# Are You Supposed To Be Attracted To Your SO After 50? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 15, 2014, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-supposed-to-be-attracted-to-your-so-after-50/681439 "2014-02-15T20:27:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2014, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-supposed-to-be-attracted-to-your-so-after-50/681439/41 "2014-02-16T19:14:42Z")
The Mrs. and I are 56, and the attraction that brought us together at age 15 is still there. So lust for a particular person is definitely sustainable over decades. ---
**Author:** ![Learjeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/94ad74/32.png) [@Learjeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Learjeff)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2014, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-supposed-to-be-attracted-to-your-so-after-50/681439/42 "2014-02-16T21:16:49Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Wrinkles don’t look ugly to me - they look like the lines that people get on their faces from getting years of experience. Laugh lines aren’t unattractive at all - I like people who like to laugh. 🙂 Young people have the faces given them by chance. Old people have the faces they’ve earned. I’m 56, married for 27 years, and though my wife has changed considerably from the young beauty I married, I still find her attractive and still want her in my bed for more than just warmth and companionship. I’m sure I’ve changed considerably too. ---
**Author:** ![GreenElf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9de053/32.png) [@GreenElf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreenElf)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2014, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-supposed-to-be-attracted-to-your-so-after-50/681439/43 "2014-02-16T21:33:42Z")
The couples in those male enhancement ads show what sex after 50 is supposed to be like. They have lust for their spouse on the brain. ---
**Author:** ![rbroome](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/838e76/32.png) [@rbroome](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rbroome)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2014, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-supposed-to-be-attracted-to-your-so-after-50/681439/44 "2014-02-16T23:46:40Z")
> [@nogwart](#): > > So, I’m 50. Now, I’m wondering if there’s something wrong with me because I no longer find my wife attractive in any way whatsoever. She is my best friend, make no mistake, and I’d lie, cheat, steal, kill and die for her, but, the idea of sex with her is completely out of the question. I simply don’t find her attractive. Am I a freak? Should I feel bad? Am I a horrible person? I feel that there is something wrong with this situation, but can’t define it. Please help me understand my idiocy. I don’t think there is anything wrong with you or the relationship-but it is sad. There are certainly many couples as old or older that find each other attractive. You don’t have to be in your situation-it can be changed. I would a) work on how you view your SO to focus on the many positives, and b) discuss things that the SO can do to change things. It may not be nearly as hard to fix as you think. But like any good relationship it improves with effort. Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![BrassyPhrase](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea666f/32.png) [@BrassyPhrase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrassyPhrase)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2014, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-supposed-to-be-attracted-to-your-so-after-50/681439/45 "2014-02-17T00:23:37Z")
> [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > _Hold la Queen Noor_ > > Genocide supporters/Mass-murders are kind of a turn-off. > (Its why there’s no Eva Braun porn) Well…not [quite](http://evabraunhitler.blogspot.com/). (Maybe mildly NSFW.) ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2014, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-supposed-to-be-attracted-to-your-so-after-50/681439/46 "2014-02-17T03:42:09Z")
I don’t get how changing one’s attitude is going to make them suddenly attracted to their elderly wife. I mean, you can’t help what you’re attracted to right? All these people claiming to still have a physical attraction to their plus fifty SO, I’m not sure it’s correct to say you’re _physically_ attracted to them. You’re attracted to them because you have a shared history and a genuine love for one another. (Which is great!) If you were truly physically attracted to your elder SO, then you would also find other women/men with similar traits equally attractive. I think it’s more accurate to say that you have an attraction, that has evolved beyond or transcends that of the flesh. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2014, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-supposed-to-be-attracted-to-your-so-after-50/681439/47 "2014-02-17T04:26:21Z")
> [@BrassyPhrase](#): > > Well…not [quite](http://evabraunhitler.blogspot.com/). > > (Maybe mildly NSFW.) Not. Clicking. That. Ladies with clothes on & a Soul trump the nude & Soulless. Every time. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2014, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-supposed-to-be-attracted-to-your-so-after-50/681439/48 "2014-02-17T04:35:52Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > I don’t get how changing one’s attitude is going to make them suddenly attracted to their elderly wife. > > I mean, you can’t help what you’re attracted to right? > > All these people claiming to still have a physical attraction to their plus fifty SO, I’m not sure it’s correct to say you’re _physically_ attracted to them. You’re attracted to them because you have a shared history and a genuine love for one another. (Which is great!) > > If you were truly physically attracted to your elder SO, then you would also find other women/men with similar traits equally attractive. > > I think it’s more accurate to say that you have an attraction, that has evolved beyond or transcends that of the flesh. You seriously don’t think there are any 50+ year olds who are objectively attractive? I do live in an exceptionally fit city, but I see attractive ladies in their fifties all the time. