# Are you shy? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 29, 2010, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-shy/526909 "2010-01-29T16:32:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2010, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-shy/526909/21 "2010-01-29T18:49:59Z")
> [@faithfool](#): > > I’m a little shy, but no one who knows me would believe that. When I say that I’m shy, people laugh, because, over the years, I have developed an extroverted business persona that I put on like a suit of clothes each morning. My real self is introverted and cripplingly shy, but I hide it behind the business personality. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2010, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-shy/526909/22 "2010-01-29T19:23:06Z")
It’s wierd us closet shy folks. We need better union representatives. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Redwing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/dfb087/32.png) [@Redwing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Redwing)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2010, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-shy/526909/23 "2010-01-29T19:28:37Z")
I’m not shy, though I can be socially anxious. It’s worse on-line than in real life, I am always certain that I’m coming across as massively over the top, or utterly incoherent. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2010, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-shy/526909/24 "2010-01-29T19:31:39Z")
> [@BrotherCadfael](#): > > When I say that I’m shy, people laugh, because, over the years, I have developed an extroverted business persona that I put on like a suit of clothes each morning. Interesting analogy. A friend likened it to pushing a truck. Once it’s rolling, it’s not that hard to push. But getting it rolling in the first place takes a lot more effort. I’ve gotten into the habit of saying good morning to the first person I see in the day. Doesn’t matter if they say anything back or even acknowledge me. It’s not their truck that I have to get rolling. Then I say good morning to the next person I see. If I fail to do this, then I’ll remain untalkative all day. Of course if I stop talking for an extended period, such as when I’m at my desk, the truck comes to a complete stop and I have to start all over again. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2010, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-shy/526909/25 "2010-01-29T19:32:17Z")
> [@MitzeKatze](#): > > How does one learn this? I am shy, and I accept that but would like to overcome it, as it does create some problems in my life. For example I will wait for my husband to come home to make phone calls for me- even to schedule doctor’s appointments and what-not so that I do not have to talk to “strangers”. Take a job that requires a lot of public speaking, such as training people - after being forced to speak with strangers on a regular basis, it’ll come easier. I no longer fear meeting new people _or_ speaking in public since doing so myself. I’m still not great with inititiating phone calls, but two out of three isn’t too bad! ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2010, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-shy/526909/26 "2010-01-29T19:54:58Z")
Obviously not. If I were told I was going on stage in one minute, that I’d have to give a speech in front of an audience, my only question would be “What subject?” ---
**Author:** ![MitzeKatze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ad7895/32.png) [@MitzeKatze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MitzeKatze)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2010, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-shy/526909/27 "2010-01-29T19:58:41Z")
> [@elfkin477](#): > > Take a job that requires a lot of public speaking, such as training people - after being forced to speak with strangers on a regular basis, it’ll come easier. I no longer fear meeting new people _or_ speaking in public since doing so myself. I’m still not great with inititiating phone calls, but two out of three isn’t too bad! Heh…I used to teach CPR, ACLS and Smoking Cessation courses on a pretty regular basis. I have never had any real problems in a professional setting (or dealing with my patients and their families either in the hospital or at home) but personal social settings are different. I can talk to a room full of people if I have to without hesitation, but put me in the middle of a party and I will try to curl into a tight ball. I think the difference is in those situations I am the “authority” and I know what I am talking about. Socially and personally I am just a big ol’ ditz who doesn’t have much to say anyway. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2010, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-shy/526909/28 "2010-01-29T20:02:03Z")
> [@RealityChuck](#): > > If I were told I was going on stage in one minute, that I’d have to give a speech in front of an audience, my only question would be “What subject?” It’s funny, I’ve gone onstage many times, been in the spotlight, bowed to the audience, turned to face an orchestra, and proceded to conduct an entire opera with absolutely no fear. But if I had to tell the audience to turn off their cell phones and pagers, I’d be reduced to a quivering mass. ---
**Author:** ![Strinka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/strinka/32/512_2.png) [@Strinka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Strinka)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2010, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-shy/526909/29 "2010-01-29T20:05:41Z")
Very ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2010, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-shy/526909/30 "2010-01-29T20:08:43Z")
> [@MitzeKatze](#): > > put me in the middle of a party and I will try to curl into a tight ball. Last year I was going to a lot of parties, and I was getting tired of sitting in the corner or hanging onto the one person I knew there, so I decided to create a strategy for myself. I decided to start at one end of one room, and just say “Hi, I’m tdn” and extend my hand for a shake. Then I’d move on to the next person, then the next after that, until I’d made a circuit of the entire house and met everyone. The funny thing was that I usually didn’t make it past the first person, because I’d be drawn into a long conversation. ---
