# Are you married?: Please participate in this poll **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 2, 2004, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-married-please-participate-in-this-poll/257970 "2004-08-02T15:15:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![AbbySthrnAccent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eb9ed0/32.png) [@AbbySthrnAccent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AbbySthrnAccent)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2004, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-married-please-participate-in-this-poll/257970/61 "2004-08-03T23:02:30Z")
1. Female 2. 20 years in a few days 3. 2, 17 and deceased 4. Maybe once or twice a quarter, neither one of us much care to socialize without the other and our son. We are aware that our oldest is leaving home within the next 13 months or so. We likely won’t see him for a couple of years and so neither of us much feels like doing much that doesn’t include him. We’ll have plenty of time for that soon enough. 5a) Between 2 and 4 a month and usually it’s because the teen has a date or outing with friends already. 5b) Maybe once a month, but not often. We do alot of socializing with other families with older teenagers. When we lived nearer where we grew up, the number for how often he went out to play or watch sports with friends was much higher. Being with his friends he laughs so much and comes home with such stories and relaxed that I am happy for him when he gets that chance. ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2004, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-married-please-participate-in-this-poll/257970/62 "2004-08-03T23:10:39Z")
> [@Jackknifed Juggernaut](#): > > 1. Your sex. > 2. How long have you been married? > 3. Number and ages of your kids, if any. > 4. How many times in an average month do you go out for pleasure WITHOUT your spouse? This includes bars, dinner, golf, poker, sporting events (to arenas or just on TV). > 5a) How many times in an average month do you go out for pleasure WITH your spouse? > 5b) Of these, how many times does it include friends (not just the 2 of you)? 1. Male 2. 11 years 3. 2 girls. 4 and 2 weeks. 4. Very rarely. Probably fewer than 10 times in the last several years. 5a. At least 15. We spend a lot of time out. 5b. Before we moved it would sometimes include friends. But now never as we’re in a new town. ---
**Author:** ![bughunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@bughunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bughunter)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2004, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-married-please-participate-in-this-poll/257970/63 "2004-08-03T23:20:42Z")
1. Male 2. 7 months 3. 1 kid: minus two months old. 4. One or two, average. 5a) Ten or twelve, average 5b) Maybe once a month or less I suggest you sort your sample by the values of 2 and 3, since we’ve found these are having a large impact on the results for 4 and 5. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2004, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-married-please-participate-in-this-poll/257970/64 "2004-08-04T01:03:18Z")
**1) Your sex.** Female, legally married to female partner. **2) How long have you been married?** 4 months legally; 6 years since community ceremony. **3) Number and ages of your kids, if any.** None. **4) How many times in an average month do you go out for pleasure WITHOUT your spouse? This includes bars, dinner, golf, poker, sporting events (to arenas or just on TV).** Perhaps 2 or 3, though I count certain professional work activities as “pleasure.” **5a) How many times in an average month do you go out for pleasure WITH your spouse?** Probably 8-10. **5b) Of these, how many times does it include friends (not just the 2 of you)?** About 50% ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2004, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-married-please-participate-in-this-poll/257970/65 "2004-08-04T02:14:00Z")
1. Your sex. Male 1. How long have you been married? 9 years 1. Number and ages of your kids, if any. 5 children. 8, 6, 5, 2-1/2, 3 months. 1. How many times in an average month do you go out for pleasure WITHOUT your spouse? This includes bars, dinner, golf, poker, sporting events (to arenas or just on TV). Average MONTH? Maybe once or twice in an average YEAR. 5a) How many times in an average month do you go out for pleasure WITH your spouse? 3, on average. Though that means some months 0, some months 6. 5b) Of these, how many times does it include friends (not just the 2 of you)? Only once or twice a year, usually during the summer. ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2004, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-married-please-participate-in-this-poll/257970/66 "2004-08-04T02:17:01Z")
