# Are You Serious?! (Mild, Colourless Language Warning)
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-serious-mild-colourless-language-warning/421327
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [October 3, 2007, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-serious-mild-colourless-language-warning/421327 "2007-10-03T01:22:04Z")
**Posts on this page:** 15
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)
#### Post date: [October 3, 2007, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-serious-mild-colourless-language-warning/421327/1 "2007-10-03T01:22:04Z")
Oh, hello long-time friend. No, you’re right, you haven’t seen much of me lately. Actually, there’s a reason for that: I’m avoiding you. Why? Because of this:
> [@](#):
>
> Hi there [_mutual friend_] that was a hard thing to do,
>
> How have you been all been it has been busy hear, [_middle sister_] got Married on the weekend it was loverly. [_Youngest sister_] has been living with us till she buys a place of her own she said it would be a little while so far it has been [_exaggeration_] months lol So my bunglow / [_type of craft_] craft workshop has also [_sister’s_] home / pigsty.
>
> I don’t know if [_Cazzle_] has told you but I have been doing craft class’s from home & party plan type workshop with a company called [_party plan company name_].
>
> As part of this I have a friend in [_nearby town_] who has asked me to do a workshop up there So I am coming up your way at the end of the month & I have a favor to ask sweetie
>
> The workshop in [_nearby town_] is on [_10 days from send date_] but [_husband_] is working so I may have to take the kids I was hoping I could leave them with up for the day or you could come with me & maybe take them to a indoor play center in [_nearby town_] or something if your answer is yes or no, could you please ether ring me [_number_] or text me [_number_] or email me [_address_] so I can work something out as if you are unavailable I need to try to arrange something soon, ok hope to hear from you soon
>
> Take care luv [_nickname surname_]
Why would I get my nose of out of joint over this? True, it’s not really any of my business because I wasn’t the recipient, but when our mutual friend forwarded it to me, I couldn’t help but share her sense of shock.
You see, it’s not just that your spelling, grammar and punctuation are horrifying, it’s that you haven’t actually spoken to our mutual friend in FOUR YEARS.
You started sulking when she didn’t immediately rush over to meet your son after he was born, but rather than try to initiate contact yourself, you gave her the silent treatment. You then spent the next four years complaining to me that she never got in touch with you. I passed along some of your regrets, leaving out the blame and trying to make it sound like you were sorry that contact had been lost, but our mutual friend merely said that “Communication is a two-way street and I don’t see her trying to get in touch with me either” and left it at that (truthfully, I don’t think she was sorry to lose you).
When you left a message on my answering machine the other day asking for our mutual friend’s phone number, you only said you were thinking of visiting her while you were in the area with your kids. You didn’t mention that you were hoping to use her as a free babysitting service while you went off to run your business. Was this because you knew how rude you were being and were ashamed to tell me? Or did you think I wouldn’t give you her phone number if I knew what you were up to?
Meanwhile, what about your poor kids? It bothers me that you want to dump your six- and four-year-old children with a stranger for the day - and she is a stranger to them. She hasn’t seen your daughter since she was two, and she’s never seen your son at all. Being left in the home of a stranger who has neither children of her own nor toys for them to play with doesn’t compare with sending them to daycare with other kids in a centre that’s designed for children. Going to a play centre with a stranger hardly seems better, frankly. Just because she worked in daycare six years ago doesn’t mean she wants to spend half her weekend with two children she doesn’t even know in order to help out a person who hasn’t spoken to her in four years.
So, I’m avoiding you. If I do see you, I know I’m going to be hard-pressed to hold my tongue and not tell you what I think of your email, but I also don’t really feel it’s my place to do so. If anyone should have anything to say, it’s our mutual friend, but she restrained herself to a four word reply: “Um no can do” - she told me she feared if she said more, she’d never be able to stop. This has been an unpleasant insight into your character and I’m not sure I want to see you any more.
