# Are young singles relationship-averse? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 15, 2023, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203 "2023-11-15T19:29:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![Whack-a-Mole](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whack-a-mole/32/141_2.png) [@Whack-a-Mole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whack-a-Mole)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2024, 9:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/201 "2024-04-26T09:27:02Z")
This only kinda links to being relationship-averse but I think it is evidence of it and goes with part of what @Dangerosa was saying: > **[US fertility rate dropped to lowest in a century as births dipped in 2023:...](https://abc7.com/us-fertility-rate-dropped-to-lowest-in-a-century-as-births-dipped-2023-rates/14733523/)** > > Meanwhile, births continued to shift to older mothers. ---
**Author:** ![Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/q.q.switcheroo/32/5713_2.png) [@Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.Q.Switcheroo)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2024, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/202 "2024-04-26T13:43:14Z")
> [@Mops](#): > > Bringing down the thrash, when my wife is at home Yeah, my wife never lets me listen to Megadeth at full volume either. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2024, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/203 "2024-04-26T14:11:21Z")
This a thousand times! Although I am not sure in our case it is a gender thing, as much as her untreated ADD coupled with a need to do it just right. It drives me crazy how long it takes her to decide everything. I choose in a second, do, and move on. Of course I also love the just so story for blaming it on gender: Men were more often the hunters, kill a good chunk of meat and bring it home. Done. Women were more often the gatherers, selecting the exact right variety and best choice of plants. Translate to men in search of the Great White Shirt, done, and women choosing between ivory, cream, linen … different collars … so on. Of course there is no real basis for that but it is a great story! 😀 ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2024, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/204 "2024-04-26T14:56:24Z")
> [@Mops](#): > > (a more onerous task is cooking, which I envy my wife for because I let her alone while she is doing it, while she is at my elbow as soon as I do something in the kitchen. I sometimes dream of my wife’s being away for a week or two so I can learn to cook something more complicated, from cookbooks, without being talked at). Have you tried asking her to let you cook on your own? I’d phrase it that way – that you want to try seeing what you can do by yourself. Maybe she’s trying to model for you the assistance that she’d like to have herself. Some people want help in the kitchen, others don’t. > [@DSeid](#): > > Of course there is no real basis for that but it is a great story! Yeah, that’s the downside of human story-telling. The great story often becomes so important that people stop noticing that there’s no basis for its assumptions. Good that you noticed! ---
**Author:** ![Pleonast](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pleonast/32/1183_2.png) [@Pleonast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pleonast)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2024, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/205 "2024-04-26T15:10:36Z")
I don’t think singles are relationship averse. I think the relationship options they choose from are different than when we were young. And just as when we were young, not everyone is happy with the choices available or the choices they made. * * * > [@thorny\_locust](#): > > > [@Mops](#): > > > > (a more onerous task is cooking, which I envy my wife for because I let her alone while she is doing it, while she is at my elbow as soon as I do something in the kitchen. I sometimes dream of my wife’s being away for a week or two so I can learn to cook something more complicated, from cookbooks, without being talked at). > > Have you tried asking her to let you cook on your own? I’d phrase it that way – that you want to try seeing what you can do by yourself. > > Maybe she’s trying to model for you the assistance that she’d like to have herself. Some people want help in the kitchen, others don’t. Buy a chef’s hat. I’m mostly serious. Kitchening goes much better if exactly one person is in command. Both of you make a commitment to respecting whoever is making the cooking decisions that meal. ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2024, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/206 "2024-04-26T20:00:47Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > This a thousand times! Although I am not sure in our case it is a gender thing, as much as her untreated ADD coupled with a need to do it just right. It drives me crazy how long it takes her to decide everything. I choose in a second, do, and move on. And we are the reverse. I briefly scan (the brevity dependent on how much the thing is worth), decide, execute. He researches, watches some videos, makes a spreadsheet … months later … yeah, he has some ADHD too. Doesn’t care to examine it. And yeah, cooking: whoever is cooking, cooks, and the other one stays well out of the kitchen. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2024, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/207 "2024-04-28T13:53:04Z")
