# Are You Lost Royalty? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 12, 2001, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lost-royalty/92879 "2001-11-12T05:27:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![tavalla](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tavalla/32/89_2.png) [@tavalla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tavalla)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2001, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lost-royalty/92879/21 "2001-11-12T07:56:44Z")
I am now the **Minor Funkmistress of Kissing Ass** or, if I don’t like that, I can revert to my secondary title, the **Holy Sherrif of Retro**. I like that. ---
**Author:** ![Amazing\_Tiki\_God](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/779978/32.png) [@Amazing\_Tiki\_God](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amazing_Tiki_God)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2001, 8:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lost-royalty/92879/22 "2001-11-12T08:16:26Z")
**El Jefe of Things That Go “Bump” in the Night** I wish things went bump in the night for me… ---
**Author:** ![Sue\_Duhnym](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@Sue\_Duhnym](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sue_Duhnym)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2001, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lost-royalty/92879/23 "2001-11-12T08:28:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Tim \* > Groth Is your last name really Groth? That’s my favorite Cabernet! ---
**Author:** ![Anahita](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9a28c/32.png) [@Anahita](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anahita)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2001, 8:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lost-royalty/92879/24 "2001-11-12T08:33:09Z")
Grand Raja of The Right Side of Triangle Theorems ---
**Author:** ![Cougarfang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c67d28/32.png) [@Cougarfang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cougarfang)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2001, 8:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lost-royalty/92879/25 "2001-11-12T08:38:52Z")
hmmm… i’m either Sergeant of Panties or Mega Sorceress Junior Grade of The Black Army of Stoopid Title Generators . HEY YOU! YEAH YOU! THE ONE WITH THE PINK LACY PANTIES! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![galen\_ubal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/galen_ubal/32/4440_2.png) [@galen\_ubal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/galen_ubal)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2001, 9:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lost-royalty/92879/26 "2001-11-12T09:14:50Z")
Knight of Silly Boys and Their Bad Musical Taste, Sir Galen Ubal for my Doper name. Inspector of The Division For Investigating Tufted Tit-Mouses, for my real name. ---
**Author:** ![Nortia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Nortia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nortia)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2001, 10:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lost-royalty/92879/27 "2001-11-12T10:20:08Z")
Viscountess of The Cornfed Heifer Appreciation Society, Lady Nortia Jehosophat von Beck. ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2001, 10:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lost-royalty/92879/28 "2001-11-12T10:45:40Z")
I’m the _Lesser Deputy of All Things Not Pertaining to Donuts_ ---
**Author:** ![Fern\_Forest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@Fern\_Forest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fern_Forest)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2001, 10:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lost-royalty/92879/29 "2001-11-12T10:50:20Z")
I was something of Beer for Breakfast. Although now I can seem to recall my exact title. Solution? More beer! ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2001, 11:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lost-royalty/92879/30 "2001-11-12T11:07:43Z")
I am the **Sheriff of The Klopfenstein Institute of Cloud Shape Analysis and Junior-High School**. _ **Respect mah authoritah!** _ ---
**Author:** ![Watermelon\_Man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/22d042/32.png) [@Watermelon\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Watermelon_Man)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2001, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lost-royalty/92879/31 "2001-11-12T11:49:41Z")
**Pasha of The Institute for Promotion of The Shimto Plains** so, what am I, after all?? ---
**Author:** ![Gartog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/22d042/32.png) [@Gartog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gartog)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2001, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lost-royalty/92879/32 "2001-11-12T11:51:19Z")
\*\*Co-Cardinal Emeritus of The Reformed Order of Passers-By, Don Gartog I. van der Joplin \*\* Or **Master of All Things Not Pertaining to Kissing Ass, Gartog Roggow, the Seventh** \*Now you just have to stop turning around whenever somebody yells, “Hey, freak!” \* Not sure which I prefer mayb both 🙂 **Master of All Things Not Pertaining to Kissing Ass, Co-Cardinal Emeritus of The Reformed Order of Passers-By, Don Gartog I. van der Joplin-Roggow, the Seventh** Oh yes. ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2001, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lost-royalty/92879/33 "2001-11-12T12:42:28Z")
**Co-God-In-Training of Erectile Dysfunction** Forgive me sire, I was raised by a mad herd of wild cows. ---
**Author:** ![Enuma\_Elish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5e9695/32.png) [@Enuma\_Elish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enuma_Elish)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2001, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lost-royalty/92879/34 "2001-11-12T12:55:39Z")
It started slow with: **Ranger of Plywood, Sheetrock and other Panel-like Building Materials, DJ Enuma Dink Elish** but then I was declared: **Secretary of Vibrators!!!** Line up ladies!!! It won’t cost you … much! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh the POWER!!! but I like the third one best: **Uber-Fuhrer of Lifetime: Television for Women, Kissing Ass and Scopin’ Hotties, Enuma Elish L.C.S.W.** You see it assumed my name was female and unknowingly placed me in a dangerous, and quite abuseable, position of power! Bwhaaaaaa haa haa! Your asses are mine! ---
**Author:** ![Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2001, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lost-royalty/92879/35 "2001-11-12T13:29:46Z")
Get on your knees and hail the \*\*Vice Alderman of Women’s Prison Movies, Darth Bruce Protopapas. \*\* I like this. [heavy breathing] Really like this. We need a Darth smiley. ---
**Author:** ![Kbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Kbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kbean)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2001, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lost-royalty/92879/36 "2001-11-12T13:45:55Z")
Queen of Cannibalistic Rituals to the Glory of Cornfed Heifers… Hmm… ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_Wright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@Steve\_Wright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_Wright)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2001, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lost-royalty/92879/37 "2001-11-12T14:03:34Z")
Screen name: \*\*Moff of The Right Side of Karaoke Bars, Steve Wolf Wright, the Fifth \*\* Full name (which, admittedly, isn’t that different): **Abbot of The Ministry for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice** So… either I work for the Empire, or for the Taliban. Both of which are a) direly evil and b) _really_ bad career choices. They don’t even have snazzy uniforms, dammit… ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2001, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lost-royalty/92879/38 "2001-11-12T14:12:40Z")
Lesser Earl Maximus of White-Collar Crime. Earl Maximus! Oooo!!! So Mr. Torque? Who’s the real Max now? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Nortia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Nortia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nortia)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2001, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lost-royalty/92879/39 "2001-11-12T14:23:39Z")
Empress of The Institute for Promotion of Donuts, Nortia Walrustitty Contessa of Breastseses, Nortia Kenobi Marquise of Jock Itch, Nortia “Lighthouse” Garibaldi ---
**Author:** ![DaToad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@DaToad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DaToad)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2001, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-lost-royalty/92879/40 "2001-11-12T14:25:39Z")
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