zev\_steinhardt: > [@](#): > > Much less than once a month. We’re just not really “going out” type people. The last time I can remember going out for pleasure without my wife was to a ballgame last October. This sounds somewhat familiar to me. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![LuckyMe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e36b37/32.png) [@LuckyMe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LuckyMe)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2004, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-married-please-participate-in-this-poll/257970/67 "2004-08-04T05:02:10Z")
1. Male 2. 5 years 3. none 4. About 2 to3 times a month, it was more than that but I’ve been so lazy lately. 5a) Twice, if that. Getting her to go out to dinner or movie is like pulling teeth with her. So, I don’t try anymore. 5b)one ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2004, 10:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-married-please-participate-in-this-poll/257970/68 "2004-08-04T10:31:15Z")
> [@](#): > > 1. Your sex. > 2. How long have you been married? > 3. Number and ages of your kids, if any. > 4. How many times in an average month do you go out for pleasure WITHOUT your spouse? This includes bars, dinner, golf, poker, sporting events (to arenas or just on TV). > 5a) How many times in an average month do you go out for pleasure WITH your spouse? > 5b) Of these, how many times does it include friends (not just the 2 of you)? 1. Female 2. 15 years 3. No children 4. 8-10 5. 4-6 6. 1-2 Weekend mornings are my play time. He’s welcome to come along, but usually chooses not to. The other factor is that my husband is disabled and is just not as physically able to get around as well as other people. So there are some activities I do - such as cross country skiing - he either physically can’t do at all, or can do only with more difficulty than he finds worthwhile. On the other hand, he has never wanted me to give up doing those things I find enjoyable just because he can’t do them. We do make a point of doing something together every weekend, though. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2004, 11:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-married-please-participate-in-this-poll/257970/69 "2004-08-04T11:00:01Z")
> [@Jackknifed Juggernaut](#): > > 1. Your sex. > 2. How long have you been married? > 3. Number and ages of your kids, if any. > 4. How many times in an average month do you go out for pleasure WITHOUT your spouse? This includes bars, dinner, golf, poker, sporting events (to arenas or just on TV). > 5a) How many times in an average month do you go out for pleasure WITH your spouse? > 5b) Of these, how many times does it include friends (not just the 2 of you)? 1. Male 2. 12 years 3. A girl, 8 and a boy, 5 4)\<2 5a)\<2 5b)\<1 > [@](#): > > My wife and I have constant disagreements about what is appropriate for numbers 4 and 5. I thought a poll of reasonably intelligent and modern-thinking people might provide a good idea of the trends. I would strongly advise NOT trying to resolve this disagreement by comparing yourselves with other couples; I would really try to deal with this ‘in house’; _listen_ to her reasons; ask her what she wants and try to accommodate; also explain yourself calmly, but clearly and try to be flexible and understanding. Bringing other people into the disagreement might make one of you back down from the argument, but I don’t think it will be a happy resolution. ---
**Author:** ![manwithaplan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f1d935/32.png) [@manwithaplan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manwithaplan)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2004, 11:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-married-please-participate-in-this-poll/257970/70 "2004-08-04T11:34:51Z")
> [@Jackknifed Juggernaut](#): > > 1. Your sex. > 2. How long have you been married? > 3. Number and ages of your kids, if any. > 4. How many times in an average month do you go out for pleasure WITHOUT your spouse? This includes bars, dinner, golf, poker, sporting events (to arenas or just on TV). > 5a) How many times in an average month do you go out for pleasure WITH your spouse? > 5b) Of these, how many times does it include friends (not just the 2 of you)? 1. Male 2. 4 years 3. 1 two year old daughter. One due any day now. 4. 4 ish 5a) 2 ish (more like 8 if you include lunches and stuff with our daughter) 5b) .5 - we probably only get together with friends every couple of months but we have people over more often than that. ---