You’re a user, your email made that clear. Would you ever have bothered to contact our friend if you hadn’t needed something from her? I really don’t think so, “sweetie”.
---
### Author:  [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)
#### Post date: [October 3, 2007, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-serious-mild-colourless-language-warning/421327/2 "2007-10-03T01:45:58Z")
I don’t have kids, so I don’t know how desperate I might ever get if I were in this person’s situation, but as best as I can tell, that is utter crap, and I’m glad your mutual friend wasn’t having any of it. Even if they’d fallen out of communication on friendly terms, that’s an awful lot to ask after not seeing each other for four years. And on relatively short notice.
---
### Author:  [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)
#### Post date: [October 3, 2007, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-serious-mild-colourless-language-warning/421327/3 "2007-10-03T01:47:44Z")
I’m not a language mavin like so many Dopers seem to be, but there’s no way I would be friends with someone with such a communication style, unless they were ESL or special needs.
The poor construction of that email alone deserves a pitting.
---
### Author:  [@DellieM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DellieM)
#### Post date: [October 3, 2007, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-serious-mild-colourless-language-warning/421327/4 "2007-10-03T02:15:46Z")
Went to the birth of my Matron of Honour’s baby five years ago. We be bestie buds - two years ago, I wasn’t invited to the boy’s birthday party, one year ago they shifted house, still never got an invite. Had 3 dinner/catchup invites rejected because it wasn’t convenient for them to come to my house and eat roast lamb, and THEN yesterday I get an email from her (sent to everyone in her address book) “having a Bodyshop party Friday night, bring a friend. Nibbles provided” with a postscript: Hi Dellie - I know that you always buy heaps of this shit.
Nice.
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### Author:  [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)
#### Post date: [October 3, 2007, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-serious-mild-colourless-language-warning/421327/5 "2007-10-03T03:52:47Z")
> [@Asimovian](#):
>
> I don’t have kids, so I don’t know how desperate I might ever get if I were in this person’s situation
There’s not a party plan in existence that would make me contact someone after four years silence just to ask a favour. Reschedule, ask someone you see more regularly to watch them, pay someone to watch them - anything but impose on an old friend to do you a favour.
[QUOTE=monstro]
I’m not a language mavin like so many Dopers seem to be, but there’s no way I would be friends with someone with such a communication style, unless they were ESL or special needs.
The poor construction of that email alone deserves a pitting.
[/QUOTE]
Sadly, it’s not her worst. I’m at work now but when I get home I’ll dig out a chat log for you that will make you weep. I can’t help mentally calling her “Motherly Judy” since the infamous text message she sent me complaining about all she had to do for her kids that day and concluding “… but I guess thats just apart of my motherly judies lol” (she meant “duties”, for those who can’t translate from literacy-challenged to English).
> [@DellieM](#):
>
> Hi Dellie - I know that you always buy heaps of this shit.
Oooh, how thoughtful! A personalised message! I bet you felt loved 🙂
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### Author:  [@Baffle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baffle)
#### Post date: [October 3, 2007, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-serious-mild-colourless-language-warning/421327/6 "2007-10-03T05:26:38Z")
irrelevant post
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### Author:  [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)
#### Post date: [October 3, 2007, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-serious-mild-colourless-language-warning/421327/7 "2007-10-03T05:44:42Z")
Take the kids and sell them. 😃 When the Mom comes back say “I haven’t seen you in 4 years, who’d possibly think that you’d leave your kids with me?” :eek:
Odd thing is,the kids might be better off. 😛
(This is a joke post, just in case.)
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### Author:  [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)
#### Post date: [October 3, 2007, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-serious-mild-colourless-language-warning/421327/8 "2007-10-03T11:47:07Z")
Ha! I promised a chat log, and I’ve found it. Here are pieces of a conversation from May:
Her: I have had [_middle sister_] staying hear
Me: Oh, how’s she doing?