> [@Kimstu](#): > > > [@msmith537](#): > > > > But from what I’ve seen over the years is that eventually most people settle down. Usually as they hit their 30s and start to feel the passage of time. […] > > > > It’s called “growing up”. > > Nonetheless, there can be cultural shifts in popular perception of what “growing up” requires. Just because you’ve noticed a general tendency “over the years” doesn’t mean that that tendency can never change. > > And it seems undeniable that [many fewer young Americans these days feel that it requires marriage.](https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2021/10/05/rising-share-of-u-s-adults-are-living-without-a-spouse-or-partner/) > > > [@](#): > > > > in 2019, roughly four-in-ten adults ages 25 to 54 (38%) were unpartnered – that is, neither married nor living with a partner.[1](https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2021/10/05/rising-share-of-u-s-adults-are-living-without-a-spouse-or-partner/#fn-39050-1) This share is up sharply from 29% in 1990.[2](https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2021/10/05/rising-share-of-u-s-adults-are-living-without-a-spouse-or-partner/#fn-39050-2) Men are now more likely than women to be unpartnered, which wasn’t the case 30 years ago. > > > > The growth in the single population is driven mainly by the [decline in marriage](https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2019/11/06/marriage-and-cohabitation-in-the-u-s/) among adults who are at prime working age. At the same time, there has been a rise in the share who are cohabiting, but it hasn’t been enough to offset the drop in marriage – hence the overall decline in partnership. > > (You might also want to dial back a bit on the dismissive implication that people who have never married are just “goofing off” or “still trying to figure their shit out” or “all hung up on bullshit political causes” or in some way just failing to “grow up”. In this vast world there are actually many different paths to “growing up”, and no, not all of them require marrying and/or having kids.) Not everyone who never marries or has kids is goofing off or failing to grow up. But I do think a lot of people are taking more time to goof off and are failing to grow up as quickly and that is causing them to marry and have kids later, if at all. And I suppose there is less reason to get married these days if you don’t want to: - A man doesn’t have to marry a woman to “protect her honor” if she accidently gets knocked up. - Women are more than capable of supporting themselves financially. - There is less society pressure to get married and have kids just “because”. But I do think that getting married and raising children takes a certain selflessness that many people may not have. It’s kind of like joining the military. Whatever your reasons, you are committing so a long-term activity that isn’t really meant to be “fun”, you can’t simply quit if you don’t like it, and you don’t know the outcome (which could be bad, regardless of what you do). A lot of people just don’t want to do that. They want their time to themselves to do what they want when they want to, whether that’s focusing on career, hobbies, or whatever. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2024, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/208 "2024-04-28T15:59:06Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Whatever your reasons, you are committing so a long-term activity that isn’t really meant to be “fun”, you can’t simply quit if you don’t like it, and you don’t know the outcome (which could be bad, regardless of what you do). It isn’t really meant to be “fun”, but my distinct impression is that desired parenthood is very often joyful. That doesn’t really change your points, except perhaps as they apply to people who don’t realize that. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2024, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/209 "2024-04-28T16:40:37Z")
It is often very joyful. But it’s also often doing a lot of things that maybe you don’t always want to do. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2024, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/210 "2024-04-28T16:44:29Z")
That’s certainly true. It’s also true, in my experience, of doing almost anything that matters. ---
**Author:** ![Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/q.q.switcheroo/32/5713_2.png) [@Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.Q.Switcheroo)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2024, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/211 "2024-04-28T17:13:00Z")
CALVIN: I’m always putting off what I **want** to do for what I **have** to do! CALVIN’S DAD: Welcome to the world. ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2024, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/212 "2024-04-28T18:23:47Z")
> [@thorny\_locust](#): > > That’s certainly true. > > It’s also true, in my experience, of doing almost anything that matters. I was on the edge of unfollowing this thread but you are usually worth reading and Ulfreida is back, despite leaving once. 😍 ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2024, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/213 "2024-04-28T19:14:09Z")
[where the hell is the blush icon? – we have too many icons. I can never find one in particular.] ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2024, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/214 "2024-04-28T19:14:51Z")