**Author:** ![BurnMeUp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@BurnMeUp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BurnMeUp)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2004, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-married-please-participate-in-this-poll/257970/71 "2004-08-04T21:35:03Z")
1. Your sex. Male 2. How long have you been married? 8 years this Sept 3. Number and ages of your kids, if any. None 4. How many times in an average month do you go out for pleasure WITHOUT your spouse? This includes bars, dinner, golf, poker, sporting events (to arenas or just on TV). 1 or 2 5a) How many times in an average month do you go out for pleasure WITH your spouse? 6 5b) Of these, how many times does it include friends (not just the 2 of you)? 1 ---
**Author:** ![Yeticus\_Rex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a698b9/32.png) [@Yeticus\_Rex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yeticus_Rex)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2004, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-married-please-participate-in-this-poll/257970/72 "2004-08-04T21:36:32Z")
1. Male 2. 18 years in 5 days 3. 3 boys - 16, 8, 2 4. 1, 2 if I’m lucky. Once a month for both husband and wife is not a bad thing and should be encouraged. 5a) 6-10, counting the kids too, maybe 1 w/o the kids if we’re lucky. 5b) 1 if we’re lucky…usually it’s with inlaws or my family. Eventually the kid(s) will become a huge factor in your numbers. You should have question 5c): Of these, how many times in an average month do you go out for pleasure WITH your spouse AND kids? Hey, let us know on what you and the spouse agreed upon. ---
**Author:** ![Padmaraga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f07891/32.png) [@Padmaraga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padmaraga)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2004, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-married-please-participate-in-this-poll/257970/73 "2004-08-04T21:39:55Z")
1. Your sex. **Female** 2. How long have you been married? **6½ years** 3. Number and ages of your kids, if any. **None (he has some grown kids from a previous marriage).** 4. How many times in an average month do you go out for pleasure WITHOUT your spouse? This includes bars, dinner, golf, poker, sporting events (to arenas or just on TV). **Never - he insists on being with me everywhere but work and the ladies’ room.** 5a) How many times in an average month do you go out for pleasure WITH your spouse? **Four to twelve, I guess.** 5b) Of these, how many times does it include friends (not just the 2 of you)? **Two to four.** ---
**Author:** ![MovieMogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2004, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-married-please-participate-in-this-poll/257970/74 "2004-08-04T21:49:12Z")
[QUOTE=Jackknifed Juggernaut] 1. Your sex. 2. How long have you been married? 3. Number and ages of your kids, if any. 4. How many times in an average month do you go out for pleasure WITHOUT your spouse? This includes bars, dinner, golf, poker, sporting events (to arenas or just on TV). 5a) How many times in an average month do you go out for pleasure WITH your spouse? 5b) Of these, how many times does it include friends (not just the 2 of you)? 5. Male 6. 5 years 7. None 8. On average, 6-9 times. All of them are movies, and I’m always by myself 5a) We rarely have “dates” out (we usually enjoy each other’s company at home most of the time). She loves doing errands together, so not sure if that counts. We also go for walks fairly often around our neighborhood, so don’t know if that “counts” either. Let’s say 5-6 (since we mostly stay in for our quality time). 5b) Never ---
**Author:** ![Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bites_when_provoked/32/18073_2.png) [@Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bites_When_Provoked)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2004, 7:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-married-please-participate-in-this-poll/257970/75 "2004-08-05T07:53:02Z")
_1) Your sex._ Female _2) How long have you been married?_ 4 years _3) Number and ages of your kids, if any._ None, and we plan to keep it that way. _4) How many times in an average month do you go out for pleasure WITHOUT your spouse? This includes bars, dinner, golf, poker, sporting events (to arenas or just on TV)._ Unless you count visiting friends/family, probably once a year. If you do count visiting friends/family, maybe every 5-6 weeks or so. _5a) How many times in an average month do you go out for pleasure WITH your spouse?_ About once or twice a month. Roughly every other Friday. _5b) Of these, how many times does it include friends (not just the 2 of you)?_ \*\*Very \*\* rarely. Maybe once or twice a year. That’ll no doubt skew the figures, but bear in mind I’m not much into socialising outside of my home. If my husband didn’t talk me into getting out and about, I’d probably be quite content to stay at home for most of the year. He’s a social butterfly married to an antisocial moth. I’m more than happy for people to visit (we have friends/family pop in most Saturdays and Sundays) but as for going out…no, I don’t have any urge to do that. We’ll go out for tea together as a couple once every few weeks though, which I can enjoy as long as I don’t have to get dressed up for it (I loathe flashy restaurants). ---