Her: she has only been hear 3 nights but from what I can tell it sounds like she might be hear a bit as she didnt feel confotable at [_other sister’s house_]. she just thinks the atsomfer there is to tence. […] I don’t know what she ment y that but I figer it is her prob not mine.
Her: by\*
Later (during a discussion on religion)
Her: that is what a prayer is, weather you call it a prayer or not it might not be address to god but as long as your intenchens are of the heart then the message will get through
[…]
at least your not tring to tell me that I would be better off reading taroot cards like other athies frinds I have lol
I try to avoid communicating with her via the written word. It hurts my brain.
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### Author:  [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)
#### Post date: [October 3, 2007, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-serious-mild-colourless-language-warning/421327/9 "2007-10-03T12:51:04Z")
[QUOTE=Cazzle]
Ha! I promised a chat log, and I’ve found it. Here are pieces of a conversation from May:
Her: I have had [_middle sister_] staying hear
Me: Oh, how’s she doing?
Her: she has only been hear 3 nights but from what I can tell it sounds like she might be hear a bit as she didnt feel confotable at [_other sister’s house_]. she just thinks the atsomfer there is to tence. […] I don’t know what she ment y that but I figer it is her prob not mine.
Her: by\*
Later (during a discussion on religion)
Her: that is what a prayer is, weather you call it a prayer or not it might not be address to god but as long as your intenchens are of the heart then the message will get through
[…]
at least your not tring to tell me that I would be better off reading taroot cards like other athies frinds I have lol
I try to avoid communicating with her via the written word. It hurts my brain.
[/QUOTE]
I made the mistake of reading it through twice, and the second time, blood started pouring from my nose. I think Lewis Black warned me about something like this happening.
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### Author:  [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)
#### Post date: [October 3, 2007, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-serious-mild-colourless-language-warning/421327/10 "2007-10-03T13:11:24Z")
[QUOTE=Cazzles Englihs Tooter]
she just thinks the atsomfer there is to tence.
[/QUOTE]
Ouhc blud iz spertign owt ym nsoe to.
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### Author:  [@singular1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/singular1)
#### Post date: [October 3, 2007, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-serious-mild-colourless-language-warning/421327/11 "2007-10-03T13:31:20Z")
sHe can haz lowbotamie?
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### Author:  [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)
#### Post date: [October 3, 2007, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-serious-mild-colourless-language-warning/421327/12 "2007-10-03T13:40:11Z")
[QUOTE=singular1]
sHe can haz lowbotamie?
[/QUOTE]
all hur branes our belogn too noone
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### Author:  [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)
#### Post date: [October 3, 2007, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-serious-mild-colourless-language-warning/421327/13 "2007-10-03T14:07:32Z")
[QUOTE=Cazzle]
I try to avoid communicating with her via the written word. It hurts my brain.
[/QUOTE]
It hurts mine too! 😃
Seriously, Cazzle, how do you stand it?? I would have put an icepick through my own head by now if I had to deal with that.
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### Author:  [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)
#### Post date: [October 3, 2007, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-serious-mild-colourless-language-warning/421327/14 "2007-10-03T16:03:16Z")
I’m with the other posters who’ve said that the _ahem_ grammar, spelling and cutesy tone of that email all put me off long before I got to any content.
She does sound like a piece of work. I could see contacting an acquaintance in a nearby city for childcare in such a situation, but not expecting free childcare - it would be a case of: Hey, I know you’ve done this work in the past, and was wondering whether I could **pay** you to watch Sweetums One and Two for me while I work, since finding other daycare options would be challenging. But recompense would be a major part of the request.
Otherwise I’d be afraid of coming off as a completely self-centered, greedy, crass user.
[QUOTE=monstro]
I’m not a language mavin… \
[/QUOTE]
That’s maven. And I guess I am one. 😉
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### Author:  [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)
#### Post date: [October 3, 2007, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-serious-mild-colourless-language-warning/421327/15 "2007-10-03T17:16:42Z")
So were those things written before or after Algernon died?