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2014, 8:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-supposed-to-be-attracted-to-your-so-after-50/681439/49 "2014-02-17T08:18:34Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > You seriously don’t think there are any 50+ year olds who are objectively attractive? I do live in an exceptionally fit city, but I see attractive ladies in their fifties all the time. No, that’s not at all what I said. Sure hot 50+ year olds exist, but they are the exception and not the norm. And even when you compare these 50+ year olds to a hot 20 something, well, they’re not quite as hot by comparison. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2014, 8:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-supposed-to-be-attracted-to-your-so-after-50/681439/50 "2014-02-17T08:35:23Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > All these people claiming to still have a physical attraction to their plus fifty SO, I’m not sure it’s correct to say you’re _physically_ attracted to them. You’re attracted to them because you have a shared history and a genuine love for one another. (Which is great!) > If you were truly physically attracted to your elder SO, then you would also find other women/men with similar traits equally attractive. My grandparents were going strong into their 90s and he did find other women who looked similar to her attractive (he was a horndog in general, but the women with wrinkles on their wrinkles that he found attractive looked like grandma); she does find men who look similar to what he did attractive (yes, similar to what he looked like at 90+, not just to what he looked like at 20 or 40). My parents’ own lack of sex life beyond their mid-40s was due to other issues; he looked like James Stewart and Mom finds the mature Stewart a lot more attractive than the version young enough to be called Jimmy, he did find women who looked like her attractive. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2014, 11:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-supposed-to-be-attracted-to-your-so-after-50/681439/51 "2014-02-17T11:24:49Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > No, that’s not at all what I said. Sure hot 50+ year olds exist, but they are the exception and not the norm. And even when you compare these 50+ year olds to a hot 20 something, well, they’re not quite as hot by comparison. Dude, you just said you didn’t believe the people who said they were attracted to their spouse were physically attracted. It’s right there in the post you made. And yes, in general a hot young person will be hotter, just looking at them out of context, than a much older person. Luckily for humanity, most of us are capable of feeling genuine sexual desire for people outside the top 10% of raw physical beauty. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2014, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-supposed-to-be-attracted-to-your-so-after-50/681439/52 "2014-02-17T12:14:26Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > Dude, you just said you didn’t believe the people who said they were attracted to their spouse were physically attracted. It’s right there in the post you made. > > . > [@Shakes](#): > > I don’t get how changing one’s attitude is going to make them suddenly attracted to their elderly wife. > > I mean, you can’t help what you’re attracted to right? > All these people claiming to still have a physical attraction to their plus fifty SO, I’m not sure it’s correct to say you’re _physically_ attracted to them. You’re attracted to them because you have a shared history and a genuine love for one another. (Which is great!) > If you were truly physically attracted to your elder SO, then you would also find other women/men with similar traits equally attractive. > > **I think it’s more accurate to say that you have an attraction, that has evolved beyond or transcends that of the flesh.** I believe people when they say they get the hots for their 50+ yo SO. I’m just saying it would be incorrect to label that as physical attraction because it completely ignores the bias that naturally goes along with a loving couple. If you bothered to read the bolded part of my OP, you’ll notice that in my humble opinion, it’s something more than just physical attraction. Which is frankly, a beautiful thing. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2014, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-supposed-to-be-attracted-to-your-so-after-50/681439/53 "2014-02-17T12:33:16Z")
Getting back to **nogwart** , what about your wife, is she interested in having sex, or no? Also, what about intimacy? Is there intimacy in your relationship? ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2014, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-supposed-to-be-attracted-to-your-so-after-50/681439/54 "2014-02-17T13:02:07Z")
I hear there are now pills for this. > [@Shakes](#): > > No, that’s not at all what I said. Sure hot 50+ year olds exist, but they are the exception and not the norm. And even when you compare these 50+ year olds to a hot 20 something, well, they’re not quite as hot by comparison. In all fairness, hot 20-somethings are the exception too. Everyone under the age of 30 does not, in fact, look like an extra from Gossip Girl. > [@Shakes](#): > > I believe people when they say they get the hots for their 50+ yo SO. I’m just saying it would be incorrect to label that as physical attraction because it completely ignores the bias that naturally goes along with a loving couple. > > If you bothered to read the bolded part of my OP, you’ll notice that in my humble opinion, it’s something more than just physical attraction. Which is frankly, a beautiful thing. One of the surprising side effects of each person owning their own brain is that they all don’t have the same thoughts as you. I think people are only “bothered” because you are coming across like some know it all kid who think life ends at 29. Although in fairness, you do have a point. Whether it’s 50 or 70 or 34 at some point your wife will turn into a gross old lady. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2014, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-supposed-to-be-attracted-to-your-so-after-50/681439/55 "2014-02-17T13:44:12Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Whether it’s 50 or 70 or 34 at some point your wife will turn into a gross old lady. Well, that’s only fair, as I’m working hard at becoming a gross old man. [details redacted] ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2014, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-supposed-to-be-attracted-to-your-so-after-50/681439/56 "2014-02-17T14:57:35Z")