**Author:** ![Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bites_when_provoked/32/18073_2.png) [@Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bites_When_Provoked)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2004, 7:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-married-please-participate-in-this-poll/257970/76 "2004-08-05T07:59:42Z")
I should probably add that if you include the time we were living together prior to marriage, we’ve been together for over 7 years now. Damn my literal brain for taking ‘married’ at face value and not considering you’re probably trying to profile for length of cohabitation. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de053/32.png) [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackknifed_Juggernaut)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2004, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-married-please-participate-in-this-poll/257970/77 "2004-08-05T18:37:52Z")
Thanks for all of the responses so far. It’s pretty clear that the numbers vary significantly, and that there’s no magic formula. I will take the advice to leave the stats of other couples OUT of the conversations with my wife. I’ve always felt that I was arguing my case based on my views, but I just wanted to make sure that I wasn’t asking for anything too outlandish. Clearly, children have a huge impact on the numbers. My wife and I take our baby everywhere that we go together. I will also take the advice that we should occasionally find a trustworthy babysitter and have dates. Thanks again for all the great advice. And just to throw a monkey wrench into the whole thing, Baby 2 is expected to join us some time in February. ---
**Author:** ![Ruffian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/71e660/32.png) [@Ruffian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruffian)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2004, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-married-please-participate-in-this-poll/257970/78 "2004-08-05T19:07:40Z")
**1) Your sex.** Female. **2) How long have you been married?** 3 years. **3) Number and ages of your kids, if any.** None. **4) How many times in an average month do you go out for pleasure WITHOUT your spouse? This includes bars, dinner, golf, poker, sporting events (to arenas or just on TV).** Oh gosh…I’m saying at least twice a week, or 8-10 times a month. I go to the stable to do barn chores daily, and I ride the horse regularly, but that’s kinda like counting going to the gym. But I do trail rides and such with buddies a few times a week, too. (As well as lunches and whatnot with nonhorsey buddies.) **5a) How many times in an average month do you go out for pleasure WITH your spouse?** At the very least twice a week, or 8-10 times a month. **5b) Of these, how many times does it include friends (not just the 2 of you)?** Not too often–we can never get the schedules coordinated. I’d say maybe twice a month or so. ---
**Author:** ![FaerieBeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e95f7d/32.png) [@FaerieBeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FaerieBeth)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2004, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-married-please-participate-in-this-poll/257970/79 "2004-08-05T19:25:18Z")
1. Your sex. **Female** 2. How long have you been married?\*\* Four years\*\* 3. Number and ages of your kids, if any.\*\* 3: Boys, ages 13, 10, 2.5\*\* 4. How many times in an average month do you go out for pleasure WITHOUT your spouse? This includes bars, dinner, golf, poker, sporting events (to arenas or just on TV). \*\* For pleasure? Maybe 1-2\*\* 5a) How many times in an average month do you go out for pleasure WITH your spouse?\*\* 8-10\*\* 5b) Of these, how many times does it include friends (not just the 2 of you)?\*\* 2-3 \*\* On number 4, Hubby’s answer would be about the same. FB ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2004, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-married-please-participate-in-this-poll/257970/80 "2004-08-05T20:11:35Z")
1. Female 2. 20.5 years 3. 18 y/o daughter 4. I used to do breakfast once a month with “the girls” but they’re in Florida and I’m in Maryland, so now, never. 5a) 8-10 5b) Hardly ever. We had trouble in Florida meshing our schedule with friends, and we haven’t reconnected with our friends here in the MD area yet, what with just getting the house and all. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-married-please-participate-in-this-poll/257970.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-married-please-participate-in-this-poll/257970.md?page=5)