You really should have that one copied to a clipboard ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2024, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/215 "2024-04-28T19:36:01Z")
You think I have that much reason to be embarrassed? (Consider there to be a smilie here.) – and I am clueless and only have one clipboard. I could copy it onto a document, but then I’d have to hunt up the document, and although I could make that fairly easy I still don’t think I’d bother. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2024, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/216 "2024-04-30T15:55:19Z")
> [@jsc1953](#): > > Watching rom-coms and sitcoms, and there’s a trope that’s gone beyond that, and is now a cliche: the single who hops into bed upon first meeting someone but is horrified at the idea of becoming romantically attached. This evidences itself in plot points like: > > “OMG, he stayed the night and then made me coffee in the morning! Ew!” > “Ack! I accidentally said “I love you”!” > “Oh no, now she thinks she’s my girlfriend!” > > etc. > > I am far removed from being either Young or Single…but I thought the point of dating was to eventually find a meaningful relationship. > > So is this actually a thing, now? If so, what does that say about our society? If not, what does that say about Hollywood? Getting back to the OP’s original question, I don’t know how “new” this trope is (in film or reality). Since at least the 90s I’ve been hearing about the concepts of “quarter life crisis” or “failure to launch” where young people in their 20s refuse to take on the traditional responsibilities of adulthood and continue to live in a sort of perpetual adolescence. The thing is (at least IMHO) no one stays 25 forever. Another rom-com and sitcom trope is the 30 or 40 something who won’t grow up. The one whose still hitting the clubs and sleeping around long after their friends have moved on with their lives. Who maybe spent too much time partying instead of working on their career. In reality, the trope you describe in sitcoms and rom coms is often more about people making that transition to adulthood and realizing they can’t be “young, fun, and single” forever. Maybe not following some cookie cutter Stepford Wife suburban template, but still trying to find a meaningful relationship. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2024, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/217 "2024-05-01T02:05:21Z")
> [@thorny\_locust](#): > > [where the hell is the blush icon? – we have too many icons. I can never find one in particular.] The ones I use reguarly pop-up whenever I type a : ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2024, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/218 "2024-05-01T03:24:51Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > The ones I use reguarly pop-up whenever I type a : That tells me it’s stuck-out-tongue-winking eye: and I’m relieved to see that it doesn’t do it when I type a colon in a sentence. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2024, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/219 "2024-05-02T01:15:38Z")
> [@thorny\_locust](#): > > It’s also true, in my experience, of doing almost anything that matters. Absolutely. With parenting I say it has the highest highs and the lowest lows. Sometimes on the same day. It’s a wild ride. But I could see people using that description for virtually anything that is hard and deeply satisfying at the same time. I didn’t have a kid until I was 37, and I did a lot of satisfying life stuff before he came along, so much that I marvel at how much free time I used to have. I spent much of that free time worrying about whether or not I was happy enough. Parenting will not bring you barrels of hedonistic pleasure. It can, however, bring you immense joy, even on the hardest days. And it will definitely reduce the amount of time you have to sit around and think about whether you’re happy or not. This is a gift of busy people I never understood until I became a busy person. If you’ll forgive some emoting, the only way I can begin to describe having my child is that a second sun was born into my universe. There’s the one out there 93 million miles away and then there’s the one walking around my house, shedding its light over everything, making everything I ever knew look different. This more than makes up for the shitty parts. I mean you can’t even measure the shitty parts on the same scale. He is hands down the best decision I ever made. Not everyone experiences it that way - it helps if you have an equal partner, flexible work hours etc all of which I am privileged to have. But I wonder whether some people really consider what the peak experience is like. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2024, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/220 "2024-05-02T12:34:33Z")
> [@thorny\_locust](#): > > > [@LSLGuy](#): > > > > The ones I use reguarly pop-up whenever I type a : > > That tells me it’s stuck-out-tongue-winking eye: and I’m relieved to see that it doesn’t do it when I type a colon in a sentence. I should have been more precise. The pop-up occurs when you type a space then a colon. In typical use as punctuation, you type a letter then a colon. That doesn’t trigger the pop-up. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203.md?page=12)