I don’t know if anyone is “supposed” to do or be anything. It certainly is possible to be attracted to one’s SO after 50 years. But it also possible to NOT be attracted. Being married doesn’t require an individual to feel or not feel a certain way. ---
**Author:** ![Hector\_St\_Clare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5ac83/32.png) [@Hector\_St\_Clare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hector_St_Clare)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2014, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-supposed-to-be-attracted-to-your-so-after-50/681439/57 "2014-02-17T15:07:49Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > So **nogwart** , here’s something for you to consider. Are you stuck in that age-view of what you consider attractive, and do you think that will work for you long term? I’m not saying it won’t, that sort of thing certainly works for the rich and very attractive, but do you think it will work for you, should you leave your wife? ? That isn’t really true- men who marry much younger women tend to be _less_ wealthy, _less_ well educated and _less_ ‘attractive’ than the average. > **[Cougars101512.pdf](https://spot.colorado.edu/~mckinnis/Cougars101512.pdf)** > > 202.82 KB I’d imagine what’s going on there is that cultural liberalism correlates with IQ and socioeconomic status, and more culturally liberal people are going to be more interested in modern, ‘equal partnership’ type marriages than in traditional gender roles, and will be more likely to find that sort of thing with people the same age. There migt be other explanations. Regardless, the typical guy who marries someone much younger is more like this guy: > **[OPERATOTO 💫 Situs Slot Bandar Toto Macau 4D yang Membayar Kemenangan Secara...](https://www.maggiesnotebook.com/)** > > Operatoto hadir sebagai situs slot bandar toto macau 4D yang selalu memprioritaskan kemenangan Anda sebagai hal utama! Sistem pembayaran yang instan tentu menjadi andalan kami. Maka dari itu tunggu apalagi? Nikmati hasil kemenangan Anda yang akan... than this guy: > **[Hugh Hefner](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hugh_Hefner)** > > This is an accepted version of this page > > Hugh Marston Hefner (April 9, 1926 – September 27, 2017) was an American magazine publisher. He was the founder and editor-in-chief of Playboy magazine, a publication with revealing photographs and articles. Hefner extended the Playboy brand into a world network of Playboy Clubs. He also resided in luxury mansions where Playboy Playmates shared his wild partying life, fueling media interest. > Hefner was born in Chicago, on April 9, 1926, the first chil... ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2014, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-supposed-to-be-attracted-to-your-so-after-50/681439/58 "2014-02-17T20:06:12Z")
> [@levdrakon](#): > > I don’t think so. Ironic usually means “opposite of what was intended.” I think you mean, “humorously coincidental.” If only there were a thread that would discuss this. Or a song. ---
**Author:** ![nogwart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7ba0ec/32.png) [@nogwart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nogwart)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2014, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-supposed-to-be-attracted-to-your-so-after-50/681439/59 "2014-02-17T22:37:27Z")
Whoa-My-God! I’m so very sorry, folks! Dopers, this was what is commonly known as a “drunk-post”. I didn’t even remember making this thread until randomly browsing today. I was drunk and feeling neglected, so I posted something very stupid and untrue about my wife. FUCK! I’m an extremely stupid, idiot who deserves to be beaten, but I DO, in fact, find my wife VERY physically attractive 99.999% (ok, at least 90%) of the time, and do enjoy sex with her often enough to make me feel that we have a happy, successful marriage. Perhaps not as often as some, but often enough for me. The statement I made that I would lie, cheat, steal, kill and die for her is completely true. She’s the mother of my children, is an excellent, fantastic mother and wife, has solved severe family problems that I had no clue how to solve, and has rescued my children on numerous occasions from serious scholastic, social, and biological issues. Her support has gotten me through the worst times of my life: the death of all of my grandparents and the death of the best dog I’ve ever known which she bought for me as a puppy when we were dating as a birthday present, and I will love her always. I apologize profusely for causing anyone to waste any time whatsoever giving thoughts/advise on my “problem”. I realize there will be those that suspect that this post is a defensive tactic in case my wife ever finds this forum. To those, I can offer no proof, so believe what you will. I WILL NEVER DRINK AND POST I WILL NEVER DRINK AND POST I WILL NEVER DRINK AND POST X 1,000,000 (at least) ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2014, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-supposed-to-be-attracted-to-your-so-after-50/681439/60 "2014-02-17T22:39:33Z")
I did not see that coming. I’ll call it a happy ending. However, maybe we should start a thread on your drinking 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-supposed-to-be-attracted-to-your-so-after-50/681439.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-you-supposed-to-be-attracted-to-your-so-after-50/681439.md?page=4)