us lives to himself alone and none of us dies to himself alone.” I would argue strongly that even unto death and possibly beyond that which we are is defined by our relations to others, no matter at what distance. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2018, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lonely/813325/80 "2018-05-06T20:41:12Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > Calling it a “hard fact” does not make it any less posturing nonsense. > > The origin of the phrase “we all die alone” btw goes to Pascal. One of those things that sounds profound but don’t mean more and one can just as easily go with the Biblical: > > “For none of us lives to himself alone and none of us dies to himself alone.” > > I would argue strongly that even unto death and possibly beyond that which we are is defined by our relations to others, no matter at what distance. “I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don’t want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen; I want to live on in my apartment.” – Woody Allen [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lonely/813325.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lonely/813325.md?page=5)