**Author:** ![MitzeKatze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ad7895/32.png) [@MitzeKatze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MitzeKatze)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2010, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-shy/526909/31 "2010-01-29T20:12:49Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Last year I was going to a lot of parties, and I was getting tired of sitting in the corner or hanging onto the one person I knew there, so I decided to create a strategy for myself. I decided to start at one end of one room, and just say “Hi, I’m tdn” and extend my hand for a shake. > … Okay, that sounds like something I could work with…but the thought of doing such a thing makes me think I might need a drink or two first. 😉 Now I will just have to figure out a way to get myself invited to some parties. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2010, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-shy/526909/32 "2010-01-29T20:41:43Z")
Usta be but not any longer… ---
**Author:** ![butler1850](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/779978/32.png) [@butler1850](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/butler1850)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2010, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-shy/526909/33 "2010-01-29T20:42:18Z")
I didn’t enter a vote, because there was no “other” to choose. If the interaction is of “no consequence,” e.g. a random stranger in line, or a casual interaction, I tend to be very outgoing. Same applies if I’ve some sort of introduction, or obvious reason for the interaction. (like a prequalified lead If it’s something of consequence, like a cold sales call, or an interaction where I’m concerned about the other’s impression of me, I tend to be fairly shy about the interaction. Meeting women prior to meeting my wife was always a cause for great stress, unless I was introduced to them by someone I knew. Thankfully, I don’t need to worry about meeting women any more. 😃 It baffles friends of mine when I tell them this, as they often see me talking to anyone we meet. ---
**Author:** ![Weedy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/weedy/32/301_2.png) [@Weedy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weedy)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2010, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-shy/526909/34 "2010-01-29T21:03:09Z")
I used to think I was shy. After a while I decided I was just quiet, and that was fine. Lately though, I have been in a lot of situations that require me to put myself out there, and I just can’t do it. So I’ve gone back to thinking I am shy. Now I will follow **rinni’s** lead to actually post, instead of deleting like I often do. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2010, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-shy/526909/35 "2010-01-29T23:23:34Z")
In certain circumstances I’m the shyest person I know. In other circumstances I can’t get enough attention. At a party, I’m either a total wallflower or the guy who won’t shut up. But even if I’m being somewhat extroverted, I tend to instantaneously crash . . . totally run out of energy and withdraw. ---
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2010, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-shy/526909/36 "2010-01-30T00:00:48Z")
I tend to be very outgoing, but then again, I’m not the type to stick around at something I don’t like. For instance, if I’m in a social setting out of my league, I’d most likely leave. If I stayed I’d be shy in that setting as I wouldn’t know what to do. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2010, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-shy/526909/37 "2010-01-30T00:40:27Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > It’s funny, I’ve gone onstage many times, been in the spotlight, bowed to the audience, turned to face an orchestra, and proceded to conduct an entire opera with absolutely no fear. But if I had to tell the audience to turn off their cell phones and pagers, I’d be reduced to a quivering mass. For me, the more people, the more relaxed I am. I wouldn’t want to play music, but only because I don’t play an instrument. If you gave me a piano, I’d launch into a story about my years of piano lessons and how I only remember one song. Admittedly, in social situations where I don’t know anyone, I’ll hang back, but that’s go gauge what topics people are talking about, and as soon as I have something to say, I’ll jump in. ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Tonya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/4491bb/32.png) [@Queen\_Tonya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Tonya)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2010, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-shy/526909/38 "2010-01-30T00:48:40Z")
Not shy at all. I’m often the designated schmoozer at work, because I have an easier time approaching other teams and coordinating things. ---
**Author:** ![MostlyClueless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@MostlyClueless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MostlyClueless)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2010, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-shy/526909/39 "2010-01-30T01:16:10Z")
I’m the extroverted kind of shy. You know, the person who looks at _your_ shoes. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2010, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-shy/526909/40 "2010-01-30T02:05:07Z")
> [@elfkin477](#): > > Take a job that requires a lot of public speaking, such as training people - after being forced to speak with strangers on a regular basis, it’ll come easier. I no longer fear meeting new people _or_ speaking in public since doing so myself. I’m still not great with inititiating phone calls, but two out of three isn’t too bad! When I was a grad student, I could have had a research fellowship. I took a teaching fellowship instead, specifically to help overcome my shyness. It definitely helped. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-shy/526909.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-shy/526909.md?page=3)